
We Need To Talk About The Dismissal Of Black Women On Reality TV Dating Shows

Ask me what are some of my favorite reality TV shows and I will immediately tell you The Real Housewives of Atlanta and The Real Housewives of Potomac (and honorable mention The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills), however, I’ve been expanding my horizons a little bit and recently began engulfing myself in dating reality competition shows.
It might be the lover in me but I enjoy seeing people meet and fall in love. However, if you watch enough of those shows, you know it’s more than just falling in love. The contestants are typically competing for money; when love, money, and competition mix, there is always some drama. And I live for every second of it.
However, as a Black woman who watches these shows, it is hard to ignore some of the glaring treatment that many Black women deal with. Black Twitter has also been on fire about this topic thanks to Netflix’s latest reality TV dating show Perfect Match. The show features a cast made up of reality TV stars from the streaming giant’s other shows such asLove Is Blind and Selling Tampa.
The contestants live in a villa and they participate in competitions for a chance to have control over what new contestants they can bring in and set up on blind dates with those already living in the house. At the end of the night, contestants have to pair up and the one’s left without a partner have to leave the villa.
\u201cWhat #perfectmatch did to all the Black women\u2026..and making them pick from scraps and being \u201cBlack queen\u201ded downnnn but nobody seeing them as valuable partners\u2026.they will pay. Best believe they will pay and I\u2019ll see to it \u270d\ud83c\udffd\u201d— Tyler (@Tyler) 1677205034
*Spoilers ahead*
On the first night, Selling Tampa star Anne-Sophie Petit-Frere, who was the only Black woman on the show at that point, shared her lack of enthusiasm for matching with Zay Wilson (The Ultimatum), a Black man, because they were the only two people left without a match.
After new contestants showed up later on, she decided to take a chance on Too Hot to Handle star Chase DeMoor, a Black man, and match with him. But that didn’t last long. If you watched Chase’s season on Too Hot to Handle, then you may know that the women he paired with were of the non-melanin kind, and he decided to send Anne packing.
Her Selling Tampa co-star had even worse luck. Colony Reeves came in a few episodes later after Anne’s departure and she was set up on a blind date with Dom Gabriel, a Black man whose claim to fame is The Mole. Dom became a target of Black Twitter after he was in tears over Too Hot to Handle star Francesca Farago dumping him (chile) but he later matched with Georgia.
On his blind date with Colony, he immediately told her that he was not interested and kept raving over her being “strong.” Once they both entered the villa, he introduced her to other men as a “strong Black woman” (cringe). She, along with Izzy Fairthorne, went home that same night.
@colonyreeves @annesophiepf #perfectmatch #perfectmatchnetflix #fyp #foryoupage #sellingtampa #sellingtampanetflix #dating #relationships #sellingtampacolony #netflix #annesophieandcolony
Colony recently responded to Dom in a TikTok video alongside Anne. The caption read “Do you identify as a strong black woman?” with the “no” sound repeating in the background of the video. However, Dom’s contestants later sent him on another date with another Black woman, Diamond Jack from Love Is Blind season one and again he lets her know he’s not interested.
However, going into episode 9, it seemed like Diamond had some potential suitors as she was matched with The Mole reality star Will Richardson and had a promising blind date with Love Is Blind season 3 star Bartise Bowden. However, that night she caught Bartise locking lips with Abby Humphreys and Will confessed that he had his eyes for Francesca. Diamond ultimately made the decision to leave and strutted out of the house. And then there were no Black women left (but two Black men remained).
Perfect Match became yet another example in a long line of reality dating shows that show Black women getting the short end of the stick. Time and time again, women of other races and ethnicities seem to get picked over Black women and it is hard to watch. But I must admit, there have been some success stories.
\u201cI don\u2019t like how LIB be cutting all the black women. How come they are always in the trailer but not the show\u2026 \ud83d\udc40\u201d— Lauren Speed (@Lauren Speed) 1666653090
When the contestants who left the house came back for a last shot at love, Bartise and Izzy decided to give their relationship another chance and they made it to the end of the show. Outside of Perfect Match, there’s Dami Hope and Indiyah Polack, a Black couple from ITV2’s Love Island season 8, and Lauren Speed-Hamilton, a Black woman who found love with Cameron Hamilton, a white man in the first season of Love Is Blind. While Lauren found love on her show, it didn’t stop her from speaking out in a series of tweets in Oct. 2022 about Black women having “slim pickings” on Love Is Blind season 3.
“I know it’s slim pickings but about 85% of them couples be forced (just moving forward for entertainment purposes) anyway. Y’all could at least force some more sisters to move forward throughout the show,” she tweeted.
Hopefully, more contestants will speak out about the dismissal of Black women on these shows and fans continue to use their voices on social media as a way to spark change.
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Feature image from "Perfect Match"/ Netflix
London Alexaundria is the contributing editor for xoNecole. She is an alum of Clark Atlanta University, where she majored in Mass Media Arts and has worked in journalism for over ten years. You can follow her on Instagram and TikTok @theselfcarewriter
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
We don’t get to choose the order we’re born into, but it’s wild how much it can shape who we become. Though birth order may seem like an inconsequential family fun fact, it can influence how we move, love, lead, and even how we see ourselves. Whether you're the dependable oldest, the often-overlooked middle child, the free-spirited baby in the family, or the only child who grew up as their own best friend, there's a chance a few of your core personality traits are tied to the role you played growing up.
Eldest Daughter Syndrome had its viral moment online last year, and for good reason. The term gave language to the silent pressures so many eldest daughters tend to carry as a result of their birth order. Beyond that very needed conversation, birth order as a whole can offer insight into not only our traits and tendencies, but also how we show up in life, love, and even our work.
Below, we’re breaking down the traits most commonly associated with each birth order. Keep reading to learn what your birth order might say about you.
If you are the oldest...
Let's be real, being the firstborn often comes with a lot of responsibility. And it's usually not by choice. From early on, they’re the ones who set the tone, carry the weight, and take on the title of "the responsible one." Because of that, they often grow into reliable, high-achieving adults. But the pressure of being "the blueprint" and the one to "lead by example" can also be a heavy burden to bear.
Oldest child traits may look like:
- Natural leaders that take charge even when they didn’t mean to (read: she's bossy, but keeping it cute)
- High standards (for yourself and everyone else)
- Motivated, goal-oriented, and always chasing that next accomplishment
- Reliable and conscientious
- Perfectionist tendencies that can lead to burnout
- Struggles with being controlling or micromanaging
- Often cautious, craving stability over spontaneity
- Finds it hard to rest or ask for help
If you are the middle child...
In the grand scheme of the birth order lineup, the middle child can be the quiet MVPs. As the child who falls in the order "in-between," they’re used to being the one who keeps the peace while also fighting to stand out. But being the “in-between” can also mean feeling overlooked or forgotten. In some families, especially ones with toxic dynamics, the middle child may even take on the role of the "black sheep," while their siblings are seen as the golden children. Still, despite (or maybe because of) that, middle children tend to thrive socially and can read a room like the back of their hand.
Middle child traits may include:
- Top-tier peacemakers who can smooth over almost any situation
- Adaptable and easygoing (even when they’re lowkey screaming inside)
- Often feel overlooked or like they have to do the most to be seen
- People-pleasers who put everyone else first
- Social butterflies and community-minded, with strong friendships outside the family
- Can be rebellious when they feel boxed in
- Thrive when they’re allowed to define success on their own terms
- The ultimate go-between, translating vibes between generations, personalities, and moods
If you are the youngest...
The baby of the family walks through life knowing how to charm, persuade, and perform. They often grow up with more freedom and fewer expectations, which fuels their adventurous and carefree side. But that same freedom can sometimes lead to entitlement, or a tendency to seek validation by being the "fun one."
Youngest child traits might include:
- Social butterflies who light up a room and don’t mind the spotlight
- Natural charmers, funny, flirtatious, and usually down for anything
- Can be a little self-centered or attention-seeking (but you still love them for it)
- Tend to keep things uncomplicated… unless they’re not getting their way
- Known to be manipulative when trying to get what they want
- Free-spirited and bold in their choices
- Often underestimated, but capable of big things when they focus
- Thrive in spaces that let them express, explore, and be a little extra
If you are the only child...
Only children can be the ultimate "one woman show" as they are often a mix of all the birth orders rolled into one. Without siblings, they learn to entertain themselves, advocate for their needs, and navigate adult conversations early. That independence can make them magnetic, mature, and deeply introspective, but it also comes with a deep craving for validation and control.
Only child traits can include:
- Mature and wise beyond their years, often viewed as old souls
- Conscientious and responsible, usually the go-to person in their circle
- Seek approval and validation more than they let on
- Natural leaders with big ideas and even bigger plans
- Can be sensitive and deeply affected by criticism
- Prefer structure, routines, and control (sometimes to a fault)
- Like things done their way (and don’t love compromising)
- Thrive in solitude but still want to feel seen and celebrated
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Featured image by KALA STUDIO/Getty Images