
What You Should Think About Before Agreeing To Become A Godparent

While this might seem like a bit of a left field kind of article, please believe there is a method to the madness 'cause, y'all…Y'ALL. If there's one thing that is pretty big in Black culture (because interestingly enough, several white people I know actually needed me to break down what a godparent even is…hmph), especially in Black church culture, it's the concept of children having a set of godparents. Typically, they are formally introduced to the world (relatively speaking) when a little one is getting blessed or dedicated (or christened) to the Lord.
Over the course of my life, I have witnessed a lot of people become godparents. Shoot, I've even had two sets of my own…who were disappointing as all get out. Matter of fact, the wife of the second pair, after not reaching out in years, flew into Nashville, asked to meet for lunch and then proceeded to tell me that she was an inactive godmother because my mom basically made her feel intimidated into accepting the position. What in the world? And I'm saying that to her and my mother (and not necessarily in that order).
And here's the thing — unfortunately, my story isn't a rare one. I know countless people who have godparents "on paper" and yet those people haven't been a part of their lives (especially in any real or consistent way) since…shoot, they can't remember when. And if there's something that all of them have in common, it's the fact that their godparents being MIA on their commitment has ultimately affected their trust of older adults while making them mad leery about ever agreeing to become a godparent themselves. Yep. It can be just that deep.
So, while an article like this may only target a very niche group, for the sake of current and future children who absolutely deserve to have more than godparents in name (along with a picture day at church) only, let's touch on some things that you definitely should think — meditate and pray — long and hard about before ever agreeing to such a privileged and lifelong position like godparenting.
Be Clear on What the Position Entails
Y'all, I actually know a couple who has 15 godchildren (I know, right?). Even they admit that they have dropped the ball on more than half of them. I mean, really — if you know what comes with being a godparent, there is no way that you can handle that many kids. And just what does it mean to be a godparent? The two main responsibilities include 1) being present when the child is dedicated to the Lord as a way of saying that you are willing to play a pivotal and significant role in their spiritual growth and development and 2) assuming the role of taking care of the children should their parents pass on or be unable to maintain their own roles for some reason. And y'all, both of these things are HUGE.
In fact, I know some people who have been asked to be a godparent and they've turned the offer down, not because of the first expectation but the second — they simply don't want to accept the huge responsibility of raising children if something dire were to happen to those kids' parents. However, as a godmother myself, while some folks think that is an automatic responsibility, before I accepted the position, I discussed that part with my godchildren's mom, for a while. She and her husband's will states that her brother would get custody of my goddaughters should something happen to them. It also states that I am the godmother and so provisions should be made for me to remain in their life — long-term.
Now I will say that as more and more people are opting out of traditional religious practices, there is a role of a modern-day godparent that basically consists of committing to being a good role model for children while also serving as an additional loved one in their life (especially if their parents don't have a lot of blood family or they aren't close to them). All of this to say, if you've always been familiar with the term "godparent" yet you were never really sure what it consisted of, while it tends to take on various forms for some folks, that's basically the gist.
Discuss with the Parents What Their Expectations of a Godparent Are
Can you imagine how many relationships would remain intact if folks simply, openly and honestly discussed their expectations before moving forward rather than assuming that 1) the other person should already know them and/or 2) the other person is automatically going to be on the same page as they are?
When it comes to becoming a godparent, this point definitely applies which is why, before accepting, you should ask the parents what they would like you to do in their child's life and, if need be, how often/consistently they would like you to do those things.
As for me and my goddaughters, their parents just wanted me to be constantly present to the point where both girls would know who I am and feel comfortable coming to talk to me about various topics throughout various stages of their life. My goddaughters' parents also trust my opinion when it comes to them making certain decisions that directly affect their girls. Honestly, when it came to Grace (who is 10), I had so much PTSD from my own poor godparent experience that it took me a bit longer to be physically present in the sense of proactively going to see her (although we talked on the phone all of the time and her family would come to Nashville fairly often for business).
However, with her sister, Nova (who is currently 2), I've been putting forth more effort into spending quality time with both girls in their own space, energy and environment. Their parents don't expect more from me than that; however, they do expect that much. I am clear on that and have been intentional about staying active in these capacities.
Figure Out If Godchildren Will Complement Your Lifestyle/Schedule
When my godchildren's mom first asked me to be her firstborn's godparent, believe it or not, it took me an entire year to agree to do it. While that might seem really ungracious on the surface, again, because I had been burned by so-called godparents as a child and because my godchildren's mom is actually named after her own godmother (which means she takes the role really seriously), I needed to make sure that I wouldn't disappoint anyone like I had been disappointed by others. That included really processing if my lifestyle and schedule were conducive to such a position because, to me, godparenting isn't just about sending a birthday card and calling a couple of times a year.
My godchildren actually hear from me 2-3 times a week, the older one and I try and have an online movie date once a month (when we can't, it's due to her busy schedule) and I'm actually flying out to see them before this month is out. I know that there will be graduations that I need to be present for. That I need to take interest in my goddaughters' gifts, talents and interests. And that someday, there will be weddings and baby blessings of their own that I need to do everything my power to attend.
While being a godparent isn't even a fraction of as mentally, emotionally or financially taxing as being a parent is, it does come with some sacrifices of time and resources (again, if you're taking the role seriously enough). That's why I don't knock it at all if people are asked and humbly decline because they just aren't sure if they can be that present for someone else's kids. Sometimes, being a godparent is too much and being a "love aunt" or uncle (that's my way of calling someone who isn't a blood relative a family member) is easier. Understood.
Know That Being a Godparent Is a Lifelong Commitment
I actually have another goddaughter. She's a teenager now and that is mind-blowing to even fathom. We don't have a relationship because her mother and I parted ways years ago. However, a couple of years ago, when I ran into her mom and we made our own peace, I told her that I intended on putting her daughter on a life insurance policy — that I wanted to do it for all three of my goddaughters at some point (life insurance companies have advised that I wait until around my mid-late 50s to entertain doing that since they are technically not my children; according to them, I shouldn't "burden myself" with that financial obligation right now. Noted). That mom and my other goddaughters' parents thought that was going above and beyond. Maybe. To me, though, since I don't have my own children, I want to make sure that my goddaughters have some extra support in living out their best life.
Besides. GOD-parent. I don't think most folks get the magnitude of that word. I mean, even parents don't have "GOD" in front of their title. I don't know about y'all, but I know the way that God loves me — continually and in spite of whatever I do or don't do. When you sign up to be someone's godparent, you should look at your commitment to them in a similar fashion. It's not to be an emotional (which can be fickle) or unspiritual (which can be selfish) move. Godly love should always be seen as healthy, somewhat sacrificial and everlasting. As long as my goddaughters are here and I am here to see them evolve, I will be available to them. That is what I signed up for.
Don’t Agree Just Because It Strokes Your Ego
I remember once talking to a friend before the birth of his son. He was telling me that although (at the time), he had only daughters, he did have a godson who he wasn't proactive with when it came to interacting with him. Last I checked, that child is now a grown man and incarcerated (due to a myriad of broken issues). Is that my friend's fault? Absolutely not. At the same time, when he stood up and said that he would be that guy's godparent, there's no telling how much his active influence could've played a direct role in that man's life possibly taking a different path.
Do I know some great godparents? Indeed, I do. I've gotta admit, though, when it comes to the tales of those who admit that they have not stepped up to the plate past maybe a year or so of agreeing to be someone's godparent, those names are endless. And that's got me honestly wondering how many people agree to do it only for the ego stroke of being asked without really taking into account how serious the position actually is.
You know, one of my favorite lines in the movieThe Fault in Our Stars is when one of the characters said, "Sometimes, people don't understand the promises that they make when they make them." Preach. That said, there's a Scripture in the Bible that I fear a lot of us don't take very seriously but we definitely should:
"Do not be rash with your mouth, and let not your heart utter anything hastily before God. For God is in heaven, and you on earth; therefore let your words be few. For a dream comes through much activity, and a fool's voice is known by his many words. When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; for He has no pleasure in fools. Pay what you have vowed—better not to vow than to vow and not pay." (Ecclesiastes 5:2-5-NKJV)
When you vow to be a godparent — to passionately care about a child's spiritual needs and well-being while also supporting their parents as they develop — because it is such a solid spiritual position, I believe that God takes it very seriously and literally. That's why, if you agree to be one, while it is indeed an honor, it also requires a ton of grace, humility and consistency.
I know. This is a lot to think about yet if you're currently on the fence about either becoming a godparent or asking someone else to be one for your own kids, it's my prayer that all of this shed some additional light. A godparent isn't just a pat on the back. It's a huge responsibility. For the sake of the children who you may influence at this magnitude…please choose wisely.
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Earlier this week, I took a male friend of mine out for a belated birthday lunch. We both work in media, so we always have a lot — and I mean, A LOT — to talk about. Anyway, since we both were in our 20s in the 90s, we found ourselves discussing how blessed—yes, BLESSED—we were to have had the kind of R&B that that decade provided. Chile, I would provide a list of examples; however, there is not enough time or space, plus, I don’t want y’all yelling at me in the comments because I inadvertently left someone out.
Anyway, as we were also talking about how, let’s go with ho-hum, a lot of R&B is right now, especially when it comes to the lack of seduction that the genre used to have back in the day, I shared with him a joke that I once heard from comedian Deon Cole as he was comparing After 7 to today’s music. I’m actually going to post it below, so that you can get the full effect. LOL.
Video credit: @netflixisajoke
And that made me think of The Whispers and their throwback song, “In the Mood.” The real ones recall the lyrics: “Let me rub your shoulders (just relax)/Just let go/Slip on somethin' sexy/It's all right, baby, let me take control, hoo/ Step into the shower/I'll wash your back and you'll wash mine/Please stay for one more hour/I just want to make sweet love to you and feel you one more time….This is what I do to get you in the mood…Baby, I do it all to get you in the mood.” Ah, yes, music that sounds like intimacy instead of getting banged out.
And that made me want to ask a few women about what gets them in the mood as it directly relates to bedroom action, along with what, well, doesn’t. Check out what they said and then hop in the comments to share your own thoughts.
It’s always fascinating to hear about women’s sexual turn-ons and turn-offs.
*Middle names are always used, so that people can speak freely*
1. Areyla. Single. 34.
TURN ON: “I’ve always been drawn to two things: how a man smells and how crisp his line-up is. You bring a man to me who smells earthy and sexy whenever I hug him, and then he has the nerve to have a fresh haircut — girl, I am all over him! I think that it mostly has to do with those things being a sign of self-care, in a meticulous way. And if you’re into the details of you, I have no question that you will be into the details of me.”
TURN OFF: “Dirty fingernails. I have a natural curve in my own nails, so I get that it’s not always about a lack of hygiene or that he’s negligent. I just know that if you want your hands to go into certain places and spaces, you’ve got to get up under those nails, babe. I keep metal files and nail brushes in my bathroom because of it.”
2. Dachelle. Dating. 29.
TURN ON: “There are dirty talkers, then there are sensual speakers. I don’t need you to sound like you transcribed a porn video during sex. I do like when a man drops his voice an octave, speaks barely above a whisper, and asks me questions like, ‘So, what do you want me to do to you tonight? Be specific.’ And don’t let him have a strong vocabulary! I am definitely a sapiosexual, so the more intentional he is with his words, the better.”
TURN OFF: “Men who don’t cuddle. Maybe that sounds obvious, but some of my friends couldn’t care less about that. To me, if you don’t want to be close to me unless you are inside of me, that feels like we only have a physical connection, and sex means more to me than that. A man who spoons me right after sex because he wants to is gonna get another round from me. A man who doesn’t doesn’t, he also doesn’t have to worry about seeing me ever again.”
Shellie here: If you’re unfamiliar with what a sapiosexual is, check out “Tap Into What It Means To Be A Sapiosexual.”
3. Chayla. Engaged. 27.
TURN ON: “This might sound weird, but I like a man who doesn’t ‘come in hot.’ You know — guys who go down on you and act like they know just how you like it, or guys who immediately put you in a sex position and go ham like I should immediately be impressed. For me, that translates that they are doing to me what they’ve done with some woman before me, and we might not like the same things. That’s why I enjoy sexual conversations before sexual experiences. Ask me how I like to be touched and licked. Ask me what my favorite sex position is. Get to know me before you get to know me. My fiancé is like that — and that’s a big part of why he’s about to be my husband.”
"Ask me how I like to be touched and licked. Ask me what my favorite sex position is. Get to know me before you get to know me."
TURN OFF: “There’s nothing wrong with some hair pulling during sex; I’m all for it. What I need you to not do is pull my head into your stomach while I’m giving you head. There is already too much going on during that time and a sistah needs to breathe!”
Shellie here: We actually tackled the hair-pulling topic before on this platform. Check out “Contrary To Popular Assumption, Black Women LOVE Getting Their Hair Pulled During Sex” when you get a chance.
4. Indigo. Married. 41.
TURN ON: “I know I sound married when I say this, but — clean this house, baby. In our home, we have a chores chart, kind of like what some of us grew up with. My husband and I each have days when we do certain things, so when he takes the initiative to do what’s on my list? That’s less work for me, which gives me more energy for him. And don’t let that man cook and clean up the kitchen more than twice in a week. How do you want it? How do you freaking want it, my love?’
TURN OFF: “My husband does his own laundry. We’re all grown and just like we have periods, men have fluids ‘n stuff in their drawers too. That’s fine. But anyone who says that keeping some mystery in a marriage isn’t needed, that’s somebody who doesn’t want to have a lot of sex. Just sayin’.”
Shellie here: There’s actually something to that chore thing. Studies say that couples who share chores end up having more sex. You can read about it here, here, and here.
5. Twyla. Dating. 25.
TURN ON: “Hickeys turn me on. Two things that I can’t do are whistle and give hickeys, so I’m amazed when others can do it — and yes, when I see…what do the older folks call it, love bites, on my breasts or tummy, that makes me feel desired on another level and it puts me in the mood pretty quick.”
TURN OFF: “Hickeys where you can see them are a turn-off, though. I don’t need people all up in my business. Also, guys who don’t let you know when they’re about to cum when they’re in your mouth. Not everyone’s taste and flow are the same down there, and I have a gag reflex. Announce the rainstorm, sir. I appreciate it.”
6. Essence. Married. 31.
TURN ON: “Kissing every part of me like you kiss my mouth is always gonna get him just what he wants. You ever had a man tongue down, not just your neck but your wrists, tummy, and even behind your knees? A good kisser is one thing. A good all-over-the-place one? I ain’t going no damn where.”
" Kissing every part of me like you kiss my mouth is always gonna get him just what he wants."
TURN OFF: “Stubble. On the face and down there. It puts me in a bind because I think my husband is sexy with a salt and pepper stubble beard, but when we do a lot of kissing, it gives me beard burn, and when I’m giving him head, stubbly pubes irritate my forehead. I mean, you asked.”
7. Queen. Divorced (and Dating). 33.
TURN ON: “Men who know that there is more to us than T&A is a huge turn on for me. Kiss my forehead. Lick my neck. When you’ve got my legs on your shoulders, kiss my legs. Suck on my fingers. Help me find new spots that turn me on. Sh-t. Is it hot in here? Damn.”
TURN OFF: “My turn off is the opposite of my turn on. It’s not even so much that I want a lot of foreplay — I just want you to act like you don’t just have to play with my kitty kat to get me going. Men who don’t learn how to enjoy all of a woman are lazy lovers — and that is going to turn me dry every time.”
8. Eleena. Single. 46.
TURN ON: “If you want to get me in the mood, call me to ask what kind of sex I want to have with you. Maybe it’s just me, but my mood can determine what I’m in the mood for. One day, I might want a lot of romance. One day, we might need a safe word. One day, a quickie is what I have in mind. Pre-gaming the sex by discussing gets me in the mood because it gets us both on the same page before anything happens — and that can already make sex hot as hell.”
TURN OFF: “I don’t like it when men have sex with themselves. I don’t mean masturbating — I mean, when you are nothing more than the audience to whatever they have in mind. It’s like they get off on themselves: looking in the mirror, asking 'Do you like that?' when they aren’t really doing anything. If we’re having sex, I need you present and into me. Otherwise, you can do whatever you had in mind…by yourself…at your house.”
9. Reveeda. Married. 43.
TURN ON: “A lot of times, it’s not the sex itself that makes sex boring — it’s the predictableness of it. Take me while I’m washing my face in the bathroom. Go down on me in the driveway of our home. Shoot me a text and tell me to meet you at the first hotel where we had sex. My husband is the best that I’ve ever had because, yes, he’s good in bed, but more than that, he’s spontaneous and that gets me in the mood — and keeps me in the mood.”
TURN OFF: “69’ing turns me off. It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and it’s hard for me to concentrate. Plus, I can’t get the right angle while doing him, and I can’t put his head where I want it to be while he’s doing me. Y’all can keep that position. Sex shouldn’t be so complicated.” (She laughed while she said it.)
10. Umi. Divorced (and Single) 36.
TURN ON: “I like to be flung around like I only weigh 10 pounds. I like to be choked. I like a man who stares me dead in the eyes while eating me up. Sexual confidence is gonna get me every time.”
TURN OFF: “Men who bring their ego into the bedroom. You might think that confidence and an ego are the same thing, but they’re not. Men who want to be rated, who want to know if I think their penis is the best ever or who assume that they are doing me right without consulting me — that’s not confidence; that’s peak insecurity and a total waste of my time. From the bottom of my heart, check your ego at the door.”
____
There you have it — 10 women who are crystal clear about what gets them going and what stops them dead in their tracks. What can you relate to? What makes little to no sense to you at all?
At the very least, forward this on to your girlfriends and hold your own unofficial polls the next time that y’all meet up. You never know what you might learn to get you even more in the mood — and what to do about the things that get you out of that same headspace.
After all, knowledge is power. Even in that bedroom of yours.
Straight up.
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