The first time I downloaded a dating app on my phone, my daughter was three months old.
I had been single throughout most of my pregnancy and I thought that it was time to get my feet wet in the dating scene. I quickly realized that whilst I may have been hot and ready for new experiences, I still wasn't quite ready to leave my daughter alone with anyone to do so.
Timothy, who was twenty-eight, five-foot-nine, and thirteen miles away, also helped me come to this realization.
He messaged me religiously and we talked endlessly about nothing, but he often asked to meet up for dinner and drinks. I want to say it was the fifth time that I declined that he proceeded to ask why I was even on Soul Swipe at all. Truth be told, he was right. I didn't have the time to date. Taking that into consideration, I never responded and deleted the application off of my phone.
Fast forward to my sweet girl turning one and spending more time with her father, the app was somehow on my phone again.
This time, I was swiping my heart away.
It had been too long since I had any adult fun and the only thing that turned me off was having to continuously swipe past my daughter's father. The people closest to you in radius pop up first, so I saw plenty of men that I had already had the pleasure of getting rid of as far back as high school.
To make matters worse, I saw an old ex that I had been head over heels in love with at one point, and we even ended up matching. It kicked up a conversation between us, which led to a night of a hanging out and me realizing he was still a complete asshole.
Once more, I found myself feeling disappointed and lacking options to swipe through, so I upped my mile radius. That was when I stumbled across Johnathan who was eighty-one miles away from me.
We video chatted, texted, and spoke on the phone for weeks before we decided to "Netflix and Chill." Now, let me say, for a man who talked constantly about God the entire time we spoke for weeks, he sure was ready to sin as soon as I walked through the door.
To be fair, all the signs of a f*ckboy were definitely there.
He had no car, so all eighty-one miles were driven by yours truly. Upon arrival, I was really confused as to how he was renting a room in a frat house…for a college he was not attending. He also had a child, who coincidentally lived out of state and he didn't speak to often. Oh, but ladies and gentlemen, it gets worse.
When we began to get down to it, I could tell he was enjoying himself. But me? I did not know if he was even inside of me.
He had the smallest penis that I had ever seen in years.
It was awful, but he did not make me suffer for long. It was over quickly, and I even got my back rubbed and scratched as I fell asleep in his twin bed.
In the morning, he ironically had me drop him off at church. We kissed goodbye, and for the next week or so we continued our daily communications. He started to talk as if he wanted to turn this into a more serious situation.
I was slightly hesitant, but also here for the attention if I'm being honest.
Then, on a regular ass Thursday, I'm scrolling through my timeline and he posts his Woman Crush Wednesday. Per the post, this was his bae, his love, his GIRLFRIEND.
WAYYYYYMENT.
You don't get to have a little penis AND play me.
That's not how it works. I posted a petty comment about gas money, blocked everyone involved, and deleted the damn app, again.
Maybe it's not online dating, maybe it really is just me. I believe there is a certain amount of mental and emotional healing that needs to be done on my end before I'm capable of finding a partner. This online swiping left and swiping right though? Isn't it a set-up to do exactly what we are always told not to do, which is "look" for love?
For a busy person on the go, it seems ideal, but the reality is people can be extremely deceiving behind a profile. I mean, there were men that didn't even have their height posted, what kind of a setup is that?
Once again, I'm kidding.
Online dating can be so superficial. You are literally selecting people based off of the way they appear in photographs. How can that not immediately sexualize a relationship between two people?
I personally no longer want anything to do with that.
With that being said, I did recently match with someone and was very honest about what I was looking for. I needed help with putting a dresser together. Nothing more or less.
He came over, did it, and left.
I have never heard from him again, and I'm completely fine with him and that app being gone forever.
As much as a partner would be a nice comfort, I really don't think I'm ready.
Instead of swiping online for love, I am investing in my self-development. I've been seeing a therapist weekly, I'm a full-time student, I have a whole child to raise, and some of the best sex I have is with myself. So, I see no need to force much of anything right now.
I'm focused on taking my life to the next level. If someone is meant to be a part of that they'll walk, not swipe, their way in.
Hopefully, I don't have too many cats by then.
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Take the vaginal microbiome, for example. Even if you do happen to know what that is (and you get an automatic 10 points if indeed you do!), how often do you hear it brought up in conversation, in articles, or even on social media? And yet, as you’re about to see in just a moment, if more of us focused on taking good care of this very thing, our vagina — and overall health — would prosper on a whole ‘nother level.
So, if you’re curious about something that you maintain to keep your vagina in the best shape possible, read on. This here will certainly do it.
What Is Your Vaginal Microbiome?
Mother Nature Art GIF by Emilia SchettinoGiphyOkay, so what exactly is the vaginal microbiome? Well, let’s begin with the term human microbiota.
The long short of it is each human has a whopping 10-100 trillion symbiotic microbial cells in their body; most of them are housed in the gut. What this is called is the human microbiota. Well, the genetic profile of the microbiota is known as the microbiome, and the vaginal microbiome, specifically, consists of the different types of bacteria that are housed in a woman’s genital tract.
The reason why all of this is so vital is because, since 80 percent of your immune system is housed in your gut and the overgrowth of bacteria in your genital tract can lead to various infections (especially bacterial vaginosis, which is otherwise known as BV), you’ve got to be proactive in taking good care of both your microbiota as well as your microbiome.
As far as your human microbiota — which is sometimes called your gut microbiome — is concerned, you can check out a few tips on how to properly care for it here. In the meantime, when it comes to your vaginal microbiome, we’ll get more into how to keep it in good condition below.
How Does Your Vaginal Microbiome Impact Your Overall Health and Well-Being?
You definitely want your vaginal microbiome to be as healthy as possible. The main reason why is that it helps to keep your vagina at a good pH level which creates an environment where you are less vulnerable to vaginal infections, including STI/STDs, bacterial vaginosis (BV), yeast infections, urinary tract infections (UTIs) and pelvic inflammatory disease. Also, if you are currently in the process of trying to conceive, a healthy vaginal microbiome can help to reduce your chances of your baby being born prematurely. So yeah, having and maintaining a healthy vaginal microbiome is a pretty big deal.
Not only that but when you end up getting recurring infections, that can end up taking a toll on your overall health and well-being. For instance, studies reveal that STI/STDs can increase your chances of getting cancer, developing problems with your nervous system, heart disease, and even neurological damage. Or if BV goes untreated , that can increase your chances of getting an STI/STD, developing pelvic inflammatory disease, or being diagnosed with endometriosis.
So basically, the more proactive you are in taking care of your vaginal microbiome, the better your chances are of your health remaining in great condition, period.
5 Things You Can Do to Keep Your Vaginal Microbiome in Good Shape
Menstrual Cup GIF by Period NirvanaGiphyIf you just read all of what I said and you’re thinking something along the lines of, “Okay, Shellie, simplify what I need to do to take care of my vaginal microbiome,” — the first thing that I would say is you need to make sure that there are more “good bacteria” in your genital tract than bad. A surefire way to do that is to consume probiotics, specifically, the kind that are high in lactobacilli, because it contains what helps your vaginal pH to remain where it needs to be.
If you’ve never taken probiotics in a supplement form before, a list of some of the (current) best ones for women’s health is located here and here.
Aside from that, here are five other proven and effective things that you can do:
1. Eat plant-based foods.
One of the main goals that you should have is to “feed your vagina” foods that will either give it more good bacteria or will help the good bacteria that is already in your vagina thrive; many plant-based ones will do just that. Prebiotic ones like onions, asparagus, and bananas will help healthy bacteria to grow. Probiotic foods like sauerkraut and pickles help to create good bacteria.
Foods that are high in fiber, like sweet potatoes, blueberries, and almonds, can help lactobacilli to remain intact (while we’re here, processed food has been proven to throw your vaginal microbiome off, so please consume them in extreme moderation).
2. Use a menstrual cup.
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a billion times. Lawd, I wish that I wasn’t late in the game when it comes to using a menstrual cup. Although on my heavy period days, I was going to need the backup of pads regardless, on lighter ones, a cup feels like you’re not on your cycle at all! Oh, how I adore them so.
As far as your vaginal microbiome goes, they’re bomb because, well, since cups collect blood (instead of just letting blood lodge in your vagina like tampons do), studies say that you increase your chances by 37 percent to have a healthier vaginal microbiome and reduce your chances by 26 percent of not getting BV at all. Sounds like a win, all the way around, if you ask me.
3. Make sure your lubricant is pH-balanced.
Although some people think that lubricant should only be used if you naturally struggle with getting wet, I don’t agree. So much, in fact, that I once penned, “The Wetter, The Better: 10 Creative Ways To Use Lubricant.” Just make sure that you go with a lube that will help your vagina to remain at the pH level that it should be (which is somewhere between 3.8-5.0).
Silicone-based ones are good in this department. Plus, they last longer than water-based lubricants and are safe to use with condoms or on your sex toys.
4. Consistently sterilize your sex toys.
Speaking of sex toys, please make sure to sterilize yours after each and every use. Not only does it help to keep bad bacteria at bay, but it also reduces your chances of getting an STI/STD or even BV or a UTI. For tips on how to properly clean yours, click here.
5. Drink some coffee. Or green tea. Or red wine.
If very few things bring you joy, like a hot cup of java, I’ve got great news for you. Since coffee contains polyphenols and polyphenols are plant-based chemical compounds that are loaded with antioxidants, drinking coffee can help to support the good bacteria that are in your vagina (so long as you don’t overdo it!).
If coffee isn’t your thing, green tea and red wine have these polyphenols in them, too.
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