A couple of weeks ago, as a friend of mine was talking about what kind of plans she was going to make with her man for Valentine’s Day, she said something that I think a lot of people feel — “Dinner and a movie are cool but they’re just so predictable. You got any creative ideas?”
Funny, because my editor here asked me the same thing. So, I’m taking all of this to be a sign from the universe that 2023 is the year when folks want to step a bit outside of the norm when it comes to celebrating the day when Cupid likes to make a special appearance.
Whether you’re in something new or something serious, you’re in the same town or miles apart, you’re sexually active or putting (physical) intimacy on ice for now — I hope I covered all of the bases below with these 13 date ideas so that this Valentine’s Day can be one of the best dates — and days — that you’ve ever had!
1. Play Your Own Version of a Dating Show on Zoom
Let’s start here. Have you ever noticed that when it comes to date ideas for Valentine’s Day, oftentimes they tend to be, well, a bit much if you’re in a dynamic where you and someone are just getting to know each other? You’re not close enough to do anything “deep” but it might be a little awkward to ignore Valentine’s Day altogether. If this is exactly where you are with someone, why not come up with your own dating show on Zoom?
For instance, it could be something like a guessing game where both of you come up with 10 or so questions about each other’s favorite things, pet peeves, and what makes you attracted to other people. If you both get a certain amount of answers right (the number is totally up to y’all), the prize can be a future fantasy date. If one of you does, the “loser” can agree to take the other out.
Listen, the rules are totally up to y’all. All I’m saying is this is a safe, fun, and creative way to learn more about each other, all from the comfort and convenience of your own home.
2. Have a Sexless Sleepover
I already know that this one might seem “odd” but going along with the theme of easing into the process of taking things to another level, if you’ve already been out with someone a couple of times, you’re clear that you want to get to know each other better butyou’re not sure that you’re ready for sex just yet, ask them how they would feel about a sexless sleepover. You can each pick a favorite movie, order some of your favorite foods and just…hang out.
If it leads to sex, okay. However, most people would agree with me that sleeping with someone (just sleeping) can also be pretty intimate. Plus, it can help you to understand one another differently. If he’s down and acts like a complete gentleman the entire time (as he should), it can also help to develop a sense of trust that you might not have had prior to him being in your space (or you being in his) for a significant amount of time.
3. Enjoy a Winter or Indoor Picnic Together
Last month, CNN ran an article entitled, “Inflation is killing the first dinner date.” Honestly, I don’t have a problem with that because that whole “A man should spend hundreds of dollars on me on a first date” just oozes entitlement — and if you want a good man who ain’t a sucker, he already knows that. Besides, a picnic ranks higher in my book anyway because it typically requires more creativity and thoughtfulness in order to pull it off. Also, it can be easier to get some one-on-one time in too.
Since it’s still cold outside, why not have a winter picnic with grilled cheese, soups, and hot cocoa or, if it’s not a first date, an indoor picnic at one of your homes? You don’t need to make anything — you can order takeout and just focus on the ambiance — pitch a tent out of blankets, string some lights on it, and play some of your favorite music in the background. Laid-back romance can sometimes be the best kind.
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4. Take a Day Trip to the Next City or Town
Valentine’s Day is on a Tuesday this year, so this might be something that you can do either the weekend before or the weekend following it. Either way, turnaround day trips can be a lot of fun because you’re able to get off of the grid and get some much-needed quality time in.
For instance, I live in Nashville, so I’m roughly four hours away from Atlanta. Even if I didn’t feel like going that far, believe it or not, Chattanooga and Huntsville are on the come-up and they’re both somewhere around two hours away. The bonding during the drive and then randomly choosing a restaurant and maybe even spontaneously staying over at a hotel can bring the free-spiritedness out of you both — and that can be really sexy.
5. Come Up with Your Own “Pick a Card” or "Index Card" Challenge
At this point, who hasn’t seen at least 10 versions of the “Pick a Card” challenge that’s gone viral on various socials? Another idea is to have you and your partner each choose a version to surprise each other with.
The thing that I really like about this “game” is it doesn’t require a ton of money (if coins are tight right now); however, you do have to be proactive and also think about things that your partner would really enjoy doing whether they pick the left or right card. Anyway, just something else to think about if you want to do something that’s a little out of the norm this year.
6. Theme a Date Around Each Other’s Top Love Language
By now, who doesn’t know what the five love languages are? They’re words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gifts. With that out of the way, even though it’s common for men to get women some flowers on V-Day, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that it “scratched the itch” when it comes to making a woman feel truly seen and appreciated. And lawd, don’t even get me started on how many men get overlooked altogether (by the way, sex is not a present; both people benefit from the act. Do something tangible for him. He probably won’t see it coming and will profoundly appreciate your efforts).
A few years ago, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “15 Date Ideas Based On Your Love Language.” When you get a chance, check it out and also send it to the person you’re seeing. Suggest doing something along those lines this year. You might be surprised by what you both come up with — activities that will truly speak to the way that you like to feel appreciated and/or loved.
7. Create a Dating Pinterest Board (for the Year) Together
When it comes to character traits that I personally adore in a man, at the very top of the list is proactiveness. It speaks to him moving with intention when he makes plans ahead of time instead of being reactive because he knows that he dropped the ball.
Anyway, if you and your boo thang would prefer to be somewhat low-key this year, something that you could do is create a dating board on Pinterest. If you’re wondering how that works, it’s basically just like creating a vision board, only the focus is to plan out different things to do together every month until December rolls around. The cool thing about this option is it works if you’re sitting on the couch together or you’re in a long-distance relationship and you’re sharing a screen on Zoom.
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8. Use Spotify Group Sessions Feature to Your Favor
Speaking of long-distance situations, if you and your partner are premium subscribers on Spotify, something else that you can do is have a music-listening party together online. Yep, you can either create a favorite music playlist separately or come up with one together and then share the music while you’re both in the same Spotify session.
Even though it won’t be the same thing as being together (I mean, nothing is), listening to the first song you danced to together, did “other stuff” together to, or hearing tunes that make the both of you think about the other person can be pretty romantic when you think about it. If you’ve never used this feature before, click here and here to learn how.
9. Engage in Online Video Game Stripping
Not too long ago, I was interviewing some men about the things that they like about going on dates and also the things that they kinda-sorta loathe. I’m sure it comes as no surprise that one of the things that they hate is being expected to damn near spend half of their rent money on one date; however, another thing that came up is they often end up doing things that only their partner truly enjoys.
Well, this idea most definitely has the fellas in mind. And before you knock video games, Google all of the benefits that come from playing them. They reduce stress. They stimulate creativity. They help with problem-solving skills. And that’s just for starters.
Anyway, if you and your man happen to be apart for Valentine’s Day, perhaps play a few rounds of online video game stripping. Play each other and whoever loses each round, they have to drop something. I can’t think of one guy who won’t jump for joy at the idea of doing this.
10. Cook Each Other’s Favorite Dish (Possibly Naked)
Something that can be a real form of quality time is cooking with your partner. The cool thing about this option is you can also do it whether you live in the same city or not. It can be a great way to get to know each other’s palates as you share some of your favorite recipes and approaches to food.
The twist here is, rather than making one of your own favorite dishes, you make your partner’s instead and vice versa (which also works well if you’re long-distance). If you want to make it sexy, do it in some lingerie or maybe — nothing on at all. #wink
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11. Come Up with a Signature Cocktail. And Dessert.
When you think of a signature cocktail, I wouldn’t be surprised in the least if wedding receptions are immediately what crosses your mind. But who said that you have to be married or that weddings are the only time when you and your boo thang can come up with a drink that represents the love that’s between the two of you?
If this idea is intriguing yet you have no idea where to begin, Vox has a cocktail test that you can take here and there are a few general instructions for how to make a signature cocktail here, here, and here.
While you’re at it, why not come up with a signature dessert as well? One approach that you can take for this is to discuss your three top favorite desserts each and then come up with a creative way to combine a few of ‘em. Could be a lot of fun!
12. Make a Sex Piñata
Now, when I say “make,” I’m not exactly being literal. LOL. I mean, if arts and crafts are totally your thing, my hat goes off to you. At the same time, there are places where you can purchase a piñata for a fairly decent price; some are even themed around Valentine’s Day like a red heart from Walmart (here) and this rose-colored one from Amazon (here).
Oh, and while you could just fill it with candy and call it a day, why not spice things up a bit and also add some travel-size bottles of lubrication, a couple of sex toys, some lace panties, and maybe even a handwritten note or two that are filled with sexual fantasies?
Each of you can put a blindfold on the other and whoever breaks the piñata first gets a sex-themed surprise — or reward, depending on how you look at it. #wink
13. Do a “Mind, Body and Spirit” Date (Well…Dates)
When you’re in a relationship with someone, your entire being is involved — mind, body, and spirit. So, let’s wrap this Valentine’s Day date ideas article up with the recommendation to break the date up into three segments. For the mind part, play a board game together, ask some never-before-asked questions, or vibe out together with some jazz and wine. For the body, do something exhilarating like ziplining, something relaxing like a yoga class, or schedule an intimate at-home couples massage. For the spirit, get into some orgasmic meditation, go shopping for some crystals, or commit to watching the sun set and rise the next morning together.
As you can see, there are tons of things to do outside of a restaurant or movie theater. Whether you go with one (or a couple) of these ideas or try something else, here’s to taking a more outside-of-the-box approach to Valentine’s Day this year.
Hey, you’re a unique couple, right? Let what you do exemplify that fact.
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I remember calling my grandmother, who has since transitioned, and hearing the passion in her voice when she explained how she’d never thought she’d see something like this happen and how much it meant to her. As I reflect, I realize it’s a combination of memories like this that undoubtedly encouraged my will to vote.
However, as an adult, my reasoning behind the practice has developed. It’s no longer just about “the right thing to do.” I feel a responsibility to myself and my future to know the issues, how they impact me, and make a difference for others.
In the times we’re in, there's so much “news” everywhere. It’s hard to distinguish fact from opinion and bias from beliefs. This is why it was such a pleasure speaking with Jara Butler, Chief Impact Officer of Supermajority. Supermajority is an organization focused on making women the most powerful voting bloc in the country. During this authentic and informal conversation, we talked about so much.
I learned about her time working with the Obama campaign and how she masterfully worked in multiple industries, and we shared some of our favorite female rap moments. However, in the snapshot you’ll read, we focused on the issues. Jara walked xoNecole through what’s most affecting women of color in this election and what we can do to be more aware. Whether you’re a politics girlie or like me, just trying to gain more insight, hopefully this convo connects with you.
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xoNecole: Let’s just jump right in. What are some of the most popular issues that you hear Black women discussing related to this election?
Jara Butler: Our sister organization, the Supermajority Education Fund, recently did some research specifically looking at young women in the age group 18 to 35, and young Black women identified their economic well-being as a priority. Right now, we're in a place where a lot of us, especially young Black women, are finding that meeting those basic needs are harder and harder.
Secondly, is Project 2025. I think Black women see it as not just something that could happen, but actively happening. For example, we’ve all been watching the case with the Fearless fund, and how it's been targeted. We know Black women are very entrepreneurial. We can go back to Madam C.J. Walker and others who have opened the door for all of us to achieve. But if those barriers are in place, we're just not going to be able to meet that.
Lastly, Repro is a very big issue. But I think looking at it holistically and not just about abortion is important. Black women are more likely to talk about this from a perspective of our reproductive health care and the lack of access due to medical racism. As a Black woman myself, who's over 40, a lot of the changes that I am making in my life are because I have to do everything I can to put myself in a position, because I know no matter what my economic status is, if I walk into a medical office, there's a good chance I'm gonna face medical discrimination. Breast cancer screenings, colon cancer screening, ovarian cancer screening, cervical cancer screenings - all of those are part of that network of reproductive health.
xoN: Another issue I’d love your insight into is our missing girls. I think it's so unbelievable how much this is swept under the rug. There are so many stories about Black women that are continuing to go missing; I don’t understand how that’s not a bigger conversation. Is this something that can be pursued on the government level and what can we do to bring more attention to this issue?
Jara: We have this list of majority rules on our website, and my favorite one is: that our government represents us. I think that we have to continue to apply pressure to our government to meet our needs. And again, women are the majority of voters. Black women, especially, are the most reliable voting bloc across all groups, and our interests right now are not being met. So yes, there is something that we can do, but I also am a big proponent of us having these conversations.
My great-grandmother was enslaved, my grandmother was born into Jim Crow, and I watched my mother face economic insecurity. I say that because, as a Black community, we have to have an internal conversation to talk about these issues, and we have to do it upfront. I think we have to get into a position of realizing that we do have power, and how we activate that power.
Our power comes from being Black folks because Black people organizing has been enough to shake up and scare people. There were laws that prevented us from congregating together, even at church, because they knew what would happen when we got together. We have to get back into that. It's not that we are not doing it, but the urgency needs to be greater. And finally, we have to get away from depending on one individual to take us there. It's gonna take all of us.
"Our power comes from being Black folks because Black people organizing has been enough to shake up and scare people. There were laws that prevented us from congregating together, even at church, because they knew what would happen when we got together. We have to get back into that. It's not that we are not doing it, but the urgency needs to be greater."
xoN: I agree completely. Now, when we started, you mentioned money. So let’s talk about it. So many of us are starting businesses and getting degrees, and I love to see it. But everyone seems to still be having a lot of the same issues around finances. What are some of the underlying reasons behind this debt that we're dealing with, and how can voting influence these challenges without getting into the individual candidates?
Jara: Hello! Let’s talk about the money! Black women have been told that if we want to move ahead, we have to have that master's degree. We have to be twice as good. So we met that measure, right? But in order to do that, we have to pay for it. Up until about the 1970s college was absolutely affordable. You could work one job and pay for college with some money left over. That has changed.
Realistically, student loans are a barrier. They are a barrier to access housing. They impact our credit, and really and truthfully, depending on how much your loans are, they could affect you paying rent. It basically creates a cycle of debt. And I have real problems with people who say, get a degree in something that's going to make money. It’s about your skills, and if you have the skills, you should be able to earn a living. That covers that.
But the fact is that student loan debt continues to increase, and there have been attempts, more than once, to try to relieve some of that pressure. The reality is that this is a squeeze. It is a conundrum, and we see efforts by the current White House administration to try to alleviate those things, even when they are stopped.
But truly, Congress needs to step in and support this, but I would take it a step further. We should be considering and looking at what it would look like if we had free community colleges. Because what we have now is two generations of borrowers, because older millennials’ children are beginning to age. Black women have the highest degree of second-degree secondary education, but we carry like 1.7 trillion in debt or something like that. I can't remember the exact number, but basically, the majority of the student loan debt is ours.
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xoN: Speaking of college, obviously there’s a lot of discussion around affirmative action in the schools and the undergoing changes. How important is it to consider this topic, and are there any new laws or policies being proposed around this that we should be aware of?
Jara: Oh my goodness, affirmative action is one of the things that we saw that our sister site, the Supermajority Education Fund, found last year as a number two issue for young women. I actually hypothesized that it was a real thing, and it was. And the reason for that is that affirmative action as a whole has been something that benefited white women more than any other group.
However, what is happening is that we’re using the word DEI in a way that is derogatory. I’ve heard people refer to it as: “didn't even earn it.” And as a Black woman who attended an amazing school, I remember being in class and having someone make that comment, knowing my grades were higher than theirs.
The fact of the matter is that we would not need these policies if we lived in an equal and equitable society. It doesn't do us any harm for us to face the facts that this country was built off the backs of enslaved people and the blood of indigenous people, and off the sweat and the tears of immigrants. But because we are unwilling to face that, we now are demonizing programs that are actually meant to create some symbol of balance.
xoN: Finally, I’ll close with this, what can we do to provide information to young people, and how do we combat all of the less than researched info?
Jara: One thing I encourage is to look at the source. At Supermajority, our social channels are information-based. We strive to provide up-to-date accurate information that is digestible to all. Media literacy is something I believe in, and unfortunately, it is something that we have a responsibility to continue to share with the community at large. So much of our world is centered on immediate info, a lie spreads faster than the truth.
We just saw that with the Olympic women's boxers, and we have to ask ourselves often: is this information accurate? Who is telling the story? Most importantly, how am I an original contributor? Not everything said needs to be shared, and not every thought needs to be public.
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