

Need To Make A Big Decision Quickly? Do This.
Business mogul Simon Sinek once said, "There is no decision that we can make that doesn't come with some sort of balance or sacrifice." Keeping that in mind, are you ready to have your mind (at least slightly) blown?
Guess how many decisions you will make before turning it in tonight? You ain't even ready — 35,000! I know it sounds like I'm totally exaggerating (click here to see that I'm not), but when you really think about it, that kind of makes sense.
You had to decide to get out of bed, then decide which room you were going to go into first (usually it's the bathroom, right?). You had to decide what you were going to wear, eat for breakfast and route you were going to take to work. You then had to decide whether or not you were going to cuss out your annoying co-worker and also decide if you were going to procrastinate on that project your boss assigned you. The list goes on and on.
When you really think about how many things require that a decision be made, suddenly 35,000 seems a little on the small side.
Now here's some food for thought. How much weight do you put into the decisions that you make? Do you really believe what Actress Helen Mirren once said, "You write your life story by the choices you make"? Do you apply the wisdom of motivational speaker Mario Teguh when he warns, "Never make a decision when you are upset, sad, jealous or in love"? Is your decision-making motto something along the lines of "Openness, respect, integrity — these are principles that need to underpin pretty much every other decision that you make"? (Justin Trudeau, the current Prime Minister of Canada said that.)
One could say that their entire destiny hinges on the decisions that they make. Keeping that in mind, if you have a really big one coming up and time is not really on your side when it comes to making it, here are five tips to help you make one you can feel good (and sure) about.
Revisit Your Values.
We all have values. But if someone asked you to define what a value system is, what would you say? If it's always some sort of an abstract definition, here's a way to simplify it. Values are simply what you believe and how you choose to live your life based on those beliefs. Your values should be the foundation that determines what (and who) you prioritize in your life. It should also help you to figure out what you want your future to look like.
Say that you value your family. If you're offered a job that will give you more money but will also require you to work twice as much as you do now, if you make a decision based on your value system, you'll probably pass on that gig. What it would cost your family dynamic isn't worth the bump in pay.
So yes, when making a decision, the first thing to consider is what your values are and what choice will affirm vs. compromise them.
Figure Out What You Would Tell Someone Else.
Most of us are experts at giving others good advice. But somehow, when it comes to our own selves, we struggle. Why is that? Because when it comes to us, we're biased. We're also more emotional about our own issues than other people's stuff.
Don't believe me? Think about the last time you gave advice to a girlfriend about a man in her life who was puttin' it down and also not treating her right simultaneously. Now think about the last man who did you the same way. Did you take the advice that you gave ole' girl? If so, how long did it take you to actually follow through?
Some of the best insight is what we would offer the people we care about. When trying to make a decision, think about what you would tell a family member or friend if they were in that same situation. Then try and do what you just advised.
Think About Your Life a Year from Now.
If you make a decision based on a temptation, one of the main problems with that is you're probably only focused on the now. Eat that extra slice of cake now. Have sex with that fine man now. Spend money you don't have to buy an outfit you don't really need now. But if all you do is focus on the here and now, you could look up in six months or a year later and realize that giving in to your temptations resulted in your life being a total mess.
A good decision-maker doesn't only care about how a choice affects the present. They do their best to consider how it will impact their future too.
Remember That Indecision IS Decision.
A Jewish philosopher by the name of Maimonides once said, "The risk of a wrong decision is preferable to the terror of indecision." I've wasted a lot of time not believing these pearls of wisdom, not so much when it comes to the choices I've made, but as it relates to allowing people in my life to be stagnant when it came to making decisions that directly affected me.
Nothing good comes from procrastinating. Nothing good comes from indecision either. All they do is encourage you to totally disrespect your time. And time? That's one thing you can never get back.
When you've got a decision to make…make it.
Jeff Jahn, the CEO of the software company DynamiX offers up some good food for thought about the patterns related to our decisions:
"Most of what we face each day is similar to other scenarios we have already experienced. By understanding this, it's possible to quickly map a range of previous experiences and their outcomes. Leverage those to arrive at the most viable decision for this case. Over time, as you continue making decisions, their speed and quality will improve."
I really like this because it's a reminder that we should only do what we've done before if that choice worked for our greater good in times past. Otherwise, we probably need to step out of the box a bit.
How far out? That depends. What does your gut instinct tell you?
How much can you trust it? Quite a bit. Not only is your gut shaped by your past choices but also the wisdom you've gained from that. If you add to that the fact that your intuition is literally connected to the nerves in your body, well—it's a confirmation of what I often tell people.
We are comprised of our mind, body, and spirit. All three are designed to live in harmony. When one of them is not in sync with the others, it's a flag that something is "off".
That's why, when you need to make a big decision, your gut should also come into play. If you listen to and honor it, you won't have to waste time (and go crazy) asking a billion other people. So long as your mind, body, and spirit are at peace, you can be too.
You'll be able to co-sign with Caroline Kennedy when she said, "When you make the right decision, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks."
The decision will be made. You can be proud. And both your present and future will thrive because of it.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
SZA Says She's Not The Poster Child For Insecurity & Talks 'Childish' Past With Drake
With all the accomplishments the R&B artist racked up in 2023, it's clear the year is coming up SZA. On the heels of announcing she'll be hitting us with a deluxe version of her runaway hit SOS, the release of a visual and a Justin Bieber-coded remix for the fan favorite single "Snooze," and the duet with the rap game's favorite Certified Loverboy, SZA is gifting Rolling Stone with her presence in a recent cover story penned by writer Mankaprr Conteh.
Known for the raw vulnerability of her lyrics and going there with her songwriting in ways many artists would shy away from, SZA's pen game is unmatched, but it's also made her the center of 'low vibrational energy' think pieces that feel SZA's brand of wearing her heart on her sleeve for listeners to keep on repeat is problematic.
That plus, the clear-as-day struggles that the 33-year-old "Kill Bill" singer navigated as her physical appearance has made dramatic shifts over the years makes her liable to catch strays when the subject of insecurity comes to the forefront. In the cover story, Mankaprr writes, "It took SZA a long time to feel beautiful."
Her ability to be honest about high highs and low lows, the moments of self-preservation versus the moments of self-destruction that are bound to pop up on anyone's self-love journey is what makes tracks like "Garden (Say It Like Dat)" hit and especially songs like the previously shout-out "Snooze." The road to self-love might be paved with good intentions but that doesn't mean every part of that journey is going to be met with seamless effortless confidence.
Everyone has those moments, but SZA adamantly rebukes the idea that her brand is "insecurity," calling it a "good old misconception" in the Rolling Stone cover story.
Instead, SZA is a proponent of radical truths, especially with herself about herself. However, that doesn't mean she won't throw hands if she gets a whiff of someone treating her with disrespect.
"People be like, 'Insecurity is her brand.' It's like, 'No, bitch, I'm honest with how I feel about myself, but if I catch you saying that, it's going to be different. I'll still beat your ass over disrespecting me."
To be clear, SZA will slap a bitch.
And regarding those Drake rumors? SZA says there's not much to write home about despite what was alluded to by Drake in the 21 Savage song, "Mr. Right Now." In his verse, Drake references SZA, rapping, "Yeah, said she wanna f*ck to some SZA, wait, / Cause I used to date SZA back in ’08 / If you cool with it, baby, she can still play.”
After the Canadian rapper let it be known that he and SZA used to be a thing back in the day, SZA confirmed the past romance in October 2020. She clarified that they actually dated in 2009 to concerned fans who thought she might have been underaged at the time, which Drake rapped was in 2008.
"I hate being a long-term bitch," SZA told Rolling Stone. And when defining the relationship she had with Drake way back when, she referred to it as being "childish" since they "were really young" at the time.
SZA continued, "It wasn't hot and heavy or anything. It was like youth vibes. It was so childish."
Their names recirculated in the news recently when the 36-year-old rapper dropped the "Slime You Out" collaboration he did with the "Shirt" songstress, which funnily enough was an invitation to collab that Drake extended on the phone with SZA while her interview for the cover story was being conducted.
Read the story in full here.
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