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‘Harlem’ Star Jerrie Johnson On The Act Of Self-Choosing & Following Her Desires
Y'all remember the show Girlfriends? It was my first introduction to what my 20s could possibly look like with my closest friends. For me, it was a nice dream for little ol' me to look forward to when I grew up. Now that I’m grown, honey, adulting is not a joke. There are many responsibilities to have, mistakes to make, and breakups to recover from. It is a struggle but a beautiful one. Today, there are a few shows that still highlight amazing Black women living their lives and navigating the ups and downs with their day-ones by their side.
These are the types of shows that remind us that while we all have our not-so-good moments, our girls are there for support, making life just a little bit easier. If you haven’t heard, there's a fairly new Amazon Prime series, created and executive produced by Tracy Oliver, called Harlem. This series is a comedy narrated by a character named Camille (played by Meagan Good) and includes her three best friends as they navigate their 30s in Harlem, N.Y.
One of the three best friends is Tye, a queer woman who left the corporate world and created her own dating app for LGBTQAI+ people of color, and she's played by the vibrant and loving actress, Jerrie Johnson. I figured it was only right to have a chat with Jerrie for an exclusive xoNecole interview and get to know the woman behind the Harlem series' tech entrepreneur.
xoNecole: [In 'Harlem'], we definitely see Tye's development throughout the show in her portrayal of what it looks like to show up for yourself and your friends. What's an important lesson you’ve learned about showing up in your own personal life?
Jerrie Johnson: Well, I’m a very drop-everything-for-someone-who-is-going-through-something type of girl. Literally last night, I was preparing to wash my clothes. My friend was having some issues and I felt she wasn’t in the best headspace. I got dressed, met up with a couple more of our friends, and we all went down to Brooklyn to see her. Now, mind you, I live in Harlem. People ain’t just hopping over to Brooklyn any given day. Now the thing with [my character] Tye is, she's really good at setting boundaries.
She mentions in a scene that she is not comfortable to share her business contact with her friend. For me, I would have been quick to text it for my friend without even thinking about it. Not to say that what Tye did in that moment was wrong or right. It’s just something that I am incorporating into my life now. Showing up for people differently than they show up for you doesn't make you a bad friend. You may not always be able to just get up and go to Brooklyn when your friend is in trouble. So, I am learning to show up by setting more boundaries.
"Showing up for people differently than they show up for you doesn't make you a bad friend. You may not always be able to just get up and go to Brooklyn when your friend is in trouble. So, I am learning to show up by setting more boundaries."
Cecile Boko
The show also talks about the trope of being a strong Black woman. There's a moment where we see Tye not wanting to be seen as weak by her friends. Are there moments during your day where you put self-care at the top of your to-do list?
There have been multiple moments in my life where I have learned to prioritize self-care. One example is when I was in undergrad, I was in a lot of activities. The amount of things I juggled with the amount of time I had still baffles me to this day. This was around the time of the Michael Brown incident, and I personally couldn’t even get out of bed. It was probably a combination of exhaustion and depression. There is a thing that happens with my body when I am exhausted. I start to lose my voice, so when that happens, I [know I] need to slow down.
What is real for me is that I like to show up 100 percent in every room I am in, but sometimes I have to gauge the amount of energy I can realistically give. I say to myself, 'Alright Jerrie, we only have 20 percent to give right now.' My body has been trained to go to that 100 percent level, but I have to reel it in and only give the 10 out of the 15 percent or just the 20 percent.
Admittingly, there is a guilt that we, as Black women, feel when we practice the act of self-choosing. What advice do you have for other women who struggle with saying the word “no”?
When a person first starts to create boundaries, guilt is a normal response, so don’t feel guilty about feeling guilty. I would say the first thing you should do is forgive yourself for the moments that you didn’t put yourself first. The second thing I would say is to recognize what the [reason] is for feeling that you cannot set boundaries. I am one of eight children—seven who are still alive—and I grew up in a household where my mom didn’t hug me. My mom didn’t come to my shows or give me that kind of support others seek from their parents.
Because of that, I overcompensate support and do not want people to feel the way I felt growing up. I leave myself on the line for others more than I should. It’s really about healing those childhood traumas to understand why we do the things we do. We like to celebrate people who are caregivers and people-pleasers. There is nothing wrong with tending to other people’s needs, but if it means leaving yourself in the dust, then it does turn into something that’s not okay. Lastly, empower your 'no.' Be proud of your 'no.' Practice saying 'no,' and revel in that good feeling you get after you say it.
"There is nothing wrong with tending to other people’s needs, but if it means leaving yourself in the dust, then it does turn into something that’s not okay. Empower your 'no.' Be proud of your 'no.' Practice saying 'no,' and revel in that good feeling you get after you say it."
Cecile Boko
In the series, we see how important it is to have a sense of community as you navigate through life. How important is it for you to have your main tribe or crew?
Growing up, I didn't really have a clique nor was I ever a cliquey person, so, when I was in undergrad, I yearned for that. You hear the stories from other people stating that they have been friends since their freshman year of college or they go on vacations together—you know, stuff like that—and I didn’t really have that. Now I have friends. But most of my friends already have their friend groups, and I’m like the plus one. So to be a part of the group now, with the friends I mentioned before, allows me to really appreciate adult authentic relationships. It is near and dear to my heart.
Life isn’t always easy, especially when you are juggling a career in the entertainment industry. When you feel overwhelmed, or you don’t feel at your best, how do you usually handle it?
Well first, I listen to a ton of Abraham-Hicks videos and that gets me in my bag! Then I like to listen to a playlist of my favorite songs that I know are going to get me out of the funk. I also try to write things out since I’m a writer as well. But if there’s any resistance to the first few things, I practice tapping, and I recite affirmations for myself. I will say things like, "I am feeling really unbalanced right now, but I love and accept myself." After that, I feel so much better.
Let's talk about the importance of wellness and self-care again. How has practicing self-care helped you become a better person as well as a better actress?
My favorite type of self-care is watching my campervan shows. I like to light my candles and maybe indulge in some vegan ice cream. I love HGTV, interior design videos, and I am obsessed with watching people create their own campervans and go off the grid. I think, when it comes to self-care, when we do certain things because it works for other people and it doesn’t necessarily work for us, we get further away from our true essence. If my first instinct is to go on YouTube and watch a campervan video, I can’t judge myself for it. I can’t say, “Jerrie, you can’t watch a campervan video for self-care. That is so weird. You should be taking a bath instead, or [to] do some yoga.'
If I end up doing yoga, I know deep down it’s not my truest desire. My philosophy is to always follow my desire. If I do what I desire for self-care, when I get a script or I’m on set, I’m not judging my instincts or desires for my character, either. It just helps me not to put restrictions on Tye or any other character I play. People do weird things. I know I do weird sh*t all the time and that’s okay. If I were to put limitations on Tye, it would have closed the box of all the possibilities there are for her to be.
"My philosophy is to always follow my desire. If I do what I desire for self-care, when I get a script or I’m on set, I’m not judging my instincts or desires for my character, either. It just helps me not to put restrictions on Tye or any other character I play."
Cecile Boko
What is your motivation to keep working toward your goals?
I do this for my hood n****s. I feel like I haven’t seen a lot of people just doing it for the 'hood. Because I have transcended into different areas in my life, people assume that I have this certain way of living, but in reality, when I go back home, I go back to the 'hood. My main goal is to really heal the 'hood. There are so many things I have learned from where I came from.
We are so used to being consumers and there are people who still do not know how to economize or capitalize off of their gifts. We can really branch out into fields that we didn’t think were possible, similar to what Tye is doing in Harlem. We are so used to having limited resources, [so] we have been forced to be creative in so many different ways. I don’t care to make things for rich people. I care to be an inventor or a creator for my people in the 'hood that are trying to find a way to be better but keep getting pulled back into the same cycles.
What does success mean to you versus happiness?
I think success and happiness are directly correlated. I feel like success for me is living in my authentic truth. Success for me isn't attached to any worldly possession. All of that comes and goes. I’m interested in figuring out how I can elevate the human species, spreading light and joy, and getting to the truth about what our purpose is. When I reach that level of seeing the results of my manifestations, then that is what happiness means to me. I am able to share the information I have learned to others. I want everyone to know everything that I know.
Reflecting on where you are in life right now, what would you say to your younger self?
I would say that everything is going to be alright. Don’t be so hard on yourself, and allow yourself space—room to breathe. I didn’t have the luxury when I was growing up to not be in survival mode. People would also say I was "too much" of something. So I would internalize that and be cautious about how I came off to people. I didn’t want people to criticize or judge me for simply trusting my own instincts. I'd encourage her to give herself grace and to understand that she is not responsible for other adults' feelings or behaviors. In my adult life, I have been reparenting myself.
I would [also] say to my younger self, I love you. There are so many people who love you and will love you. Everything will happen for you and don’t be stressed out about the how or when. Celebrate the now!
For more of Jerrie, follow her on Instagram here.
Featured image by Cecile Boko
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'K' is a multi-hyphenated free spirit from Chicago. She is a lover of stories and the people who tell them. As a writer, 9-5er, and Safe Space Curator, she values creating the life she wants and enjoying the journey along the way. You can follow her on Instagram @theletter__k_.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
'Dear Black Girls': How A'ja Wilson Is Helping Black Girls Heal & Bloom With Confidence
In recent years, books written by Black women, such as Viola Davis, Michelle Obama, and Taraji P. Henson, have adorned our shelves and shown the great trials and tribulations one has had to endure to become the woman we see today. Though their narratives show great accomplishments, they explain in detail the price that had to be paid to achieve their monumental success. Often, this price came at the cost of having to endure unspeakable tragedy. The world was being carried on their shoulders and backs, and they had to learn to balance the weight of it all. Despite the odds, they managed to grow and become exceptionally talented women with limited support or, most of the time, alone.
However, in A'ja Wilson's recently published book, Dear Black Girls, this narrative is changing for the better. The memoir shows that WNBA superstar, and growing legend, A'ja Wilson isn't just a force to reckon with on the court, racking up championships, MVP awards, Olympic gold, and season-record-breaking accomplishments. Her impact transcends the game, reaching into the hearts of young Black women and girls, who like me might have once felt a pang of otherness for embracing their inner tomboy.
Wilson's recently published book offered a powerful remedy, a story that mirrored my own experiences and gently soothed the wounds of not always fitting in. This collection of honest stories is not just about Wilson's journey, it's also a book that holds the potential to heal and inspire countless other Black girls who deserve to see themselves reflected in the pages of a champion.
Although Wilson discusses the tribulations she had to overcome, she didn't have to do them alone and often had more than one support system installed to ensure her success. This book ultimately shows the beauty that grows when Black girls are raised with nourishment, intentionality, and understanding rather than the unrelenting grief and sadness that many believe are necessary to raise Black girls.
In Dear Black Girls: How to Be True to You, the two-time MVP shows us that love, rather than unending tragedy, can be the source of success for all Black girls--past, present, and future. Wilson also shows us how love can occasionally come from an unexpected source--a stranger who only has compassion, empathy, and understanding to offer.
Living While Black
There comes a point in time, in every Black girl's life, where they learn that they are not just a girl, but a Black girl. For me, it was on the playground of my elementary school, where a white girl--who I thought was my friend--called me the n-word when I refused to join her in a fight against a mutual friend. For A'ja Wilson, it was when her "friend" refused to invite her to her house for a sleepover, unless she slept outside. When asked why she had to be the only one to sleep outside, she was quickly informed it had been due to her race. Though her parents discussed it with her and explained why she and the young lady could no longer be friends, A'ja Wilson offers a relatable lens to express the grief of realizing one's otherness.
The year she discovered her Blackness meant a difference, Wilson felt alone and began isolating herself. It wasn't until she met a woman who worked in the cafeteria that she understood the importance of being seen by someone who looked like her. In Dear Black Girls, Wilson teaches the importance of representation and finding someone who "looks like you" and actively cares and checks in with you. Though the young readers of this book will most likely never meet Wilson, she provides her novel as a stand-in role model who actively sees how alone some Black girls feel in the world and tells them lovely: "I see you, I got you."
Finding Oneself
There is a certain power in discovering one's "why." In Dear Black Girls, Wilson explains that in order to find oneself or one's reasons for doing things, it might be important to look to your elders. The ones that could make you believe in yourself. For Wilson, it was her grandmother. Her grandmother was her place of solace and the person she felt closest to. Before she picked up the game of basketball, A'ja's grandmother believed she was special and would achieve so many things in life.
Through this belief, she nurtured Wilson and taught her to believe in the good that everyone had to possess. She taught Wilson that Black women could be heroes, and knew how to "walk the walk" and "talk the talk." She taught Wilson, and in turn, Wilson has taught Black girls, that finding oneself can be done at the hands of the ones that we love. And that if one's love is strong enough, we can "freeze it, and preserve that safe space forever."
It's Okay to Be Different
In school, Wilson was considered a "slow learner." Diagnosed with dyslexia at the late age of 16, she believed she had not been as "smart" as the other kids. Wilson would freeze up in class, and despite loving to write narratives and the school itself, she found she did not catch on with her peers as quickly as she liked. She spent hours on end stressing about being different, so much so, that at times the thought of her otherness became debilitating and all-consuming. With her family and in her solitude, she understood who she was. However, among her friends and in class, she found that she didn't know who she was, nor who they wanted her to be.
From this, she taught Black girls that being a teen is stressful enough, so being oneself should be easily embraced. Though, she admits to not knowing the right thing to say, do, or act, and therefore is unable to give us "cheat codes," the best thing a young Black girl can do, is just be.
Find Your Gardener
I often say that Black women have learned to grow without nourishment. So, in reading Dear Black Girl, it was a refreshing change of pace to read that Wilson had been adorned with love, guidance, honesty, and protection by strong support systems in her life. One of those support systems was Wilson's father. Her father taught her many things in life, but one that was most essential was the importance of perseverance and overcoming mediocrity. See, despite being the best in her career, Wilson and basketball did not mesh well from the start. Instead, she had been known to try many things and was lackluster at best.
Nevertheless, when Wilson was told that she did not play well by her father--after asking why she wasn't getting any playing time--she finally learned to overcome her challenges.
Not because she suddenly practiced more, or believed she could do anything with time. She became better because her father gave her the option to walk away from the sport. He allowed her to be scared, to be unsure of what she wanted in life, and freed her of the stress of absolutes. Through encouragement, he became her gardener--always trying to bring out the best in her through "easy" and "tough" love. In Dear BlackGirls, Wilson encourages Black girls to find their "gardeners," the people in their lives who bring out the best in them, drive them crazy and are never afraid to tell them how it is. The person that pulls out all of the weeds and negativity, and leaves enough space for you to receive sunlight and bloom.
Gaining a Nonsense Detector
While finding a gardener, Wilson also encourages Black girls to find or gain a "nonsense detector." A nonsense detector is just as it sounds, someone who can detect the nonsense that the world is attempting to bring to them and help them identify what it truly is. They are the person who is willing to approach a spade and call it by its name. In Wilson's life, this was her mother. A'ja's mom encouraged her to think logically about her education and its relationship to her basketball career.
She was the person Wilson called when she learned to drive in a new state or deal with the stress of her newfound career. Through her mother's encouragement, she learned not to chase after boys or some concept of a new sense of self, instead, she learned to make decisions with her best interest in mind. In doing so, she chose family, which meant more time with her grandmother, which she would not have had if she hadn't learned to listen to something that encourages no-nonsense.
Grief Has No Timeline, Knows No Bounds
In 2017, during her junior year of college, A'ja Wilson was known as one of the best players in the NCAA. After two seasons of coming up short of winning a national title, she had finally accomplished her goal of winning with Dawn Staley's South Caroline Gamecocks. However, the win was bittersweet, because the champ had been grieving the loss of her grandmother, one of her biggest support systems.
During this time, Wilson discovered that grief could not be neatly packed away in a box, waiting to be unraveled when she had prepared to deal with it. She noted that it was an unending rollercoaster where lows felt all-consuming and endless.
In Dear Black Girls, Wilson discusses the importance of experiencing grief at its pace, and on your own timeline. She explains to young Black girls that the feeling of despair and paralysis is normal and that instead of trying to climb out of the sadness, sometimes it is beneficial to wade through it, with the people you care about. Not only this, she encourages Black girls to embrace support that may be considered unexpected, through a beautiful anecdote involving Dawn Staley.
The champ mentioned the coach drove down to her house, upon hearing about the death of her grandmother, and sat in silence with the athlete as she cried. She informed her that she could take all of the time that she needed and that the "team would be waiting for her when she was ready to return."
You Don't Know What You Don't Know
The issue that many people hold today is they expect to be perfect. Though we know perfection is merely a concept, and the only thing perfect about perfection is the word itself, many dwell on being perfect and having the foresight to ensure it is so. When perfection is inevitably unattainable, we punish ourselves for not knowing better or being fallible. Nevertheless, dwelling on things, especially in relation to being perfect, is nothing more than wasted energy.
In Dear Black Girls, Wilson--through a humorous anecdote of her WNBA drafting day--points out that everyone makes mistakes and that many should not be ashamed for not knowing what they hadn't known before. Instead, beauty lies in learning and giving oneself credit for the knowledge that you now have for navigating future situations. Instead of beating yourself up, Wilson tells young Black girls there is no point in beating themselves up and to allow grace in moments of uncertainty and error.
Protect and Nurture Your Mental Health
The idea of seeking therapy is often a hurdle for Black women. With societal expectations and generational aversions, the concept of the "strong Black woman" often overpowers the necessary, and sometimes dire assistance Black women should seek. In Dear Black Girls, A'ja Wilson points out that most Black women are the first, or one of few, in their families to accomplish significant achievements, such as going to college, getting a corporate job, or making a high-figured salary.
This results in pressure that cannot be seen as relatable by family members, and often results in anxiety disorders, growing, unrelenting pressure, and crippling stress. To solve this, Wilson encourages Black girls to seek help outside of themselves and their friends, to ensure they are not taking on the weight of the world, simply because it was placed on their shoulders. Black women need someone to talk to, especially when it has been ingrained since birth that we should nurture and care for everyone but ourselves. By seeking a therapist, this narrative can change, and the idea of being a "strong Black woman" can come from the idea of learning to be vulnerable and asking for help.
Be Your Own Hero
It is heroic to take control of your own life. Being your own hero gives you confidence and reassurance to face obstacles directly, to follow your passion, and to define success how you see fit. It can be powerful and gratifying to become the best version of yourself and to allow yourself to be. In Dear Black Girls, Wilson teaches Black girls their final lesson, "If you can see them [your heroes], then you can be them." Many Black girls do not seek certain positions in life because they have never seen people who look like them in certain positions.
Nevertheless, Wilson explains the importance of having and seeking out representation, either in life or in media. Then, she encourages young girls to pursue that life they dream of, because anything is attainable with hard effort and--most importantly--love.
Check out A'ja Wilson and the 2024 Paris Women's Basketball Olympic team from July 26 through August 11.
xoNecole's I Read It So You Don't Have To is a recurring series of self-discovery that breaks down self-help books into a toolkit of takeaways and tips that are meant to assist you in finding the best life you can live. Take what works for you, and leave everything else where it is.
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