A few months after the announcement of their split in November 2022, Love Is Blind alum Raven Ross is finally speaking her piece about the events that led to her final breakup with Sikiru "SK" Alagbada. In less than a week after Netflix premiered the Love Is Blind: After the Altar episodes that showcased Raven and SK's re-engagement, Raven was a special guest on the podcast The Viall Files. The episode gave her the space to be open and vulnerable about what happened since the Netflix hit show wrapped and also provided a timeline for SK's infidelity that ultimately led to the demise of their second chance at love.
The Viall Files, hosted by another reality dating show alum, Nick Viall of The Bachelor fame, was a lengthy interview where the two connected on finding love on reality TV, being cheated on, and moving forward. In the episode, aptly titled, "Raven Ross Tells All," Raven was able to demystify the image of SK that Love Is Blind portrayed and the man that she fell in love with and breakdown his web of lies, the manipulation she endured throughout the relationship, and what it felt like to live it all so publicly.
Here's what you missed.
If it wasn't heartbreaking enough to relive what must have been a high point of their relationship in the recently dropped After the Altar episodes where (spoiler alert) Raven and SK get engaged for a second time in the series (in an elaborate set-up orchestrated by SK, at that), the viewers/listeners of the episode are introduced to footage of Raven happily summarizing the beauty of her relationship with SK from a previous episode of The Viall Files.
In the clip played for the audience, she can be heard saying that the cornerstones of what makes them work as a couple are "trust" and "communication." "There is so much love there," she said in the clip. "He's literally my best friend."
Watching Raven's face as she listens to herself during happier times was just...rough, for lack of a better word. She kept it together though and said in reference to the clip, "It just really brings me back to like, I really felt like that. And I felt like, you know, we had filmed so long ago, it was nice to kind of like finally talk about our story because like you said it was so different, especially than everyone else's."
She continued, "We had some different circumstances that made our relationship different, culturally, the school thing, having to move. That was all against us and we still made something really, really cool work. And, like, I was just so proud of us and super in love. So to watch that, I'm like dang..."
The conversation between Nick and Raven then immediately segues into when Raven first caught wind of the cheating allegations on social media. Raven noted that it came at different times "with different women but it started with one girl who he actually met in San Francisco." Later, she would confirm that this was the woman SK met on Hinge while in San Francisco. Of note, by this time (unbeknownst to us viewers), Raven and SK were indeed engaged again (since August 2022 apparently).
She added about SK's cheating and seeing the video on TikTok posted by the woman, "When I found out about it, I found out with everyone else, on TikTok."
Raven set the scene, detailing that her first finding about it occurred right before Thanksgiving. SK was at school, and she was in Dallas. Her phone went "crazy" with people hitting her up asking if she had seen what the girl was alleging. Raven said during that time she watched the video she realized some of the messages and pictures the woman shared on her TikTok were the same ones SK also sent her while he was in Austin.
"Copy and paste," she said. "It was literally verbatim. The same selfie. The same words."
(L to R) SK Alagbada and Raven Ross in 'Love Is Blind.'
Sara Mally/Netflix
Raven explained to the hosts that she rationalized the betrayal at the time by viewing it as mostly words (aside from SK's eventual admittance to her that he saw the woman one time but it wasn't a date). She referred to that fact as his "saving grace" in her decision to move past it and stick beside him. “I’m sure this is the time when people are gonna say, ‘Girl you should have known,’ and yeah, I should have known. But everyone goes through this,” Raven told the hosts.
“It’s not like this was a thing in our relationship…I had never really had a feeling. There were little things along the way that I had kind of pushed down, but it’s not like I had girls DMing me all the time, ‘Oh I was with your man.’ And I truly trusted him so much. I mean, by this point when I’m finding this all out we already have an apartment together. Like, we already, like, do everything together. We already were, like, making plans to move to L.A. together."
"So it's, you know, I'm like, he wouldn't be doing all of this if he wasn't into it," she concluded.
The timeframe of when the messages and the Hinge-date-not-date with the woman happened in March 2022, which she reasoned with herself was so far from where they were in their relationship in November. "We were in a far different place by the time it was November," Raven said of their growth, adding that the conversation with SK at that time was, "'I'm gonna ride for you.'"
Raven explained she was good with that mindset until a few days later when the next bomb dropped that Raven described as "more damaging" because SK shared "quite a long past" with the woman. "The second one was far worse," she revealed.
"By the time the second girl came out on TikTok, he was already back home. So we were together at this point, physically at our apartment in Dallas. And again, we were just sitting in our kitchen and both of our phones start going crazy." They watched the video together and Raven recalled to Nick, the host, that that was followed by silence, noting that SK "does that thing where he’s got to ghost for a little bit and get the lies together.”
Raven detailed going into her closet to cry on the floor since it's her safe space where she allows herself to break if she has to. While the second woman dropped her video and then a second one not too soon after, Raven confessed that she felt like her "life was crumbling before her eyes."
Not only was a couple's trip between SK and the girl to Europe was exposed, but a couple's trip to Cabo was also exposed some time later. The latter of which dealt a heavier blow to Raven because it showed her a different reality than the one she was led to believe by SK.
Apparently, the weekend before the Cabo trip, Raven and SK took a trip to her hometown of New Orleans for her birthday trip where they spent time with her mom and family. Raven noted that as a big deal for her and told SK during that time that it was a grand gesture on her part to show him her readiness to do things "right outside of Love Is Blind." In her eyes, the relationship was deepening, but his true actions of going on a couple's trip with another woman a week later showed another story.
“My heart just sank and I made him tell me when….That point was the first time when I started using the words, ‘We’re about to be done. You’re pushing way past my limit because this is a bold-faced lie and you knew we were together at that point. You can't... you can’t argue it.'"
When asked why wasn't she already past her limit at that point, Raven addressed the question head-on and confessed that it was hard for her to separate the truth that was unfolding in real-time via TikToks and SK's admissions, from the man that she fell in love with in the pods, the trust that she had for him and the life that they were actively building together. In her mind, they had a lease to an apartment together, and he had re-proposed to her by this time after all.
She listed things like his intelligence and his kindness toward her and the fact that he was her best friend. "You keep telling yourself, 'Well, that's the person that I'm with,'" she explained before later adding, "I'm not giving myself excuses, but I think a lot of women go through this. People [go through this]."
Raven also went on to say that when everything was unfolding, she also felt "confused." In her eyes, her actions and her intentions aligned with the things she said she saw for them and the fact that she wanted the relationship. She said she was "all in" but sometimes his actions suggested that he wasn't on the same page. In retrospect, she told Nick that the reason she felt confused in those moments was that SK "wasn't really there with me." Raven would also reveal later in the episode that SK eventually told her that she was not his "type."
She continued, "We've talked about it after the fact but he really wasn't putting in 100% and I was."
Listen to "Raven Ross Tells All" in full for even more details below:
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Sara Mally/Netflix
RELATED
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
I remember calling my grandmother, who has since transitioned, and hearing the passion in her voice when she explained how she’d never thought she’d see something like this happen and how much it meant to her. As I reflect, I realize it’s a combination of memories like this that undoubtedly encouraged my will to vote.
However, as an adult, my reasoning behind the practice has developed. It’s no longer just about “the right thing to do.” I feel a responsibility to myself and my future to know the issues, how they impact me, and make a difference for others.
In the times we’re in, there's so much “news” everywhere. It’s hard to distinguish fact from opinion and bias from beliefs. This is why it was such a pleasure speaking with Jara Butler, Chief Impact Officer of Supermajority. Supermajority is an organization focused on making women the most powerful voting bloc in the country. During this authentic and informal conversation, we talked about so much.
I learned about her time working with the Obama campaign and how she masterfully worked in multiple industries, and we shared some of our favorite female rap moments. However, in the snapshot you’ll read, we focused on the issues. Jara walked xoNecole through what’s most affecting women of color in this election and what we can do to be more aware. Whether you’re a politics girlie or like me, just trying to gain more insight, hopefully this convo connects with you.
Uwe Krejci/ Getty Images
xoNecole: Let’s just jump right in. What are some of the most popular issues that you hear Black women discussing related to this election?
Jara Butler: Our sister organization, the Supermajority Education Fund, recently did some research specifically looking at young women in the age group 18 to 35, and young Black women identified their economic well-being as a priority. Right now, we're in a place where a lot of us, especially young Black women, are finding that meeting those basic needs are harder and harder.
Secondly, is Project 2025. I think Black women see it as not just something that could happen, but actively happening. For example, we’ve all been watching the case with the Fearless fund, and how it's been targeted. We know Black women are very entrepreneurial. We can go back to Madam C.J. Walker and others who have opened the door for all of us to achieve. But if those barriers are in place, we're just not going to be able to meet that.
Lastly, Repro is a very big issue. But I think looking at it holistically and not just about abortion is important. Black women are more likely to talk about this from a perspective of our reproductive health care and the lack of access due to medical racism. As a Black woman myself, who's over 40, a lot of the changes that I am making in my life are because I have to do everything I can to put myself in a position, because I know no matter what my economic status is, if I walk into a medical office, there's a good chance I'm gonna face medical discrimination. Breast cancer screenings, colon cancer screening, ovarian cancer screening, cervical cancer screenings - all of those are part of that network of reproductive health.
xoN: Another issue I’d love your insight into is our missing girls. I think it's so unbelievable how much this is swept under the rug. There are so many stories about Black women that are continuing to go missing; I don’t understand how that’s not a bigger conversation. Is this something that can be pursued on the government level and what can we do to bring more attention to this issue?
Jara: We have this list of majority rules on our website, and my favorite one is: that our government represents us. I think that we have to continue to apply pressure to our government to meet our needs. And again, women are the majority of voters. Black women, especially, are the most reliable voting bloc across all groups, and our interests right now are not being met. So yes, there is something that we can do, but I also am a big proponent of us having these conversations.
My great-grandmother was enslaved, my grandmother was born into Jim Crow, and I watched my mother face economic insecurity. I say that because, as a Black community, we have to have an internal conversation to talk about these issues, and we have to do it upfront. I think we have to get into a position of realizing that we do have power, and how we activate that power.
Our power comes from being Black folks because Black people organizing has been enough to shake up and scare people. There were laws that prevented us from congregating together, even at church, because they knew what would happen when we got together. We have to get back into that. It's not that we are not doing it, but the urgency needs to be greater. And finally, we have to get away from depending on one individual to take us there. It's gonna take all of us.
"Our power comes from being Black folks because Black people organizing has been enough to shake up and scare people. There were laws that prevented us from congregating together, even at church, because they knew what would happen when we got together. We have to get back into that. It's not that we are not doing it, but the urgency needs to be greater."
xoN: I agree completely. Now, when we started, you mentioned money. So let’s talk about it. So many of us are starting businesses and getting degrees, and I love to see it. But everyone seems to still be having a lot of the same issues around finances. What are some of the underlying reasons behind this debt that we're dealing with, and how can voting influence these challenges without getting into the individual candidates?
Jara: Hello! Let’s talk about the money! Black women have been told that if we want to move ahead, we have to have that master's degree. We have to be twice as good. So we met that measure, right? But in order to do that, we have to pay for it. Up until about the 1970s college was absolutely affordable. You could work one job and pay for college with some money left over. That has changed.
Realistically, student loans are a barrier. They are a barrier to access housing. They impact our credit, and really and truthfully, depending on how much your loans are, they could affect you paying rent. It basically creates a cycle of debt. And I have real problems with people who say, get a degree in something that's going to make money. It’s about your skills, and if you have the skills, you should be able to earn a living. That covers that.
But the fact is that student loan debt continues to increase, and there have been attempts, more than once, to try to relieve some of that pressure. The reality is that this is a squeeze. It is a conundrum, and we see efforts by the current White House administration to try to alleviate those things, even when they are stopped.
But truly, Congress needs to step in and support this, but I would take it a step further. We should be considering and looking at what it would look like if we had free community colleges. Because what we have now is two generations of borrowers, because older millennials’ children are beginning to age. Black women have the highest degree of second-degree secondary education, but we carry like 1.7 trillion in debt or something like that. I can't remember the exact number, but basically, the majority of the student loan debt is ours.
FatCamera/ Getty Images
xoN: Speaking of college, obviously there’s a lot of discussion around affirmative action in the schools and the undergoing changes. How important is it to consider this topic, and are there any new laws or policies being proposed around this that we should be aware of?
Jara: Oh my goodness, affirmative action is one of the things that we saw that our sister site, the Supermajority Education Fund, found last year as a number two issue for young women. I actually hypothesized that it was a real thing, and it was. And the reason for that is that affirmative action as a whole has been something that benefited white women more than any other group.
However, what is happening is that we’re using the word DEI in a way that is derogatory. I’ve heard people refer to it as: “didn't even earn it.” And as a Black woman who attended an amazing school, I remember being in class and having someone make that comment, knowing my grades were higher than theirs.
The fact of the matter is that we would not need these policies if we lived in an equal and equitable society. It doesn't do us any harm for us to face the facts that this country was built off the backs of enslaved people and the blood of indigenous people, and off the sweat and the tears of immigrants. But because we are unwilling to face that, we now are demonizing programs that are actually meant to create some symbol of balance.
xoN: Finally, I’ll close with this, what can we do to provide information to young people, and how do we combat all of the less than researched info?
Jara: One thing I encourage is to look at the source. At Supermajority, our social channels are information-based. We strive to provide up-to-date accurate information that is digestible to all. Media literacy is something I believe in, and unfortunately, it is something that we have a responsibility to continue to share with the community at large. So much of our world is centered on immediate info, a lie spreads faster than the truth.
We just saw that with the Olympic women's boxers, and we have to ask ourselves often: is this information accurate? Who is telling the story? Most importantly, how am I an original contributor? Not everything said needs to be shared, and not every thought needs to be public.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Delmaine Donson/ Getty Images