

We often hear and talk about men who don't listen to their women, but how often do we talk about men opening up to their women and those who struggle with it? This actually came up in a discussion between my husband (Eric) and myself the other night. He told me, “Babe, you really helped me open up more and you make me feel comfortable talking to you."
I thought for a second…really? I helped Eric open up more? Don't get me wrong, my husband loves to talk because of his background and what he does for a living, but in that moment I remembered there was a time when he didn't openly communicate about certain things as much as he does now.
Whether they'll admit or not, men want and need to express themselves, and believe it or not, they are vulnerable (not to be confused with weak), especially when it comes to their wife or their girlfriend. But what is a girl to do if her man doesn't open up as much? Here's what I have found has worked for us as well as some observations and my personal experiences. Although specifically related to men, much of it applies to women as well – both sides.
Be respectful.
Lack of respect can easily lead to lack of communication. You want to get your man to open up more? Show him how much you respect him. Eric told me the other night that one of the reasons why it's easy for him to open up to me is because he knows I respect him. Not only do we show respect in what we say, but it's also about creating an atmosphere of adoration whether at home or in public. So, if that means I have to be quiet at times or wait to discuss an issue even though I want to go off at the moment, then I will do it. If that means going above and beyond to handle a certain situation or removing certain people from my life who don't respect me or my husband as they should (and that has happened), then so be it.
[Tweet " When it comes to respect there are three key components: adoration, appreciation and affection."]
When it comes to respect, I think of three key components: adoration, appreciation and affection. I understand how important it is to my man, so I make it my business to respect him as much as I can and even apologize when I slip up. Besides, the last thing I want is to have someone outside of our marriage giving him more respect than I do within our marriage.
Be open to different methods of communication.
There's a saying that perfectly describes communication: “It's not always what you say, but how you say it." I would go even further to say it's also the medium in which it's delivered (i.e., face to face, hand-written, text messages, greeting card, email, etc.). I remember the days when men and women wrote love letters or even apology letters to each other, and we talked more than we texted. I can also admit at times technology can ruin the intent of what's being said and can cause one to revert back to the “ol' skool" ways of communicating. Because Eric has moments when he can communicate more effectively in writing, he will do that instead. There have been plenty of days when I woke up with a love letter, poem or even an apology letter sitting next to my computer. Then, there are days when it's easier for him to communicate with me via text and I'm fine with that. It all just depends on the timing and what's being said. Either way, it's okay to change it up. I'm open to whatever makes him feel the most comfortable at the time. I encourage it and I welcome it.
Don't be judgmental.
When it comes to what Eric and I talk about, there's really nothing off limits. We already know so much about each other's past as well as our current struggles. Hence, we don't have room to judge each other because we know both of us have done some “not so great" things in our past. I have learned to accept my husband for who he is, and he definitely accepts me for who I am, which in turn makes him comfortable and more willing to share things with me. Besides divine intervention and the “opposites attract" idea, how else could a “type A" personality and a creative person fit so well together if we didn't accept each other – flaws and all? It's kind of like when we talk to our girlfriends and we start the conversation off with, “Okay don't judge me but…" and then we proceed to tell our stories. Although we may not agree, we can still listen intently and not force our opinions or judgment on them. The same is true when it comes to our men when they come and talk to us. I want to be my husband's number one fan, not his number one critic.
Be supportive and ask questions.
A quick and easy way to gauge how supportive and encouraging I am towards my man is to ask myself: “What are the first few words or sentences I say to him when he comes home after work," or “What do I say to him when I first see or talk to him after a long's day of work?" I can admit…there have been days when Eric has walked through the door, or even received a text on the way home, and was greeted with, “Why did you…" instead of “How are you?" Whether he's an entrepreneur, works a blue collar or white collar job, no one wants to come home to somebody who starts off the conversation with demands, complaints, let alone a dismal greeting. I'm much more mindful of this and now he can usually expect: “Hey, babe. How was your day?" It's a simple phrase that can tell you a lot and help him open up.
[Tweet "No one wants to come home to somebody who starts off the conversation with demands or complaints."]
I feel it's important for me as his wife to create an atmosphere of love and kindness; a place where he looks forward coming home to each and everyday. There's a wonderful verse in Proverbs 21:9 that says: “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." With all that our men have to deal with or have to be cautious of on a regular basis, we can't afford to stir up disorder and confusion in our household (and same for him). That's not to say that we won't have arguments and disagreements because that definitely happens. That's life. However, my goal is to make it so that if and when he does run into issues and certain situations, he can run home to me knowing I'll be there to help and listen to him.
Be Patient.
As a woman, I rarely find it difficult to express what I'm feeling whether it's through my words, facial expressions or even body language. Eric and I have been together for so long now that it only takes but a minute or so for him to determine what I'm feeling at the moment even if I try my best to deny it. With him, however, that's not always the case. Together, as a couple, we learned a long time ago that while I like to express my feelings at the very moment, Eric on the other hand is the type of person who will sometimes hold things in and let it fester until he reaches a point where it all blows up. So we have had situations where he'll bring up something totally out of the blue and I'll ask, “Well, why didn't you say anything then?" I have to remind him that holding things in isn't healthy for anyone – whether male or female.
Other times, I may think something is bothering Eric or I think something is wrong and a lot of times it's the complete opposite. One thing he's taught me, and I know this to be true for a lot of other guys, is that sometimes he actually is thinking about absolutely nothing. He ventures off to this place I like to call his “upper room," not to be confused with the movie Life and the upper room they refer to as Heaven. Instead, it's where he goes to escape mentally to calm his mind, think about sports, news or his fantasy sports…or even just to ignore me (LOL). Real talk. He doesn't go anywhere physically, but mentally he takes a few moments off to go and relax in the upper room. So, I have learned to let him go there when he needs to and let him have his moment but also listen more and talk less when necessary. I have to be patient knowing that his ability to express his emotions will not always come easy, but they will come with time. Being patient may mean continuing to listen to him despite how long he wants to drag out an argument, or can also be as simple as waiting for the game to go off before starting a deep and involved discussion; realizing that he probably won't be fully engaged anyway while the game is on. This isn't always the case but it definitely helps in our household.
All in all, being patient is understanding their nature as men but still being committed to encourage them to still open up more.
Shonda Brown White is a bestselling author, blogger, life coach, and brand strategist. When she's not jumping out of a plane or zip lining, she's living the married life with her husband in Atlanta, GA. Connect with her on social @ShondaBWhite and her empowering real talk on her blog.
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
Dry January may be over for some, but for others, sobriety is a lifestyle. Non-alcoholic spirits like Ritual and Free AF are becoming more popular and even temperance bars (dry bars, sober bars) are popping up around the world. Resorts are also taking note as many are putting wellness front and center by offering mocktails and incorporating yoga and other mindfulness practices.
The Expedia Group reported that more than 40% of travelers have said they're likely to book a detox trip within the next year. If you're one of the travelers looking for a wellness vacation, check out these 10 spots below.
Bimini, Bahamas
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Resorts World Bimini recently introduced its Wellness Weekends with Shay Williams, a local Pilates Instructor, and Sound Healer. Guests can enjoy a private pilates class and sound healing session for $269 per person.
Aruba
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Aruba Marriott Resort offers soothing aloe-based treatments at the island's largest spa. Their Lobby Bar also has a signature mocktail menu with options like the Strawberry Cooler.
Curaçao
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Curaçao is located near Earth's main vortexes, which are considered the world's chakras and/or portals making the island a strong energetic hub. Speak with one of the local gurus or enjoy a blissful spa day, at the captivating 8, The Experience. The spa features services like chakra-balancing, stress-fixing massages, and more.
Bellevue, Washington
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Bellevue is a quaint and charming city surrounded by nature's beauty. Travelers can kayak on Lake Washington or hike the snow-capped mountains of the North Cascades. It's also home to the iconic Bellevue Club Hotel, which features an athletic club and spa.
Adairsville, Georgia
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Barnsley Resort is the perfect escape from city life. It's located at the foot of the Blue Ridge Mountains and guests can enjoy horseback riding, hiking trails, golfing, and canoeing with a mocktail in hand.
Cape Cod, MA
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Holistic health lovers may want to visit Ocean Edge Resort & Golf Club, which introduced new year-round wellness retreats, helmed by wellness expert and Retreat Sales Manager Liza Bertini. The retreat offers a range of fitness classes like yoga and pilates as well as programs catered to sober-curious people, grief and other health issues.
Lake Atitlán, Guatemala
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Lake Atitlán is recognized as one of the most spiritual places in the world and Casa Palopó is located right on the edge. The luxury boutique is one of the only two Relais & Chateaux hotels in Guatemala. With only 15 rooms and a 3-bedroom villa, guests can roam the lush grounds and take-in panoramic views of the lake and the surrounding three volcanoes. Some of the resorts' activities include a Maya blessing ceremony, yoga, or volunteering at nearby villages.
Puerto Vallarta, Mexico
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The Westin Resort & Spa Puerto Vallarta recently underwent a huge renovation that includes a refreshed treatment menu and facilities like cold pools, steam room, and sauna. Guests can enjoy oceanfront yoga, running and walking paths, tennis, and a flora-inspired mocktail menu at Bar Flora.
Baja California, Mexico
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At Kimpton Mas Olas Resort & Spa in Todos Santos, guests can create their own custom essential oils and scrubs at the resort's apothecary workshops or they can indulge in holistic treatments in the spa. Other wellness-focused activities include daily yoga, meditation, and fitness classes.
Punta Mina, Mexico
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Detox and reset at W Punta de Mita, which is a located on Mexico's most iconic surf breaks. There's holistic remedy-inspired mocktails, ice bath therapy, and spiritual Cacao Ceremonies designed to reconnect mind, body, and spirit. And, of course, surfing is a must.
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