CEO Angelica Nwandu On Why Your Purpose Is Promised
Almost 24 years ago, a six-year-old girl learned that her mother had been tragically murdered by her father (a well-renowned pastor at a local church). Soon after, their father would be sentenced to 28 years in prison, she along with her four sisters would be taken from their home and thrown into foster care, and her life would never be the same.
Later, that little girl would go on to earn a degree and become an accountant, only to be fired from her job and ultimately create one of the most popular platforms in the media world, amassing millions of followers and subsequently securing a serious bag.
We now know the woman in this story to be the creator of The Shade Room, Angelica Nwandu, a boss who now knows that every roadblock in her life has been a blessing in disguise.
Angelica Nwandu
The media mogul and star of the latest episode of UMC's Behind Her Faith(available to stream April 9), a faith based-series executive produced by Insecure's Jay Ellis that features stars like Niecy Nash, Aisha Hinds, and Essence Atkins, recently sat down with xoNecole for an intimate one-on-one conversation about the secret behind her success, and according to Angie, it was nothing but God's love. She explained, "When I was wrong, when I was right, when I was indifferent––He was there throughout it."
On the show, Angie opens up about how her mother's death changed her life, getting to know Jesus midway through her entrepreneurial journey, and how she learned to adjust when she felt like her vision and her values didn't align. We got a chance to catch up with Angie to talk more about her faith, facing her fears, and how to find purpose in your pain and, honey, it was a whole word.
Fear Is Poisonous
Angelica Nwandu
Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will, and Angelica explained that this was a lesson she learned firsthand.
While you may think you're in the self-doubt struggle alone, our good sis revealed that she can totally relate. The Nigerian-American creative told xoNecole, "I'm going to tell you right now, I've experienced it all. I've experienced doubt, thinking, 'Oh, you know what, who was I kidding? God didn't say this is going to happen for me. I'm not up for this. I can't do this, I don't have the work ethic. I don't have the intelligence––the creativity.'"
"[Fear is the] biggest opponent that I have," she continued. "Because fear, for me, and its impact on me is crippling. It makes it so that I don't do anything. Either I don't do anything or I consider things failures before they've even started."
Angelica explained that while analysis paralysis can become addictive, it's a cycle that she's learned to break by pulling the weeds before they even have the opportunity to grow. She shared, "I've noticed it, that monster of fear just growing and growing and growing, and I've noticed that it is so poisonous to a lot of areas in my life. Fear doesn't just show up in one area. It kind of seeps into all areas. You'll notice it just creeping in, creeping in and growing and seeping into different types of relationships, coming out in different ways."
"You gotta hit fear with technique. You got to figure out how fear gets you––what triggers you and then start breaking that down. Address the triggers. Triggers are places where you need healing. Why am I so scared of failure? Why? Why am I so scared of being alone? Where are the roots of these feelings coming from?"
Coming face-to-face with your trauma is never easy, but Angelica wants you to know that it's always worth it, sis. And as painful as your past may have been, when it comes to discovering your purpose...
Hindsight Is 20/20
Angelica Nwandu
Unfortunately, life doesn't come with a built-in rearview mirror, but if it did, it would likely reveal that hindsight is 20/20 and Angie wants you to know that many of life's roadblocks are only blessings in disguise. Despite facing legal woes, business breakups, and moments of disappointment, the TSR creator remains adamant that faith will take you places hustling won't.
"When I put out that prayer, 'God take things that you do not want me to have––that you don't have a plan for––that are in my life. Anything that's not supposed to be there, make it fall, make it collapse, just cancel the deal, get it away from me.' And when I have prayed that I've seen so many things fall through."
She continued, "I think I've seen big deals fall through with big companies. I've seen things just canceled, get ripped from under my feet. Right? And in hindsight, I look back and I see why those things were taken and I prayed the same prayer."
Angelica told xoNecole that this is a prayer that she's also prayed over her company, but instead of blocking her business, He has allowed it to thrive, "We get hit with these big things and it's like, how did we survive that? Why are we thriving in this time, how are we getting through this?"
Which led Angelica to drop yet another noteworthy gem…
Your Purpose Is Promised
Angelica Nwandu
In the docu-series, Angelica revealed that although she has come a long way from being that seven-year-old girl whose life was uprooted and transformed forever, she has to remind herself that God has been at her side, pushing her further into her purpose every step of the way.
She told xoNecole, "I really do believe that my belief in God is the only thing that's keeping me. When you think about it, what else can I rely on that won't change? That is always the same? That is true to the word that I know for a fact because of not just the Bible, which I love, but because of my past experiences, I know God is real."
While Angelica says she still experiences moments of doubt and unpromising pitfalls along her path to success, she now knows that the valley is where you gain perspective. "I know he's 100 and I know His promises are true." She explained, "And so because I know he has a promise on my life and I know that He's promising for me, when [bad] things happen, yes. Don't get it wrong. There are times where I'm doubting it. But I have to take it back to, well, God has a promise to me. It hasn't come true yet, [but] it's going to come true. His word is true. He will protect me until the fulfillment of that promise, and then He'll promise more. "
"To me, it's about having faith that things are gonna be OK even when they're not. If I lost everything today, I have to have faith that He'll bring it back together. But, see if I don't believe in Him, then what faith could I have? I could have faith in myself. But life is fragile. I have to believe in something bigger than myself and that's big for me. And I think that's what's getting me through."
To check out Angelica's full episode of Behind Her Faith, tune into UMC Thursday, April 9th or click here!
Featured image courtesy of UMC.
- Angelica Nwandu - Founder and CEO @ The Shade Room ... ›
- The Shade Room Founder Insta-Stalks Beyoncé, Nicki Minaj, and ... ›
- The Shade Room Turns Five, and the Founder, Angie Nwandu ... ›
- The Shade Room founder Angie Nwandu at the OMR 2016 - YouTube ›
- How The Shade Room Founder Angelica Nwandu Launched A ... ›
- Shaderoom CEO Angelica Nwandu Talks Early Beginnings & How ... ›
- Angelica Nwandu, Founder Of The Shade Room, On Starting A ... ›
- Angelica Nwandu: The Shade Room Founder and CEO — Second ... ›
- Meet Angelica Nwandu: Founder Of The Shade Room, Instagram's ... ›
- How I Get It Done: Angelica Nwandu, CEO of The Shade Room ›
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images