Something that I enjoy doing from time to time is treating married couples to a hotel night on me. As a marriage life coach, I am a huge fan of marital intimacy (which is a polite way of saying that I want husbands and wives to have sex, just as much as they possible can). Well, one time, when I extended the offer to a particular couple and I told them that a jacuzzi bathtub was included with the room, I'll never forget what the husband said. "Shellie, that's sweet of you but baths are nasty to me. Who wants to soak in their own filth? The only way that I'll do a bath with my wife is if we take a shower together first." Hilarious. But I get it.
You know, I've written a few articles, shouting out the beauty and benefits of bathing on here before (check out "Did You Know There's A Right & A Wrong Way To Take A Bath?" and "Make 'National Bathtub Party Day' Your Favorite Day Of The Year"). But if you happen to be a lot like the husband that I mentioned or you're simply too pressed for time to always have a long hot soak, I've got a few ways for you to make your showers feel just as pampering and tranquil as if you were taking a bubble bath. All you need to do is apply the following 10 tips and your shower will miraculously turn into your very own at-home spa.
1. Upgrade Your Showerhead
Before we get into anything else that can help you to feel super pampered while you're taking a shower, it's an absolute must that you reevaluate your showerhead; after all, this one upgrade can literally change your entire showering experience for you.
Your best bet is to look for a showerhead that sprays in a wide pattern and offers up a good amount of water pressure. Budget-wise, it's also smart to look for a low-flow showerhead because they can save you as much as 60 percent of the water that you would use without one.
If you really wanna take things up a notch, you can even get shower light showerhead; one that comes in a variety of colors (like this one right here). As far as what a great showerhead costs, you can expect to pay somewhere between $50-100. But when you stop to think about how many showers you take a year, that's pennies in comparison to all of the luxury that it will provide. If you want some help with selecting the best showerhead for you and your personal needs, Consumer Report has a guide right here.
2. Apply a Mask Before Showering
Something that a spa treatment does is rid your body of built-up toxins. Well, one way that you can do that at home is to apply a mask. It can be a mask for your face or even a mask for your armpits, which is where a lot of toxins tend to go unnoticed (check out "When's The Last Time You Detoxed Your Armpits?"). Some other reasons to consider applying a mask, once a week, is it can also refine your pores, firm your skin and even your skin tone. A bonus is, if you apply your mask and let it sit for about 15 minutes before hopping into the shower, you can easily rinse it off once you're in there, so there won't be any mess that's left behind. The Healthy is a site that offers 13 DIY facial mask recipes (that you can also use on the rest of your body). You can check them out here.
3. Buy a Spa Robe
I don't even know a lot of people who own a bathrobe anymore. If you don't, there really are some benefits that come with getting yourself one. On the practical tip, if you invest in a microfiber robe (which is the route I would suggest), they're absorbent (so you can walk right out of the shower and put it on), along with being mold, mildew and stain resistant. On the pampering tip, they also feel really soft and super fluffy. And, if you throw any kind of bathrobe into your dryer for 15 minutes before getting into the shower, your robe will have you feeling so warm 'n cozy that you'll never wanna get out of it.
4. Get a Suction Wine Glass Holder
Some of y'all would like to take a bottle of wine with you everywhere you go. Chile, I already know! If you're unapologetic about being in that number, did you know there is such a thing as suction wine glass holders? A company called Sip Caddy has 'em so that you can have a glass of wine (or a can of beer or anything else you like to drink) while showering or soaking in the tub. Just when you think they've thought of it all, chile.
5. Bring a Plant into Your Bathroom
If you've never had a plant in your bathroom before, I might be able to convince you to consider it. For starters, putting a plant in that room of your house is great because they are really good at absorbing excess humidity and bacteria. Plus, plants have a way of reducing stress levels and helping to put you into a good mood (which is great to know if you happen to wake up on the wrong side of the bed). And, if you get a shower plant specifically, they're so low-maintenance that you don't have to worry about giving them the kind of attention that other plants in your house may require.
Another cool thing is, greenery being around you while you're showering, creates an atmosphere that is oh so tropical and serene. It can literally make you feel like you're someplace else for those few minutes that you're washing up. (You can read up on a list of plants that are ideal for your shower here.)
6. Install a Bathroom Diffuser
Every time I've gone to a spa, something that I really liked was how good it smelled, in every room that I entered. If you want to experience a delightful scent to your own bathroom, how about installing a bathroom essential oil diffuser? It's pretty much a device that distributes essential oil evenly throughout a room. Not only can using an essential oil to disperse various oils pamper your sense of smell, but essential oils can also help to purify your bathroom space as well. Plus, a diffuser is a lot safer than using candles (that could catch fire or burn you). Therapeutic scents for your spa shower time include citrus, peppermint, lavender, sandalwood, neroli and vanilla.
7. Invest in a Shower Bomb
Another approach to achieving diffuser results without actually purchasing one is to get yourself a few shower bombs (some call them shower steamers, by the way). All you've got to do is place one down close to your drain (not too close or it will dissolve really fast). Once you turn the water on, you'll start to notice a dense fog along with a smell that is absolutely amazing. It all will seem as close as you can to being in a sauna without actually being in one. There are plenty of places where you can buy shower bombs (Lush has a cute and affordable collection). Or you can always customize your own. They're really not that hard to make at all. You can check out a few DIY videos here, here and here.
8. DIY Your Bath Wash
One of the reasons why I'm such a fan of homemade bath washes is because a lot of the popular commercial brands contain chemicals that can irritate your skin or throw off your skin's pH balance. This is especially the case when it comes to vaginal washes (check out "Love On Yourself With These 7 All-Natural DIY Vaginal Washes" and "Are You Washing Your Vagina Correctly? You Sure?"). But really, if you want your skin to feel and smell divine, from head to toe, without worrying about what is in your body wash, you can always make your own. Hello Glow's got 11 recipes that are really easy to make and can keep your skin feeling really soft. You can cop 'em here.
9. Try Some Exfoliating Sponge Pads
Each of us sheds somewhere between 30,000-40,000 dead skin cells on a daily basis. Thanks (but no thanks) to dirt, sweat and humidity, sometimes those cells get stuck and can lead to breakouts and dull-looking skin. Something that can help to prevent this from being an issue is exfoliating your skin. Some other reasons why it's a good idea to exfoliate on a consistent basis is it helps to detoxify your pores, increase blood circulation and keep ingrown hairs at bay. While I'm personally a huge fan of DIY body scrubs, another convenient way to exfoliate your body as you're taking a shower is to get yourself some exfoliating sponge pads. They're pretty easy to find. Even most local Walmarts carry them.
10. Apply Some Scented Body Oil Before Getting Out of the Shower
A lot of you have probably heard of sealing the ends of your hair before. Basically, it's a process that consists of locking in your hair's moisture after washing it, so that your ends don't become dry and brittle. Well, if you want to lock in the moisture that you just received from taking a shower, it can never hurt to "seal your skin" too. All this consists of is applying a relatively light carrier oil like sweet almond oil, avocado oil, or grapeseed oil onto your skin, right after you do your final rinse and right before you dry off. Let the oil sit for a couple of minutes and then use your towel (Oprah offered up a list of some of her favorite ones this past July; the list is here) to pat yourself dry.
If you really want to bring a perfect end to our shower spa experience, add 5-7 drops of your favorite smelling essential oil to the carrier one. Oh, and if total relaxation is what you're after, lavender, jasmine, rose, lemon balm, and patchouli, will all have you feeling like you are walking on a cloud. You'll be smelling and feeling truly wonderful; like you just spent a mint on a spa day, when all you did was walk into your very own shower.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your Guide To Letting Go Of What No Longer Serves You Based On Astrology
Letting go is a gift we are given and a strength that we find throughout our lives. There are times when we want to grab ahold of what we are experiencing and sensing, and times when we need to let go of something that was once everything to us or what we wanted for ourselves. The moment you conclude that you need to let something go in your life is the moment that your brain fights to make that happen for you.
In Astrology, there is an area of your birth chart that is designed for you to understand where you will be letting go a lot in this lifetime, and exactly how to do so. We dive through the birth chart as we seek a deeper understanding of ourselves and let go of what no longer serves us, and there are tools available to help us do so. If you don't know where your South Node is in your birth chart, you can use a free calculator like this one here.
What Does Your South Node Represent in Astrology?
When it comes to what we are destined to let go of or move away from in this lifetime, we look to the South Node. The South Node is the area of your birth chart that has to do with your past lives, karma, lessons, old habits and traits, gifts, and energy you are moving away from in this lifetime.
Your South Node is opposite your North Node, which is your destiny and the energy you want to move towards.
We can learn a lot from our South Node and it’s an area of our life where we tend to gain the most wisdom. By understanding why some patterns in your life tend to play out in the same ways, you can be more conscious of the choices you make in the now and let go of who and what doesn’t serve you in the process.
South Node Insights: Letting Go
The South Node is our natural gifts and talents, but also where we don’t need to focus so much of our energy on, taking us away from where we need to be developing, which is the North Node. So when you are looking to let go of something, gain a new perspective, or feel more trusting in what you are doing right now, you can examine your South Node.
We learn from our South Node by not making the same mistakes over again, letting go of what needs to be let go of, and understanding what we need in order to create space for our new beginning.
Read below for your South Node on how to let go of what no longer serves you.
Aries South Node: Letting Go of Independence for Connection
You are used to being independent and figuring things out on your own. In this lifetime, however, you are being asked to lean on others for support when you need it. You are working on letting go of the ego and focusing more on the heart. By extending your compassion for others, you discover a part of yourself that leads you toward empowerment and allows you to let go of a false sense of safety.
You are meant to experience harmonious, fortunate, and compatible love in this lifetime, and you will do so by opening your heart to others and letting go of people who don’t support you or whom you can’t count on.
Taurus South Node: Releasing Overdependence and Superficiality
With your South Node in Taurus, you are letting go of the need to acquire by focusing on the depth and intention of what you are obtaining. Your relationships tend to have a lot to do with your financial world, and these things can get twisted and distorted if you are not being careful.
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of what doesn’t serve you by following your heart and your intuition more and focusing more on the feeling you want for yourself rather than the things themselves. You are also working on letting go of overdependence or superficiality in relationships, by connecting with the people whom you have a deep and spiritual bond with.
Gemini South Node: Finding Freedom in Authenticity
For you, letting go means following your freedom. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime, and the less you can focus on how you are going to be perceived, the more you can live the life of your dreams. With a South Node in Gemini, you are moving away from the commotion of life. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is traveling, getting out of your comfort zone, and being in new environments.
In past lives, you may have given too much of your focus on your social successes and business pursuits, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on the bigger picture. What helps you let go is understanding that once you do, better is available to you.
Cancer South Node: Trusting Yourself Beyond Emotional Impulses
With a South Node in Cancer, you are learning to trust yourself and your logic more than your emotional world in this lifetime. By letting go of feeling like you have to be the one to nurture and support everyone and allowing people to do that for you, you lead your destiny.
With your South Node in Cancer, you are letting go of emotional impulsiveness or making decisions irrationally before you have thought about them.
In past lives, you were led by your emotional world, and in this lifetime, you are meant to think more about your long-term goals and intentions. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is knowing that you are more than what you can give to others.
Leo South Node: Prioritizing Community Over Recognition
In this lifetime, you are working on letting go of the need to be seen and recognized and focus more on your need for community and soul companionship. You are moving away from the “I” and moving closer to the “We.” What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is giving your focus to humanity, the progress you want to make in this lifetime, and who you want to make it with.
You are learning how to work with others and let go of the need to figure everything out yourself. The more you connect with the people who make you want to team up and form a relationship, rather than the people who make you want to be alone, the better for you.
Virgo South Node: Embracing Compassion Over Perfection
In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to do everything yourself and to have everything all together. You can let go of what no longer serves you by thinking more with your heart than you do with your mind and by trusting this gift of yours. By focusing more on your spirituality, emotional connections, and creativity, you let go of a timid side of you that can disrupt your relationships or the bonds you make.
In past lifetimes, you were focused on perfection. In this lifetime, you are meant to focus on compassion. By surrendering more to the flow of things, you can let go of what no longer serves you while remaining open for what does.
Libra South Node: Rediscovering Your Independence
With your South Node in Libra, you are meant to experience the gifts of independence, freedom, and inner clarity in this lifetime. In the past, you may have been more dependent on the people around you and made a lot of your focus on love. However, in this lifetime, you are being reminded to not lose your identity in others. You can let go of what no longer serves you by only moving towards the things that feel authentic to you.
You are meant to feel confident, inspired, and free in your relationships, and if you don’t feel this way, then that is a sign you are around energy that doesn’t serve you. You are meant to do things your own way in this lifetime.
Scorpio South Node: Letting Go of Struggles and Embracing Ease
With your South Node in Scorpio, you have lived many lives and have experienced a lot emotionally. In this lifetime, you are learning how to trust the process more and to understand that not everything has to be difficult or trying for you. You can experience great things with ease, and you’ll know you are in the right place when things are just falling into your lap.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is focusing more on the things and people who make you feel safe, stable, and comfortable. Instead of always seeking the rush or the thrill, bring your attention more towards the things that ground you.
Sagittarius South Node: Building Connection Through Learning
Your South Node in Sagittarius urges you towards connection with your community and your immediate environment. In this lifetime, you are letting go of the need to be everywhere at once, rather than with the people who matter most to you. You are moving away from knowing everything and into learning everything.
By looking at life as a place where you will learn, grow, and connect, you can let go of the things that stretch you too thin or don’t serve your heart.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is expressing yourself more, meeting new people, and spending time on a cause or creative project that inspires you.
Capricorn South Node: Choosing Home and Foundations Over Status
In this lifetime, you are meant to put more value and effort into your personal life, home, family, and foundations in life. In past lifetimes, a lot of your focus was on your reputation, achievements, and successes, and in this lifetime, you are meant to bring your energy more to the home base, family, and stability in life.
You will know if something is right for you if you want it because it makes you feel safe and nurtured, rather than just something that looks pleasing to the eye. What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is by focusing more on your personal life rather than your public, and what you truly see for yourself here.
Aquarius South Node: Shining in Your Individuality
With an Aquarius South Node, you are meant to shine, be seen, and express yourself in this lifetime. You are letting go of the lone wolf energy you are used to, and working on taking up space. You are able to let go of what no longer serves you by being confident in yourself and the decisions you are making.
If someone doesn’t make you feel like the best thing in the entire world, then they aren’t right for you. In past lifetimes, you gave a lot of your energy to your community and the people around you, and in this lifetime, you are meant to focus on yourself and your path more. It’s all about doing what makes you feel good and trusting that you deserve to.
Pisces South Node: Honoring Logic While Embracing Intuition
Your lesson in this lifetime is that your mind is your gift. In past lives, you were very intuitive, psychic, and spiritual, and in this lifetime, you are learning to trust and honor the logical part of yourself more. You may tend to put your all into your relationships and not get the same energy back, and you are working on taking care of yourself first before you can give to another.
What helps you let go of what no longer serves you is trusting your body and the signals it gives you when you are around certain people or energy that doesn’t serve. Get organized, figure out your needs, boundaries, and wants, and get clear on who you are and what you want for yourself.
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There is a running joke (that I’m actually quite serious about) that I find myself saying to married couples often: “Shoot, with all that comes with being married, y’all deserve to have as many orgasms as you possibly can.” And as someone who has been working with husbands and wives for over 20 years now, I make it my personal mission to provide all of the information that I can to ensure that achieving the peak of satisfactory sex happens — whether they’ve been together for two years, 10 years or 40 years.
And today? Today, I’m going to share something that, if you are married, you can do to improve your sex life that is actually super easy and hella effective. It just requires moving into a different space. Yes, literally.
Read on, and I’ll explain more.
Get Out of the Bed, Y’all. It’s Time.
GiphyThere’s no telling how many times I’ve said over the years that I agree with interior designers when they say that the purpose of the bedroom is sex and sleep — no more, no less. And that alone makes it pretty obvious why the “default location” for copulation is a bed. It’s private. It’s comfortable. Plus, it’s such an ideal location for foreplay, intercourse, and afterplay (which typically consists of quite a bit of cuddling), too. And since beds/bedrooms are so ideal for sexual activity, it’s very easy to take the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach and just stay in that space most, if not all, of the time.
The challenge with that is, if you’re not careful, boredom can creep into your bedroom — and since I think we all can agree that a satisfying sex life is an essential part of any healthy relationship, boredom isn’t something that you should just shrug off, especially since one study revealed that about a third of Americans are currently not very thrilled by what’s happening up in their bedrooms these days.
Not only that, but I once read an article that said sexual boredom is why there is an uptick in masturbation, lower sex drives, an increase in cheating, more relational conflict, and a ho-hum take on relationships overall.
Now, are there seasons when sex is going to seem less exciting than others? 1000 percent (check out “The 'Seasons Of Sex' That Married People Go Through”). And so, if you’re reading this and you happen to be someone who plans on getting married someday, that is something that you should absolutely keep in mind. However, to the married folks, those seasons can happen less (or you can get through them faster) if you’re more intentional about doing things that can keep your sex life fresh and stimulating.
And one of those things includes…GETTING OUT OF THE DAMN BED.
5 Benefits of Having Sex Outside the Bedroom
GiphyOkay, so what are some of the benefits that come with making this minor coitus-related tweak?
1. Getting out of the bed is spontaneous. While reading an article that featured a survey of 500 Americans and 500 Europeans on their favorite place to have sex, the top rank was in public. I’m pretty sure that’s because it’s risqué, it’s random and the spontaneity of it all can be stimulating as all get out. Look, even if you’re not down for having sex in a restaurant or club bathroom, technically your backyard is still considered to be “public.” Pitch a tent and try it there. If you wait until nightfall, the fresh air and stars alone might get your adrenaline going…in ways you never expected.
2. Getting out of the bed is fun. It’s hard to be bored when you’re having fun and when you’re exploring something different with your partner, that can open the door to discuss new things, to laugh about new experiences, and to enjoy the trial and error of experimentation. Plus, laughter has been proven to release endorphins (feel-good hormones), which can make having orgasms easier. Besides, it’s kind of hard to not laugh, at least a little bit, when you’re in the midst of having a really good time — sex should also be considered a really good time.
3. Getting out of the bed can introduce you to new approaches to intimacy. Say that your man suggests going down on you on the countertop in the kitchen one day, out of the blue. I don’t mean during the midnight hour, either. I mean, when the sun is still out, and the curtains are slightly drawn. If normally, you’re down for some oral, yet you prefer to engage in pitch blackness while lying back on your mattress, being on the counter could “hit angles” that you didn’t know existed while being in the light could boost your sexual confidence in ways that you didn’t quite predict.
4. Getting out of the bed can teach you something else/different about your partner (and yourself). One of my clients once told me that when her husband recommended having sex in a Starbucks bathroom (one of the cleaner bathrooms, I’ve heard), she said that it caught her so off guard that they ended up having a long conversation about sexual fantasies. As a result, they decided to come up with sex-themed bucket lists every six months that consist of new things that they want to try. She said that it’s been one of the wisest moves that they’ve ever made. You can learn more about how to make your own by checking out, “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List.’”
5. Getting out of the bed can make your bedroom feel “new” again. You know what they say — absence makes the heart grow fonder, and if you aren’t always having sex in that bedroom of yours, that can actually make you “miss” it sometimes, especially if you decide to do some redecorating (as far as bedding and candles, etc. go) a couple of times a year.
As you can see, doing something as simple as having sex somewhere other than your bedroom can create a whole new world, quite literally, as far as your sex life is concerned.
One of the Best Places to Have Sex
What if I’ve got you convinced to get out of your bed, and, yet, you’re not quite ready to do anything that’s considered to be “too crazy” just yet? No problem. All you’ve got to do is head towards the place where apparently most people use as a safe out-of-the-bedroom go-to: their living room couch.
In fact, couches are apparently so “sex popular” that a few years back, GQ published a piece entitled, “Couch Sex Is the Best Sex.” Why? Couches are comfortable. Couches are different from a bed.
Also, the sex position possibilities that come with the help of a couch are pretty endless. Not only that, but when I asked some of my clients how they felt about having sex on their own couches, several told me that the 69 (oral) sex position is on a whole ‘nother level, thanks to the armrests on their couch (you’re welcome — LOL). So, if you’re wanting to “ease out” of the bedroom, sex-wise, try your couch. For starters.
15 Other Places to Have Sex (If You Haven’t Already)
GiphyNow that I’ve hopefully at least got you to consider getting out of the bedroom (period or far more often), let me share a quick list of places to try — in case you need a bit more inspiration:
1. The laundry room — with the cycle running, it’s like a huge vibrator.
2. The dining room — afteran aphrodisiac-filled romantic dinner. You’ll probably already havesome sex condiments within your arms’ reach.
3. In the shower. Before you hate, read this first: “So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better.”
4. Against a wall — any wall. Have you noticed that some of the hottest sex scenes in movies are filmed up against a wall? It’s great for oral sex as well as intercourse.
5. In one of your closets. It’s in a close proximity, and you can hold on to racks that hold your hangers. Plus, it’s pitch black in there if dark is your thing…even in the daytime.
6. On throw pillows on the floor. Over the holidays, I watched a video of Nick Cannon with his firstborn twins at his house. One of his rooms is a theater room that’s filled with nothing but throw pillows. Personally, I’m a big throw pillow fan because they are cozy, comfy, and a great option for sitting on the floor. “Floor sex” conveys “gotta have you now” and the more lust that’s in the air, chances are, the better the sex will be.
7. In a rocking chair. Someone was recently telling me how amazing sex is in a tantra chair. When I looked one up, it reminded me of a chaise lounge. Anyway, that did get me thinking about how chairs can make for deeper penetration and super close face-to-face intimacy. If you step it up and get in a rocking chair, you can control the speed of the intercourse in a cool way. Try it and report back.
8. In a sleeping bag on your deck. Cuddling with your hubby is already going to get your oxytocin levels up. It would be a shame to let them go to waste, so strip naked from the waist down and engage in spoon sex. No one has to know (which is a part of the thrill!).
9. In an office. His or yours. I mean, even if it’s a home office, it qualifies.
10. Via a trampoline. I mean, you might’ve bought one for the kids. However, after you read Elite Daily’s “4 Sex Moves To Try On A Trampoline & Take Getting Frisky To New Heights,” you might wanna get one for yourself. #wink
11. On a truck bed. Down a country road. It’s rustic, raw and romantic. If you don’t have a truck, borrow or rent one. It’ll be worth it.
12. On a road trip. Rent an SUV that has tinted windows. While heading to wherever you’re going, stop and have sex in random spots along the way. This is where quickies can come in hella handy.
13. On the hood of your car. I mean, it can always be in the garage…if you’d prefer.
14. Airport parking lots — in the cheap section. Hey, if public sex is your thing, you can try those same tinted windows that I just mentioned in the airport lot sections that are super far from the airport because they are cheap. If you go up in there after midnight, barely anyone is around. Just sayin’.
15. While on a sexcation. Pretty sure it’s time for one of those, anyway (check out “Married Couples, It's Time For A Sexcation!”).
____
It’s actually a husband who once told me that it’s hard to get bored with your partner, so long as you both really desire each other and mutually want to keep your sex life strong. Changing locations can help with this, so use this year as the year to give it a shot. You might be surprised by how a simple shift can make sex the very kind that you’ve been longing for (lately)!
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