Tailor Your Love Life To Meet Your Needs With The Help Of This Viral Dating Practice
If you ask any of your single friends how they would describe their dating life, words like “pitfall” and “nonexistent” may come to mind. Not at any fault or lack of effort on their part, but largely due to the lack of viable options available. Because of this, the way that millennials and Gen Zers approach their romantic endeavors has drastically changed.
What was once a time for spontaneous meet-cutes and pre-date butterflies that arrived days in advance, has now become more of a personal obligation like any job or doctor’s appointment — your attendance is required if you want a well-rounded life. In fact, the integration of our dating lives with our day-to-day work-life balance is becoming increasingly normal as we make the most of our expendable time.
This, in turn, has resulted in a new dating practice called, “stack dating.”
What Is Stack Dating, Anyway?
In essence, stack dating (or stacking dates) involves adding a date to existing calendar commitments and scheduling back-to-back dates instead of allocating a dedicated evening or weekend.
According to Tinder’s 2023 Future of Dating report, young daters are incorporating the search for new connections into their daily routines, with 68% using dating apps while at work. Additionally, 32% have gone on dates during work hours, indicating a growing trend of blending personal and professional lives in the realm of dating.
If you think of it from this perspective, stack dating is a means to remove the formal, interview-style nature that comes with traditional dating. Have a meet-up with friends happening later in the evening? You’re already getting dressed up, so why not add a cute coffee date right before? Have errands to run in the city? Text that cutie you met at the bar to meet up after you're done.
By approaching dating as a routine aspect of your life rather than a significant event, you can start to present a more authentic version of yourself.
Blame it on all the rom-coms and Black love movies we consumed growing up, but as a millennial, I can say that we’ve been inundated with images of falling in love as a passive thing that just “kind of happens one day.” We often find ourselves waiting to be chosen as opposed to taking a more proactive approach to our love lives. We wait at the bar to be approached. Lean on the comfort of our homegirls when we go out to parties. Or even swipe aimlessly on dating apps, hoping to land a date.
Stack dating, however, involves a forward strategy where individuals allocate specific time slots in their schedule for dating prospects. By intentionally integrating romantic interactions into our routines, we can build confidence and feel empowered to gain a clearer understanding of long-term compatibility with our potential partners.
Yes, dating can be time-consuming and even monotonous at times, but you can always tailor your dating experience to fit your needs, mental capacity, and lifestyle.
If stack dating sounds like something you want to give a try, consider the following.
1. Stack dating is dating made efficient.
Adding a date or two to your Google calendar doesn’t sound sexy, but it is an efficient way to block out moments for your personal life in the middle of your work life or when you're not pursuing other interests.
One of the ways dating feels like this “big event” is that our brains have made it that way. But when you mix in the pursuits of love with other normal activities, it seems as approachable and manageable as any everyday task.
2. Block your time accordingly.
In an effort to avoid feeling burned out from your dating life too soon, space out your dates in a way that speaks to your own capacity. If you go on a lunch date, give yourself some time to collect yourself before heading to a dinner date. Went out for a late-night rendezvous on Friday? Schedule a cute museum date for Saturday afternoon. It’s all about balance.
3. Learn to compartmentalize.
As humans, it’s in our nature to compare one experience to the other. But when you’re going on multiple dates a day, it’s important to take each date for what it was in the moment so that you can be present for the next. One awkward encounter doesn’t mean the next one will be. And the information you learned about one person will have to be put aside while you meet the next. Compartmentalizing your experience allows everyone a fair shot in the process.
In all, remember that your dating life is just that: yours. Have fun with it and take the pressure off. The right one will come when you least expect it or when you schedule it.
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Featured image by Charles Olu-Alabi/Getty Images
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images