Kirby Carroll grew up in VA but now calls Atlanta, GA home. She has a passion for creating content and helping brands grow through storytelling and public relations. When not immersed in work, you can find her sipping a mimosa at brunch or bingeing a new TV drama on Netflix. Keep up with her on social media at @askKirbyCarroll.
According To This Power Couple, Real Estate Remains The Best Way To Build Wealth
Money Talks is an xoNecole series where we talk candidly to real women about how they spend money, their relationship with money, and how they get it.
Douglas and Dr. Atiya “Blondie” Parson are a celebrity realtor power couple with a notable client list that features some of the industry’s biggest heavy hitters, such as rapper T.I., restaurant entrepreneur Pinky Cole, Love and Hip Hop Atlanta reality star Sierra Gates, and more. The couple has made as much as $200,000 from one sale as real estate agents and consistently make over six figures by flipping homes. While their success is groundbreaking, their thought process is pretty standard. They believe real estate breeds wealth, budgeting is essential, and you should keep your goals major and top of mind.
Now, the duo have made it their mission to share their knowledge. Through "We Nailed It! The Blueprint for Real Estate and Relationships, available on Amazon and everywhere books are sold, and their YouTube channel, they’re determined to share their learnings with the culture. “The richest person is always going to invest in real estate, but you don’t have to be rich to invest in real estate,” says Doug. Check out our transparent convo below.
Tell me a little bit about yourself.
Blondie: Well, I’m one of six kids from Indianapolis, Indiana. I went to a private school, but I still grew up below-middle class. Actually, my mom cleaned up after hours to help cover my tuition – so I knew the importance of education early. Later, I went to an HBCU in Ohio, and it just so happened my mom moved to the Virgin Islands right after my senior year of high school. So I decided to get an apartment, but it was too much, and I had to go home. Around that time is when I met Doug; we dated for like a year before things occurred that caused him to do a lifestyle change, and he moved to Kentucky. I ended up following him there, getting married, finishing school in Kentucky, and I’ve been in education for almost 25 years. But along with education, I’ve been helping my husband; I’ve been licensed for a little over three years. Now, we’re in partnership doing all things real estate.
Doug: I’m also from Indianapolis, Indiana. My first love was football, and I’ve always loved shiny things. So it’s a terrible thing to say, but I was in the drug trade for years. I had a child at 15 and had become huge in that industry. But I knew I wanted to do something different with my life, and I changed everything in 1996. So Blondie and I kept pushing on. We came to Atlanta after being in Kentucky for four years. And I met a young lady who really inspired me in real estate. That’s really how I got started. I got in the flipping game years ago, and now we’ve got a #1 best seller.
Let’s go back. Can you tell me about how you were spending before becoming responsible with money?
Doug: I definitely had to learn the hard way about spending. Being an ex-hustler, I always had excess money. Even in real estate, you stop thinking about spending because it’s coming back so fast. But at the end of the year, when you look at everything, it makes you want to cut back and change your ways. Even though we have a lot of luxury things, we had to learn how to write things off and save. I’ve learned what things you can cut off (do without) – because it’s a necessity in our business.
Blondie: It’s funny that Doug said he had to work on the spending because when he decided to change his life, we had times where we really didn’t have money. We had to learn how to budget. But even while we’re in a different space, I still like to live under my means. People say you should live within your means, but if you’re working on a certain goal you have to live under your means.
"We had to learn how to budget. But even while we’re in a different space, I still like to live under my means. People say you should live within your means, but if you’re working on a certain goal you have to live under your means."
Dr. Atiya “Blondie” (L) and Douglas Parson (R)
@iamrealestate1/Instagram
If you don’t mind me asking, how much do you make annually, or what’s a typical month look like for you?
Doug: Me and Blondie are real estate agents, but we’re also master flippers. In a month, I’ve made close to $200,000 just off sales. Then, in regards to flipping, we make six figures all the time. One of our goals is to show the culture how to do this. Also, we’ve been together for like 28 years, we want to show people how to stick together and make money.
Wow. Okay, so you have to tell me more about how this actually works. In layman's terms, how would you explain the difference between a real estate agent and flipping homes?
Blondie: The big difference is that a real estate agent helps people if they want to buy or sell a home. But if you’re only a flipper, you’re only an investor; you don’t have to be licensed. But we try to educate people on the importance of getting your license. Once we find the property, we make sales as an agent and an investor.
Talk to me more about your multiple streams. How does it play a part in your financial journey?
Doug: We try to maximize the whole real estate game. We’re real estate agents, flippers, and we have a property management company. Plus, we’re working on a show and have our book. So it’s all real estate. I’m in love with real estate - so that helps.
That can be a lot coming in and out. Do you guys budget? How have you made it part of your routine?
Blondie: I’m the budget queen. I write it all down. Now, I use Google Docs, but when we first got together, I had our “infamous notebook.” I get anxious when I see money going out, and I don’t know where it’s going or how I’m getting it back. And you have to do that when you have multiple streams, and you’re trying to reach a goal.
Doug: Yeah, you’ve gotta cut the fat off. Only spend what’s needed.
Are there any budget must-haves you recommend? What tangible tips or advice can you offer for people who are creating or revising theirs?
Doug: We like fine dining. You know how TikTok is in Atlanta. But you’ve got to cut that down on how much you’re eating out, also be aware of your entertainment – especially in Atlanta. You have to have a realistic budget for food and entertainment.
But do you two have any splurges? What’s your thing you just have to buy?
Doug: My splurge has been designer shoes since I was a child. That is one of the things I have to plan for – I can’t just go to designers whenever there’s a sale. But I write some stuff off, too, because it’s part of my “costume.”
Blondie: I’m the coupon queen, but I splurge on my nails. But my nails are over the price of the usual nails. I’m going to get designs and everything, but that’s my thing. I have to have it.
Dr. Atiya “Blondie” (L) and Douglas Parson (R)
Paras Griffin/Getty Images for BET
I get it. Now, let’s go in the other direction. What are your current savings goals?
Doug: One of my goals is to have one million dollars sitting. A lot of people think I have it already, but that’s just in assets. I’m going to get there, though. I’m well on my way.
Blondie: I want to condense and have less bills. I don’t like a lot of debt. Like credit cards, when I use them, I pay it off, and I recommend paying off what you can. For example, if you can pay off your car insurance for the year – do it. If you have it, get it out the way.
"I want to condense and have less bills. I don’t like a lot of debt. Like credit cards, when I use them, I pay it off, and I recommend paying off what you can. For example, if you can pay off your car insurance for the year – do it. If you have it, get it out the way."
Let’s get into unhealthy habits. Were there any practices you had to unlearn before getting to this point?
Doug: We have a small fleet of cars. So, every Sunday, the mobile guy would come and wash the cars. But after a while, we noticed how it added up. Now, I’ve made that part of my workout to wash my car every week. It saves money and keeps me active.
Blondie: For me, it’s my nails again. I don’t get them done all the time. I let them last. I’ll ride that design out a little longer and do what I have to. Also, there’s been times I’ve gotten my nails done and not really liked them, not said anything, and had to get them done again in a couple of weeks. That’s not good. It’s just about making better decisions.
What are your money mantras/affirmations that could keep you motivated?
Doug: If I’m not in the mode, I say, "Let's get it.” You’ll notice that’s on a lot of my social media posts. That’s my thing!
Blondie: Part of my daily prayer is to use my tools to not only help people but allow them to be lucrative to me. Like for our book, I hope it helps other people and it makes money.
Speaking of, what inspired you to create We Nailed It! The Blueprint for Real Estate and Relationships?
Doug: We wanted to inspire the culture. I see so many kids coming from my background being hustlers or never really having anything. But then someone passes away, and they come up on money and don’t know what to do with it. So we’re trying to show them it’s not hard to sell homes and flip houses. And we’re changing lives in real life. We’ve made millionaires. So, our goal in writing books is to show that you can get money together, and I want it to be a blessing to others.
Blondie: Also, I wanted to talk about building a strong relationship in business and two people working together. Two is better than one.
Finally, is there any advice you can give to readers who want to improve their finances or get into real estate?
Doug: CUT OFF ALL THE FAT! Get rid of everything that’s not essential for you right now – put that money in an account now. Next, get your credit together – keep it at like 30%. What we try to teach is if you can save $30K or $40K and leverage your credit, you can do it. So now you can go to Home Depot and use that for credit cards, now you’ve created your business. You have your down payment for a small flip, and when you have materials and stuff, you use your credit card. Now go pay it all off. Just by limiting your spending and saving, you can do it – that’s a quick way to get money. It’s not going to happen overnight, but it definitely can happen.
Blondie: I’m very visual, so I have a whiteboard where I visualize our goals. I recommend that. That way, you can reassess your goals. Don’t wait months, and don’t be afraid to make changes.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
This Couple Almost Let Their 8-Year Age Gap Keep Them From Finding Love With One Another
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
I’m willing to bet that this is not the first time you’ve seen this couple. Dalen Spratt is a television producer, owner of a tailored men's suit line, and creator of Ghost Brothers: Haunted Houseguests, which is currently streaming on Destination America. Stacey Spratt is also a serial entrepreneur, focusing mostly on events and the nonprofit world, and she is the owner of two award-winning craft beer bars called Harlem Hops. But their accolades are not what united them.
The couple met years ago at their alma mater, Clark Atlanta University, when they were still working to create the life they have now, and if you had told them then that they’d eventually tie the knot, the pair probably would’ve laughed in your face.
Today, they’re new parents, flourishing in their careers, and each others’ “teammates.” When desiring love, Dalen recommends not looking to other couples for advice. And Stacey advises staying true to what you want. “Don’t put age or limitations on love and children. If God could do it for me, why can’t he do it for you?”
Here's How We Met.
How did you meet?
Dalen: We met in 2005 when she was advising the Greek sororities and fraternities in college. She was old as hell in college, and I was a young buck (laughs). Everybody had a crush on her, but I didn’t think much of it. Then, in 2007, we were in the same grad school class, but she still wasn’t trying to see me then either. I had to catch her five years ago; I was very patient.
Stacey: Yeah, everybody in our grad school class called him Young, Fresh to Death because he was always dressed in B-school (what CAU affectionately refers to as business major classes), and we’d just wear sweatpants (laughs).
So, I know Dalen was always attracted to you. But what about you? Did your attraction to him develop over time?
Stacey: So 2006-2008 – all the years went by. I don’t think we were really thinking about each other at all back then. Years later, I had an event in Dallas, and I booked him to be a speaker. Then, a few years ago, Dalen posted a photo of him on Instagram, and I slid in his DMs. I remembered him being so young and handsome, and I’m like, I should hook him up with my younger cousin. His response was: "If you’re not hooking me up with you, no thank you." But I still thought he was too young at the time, and he started pulling receipts. Taraji P. Henson was dating someone young at the time, Gabrielle Union–
Dalen: First of all, I didn’t do that. You did that.
Stacey: Okay, I did. I thought he was a cutie pie, but that age thing was on my mind!
"Dalen posted a photo of him on Instagram, and I slid in his DMs. I remembered him being so young and handsome, and I’m like, I should hook him up with my younger cousin. His response was: 'If you’re not hooking me up with you, no thank you.'"
Courtesy
Talk to me about the first date. How did he change your mind?
Stacey: Our first date was at Tin Lizzy's in Atlanta. During that time, he was living in Dallas, so it was long-distance. But he came into town, and we just had a good time. We talked a lot, which we still do. It wasn’t anything fantastic.
Dalen: Don’t downplay our first date.
Then, walk me through your courtship. How did you get to the next level? What was that conversation like?
Stacey: I think he knew at age 43 or 44 I wasn’t playing around. But also, I think it just naturally progressed.
Dalen: Yeah, it just happened naturally. And I’m going to be honest, I don’t think initially either one of us thought it would be as serious as it was. She thought I was too young and I wasn’t ready for marriage, kids, and all that. I think we both thought we were just hanging out. But after spending so much time together, a lot of stuff started happening. Like, she had to have surgery early on. It wasn’t just time together; it was intimate time. Next thing we know, we just never left each other. That’s why we still don’t have an anniversary date because we never really asked.
"It wasn't just time together; it was intimate time. Next thing we know, we just never left each other. That's why we still don't have an anniversary date because we never really asked."
What made you want to commit to each other?
Dalen: The moment I knew Stacey was for me was from a phone call. I don’t really like talking on the phone, and I can be really blunt sometimes. But we were talking, and I said, ‘I don’t really feel like talking anymore.’ And she was just like, okay, and hung up. I wasn’t trying to be rude, and she understood that. It sounds bad, but that’s how I knew she just got me. I felt like she could get my random awkward moments, and she does to this day.
Stacey: For me, I liked him as a person. Even when times get rough and tough, I could still like him as a human. He is my best friend. We have time. We laugh until we cry, and it’s just always like that. Even when we get pissed at each other, something happens, and we fix it. Also, how he treats his mother. That’s a momma’s boy, but I’m a daddy’s girl – so I get it. I know how I want to be treated, and I see how he is with her and that’s beautiful.
What are some important lessons you’ve learned about yourself through loving your partner in this relationship?
Dalen: I grew up an only child and she grew up with siblings. So, when you have someone who is used to doing things by themselves, there is definitely a learning curve when you get into a serious relationship. It’s funny now, but it was definitely a process.
Stacey: I agree – definitely the only child thing. There’s times I look at him like, did you ever live with anyone else? That comes from being momma's baby, too. I have to say, my “mother-in-love” spoiled him. But also with Axel (their daughter), that brings another level of patience.
Photo by Paras Griffin/Getty Images
What was the biggest challenge that you had to overcome together?
Dalen: We’ve gone through a lot within the years we’ve been together. We suffered two miscarriages – I’d say that’s the biggest.
Stacey: Having those miscarriages and trying to understand what’s next and what our options are was a lot. I had two myomectomies (fibroid surgeries), and he supported me through that time. Also, still, it was on my mind that he’s eight years younger than me. I was wondering if I can’t carry [a child] what that looks like for us. We had very real conversations pretty early in our relationship.
"Having those miscarriages and trying to understand what’s next and what our options are was a lot. I had two myomectomies (fibroid surgeries), and he supported me through that time. Also, still, it was on my mind that he’s eight years younger than me."
What do you fight the most about?
Dalen: Nagging. Stacey nags; she’s a complainer. She’s that momma that will look in a room and just hunt for something to complain about. Like, I’m worried for Axel when she's in high school.
Stacey: It’s because I like things to be in place. He leaves stuff all over the place. I can tell where he’s been in the house because something is left around. So he says I’m nagging – but it’s like, just get your stuff.
What are your love languages?
Dalen: Stacey is gifts all day.
Stacey: *thinks*
Dalen: We’ve talked about this. xoNecole is about to cause problems in our home (laughs).
Stacey: Obviously I love you. *thinks again* It’s words of affirmation.
Dalen: That’s it.
What’s your favorite thing about each other?
Dalen: I’ve always respected her business-mindedness. That may sound superficial, but it’s not because I’ve never been with someone who thinks like me. It’s one of my most treasured things about her. I remember one day, I was just running through ideas with her, and each time Stacey had a suggestion on how I could make it better. It’s just very comforting. She takes whatever I’m doing and elevates it – including me.
Stacey: I love Dalen’s hustle and creativity. He’s been on multiple shows, and he continues to create, produce, and reinvent himself and the product he’s putting out. I love that we can create together and bounce things off each other. Even though we may be in different arenas, there’s nothing he can’t offer me great advice about. I love that drive.
Finally, how did you know it was love?
Dalen: Well – she said it – first. (laughs)
Stacey: And he looked at me and smiled! He didn’t say it back. We were on a trip, out of the country.
Dalen: We were arguing when she said it, and she just threw it out.
Stacey: But we continue to do that. We’ve spent holidays and everything outside of the country.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
Vanessa Simmons Shares Her Daily Wellness Routine And How It Propels Her Life
Many of us are familiar with actress, model, and entrepreneur Vanessa Simmons. Whether we previously followed her life and career on the iconic VH1 series Run’s House, keep up with her on social media today, or have seen her continually grace our screens on series like BET’s Games People Playor WeTV’s Growing up Hip Hop, she’s a name the culture knows and respects. But what many people may not know about the elegant go-getter is that she’s a big advocate for wellness.
In fact, during the pandemic, she was the friend many leaned on for physical and mental assistance and tips. “We were all in a state of fear and shock, and wellness was at the forefront of many of our minds. We wanted to know how we could stay as healthy as possible, and as the lockdown grew, mental health became just as important,” she says. The unique experience is what fueled her to birth U4IA (pronounced euphoria), an online community built around fact-based beauty and wellness tips and mental health awareness.
The platform started simply as a personal blog, a way for her to have all of her wellness thoughts and suggestions in one place. But anyone who is familiar with Vanessa’s efforts and her business-minded family knows it doesn’t take long for a business idea to spark, and she knew there was an opportunity here. “Pastry (the sneaker line she created with her sister, Angela Simmons) taught me the highs and lows of being a businesswoman. I feel like this is an extension of that,” she explains.
We can see she lives this through her work as an actress, which she’s strived for, for years. But making time for self-care in her routine is something she developed over time. “Every day is not the same – that’s life. But generally, I try to wake up before the house at 5:30 a.m. Then I journal, meditate and breathe, do an ice facial, start my skincare routine (which she makes sure to not rush), and start my day.”
She also practices wellness with her daughter. “All of those things allow me to wake my daughter up in a positive mood and spend time getting her ready for school. Also, I do affirmations with her," she says. "There's been times when she’s tired or in a mood and she actually tells me she feels better after we complete them. And you know kids tell the truth; that’s how I know it’s working!”
Like many, motherhood drastically changed her daily comings and goings. She admits that the journey altered her values and the way she moves through life, especially being someone from the Big Apple. “I had to find patience. I’m a New Yorker, so I like everything quickly. But I learned to find the balance between life and career and know when to shut down the work stuff and just be there for my family - which has brought me more happiness.”
Through U41A she hopes to share some of those processes and tips that help and make it accessible for everyone. “There are expensive ways to celebrate self-care, but there’s also things we can do at home. I like intentional breathing, jumping jacks for five minutes a day, and jumping rope – that releases endorphins. Also, meditation, affirmations, and my prayer life helps me.”
She adds, “Oh, and I love my at-home spa blanket. There's so much we can do in our living space that gives us that luxury spa feeling and fills our self-care cup.”
Today, Vanessa works daily to maintain that balance and intention she’s created for herself and her loved ones, and U4IA is a big part of that. Currently, she’s excited about their upcoming events and future partnerships.“I’m bringing the U4IA website to life through a health and wellness activation. We’re basically bringing the best of wellness in each city to one space.”
Lately, I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed with life, relationships, and work. With things moving so fast, it’s easy to exist in a state of productivity. But one thing life has taught me is that if you’re not showing up for yourself, you can’t properly show up for others, and that creates anxiety. But if someone as busy as Vanessa Simmons can make time for daily self-care, so can I. If you’re feeling the same or looking to make a change in your wellness routine, make sure to keep up with Vanessa’s lifestyle journey on social media and visit U4IANow.com for the latest updates.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Rodin Eckenroth/Getty Images
The Bold Financial Moves That Transformed An Overspender To A Self-Made Millionaire
I know it’s an unpopular opinion these days, but I still like setting goals for the New Year. I think it gives you a tangible reason to revisit old desires and achieve new ones. That’s why every year on NYE, I write down my aspirations for the next 365 days on a whiteboard in my bedroom – that way, it stares me in my face, and I’m forced to be held accountable. But this year, something stuck out to me: improving my finances had made the top of the list – again. That’s when it dawned on me. I need more of a financial plan. “Saving better and making more” wasn’t making enough of an impact. That’s why I’m so grateful for women like Cynthia Smith and her vulnerability. Because when you know better, you do better.
Cynthia Smith is a renowned financial expert, business coach, serial entrepreneur, and author of Untangling the Ledger. The self-made millionaire started her tax service with only $500, and today, she’s made up to $100,000 a month through varied business efforts. But as expected, she had a plan for every dollar she made, and it was a journey.
“Before taxes, I worked in oil and gas. I’ve been making six figures since I was 26 years old, but I had poor money-managing skills. Also, I had twins at 18. So, anything they wanted, they got,” she admitted. “But as I got older, I realized I wanted to do more, so I had to stop spending so much to allow my bank account to grow. I positioned my mind to get uncomfortable with over-spending. As a people, we don’t teach money management, and it’s important.”
While she’s unique in the sense that her 9-to-5 allowed her to live generally comfortably, she still enjoyed doing taxes as her side hustle. Cynthia comically shared how she’d initially meet people at coffee shops to use the free wifi. But, like many, her main source of income started to come at the expense of her peace. “I recall being on my last project, and it was a hard project to be on because there were so many egos. I started to feel like why am I here? I had a successful business, but my job was my crutch,” she explained.
Once she became a full-time tax accountant, she started to experience extreme highs and lows and learned quite a bit along the way. “Some people look on the outside and don’t realize the hard work. There were nights I cried and nights I had to make payroll when I was still working,” she said. “At some points, I’ve had a $10k payroll, along with a mortgage, and still had to support my twins.”
There’s also been struggles she’s endured throughout the company’s process. “My business is predominantly women, and we usually get along well. But I had one messy situation. There’s been times where I could’ve been a better leader or manager or explained components better,” she confessed. “Now, when we’re together, we’re family, but I also don’t allow anyone to put holes in my ship.”
Cynthia Smith
Photo Courtesy
In addition to her accountability and hard work, Cynthia credits varied streams of income and responsible spending to her financial success. “I wasn’t strict in the past. But I started budgeting in 2017. The twins were in college so I had to change how I was spending, and I maintained that discipline. Now, as an empty-nester, I spend less. I don’t purchase large items every day.” Today, Cynthia owns her tax office, tax franchise, a tax software, skincare line, and teaches taxes. In their entirety, the tax offices have roughly 8,000 clients.
She also differs from a lot of her peers in how she invests. Most of her investments are primarily into her own endeavors, like the skincare line and tax software – not stocks and bonds. “When it comes to anything, I like to see a fast turnaround. I like to see where it’s going; I don’t like to wait. I made over $1 million in less than six months,” she said. “It may not be the right way, but that’s how I operate. However, I maxed out my sons’ 401k. I’ve seen the market go up and down, but that’s one of my favorite things I took from my oil and gas job.”
When asked what other financial tips she has for our readers, she mentioned the importance of credit and budgeting. “Instead of using my own cash, I use credit cards. Get one with points. For my birthday, I took my boys and my baby sister to Vegas. All of their trips and vacations were paid for by points,” she explained. She also encouraged eating in and being very specific with your budgeting spreadsheet. “For 2024, forget the outside. You don’t have to be in the in-crowd. Walk your journey. Read the fine print, and block out the outside noise. Focus on you and growing and learning yourself and passion.”
She continued, “My money mantra is to ask God to do exceedingly above all that I ask for and make me a good stewardess over my family. I put God first, and I know it’s nothing but him that keeps me going. Looking into the future, her goal is to become bill-free and have little overhead. “When I reach 50, I don’t wanna worry about my mortgage, and I want to retire.”
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
How This Wealthy History-Making Couple Found Love By Breaking The First Date Rules
How We Met is a series where xoNecole talks love and relationships with real-life couples. We learn how they met, how like turned into love, and how they make their love work.
Have you ever heard the saying, “You can't have it all?” Do you think there’s any truth to it? The more I resonate with the thought, I realize it just depends on what one considers “all.” In this “How We Met” story, I chatted with two individuals who have reached an unusual level of success but, for years, celebrated it alone. Now, they have a beautiful marriage centered around faith, family, and legacy.
But the journey to getting there required them to be uniquely intentional, submit fully to God, and practice an amount of vulnerability that I think most people would find uncomfortable – especially on the first date.
Santia Deck, known more commonly as @Trackbaby001 on Instagram, earned the highest-paid contract ever for a woman in American football. Also, she is the first female athlete to have her own shoe company. With a combined social audience of 3 million followers, she’s established herself as a mega-influencer in the health/fitness and lifestyle space. But surprisingly, in our 48-minute phone call, we only discussed this for roughly 60 seconds. Instead, I had a beautiful conversation with Santia and her husband Isaac, a successful tech entrepreneur, about their dream-like partnership.
His company was one of the fastest growing in his county for two years, and he is the only Black entrepreneur to win a federal aviation award for being a government contractor. Plus, he previously won a $13.4 billion contract with the Air Force and Space Force (cues, "he got money" in my best Quinta Brunson voice). But seriously, both of them have such an amazing story alone – yet they made it even better by finding each other. It almost sounds too good to be true, right? Well, Santia felt the same way.
In fact, on their first date, they actually tried to disqualify each other. Here’s how it went.
Let’s start from the beginning. How did you two meet?
Isaac: Well, firstly, we connected through the divine grace of God. But we met on Bumble and talked there, and she gave me such a hard time (laughs). But we built a connection online and then took it offline to the phone and eventually in person. Since that meeting, we’ve been stuck like glue.
Santia: Yes, we met on Bumble. But I’ve gotta add to that. I was pretty much done with love, relationships, and especially online dating. But it was right around Valentine's Day, and I felt like God was telling me to try just one more time. So, I created my profile and made it very blunt; I was super clear about what I wanted. I started swiping for a few days and eventually came across his profile, and I noticed our profiles were very similar.
I felt like it was rare for a man to be that intentional. Also, I like that he was attractive and an entrepreneur. I felt like he could understand my life. It took him a couple of days to swipe back, though, and I was little in my feelings. I was literally going to delete the app when he DM’d me. So, it was really the grace of God.
Tell me about your first date. What was the chemistry like?
Isaac: She was late (laughs). But we went to Seasons 52, which made sense because I’m vegan, and she likes to eat healthy. So I made reservations, but again, she was late. Eventually, she got there, and when she did, I saw the entire room shift. It was the weirdest thing. I’ve never seen that in real life. It was like the whole restaurant was looking at us. So we got a table, and immediately, it felt like our energy flowed together so smoothly.
You know how first dates can be awkward? This was exactly the opposite. She grilled me, and I grilled her. We asked some of the deepest questions ever. It was like we were trying to disqualify each other. After dinner, I walked her back to her car because she was recently injured. And in that moment, God talked to me. I knew that this is what it is.
Santia: We talked for like three hours on that date. I remember in the conversation, I said, “Not to be weird, but your energy makes me feel very calm.” That was a big green flag for me. I also remember him walking me back to my car and not trying anything but genuinely just caring for my leg. I was like, this is different. It was an A+ date.
"We asked some of the deepest questions ever. It was like we were trying to disqualify each other. After dinner, I walked her back to her car because she was recently injured. And in that moment, God talked to me. I knew that this is what it is."
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
So, what are some of these intense disqualifying questions y’all asked?
Isaac: We asked everything. We talked about our thoughts on kids, marriage, church, gender roles, family, past relationships, and trauma.
Santia: Yeah, we asked everything they tell you not to. But that’s how I knew he was the one; he didn’t get uncomfortable.
Okay, so if you were still dating, walk me through that next step. What was that conversation like when you two decided to take it to the next level?
Isaac: I had a business trip I had to go to in Orlando, and because of my connection with the Creator I knew she needed to go on this trip with me. She was overcoming tearing her ACL and just needed a break. So we took a road trip together. We drove from Atlanta to Orlando in the car for 8 hours, and we just did the work. We got into childhood trauma and aspirations. It got deep –
Santia: Like, I cried. I discovered stuff about myself I haven’t talked about with anyone else.
Isaac: In that moment, I developed a deeper sense of trust in her because of her vulnerability. And after that trip, I just knew. She still had some concerns, but I was good (laughs).
Santia: Yeah, because I felt like something had to be wrong. Like, I remember calling my mom and she tried to help me just embrace it. Eventually, I actually asked him, “What are we?” And he literally said, “You’re going to be my wife.” And I still was like, are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend though, and he did – and I said yeah. (laughs). But that was only like a month in. It was very quick.
It seems like communication has been a core part of your relationship. What are some important lessons you’ve learned about yourselves individually through loving each other?
Isaac: That’s hard to answer just for this week. A lot of our stuff is self-discovery. But I’ll say, I learned how skeptical I was that this is possible. Also, I learned that all of what I went through is crafting me to be who I am today. Through this relationship, I’ve learned to embrace my 100% authentic self. Her love matters more to me than anything else, and that’s my #1 priority.
So if she accepts me how I am, who is the world to tell me I can’t be this way? She has allowed me to see myself more than any other human, and because of that, I have to shower her with as much love as possible.
Santia: I don’t even know where to start. He’s taught me a lot since day one. He made me more confident in who I am. As an influencer, you don’t always know who is there for the right reasons. But he’s made me feel 100% more confident in standing on who I am. He’s also taught me so much about business. He taught me how to open up more, not feel shame in who I am, and how to set boundaries and stick to them.
And Issac has melted every fear, doubt, and insecurity I’ve had about relationships. I could keep going, but overall, he has a really amazing way of teaching me in a loving way. Having someone that sees and understands me – and not just the social media me – but Santia Barnes, the individual, has been beautiful, and I’ve never experienced it until now.
"Issac has melted every fear, doubt, and insecurity I’ve had about relationships. Having someone that sees and understands me – and not just the social media me – but Santia Barnes, the individual, has been beautiful, and I’ve never experienced it until now."
Photo by Danielle Hollins of Forever Photography
How do you guys navigate past struggles, baggage to work toward your relationships?
Issac: On our honeymoon, I vowed that I would come into this relationship with a clear understanding of what’s holding me back so I can be my best self going through our marriage. For example, on our first day over there, we both wrote down all of the negative anchor thoughts we had around money and finances, and we literally went through every thought.
I found 50 financial aspirations, and every time I read something that I didn’t agree with, I wrote it down. And we talked about where these negative thoughts came from, going back to childhood.
Santia: We do that all the time. If anything comes up, we talk about it, try to get to the core of it, dissect it, and we solve it.
Okay, seriously do ya’ll argue at all (laughs)?
Santia: I mean, if we feel something, we say it.
Isaac: The way we got there is that we established early on that if we’re going to do this we have to be on the same team. We have a championship we’re trying to win, and that’s a family legacy. If something is going on, I’m gonna treat it like my teammate is going through it, and we’ll work through it. But it’s impossible not to have any challenges.
Santia: We don’t have to yell, scream, or be disrespectful though. We can talk in a calm voice and disagree. As long as we know that we’re on the same team, we’re good. I always know we’re not purposely trying to hurt each other, and I know that he's my partner. Looking at it from that lens changes things. We’ve only had two real arguments. It was early on, and when we dissected those too, we realized that back then, we didn’t know each other the way we do now. We weren’t sure we were on the same team (laughs).
Do you guys have any rituals or daily practices that help keep your relationship strong?
Isaac: To cement our process, we listen to our spiritual practice. We practice Sabbath every Friday evening until Saturday evening. So that means no work, no outside communication, we’re just in each other’s skin for 24 hours and experience the world together. Then we recap our week, things we’re grateful for from each other and from God, things that bother us, and then we process it right there. We do that every week.
Santia: We also go over a Bible verse and dissect it together. We have a lot of processes because when you have a plan, you can’t really fail.
Isaac: And the Bible verse always relates. It’s crazy. (laughs)
Photo courtesy of Santia and Issac Barnes
What are your love languages?
Santia: Mine is acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation
Isaac: Mine is physical touch, acts of service, and words of affirmation.
Are there any challenges you guys had to work through?
Santia: This is my first time living with a man. So things that guys do – like not flushing the toilet, putting dishes in the sink when I’m washing the dishes, and stuff. Honestly. I was really scared about that because I love my space. But surprisingly, I adjusted very quickly. We both work from home and have our own offices, too. So it just kinda works out.
Isaac: For me, it was going from being a single man to adjusting to her needs. For example, she likes flowers. To me, that meant I occasionally bought her flowers. But to her, that means, nah, I want them multiple times a month. Date nights meant occasionally to me; she wants them weekly. It’s just about making sure our needs and expectations are articulated correctly. We come from different worlds, so it’s important to do that.
Finally, I’ll close with how did you know it was love?
Santia: We took a trip to NOLA – another road trip. I cried again and just remembered thinking there’s no one like him. I was like, God, if he’s not my person, this is a cruel joke. But more blatantly, like three months into us dating, I was so conflicted because I was like, I’m falling, and I don’t want to be hurt again.
I remember I had a dream where I was in this dark room and there was this figure there, and I knew it was God, and in that dream, I feel like he told me clear as day that Isaac was my person. Plus, my Mom hates everyone I’ve ever dated, but she was like he’s gonna be my son-in-law. I had so many confirmations that I eventually just let go.
Isaac: It was multiple moments. I really got confirmation on the first date, but I became sure in one moment. I was sitting in my office, and she came in, and we were talking about her making history. So I started showing her some of my awards, too, and at that point, she still didn’t know what I did. And she was like, why don’t people know about this, and I showed her my Facebook page – where I had made a small post with a few likes (laughs). And she was like, do you know how many young Black children don’t know this is possible? It was different.
I felt like a hypocrite because I do everything for the next generation. So, she allowed me to see myself in that totality and still hold me accountable. The only person who had done that for me was my Dad and [he] passed away a few days before my 18th birthday. So after that, that did it for me. Then we went to the DR for my brother's anniversary, and she met my family and I saw how well she blended with my family, and I just knew.
Santia and Isaac are continuing to grow their individual businesses and love journey. Through that process, they have created an intentional dating platform on Instagram called @dateintentional1.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Danielle Hollins of Forever Photography
Earlier this week, I slipped on my favorite flip-flops and hurriedly walked out the door, only to turn around a few seconds later and swap them for a pair of boots. That’s when it hit me – fall is here, and “winter is coming.'' In Atlanta, the heat lingers for a while, but I think it’s finally time to retire the sleeveless tops and denim shorts and commit to long-sleeved shirts and stylish slacks. Change is constant whether we want to accept it or not, and nothing displays this quite like the weather. But as someone who's been working in sweats and t-shirts for the past few years, I realized my closet was no longer giving what it was supposed to give. Half of my wardrobe felt outdated, and the remainder only partially reflected my current style.
So, after giving away a few bags to Goodwill and Insta-stalking my favorite influencers, I decided that my current “mood” would influence my style – but this still presented a problem. I wasn’t sure exactly what mood I wanted to convey. Because I enjoy the confidence of business casual looks. But if I’m honest, I also like the power I feel in more sensual styles. Still, the majority of the time, I love a comfy, cute, and casual fit. Luckily for me, I learned I don’t have to commit to just one, and neither do you. Our fashion choices can be just like us: multifaceted. Still, it doesn’t hurt to have an overall idea of your signature style.
So we talked to a few women who can help. Here’s 6 Black fashionistas you should know, along with their style advice for the colder season.
For Sneaker Lovers
Melissa Carnegie, Kicks and Fros Founder
How did you go about starting your sneaker collection, and what advice do you have for women looking to build their own? I started my sneaker collection, buying sneakers I liked and that fit my style. Advice I have for other women looking to build their collection is to start where you are. Outlet stores will be your best friend. You don't have to break the bank when starting your collection.
Give me three staple sneaker styles that should be in every woman's closet.
I would say an Air Force 1, Adidas Stan Smith, and Jordan 1.
What are a few ways to incorporate sneakers into our professional looks?
Always be yourself and pair kicks with your everyday style. One way I take them into a professional setting is pairing them with suits. Maxi skirts, slacks, and graphic tees also look great when rocking sneakers.
There's a narrative out there that heels, sandals, etc., are more girly or "feminine" than sneakers. What are your thoughts on this, and can you share some fashionable ways you incorporate sneakers into your style to dispel this?
I don’t agree with this narrative at all. You can 100% give all feminine energy when wearing sneakers. Sneakers with dresses always bring a feminine, soft edge. Crop tops, skirts, and cropped fitted tops with baggy loose bottoms also give feminine energy.
What's next for Kicks and Fros? Also, can you share a personal goal you're working on?
We launched a sneaker cleaner in the beginning of October I’m super excited about. It’s a project we’ve been working on for two years, and I can’t wait for our community to have it in their hands. A personal goal I’m working on is scheduling downtime to do something fun, something other than work, lol!
For Thrifters
Bicoastal B, Stylist
What’s your favorite thing about thrifting? What advice would you give to people who struggle to find nice pieces while thrifting?
My favorite thing about thrifting is finding designer/high-end brands for cheap. It literally gives me a high. I have been thrifting all my adult life, pretty much. The best advice I can give individuals who are wanting to thrift is to go with patience and kind of already have in mind what you’re looking for. Don’t be afraid to pull out your Pinterest board to look at inspo while shopping.
Are there any staple pieces you recommend we add to our collection?
Blazers are great to throw on with literally anything, and boom you’re that girl. Also, I’d say a leather jacket, a nice turtleneck, and a good pair of jeans and slacks.
When did you realize you wanted to be a stylist, and what services do you offer?
I first realized I wanted to be a stylist when I lived in Tokyo. I was putting looks together and posting them on IG. I had one lady DM me and asked if I offered a service, and the rest is history. Now, I offer a number of services: style boxes (where I thrift shop for your personal wardrobe based on a brief questionnaire), personal shopping, and photoshoot styling.
For Fashionistas
Pilar Scratch, Stylist
What's the fall fashion tip you swear by?
When it comes to autumn fashion tips, layering is key. To achieve a chic look, you can try out some of these top combinations: a long coat and neck sweater, white tee and wool pants, a long quilted vest, white button-up, & knee-high boots. When layering for the autumn season, it's essential to balance proportions and mix up textures. Keep this in mind, and you'll have a fantastic wardrobe in autumn!
How did you cultivate your signature style?
My signature style was honed through my study of vintage fashion, mainly influenced by the edgy yet classic look of the ‘80s and ‘90s. I delved into Pinterest boards and even interned at Patricia Field’s boutique in the early 2010s before it closed. I was fortunate enough to study under some of the fashion industry's greats, and the experience was invaluable.
Who are your style influences, and what have you learned from them?
I'm grateful to have worked closely with my fashion influences, Ty Hunter and Patricia Field. Ty is a dear friend of mine now. They've both had a significant impact on my sense of style. Through them, I’ve learned that fashion is an art form that manifests in clothing, and it's a fabulous way to express oneself. Additionally, it's crucial to not be afraid of taking risks in the fashion industry. Remember, the bolder the statement, the greater the risk.
Sometimes I go to events and it feels like we all shopped at the same place. Tell me about a few of the ways you keep your looks so stylish yet unique.
You can revitalize your wardrobe with a clothes swap. Try swapping clothes with your most fashionable friends. One great way to keep your wardrobe feeling fresh is to adopt a one-in, one-out policy. Get rid of items that haven't been worn in months and trade them for something your friend has grown tired of wearing. It's a win-win situation! By doing this, you can acquire distinctive items that will give you the feeling of a shopping spree.
What services do you offer, and what's the best way to connect with you?
Currently, I have the pleasure of working as a celebrity wardrobe stylist and serving as the Editor-in-Chief of Fashion Gxd Magazine. Our magazine is sold at Barnes and Noble, Walmart and is Amazon's best-selling magazine. We showcase a diverse range of entrepreneurs and their life journeys. I have been working as a wardrobe stylist and fashion/shopping expert for the last decade, dressing celebrities such as Fatman Scoop, Musiq Soulchild, Rah Digga, Mariah Lynn, Jim Jones for Fashion Gxd Magazine, and River Mason Eromosele. My expertise has been recognized by several reputable sources, including The Wall Street Journal, Insider, Instyle, Yahoo, Essence magazine, BET, People Magazine, The Source magazine, Bustle, Men's Health, and Huffington Post.
For The Girls Who Like A Little Sex Appeal
Taquiela Wright, Designer of Lingerie Brand Delisa Rose
I like that your designs feature different styles and textures (lace, chiffon, velvet). It gives more of an elegant look. Are there other stylistic elements women should try to upgrade their style?
Play around with different fabrics for your skin tones, body type, and body shape. As I’ve put on a little weight, I pick fabrics that accentuate my curves. But for your lingerie closet, for example, work with stretchy materials and things that will form to the body. Know your body type but also the comfort. The form, fit, and color is all important. Little secret: I do a lot of focus groups, and red is always the #1 color my girls prefer for sexy styles.
Talk to me about making sure our clothing is environmentally friendly.
It’s a journey with that because sustainability in top quality material is expensive. But you want to get something that’s durable. Velvet and lace is what I play around with most with Delisa Rose. But it’s good to pick materials that can be washed several times or collectible items.
Inside or outside of the bedroom, what are a few ways we can upgrade our look and add a dash of sex appeal?
Stick to the classics – like, the look of Chamise (her design) is not a new thing. It’s just the way I created it. So, I pair transitional sensual pieces with classics. That way, you can feel elegant and nice while walking outside while still owning your sensuality and sexuality. (For example, she was wearing a bright pink blazer in the interview and paired it with a lingerie teddy underneath.)
Now you have an interesting background. In addition to being a designer, you’re an engineer. How did your engineering background impact your journey into Delisa Rose?
I have to mention the manufacturing process. I didn’t think about how this was going to come together. I just decided I wanted to design a brand you can wear in and outside of the bedroom, so I had to learn garment production, but that was such an easy transition because of my manufacturing skill and sorting. I specialize in raw materials, so before it’s even processed I can tell if the purities meet the requirements, and that helps with laces and stretch quality.
For Risk-Takers
Monique F., Stylist
Are you big on accessories? What are a few must-haves you recommend?
I firmly believe in always accessorizing when leaving the house because these little additions, whether it's a piece of jewelry, glasses/sunglasses, a hat, scarf, or even a belt, have the power to elevate any outfit to the next level.
Who are style influences, and what have you learned from them?
My style is influenced by remarkable individuals such as June Ambrose, Tracee Ellis Ross, Rihanna, and Zendaya. They’ve taught me the importance of embracing risks when defining your personal style. Fashion, for me, is not just about clothes; it’s an extension of self-expression. It’s a means to showcase who I am authentically.
What services do you offer, and what’s the best way to connect with you?
I provide a range of services, including personal styling, personal shopping, wardrobe revamping, and wardrobe styling for on-set photoshoots and videos. The best way to get in touch with me, you can find me on Instagram at @Morefined and reach me via email at morefined@gmail.com.
For The Girls Who Live Out Loud
Tomi Randall, Stylist
How did you cultivate your signature style?
Over time, by allowing my authentic self to shine through. I was able to align myself with the brands that aligned closely with my own personal values while being unapologetic AF.
Can you tell me about one of your style must-haves?
Necklines: turtlenecks, crewnecks, v-neck, or a cowl are great. Each neckline deserves its own unique necklace that complements the shape of each given silhouette. So it’s MAJOR to give yourself options that help you elevate your look.
What have you learned from your style influences?
June Ambrose; said “ I'VE NEVER CONSIDERED MYSELF TO BE A "FASHION GIRL." BECAUSE I DIDN'T GO INTO IT NEEDING TO BE ACCEPTED BY THE FASHION DESIGNERS AND THE HOUSES. I WAS BUILDING MY OWN ATELIERS AND WRITING MY OWN TICKET, CREATING MY OWN PATH.”
I’ve learned through the hard work & dedication June Ambrose possessed at harnessing and honing in on her authentic eclectics in the carvings of her path that I too can strive to create a standard, my own standard, the new standard.
Sometimes I go to events and it feels like we all shopped at the same place. Tell me about a few of the ways you keep your looks so stylish yet unique.
It’s not what you wear, it’s how you wear it. My style is divinely guided by my higher self. She comes alive with texture, embodies moods, & sets the tone for any room she enters.
What services do you offer, and what's the best way to connect with you?
I provide my client the full luxury experience for both styling and couture design services for red carpet appearances, interviews, music videos, commercial, film and TV and one one-on-one image consulting/ virtual styling.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Jeremy Moeller/Getty Images