If there are two things that a lot of us don't respect enough, it's the power of our words and the power of our choices. When it comes to the second thing, I once read that we make over 220 decisions, every day, just on food alone. Shoot, some sources say that we make as many as 35,000 conscious decisions on a daily basis too. And while choosing between chocolate and vanilla ice cream or whether to watch something on Netflix or Hulu may not be all that big of a deal, there are instances when we need to make a big decision — when it's time to make up our mind for the purpose of cultivating a long-term resolve that will impact our life in a pretty significant way.
If that's the kind of head space that you're currently in, before you make a final call, take a moment to at least give this a once over. Decisions can alter outcomes. That's why it's extremely important to do all that you can to make the wisest ones.
De-Stress
Something that I think is kinda crazy is we're oftentimes wired to make a major decision when we're either stressed out or overly emotional. Usually, it's because we feel a little out of control and so we think making some sort of choice will give us our control back when, more times than not, all it does is create (more) chaos…which leads to making even more decisions in order to fix our "triggered mess". That's why it's so important to de-stress before doing anything.
Here's the thing about this particular point, though. Some of us internalize stress so much that we don't even know when we're at our wit's end. If you're not sleeping soundly; if your moods are all over the place; if you're constantly overthinking; if your energy levels are low; if you struggle with being productive; if your immune system is weak; if your libido is shot; if you're easily triggered; if you grind your teeth a lot and/or you experience headaches (or body aches) often, this means that you need to be intentional about calming yourself down.
And just how do you do that? Get on a sleep schedule. Lay off of sugar and caffeine. Do some journaling. Exercise. Make a daily to-do list (that only has 5-7 things on it). Eat more fresh fruits and veggies. Have more sex. Deactivate your (main) triggers. Drink some herbal tea and give your feet a lavender oil massage. And finally, purpose in your mind to not do ANYTHING until you've done at least three of these things and gotten at least three consecutive nights of six hours of sleep or more. It will make you more confident about your choices if you do.
DON’T Follow Your Heart
Some of y'all are gonna be caught off guard with this point; however, those who read my content on this site fairly regularly know that they have heard this tip before. Listen, I don't know who came up with the "follow your heart" mantra but it irritates the mess outta me, every time I hear it. For one thing, the Good Book advises the total opposite because Jeremiah 17:9-19(NKJV) says, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it? I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his doings."
First, the Bible says that the heart is deceitful and wicked. Then it says that God tests the mind. I totally get why the Word sees things this way too because a definition of the heart is "the center of emotions" and if you make it your motto to follow your emotions? You are in for a very roller coaster kind of life. No thank you.
When you need to make a major decision, it is absolutely wiser of you to focus on your mind — the part of you that reasons, looks at things logically and applies some level of discernment. Many people have done some of the most reckless and selfish things while "following their heart". You significantly reduce this risk of becoming this kind of statistic by thinking things through instead.
Get an “Inside Out” Perspective
A wise person once said, "People who look through keyholes are apt to get the idea that most things are keyhole-shaped." I really like that quote because it basically means that if you only look at things from your perspective, it could really limit you and your outcomes. This is why it's so important, engaged folks, to get into premarital counseling before jumping the broom because a reputable therapist/counselor/coach can pick up on some potential red flags or issues that you being "all in love" may miss.
Anyway, while I don't think it's important or necessary to get a billion people to cosign on something that you are considering doing (or not doing), I do recommend running it by 2-3 people who you absolutely trust. 2-3 people whose own lives have some sense of order and productivity. 2-3 people who have a proven track record of wanting the absolute best for you. Present to them what's going on and what you're considering doing about it. Then ask them for their honest opinion. Remember that it is indeed an opinion (and that you are grown, so you can still ultimately do what you want) yet try and take it all in as objectively as you can. I have spared myself a lot of potential ridiculousness by giving certain friends the floor. Something that "outside in" perspectives can do is help to paint a much bigger picture.
Pray/Meditate
There's a Scripture in the Bible that says, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7 — NKJV) The interesting thing about the word "anxious" is it doesn't just mean "mental distress"; it also means "eager". Just like it can be counterproductive to make major decisions when you're mentally distressed, it can be crazy to make choices while you're overly eager as well. And so, those verses in the Bible remind us that prayer can help us to move past anxiousness and into a space of greater understanding; especially on a spiritual level.
And what if you're not a holy book kind of person (because the Torah and Quran are also big on prayer)? Meditation is a good move too. It helps to control anxiety. It helps you to focus. It can make you more self-aware. It can help to make you less selfish and more empathetic. It can also make it easier for you to sleep, so that your brain is clearer. There are plenty of studies out in cyberspace that support the benefits of prayer and/or meditation. Certainly enough for you to definitely apply these steps before deciding to do anything serious.
Assess the Pros and Cons
As more and more people are realizing that homeownership is basically renting from a bank while renters are renting from a landlord, they are starting to see that the so-called American Dream needs more thinking things through. This is where a pros and cons list can come in really handy. For instance, some pros of owning a house are you can build equity and treat the house as you please. Some cons include being responsible for property tax and repairs and the fact that you could end up paying more in interest than the house is actually worth overall. Or say that you're thinking about starting your own company. Some pros include living out your own dream and being your own boss. Some cons include probably working more hours, generating unpredictable income (at least for a season) and having the burden of every choice fall totally on you.
While there is nothing new about writing a pros and cons list, it's kind of amazing, just how many people don't do it. It really is a great life hack, though, because if you're serious about making one, it requires a lot of pondering, seeing things from all angles and even doing some research (which is why you should have no less than 10 things on each side; that way, you up your chances of really thinking things through). A pros and cons list taps into your practical side and when it comes to making a life-altering decision, that is always a good thing.
Look a Year Ahead
My mother used to say, "God doesn't give us someone for where we are but where we're going and no one can know that but him." That was her way of encouraging people to factor God into their long-term partner choices. Along these same lines, when you are about to make a major decision, you need to try and look into at least the short-term future as much as you possibly can. While it is a little absurd to think that you can predict all of what will happen up the pike, the reason why this is an important step is because, far too often, we tend to make decisions based on nothing more than the here and now without even factoring in the weeks and months ahead.
Say that you're contemplating moving to another city for the first time. If you're very close to your family and you've got a close relative who is old or ill, can you be good with your schedule or finances not being able to let you return if they need you over the next several months? Say that you're considering going back to school. Can you handle the demands of work and your class load? Say that you are thinking about starting a business. Are you confident enough in our country to think that you can financially survive more topsy-turviness that may be up ahead? Say that you're considering getting pregnant yet your partner is up for a promotion. Have you thought about what a new baby and his work demands might look like? I could go on and on with various scenarios yet I think you get the gist. When making big decisions, something that you've also got to take into account is timing — future seasons included. Please make sure that you do.
Let Peace Be Your Guide
You can read articles that I've written on this platform like "Here's How To Know You're At Total Peace With Yourself" and "An Extremely Underestimated Sign That You're With The Right Person" to know just how BIG of a fan that I am of peace. To be at peace is to be content. To be at peace is to have composure. To be at peace is to be calm. To be at peace is OK with being still. To be at an uber level of peace is to be in a state of one of my favorite words of all time — bliss. And when you're in bliss, you're experiencing blessedness and real joy.
Just like a lot of us can mistake drama for passion or lust for love, it can be really easy to think that instant gratification or only appeasing what you desire (at the expense of what's best for you) is going to bring you peace. However, if the choice that you're about to make doesn't bring along with it a feeling of real calm in your mind, body and soul, simultaneously so, at the very least, pump your brakes for a bit. Peace sends us the message that we're making a decision that isn't just good; it's right. And when something (or someone) is right, it is "in conformity with fact, reason, truth, or some standard or principle; correct" and that's always what's best. And when we're doing what is truly best for us, that's when we can feel good about our choices. No matter how impacting the decision may be.
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- 4 Simple Rules For How to Make a Big Decision | Tony Robbins ›
- Advice for making major decisions during the pandemic - The Lily ›
- How To Make Your Big Life Decisions | May Busch ›
- Talks to watch when you have a big decision to make | TED Talks ›
- How to Mindfully Make Important Life Decisions | Psychology Today ›
- 10 Ways To Make Big Decisions You'll Never Regret ›
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Now, I’ll be honest: as an avid TV-lover, I was well-prepared to hop on Zoom and jump into all the chatter around Bel-Air and her characters’ decisions. But after listening to her new EP Identity Crisis, I knew there was a lot more to talk about as well. During this exclusive conversation with xoNecole, Jazlyn Martin delved into the challenging journey she’s faced surrounding her identity, newfound fame, and family influence, and how it all plays a part in her art. Check it out!
xoNecole: So I know that your father is in the entertainment world, but when did you realize you shared the same passion?
Jazlyn Martin: I think it was very early on. I was a child who was full of attitude and fearlessness that would go after anything I wanted. I believe seeing my dad pursue music made me realize it was possible. I just had this hunger and fire, and my parents consciously fed and nurtured that - they are always all super supportive of whatever I do. So very, very early on, I was like, I'm meant to do this. And I just was like, I'm a star, and I know I'm a star.
xoN: Actually, let's talk about your family. What are some of your most important values, and how have your family and heritage played a part in shaping those values?
Jazlyn: I mean, my mom is like an angel; she's so graceful and kind, and I've had to work hard to get there. When I was young, I was very abrasive, headstrong, and stubborn. Whereas my mom gives an immense amount of grace in the way she carries herself. I had to learn that.
I think being strong is something I’ve always had. My parents always joke that they don't know where my personality came from. Because my dad is shy and timid and my mom is kind, and I'm a fireball. But my Dad always asked the important industry questions like, “Why do you want to do this?” And that instilled some purpose into me. It really carried me to keep going because it's so easy to be discouraged in this field, but that drive has helped me push through all of the challenges.
xoN: I bet. I have such a respect for actors and the way you all navigate the industry. Speaking of, let’s dig into “Bel-Air.” Were you a fan of the show? Did you have to go back and watch the episodes?
Jazlyn: So I actually did watch the show which is crazy because sometimes I don’t. I saw it was a reboot and was like, ‘Oh no, not another one.’ But I watched the first three episodes, realized how good it was, and ended up watching the whole season. I became a fan, and then a few months later, I booked the role!
I think the imagination is such a beautiful and powerful tool, and I feel like if you create something in your mind, it happens. It's a crazy thing, but I really just created Jackie's world - the house she grew up in, her parents leaving her, and everything. I created why she fell in love with dance. I really came at it from a human approach. If I see it, then the audience can see it.
xoN: Yeah, background plays into so much of how we deal with things, how we interact with people, and everything. And I feel like Jackie gets a lot of backlash. Like, we’ve all had a “Jackie Moment” to be real.
Jazlyn: She gets so much backlash! I just encourage people to give her grace and see the God in her because I do think she tells a lot of Black and brown girls' stories. People project on her, saying she’s too ratchet or hood, and I’m like does that mean she’s not loveable?
We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her. Because she’s helped me extend empathy to people I don't necessarily want to or don't think deserve to have it. But she's 17, she's figuring it out, and she doesn't have parents. Like, that's such a huge factor.
"We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her."
xoN: You mentioned how your character is viewed, which digs a bit into identity. So I want to talk a little bit about some of the emotional songs on your EP “Identity Crisis.” What inspired the track “Perfect?”
Jazlyn: When I was creating “Perfect,” I already had the EP title. So I kind of mapped out, like, the different conflicts I had in my head and categorized them into seven songs, and so one of my identity crises was being perfect. Because I feel like a lot of men tend to put women on pedestals. They're expected to be perfect - especially when you’re in the limelight. You know, you can't slip up. You can't say the wrong thing. Cancel culture is such a huge thing. And I just wanted to encourage people to give people grace to be themselves because that's not an easy thing to do.
I just wanted to take down this facade that I’m perfect because I never pretended to be. I never wanted to be. I think that's something people have placed on me, that I have it all figured out, I think I just carry it well, but that doesn't mean it's not heavy. I just wanted to be very vulnerable and honest. I think people think “perfect” is a compliment, but I think it's a cage because it doesn't allow room for error. It doesn't allow for you to be human and mess up and fail and take risks. So I just wanted to encourage grace.
xoN: Do you ever feel like you went through an identity crisis?
Jazlyn: I go through one constantly. Growing up, I didn't really have one. But I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just “other.” That was an identity crisis in itself.
Also, being introduced to a level of fame has been interesting, too. I think we all go through identity crises all the time because we’re evolving and changing. It’s beautiful, but it’s also scary; you see yourself this one way, and then something happens, and there’s a shift. So yeah, I think it’s something we all go through but no one talks about.
"I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just 'other.'"
xoN: I love that. And I know Hispanic Heritage Month is coming up, and you'll be speaking at the New York Latino Film Festival. Talk to me about what that moment means to you and what you hope to bring to the event. *Editor’s note: The interview was conducted before Hispanic Heritage Month began.
Jazlyn: I’m bringing some Afro-Latino-ness! I always grew up seeing Latinos being represented in a very specific way—very Spanish, not very Indigenous looking. So I'm really excited to bring the Black experience, with the Latino experience, to the stage because that's something a lot of people don't know exists.
People are always like, “Are you Black or Latina?” Well, I'm both! We were just dropped off in different parts. I’m excited to speak on that and highlight how prevalent anti-Blackness is within Latino communities. A lot of Afro-Latinos have faced an identity crisis because of it, including myself. It sometimes feels like you’re supposed to hate the other half of who you are.
For me, I held onto that little Black girl inside. I refused to let her go. And that’s what I want to represent when I speak—resilience and acceptance of our full selves. I’m also looking forward to meeting fellow Latino people, especially Afro-Latinos, and sharing our stories. It’s not a narrative that gets much attention, and I’m excited to represent.
xoN: I’m excited for you! Finally, with all the praise and recognition you’re receiving now, what has it been like to transition from working in music, dance, and acting to now being in the spotlight? How have you embraced this new level of fame?
Jazlyn: Um, it's overwhelming. I think that's the best word. Sometimes, I'm joyful, because I'm giving back to the community. People resonate with Jackie's stories and see themselves in her, which I think is the biggest compliment to me. But then sometimes, you know, I feel sad because I'm like, ‘Damn, I'm not doing enough,’ like I should be doing more. It's crazy, the industry is so fast-paced that you don't really try to celebrate wins. It's just a transition, an identity crisis of the like.
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Hodge, known for his iconic roles in One Night in Miami, Underground, Straight Outta Compton, and a host of other hit projects, will become Alex Cross, the “brilliant detective and forensic psychologist renowned for his uncanny ability to probe the darkest recesses of killers and their victims,” according to a press release shared with xoNecole.
Moderated by Chris Witherspoon, the panel during this year’s CultureCon featured Hodge and his co-star for Cross (and fellow hearth throb) Isaiah Mustafa.
After a special screening for the community builders, creatives, tastemakers, and everyone in between, the trio discussed the theme for the forthcoming show, how it pays homage to the original book series by James Patterson but is its entirely own story, and much more.
Following the conversations, guests could party with Hodge at an exclusive after-party.
“Cross is set to push the boundaries of suspense and storytelling, crafted by the visionary Ben Watkins, who serves as both showrunner and executive producer,” read an official statement for this show.
Photo by Aaron J. Thornton/WireImage
“His creation promises a complex and twisted narrative that will keep audiences on the edge of their seats. Joining Hodge in this high-octane thriller is a talented ensemble cast including Isaiah Mustafa, Juanita Jennings, Alona Tal, and Samantha Walkes, each adding depth to this multifaceted drama.”
During an interview with Blavity’sShadow & Act this summer, Hodge opened up about playing the iconic character previously serving as the protagonist in the James Patterson novel series dedicated to Alex Cross.
“I’m excited because this is a completely different Cross than anyone has seen before,” said Hodge. “You get to explore every element of what makes cinema entertaining. It’s a sexy show. It’s a dangerous show. I feel like I’m stuck in the coolest psychological thriller ever. We get to explore all the facets of his life, his world, his manhood, family man, brotherhood, trying to explore new relationships, and what that means to him.”
He added, “This show goes there. It dives deep and I just love the fact that people are going to get something they do not expect.”
All eight episodes of Aldis Hodge as Alex Cross will premiere on Nov. 15 only on Prime Video.
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