One look at Nana Agyemang, and there's no doubt that she is a boss. Take her perfectly curated Instagram feed that exudes the glitz and glam of Black girl luxury, travel, "it girl" fashion, and indulgence, for example. There is a unifying theme of daring to take up space in a world where people like her aren't often showcased. It's also a theme that lends itself effortlessly to her overall mission. In a world where we are made to feel as though we are invisible, Agyemang seeks to make Black and Brown voices and faces both felt and seen.
As the CEO and founder of the ever-growing EveryStylishGirl media company, she is doing just that. "I would like to uplift the social and economic status of Black women in America and specifically in the media," Agyemang shares of her life purpose. "I want us to fulfill our potential and overcome obstacles put in our way by society."
Since the age of 14, growing up in rural Ohio, Agyemang has been adamant about acting as a vessel for opportunities for Black and Brown women of color in spaces. This started with her role as a photojournalist in high school and changing the covers of her yearbook to more closely resemble the Black and Brown faces she saw walking the hallways. However, when branching into media, she noticed that despite having a seat at the table, many of her peers weren't. There was a marked lack of diversity in fashion and media, both front-facing and behind the scenes. Instead of seeing the lack of representation and diversity as an obstacle, Agyemang sought to find solutions.
And a solution, she found.
To fulfill her mission of career advancement and professional growth opportunities for Black and Brown women, Agyemang launched EveryStylishGirl in 2016. First an Instagram page only, ESG has since evolved into an inclusive media company with a directory for job placement and networking opportunities, as well as the annual Sip N' Slay conferences.
"Every day I aim to create more opportunities for my sisters, in hopes that we can build our own tables instead of waiting for a seat at someone else's," she explains.
The next woman's opportunity doesn't take away from hers and it is that empowerment that has kept her media company flourishing all these years. In the last year, Agyemang quit her job leading social for The Cut to focus on ESG full-time and has been seeing nothing but abundance since.
The multi-hyphenate hustler recently chatted with xoNecole about not quitting your daydreams, her biggest career mistakes, and why it's important to share the title of "boss" as a CEO.
Courtesy of Nana Agyemang
xoNecole: What was your earliest memory of feeling seen as a Black girl (or a Black woman) in media?
Nana Agyemang: In high school, I signed up to be a photojournalist for the Yearbook Club because I always felt like our yearbook lacked diversity. When I took over the role I made sure our covers had Black and Brown faces and voices. Before that, I didn't really see much representation in school. I definitely didn't see it in mainstream teen magazines in the early 2000s either.
Do you think the lack of seeing yourself or people like you led to you wanting to pursue media in your profession?
100% percent. The lack of representation scared me. I thought to myself I was never going to see Black women on multiple magazine covers or even a September issue and it scared me knowing this was the industry I wanted to partake in. But it scared me so much I jumped on the opportunity to change it. In a way, the trepidation gave me the motivation to cover the stories of my sisters.
What were some key opportunities of growth that were important for you to tap into as you scale your business?
I recently left my role leading social media at The Cut to pursue EveryStylishGirl full-time and, while I loved being in the editorial world, it allowed me to grow my businesses and connect and amplify so many more women than I could imagine.
How did a Master's in journalism and your work with EveryStylishGirl translate to owning a lane career-wise as a contributing social editor for The Cut?
Honestly, getting into that position was so serendipitous. I was out to lunch with another editor friend, Indya Brown, who worked at The Cut at the time, and she mentioned they were hiring a social editor and she wanted me to go after it. At that time, I had never worked professionally for a traditional news company as a social editor and I didn't believe I had the skills to do it.
But I realized I was wrong because not only did I work as a social editor for myself for EveryStylishGirl but I launched my own successful social media company and grew it to 50K followers in under three years. Also, to top it all off, I did have a Master's in multimedia journalism. Therefore, all that self-doubt was once again just fear getting in the way.
Speaking of job titles and roles, how do you feel the work you’ve done in the past has acted as a roadmap to what you are doing now in life?
The job that has been most beneficial to my career growth has been the job I created for myself. Starting my own business in college is the main reason why I was able to get my foot in the door at The New York Times, ELLE Magazine, and The Cut. I always tell people, "Don't sleep on your daydreams." And I mean it because that side hustle will one day become your full-time job. It will get you in rooms and spaces much quicker than others who don't have a side hustle or small business. You're ahead of the game because you are your own lawyer, accountant, boss and copy editor, and content creator.
You have built immense skills in such a short period of time and that's a specialty not everyone can say they have experienced. It makes employers value your work ethic and know you can be scrappy and creative when needed. I thank ESG for everything I have today career-wise and I owe it to myself for creating my successful career.
"I always tell people, 'Don't sleep on your daydreams.' That side hustle will one day become your full-time job. It will get you in rooms and spaces much quicker than others who don't have a side hustle or small business. You're ahead of the game because you are your own lawyer, accountant, boss and copy editor, and content creator."
At EveryStylishGirl, I’ve noticed that you have given everyone on your staff some variation of the title of “Boss,” why is that? Do you think it is important that everyone feels like a leader on your team although you are the CEO and founder?
Yes, because we are all bosses. We might be on different levels but everyone is a boss because you wake up every day and choose to show up. It's not easy to be Black women, and we already have so much against us in the business world. It feels uplifting to carry that boss title when you go into work and know that you have to live up to that boss status. You have to lead, inspire and motivate those around you.
Access is important to you, especially when it comes to inclusivity, how can media do better at providing access to women of color and promoting inclusivity in their hires?
Hire women of color! You can't improve inclusivity without ensuring your teams are diverse first. This is one of the reasons we launched the EveryStylishGirl Biz directory. There is no longer an excuse for companies to say they can't find Black or Brown talent when there are resources to do so.
What is ESG doing to speak to those gaps specifically?
EveryStylishGirl's focus is elevating women of color through multiple channels. Our directory is a concrete way for us to bring women of color into companies at all levels while also creating visibility around these opportunities for these women to see them and apply. We consistently post job opportunities from our directory partners on social media so that women can see these opportunities firsthand and have the know-how to apply.
As a founder, what have been some of the biggest lessons you’ve learned about running a business?
Always find a mentor. You are only going to grow and improve if you talk to those who have experienced what you have coming. I learned that the key to success is to ask questions and know that no question is ever a dumb question in business. It's dumb to not know the answers or pretend that you know it all because that will get you nowhere. I highly recommend every business owner have company advisors and mentors. My mentors have saved me time, money, and unnecessary mistakes.
Have you ever experienced a major failure or mistake in your career? How did you bounce back?
My biggest mistake in my career was staying in a job for too long where I wasn't appreciated. I spent days frustrated and unhappy about my job but I was worried if I left I wouldn't find another job in time to keep up with my rent and financial responsibilities so I held onto my job as a crutch and it kicked me in the butt in the long run. I regret not listening to my gut and my intuition. It wasn't until I was let go from the company that I felt creative freedom. It was that moment ESG took off and my personal brand took off.
"I held onto my job as a crutch and it kicked me in the butt in the long run. I regret not listening to my gut and my intuition. It wasn't until I was let go from the company that I felt creative freedom. It was that moment ESG took off and my personal brand took off."
In a world where there is an unconscious divide between having a 9 to 5 and quitting your job to be your own boss, why was it important to you to have both?
A 9 to 5 is important because you get professional experience and earn income while you're trying to figure out how to grow your business. It is also a great way to build a network and net worth. Grow your contact list, cultivate relationships, and learn the ins and outs of the company, especially if it connects to your side hustle.
How are you able to successfully maintain a thriving business as a CEO and founder while maintaining a successful career as contributing social editor for NY Mag and The Cut?
Discipline is key. It truly takes discipline to say no to social outings with friends, vacations, and other distractions. I was in a hyper-focused mindset because I knew what my end goal was. My goal was to get the Cut to a strong following online, build an engaged community, create relationships, and transition into being my own boss. Once you know what the end goal is it's easy to have the focus to stay on track and cut out distractions but without that roadmap, I would have been lost.
How do you think being an employee feeds into your role as a CEO, if it all? How do you think being a CEO pours into your role as an employee?
I'm sympathetic to my employees. I understand what it's like to be learning and working for someone else's brand and trying to gauge their voice. It takes time and patience. I always give them that space to grow and I take them in as mentees. I am genuinely invested in their growth and getting them to the next level in their careers.
In a lot of ways, when I look at you and your brand, it seems like you embody the phrase, “I am my ancestors’ wildest dreams.” What would you tell women who might have fears surrounding creating and cultivating a life that speaks to them?
Spend five to ten years becoming an expert in something. It could be working a 9 to 5 for ten years or working on a side hustle for ten years, but if you could just do one of those then you could put yourself in a position to become an expert. When you become an expert, you can put yourself on the market to sell something. Once you have a business to sell something of your own, you can work towards being your own boss.
And lastly, who is Nana Agyemang outside of what she does?
I am very close to God because without God I wouldn't be where I am. I am incredibly loving and goofy at times. I love being around people that make me laugh. I enjoy self-care. I invest in good candles, perfumes, and leisure experiences. Lastly, I invest heavily in the success of my friends and family. I go above and beyond to help those around me get to the next level. I'm a giver and lover.
For more of Nana, follow her on Instagram @itsreallynana. Follow ESG @everystylishgirl and @everystylishgirlbiz.
Featured image courtesy of Nana Agyemang
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Whew, please hear me when I say that, no matter how much you love someone, if you say “I do” without addressing (and hopefully resolving) these issues before jumping somebody’s broom, you could be in for a really unpleasant marital experience…if not divorce court up the road.
And speaking of divorce, although it’s not discussed nearly enough, believe it or not, there are also things that should be considered divorce red flags — also glaring warning signs that you are about to blow up your union, if you don’t gather yourself together, talk to your partner (and, if need be a marriage therapist, counselor or life coach) and work to get things back on track.
After over 20 years of working with married couples, some of which were right on the brink of calling it quits, here are six of the consistent divorce red flags that I’ve noticed — along with a bit of advice on how to effectively handle them…so that you don’t end up ending your marriage, when there wasn’t a reason to.
1. Impatience
GiphyI promise you, with everything in me, I don’t get — not really — why impatient people get married. There are a billion-and-one reasons why it baffles me; however, we can start with Scripture telling us that “love is patient” (I Corinthians 13:4) and, as I’ve shared in other articles, patience isn’t just about knowing how to wait well, it’s also about “bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.” Please tell me that you really caught that second one because it clearly says that patient people are able to deal with things like annoyances and hardships by remaining calm and without complaining.
Now, be real — how many people do you know, married or not, who act like this? And yet, again, the Good Book pretty much says that this is one definition of what it means to truly love other individuals: you can deal with challenging times in a steady and mature fashion. And this is why I can’t think of one client who will tell you that I am not a big fan of people worshipping the god of happiness.
What I mean by that is — how many times have you watched a post on social media (shoot, probably today alone) where someone has said that they left their marriage because “I’m just not happy anymore”? SMDH. Some people aren’t going to want to hear this, but only children should expect to be happy all of the time — and even they need to be taught just how unrealistic that is. Where the big kids play is getting that HEALTHY should always trump HAPPY — and the people who truly grasp this concept, they tend to be better at being patient than those who think that everything should be about their happiness darn near every minute of every day.
While we’re here, what are some other signs of being an impatient individual (who is usually unhappy most of the time)?
- They always want things done in their time
- They use pressure, stress, and ultimatums to get things done
- They get frustrated whenever things don’t go as planned (which means they are inflexible)
- They constantly cut people off in conversations (which means that they don’t listen well)
- They don’t know how to relax and be in the moment
And this is just five signs, chile. Anyway, the reason why this tops the list of being a divorce red flag is because, if you’re thinking about ending your marriage because you don’t know to deal with disappointments or challenges or you think that your spouse should move in your timeframe, not only do you have some tremendously unrealistic beliefs about marriage but you do about humanity, in general. Not only that, but leaving your husband, just to get with someone else? That isn’t really going to change things.
Hmph. Let me tell it, the reason why 67 percent of second marriages and 74 percent of third ones also end in divorce is because people don’t take the saying “everywhere you go, there you are” seriously and literally enough. In other words — if you’re impatient with the partner you have now and you don’t make some changes within yourself about your issues with impatience, you will be the same way with the next guy…and the next…and the next.
Divorcing because you don’t know how to wait well and/or deal with things not always going how you would like? That is a serious divorce red flag.
2. Making Comparisons
GiphyI’m pretty sure you’ve heard the quote by Theodore Roosevelt that says, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” What that basically means is if you are caught up in looking at what others are doing or what others have, it can rob you of finding pleasure, contentment and satisfaction in your own life — and when you stop to think about the fact that the internet/social media didn’t even exist at the time that he said this…whew.
When it comes to the impact that the World Wide Web has on people, one study says that social media causes 90 percent of women and 60 percent of men to compare themselves to what they see online; not only that, but 40 percent of those same people say that it affects them in a negative way. Another study? It states that social media content plays a direct role in individuals having low self-esteem, while another study revealed that 88 percent of women said that their body image was impacted by what they see on social media. And y’all, still another study cited that 75 percent of folks assessed their self-worth by what they saw online. Geeze.
If you take all of this in and then add to it the fact that some studies say that one in seven marriages say that social media played a direct role in their divorce — although there used to be a time when folks were needing to be intentional about not comparing themselves to their relatives, friends and co-workers, now they need to avoid doing it with the hundreds of people who they are able to access online on a daily basis too.
That said, I don’t care how big someone’s engagement ring is, how many trips certain couples go on or how someone speaks about their partner — everyone’s relationship is different and unique and it is pretty close to ridiculous to participate in self-sabotaging behavior by creating problems in your marriage simply because you wish it was more like someone else’s.
If there are things that you genuinely want to do or accomplish, then get with your spouse and start making some plans; however, if your core motivation is to keep up with other people, actually, that is low-key a form of being unfaithful to your own relationship because you are putting so much energy into what other folks have going on that you are neglecting the man who is right in the bed with you. And yeah, that ain’t good.
3. Unforgivingness
GiphySomeone else who has no business getting married — people who are stubborn when it comes to forgiving other people. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say that it is rooted in complete delusion and/or egomania to think that people should give you grace and mercy when you’ve done wrong and yet you believe that can and even should weaponize forgiveness when it comes time for individuals to receive it from you.
What are some signs that you suck at forgiving other people?
- You constantly live in the past or bring it up (once it’s been addressed)
- You hold people’s faults over them like it’s a power trip
- You hold grudges for days and weeks on end
- You lack empathy and compassion (as if you don’t have faults as well)
- You keep trying to make people “pay” for what they have done
- You punish them by withholding engagement or intimacy (if it’s your spouse) from them
- You’re bitter
And yet, I can’t tell you how many times that a person has told me that they are ready to end their marriage because they told their spouse beforehand that if they did something ONE TIME, they were out — only for life to humble them by them doing that very thing and then begging for their partner to pardon them for it.
And if the first thing that some of you want to jump to is infidelity — first of all, reportedly only 20 percent of men and 13 percent of women, so this obsession with that topic really needs to cease. Besides, if you aren’t a good forgiver, things like your man hurting your feelings by not keeping a date, and you holding onto that? That can cause you to feel resentful over time which can make you want to make literal mountains out of molehills when it comes to other things that he does…things that wouldn’t be as big of a deal in your mind if you had let the original offense — which sometimes isn’t even an offense, it’s just a disappointment — go.
Some people aren’t going to want to hear this, and yet, still, it needs to be said: A lot of people end up divorcing, and it’s not because of abuse or cheating or anything as extreme. It’s because they leave very little room for error when it comes to their partner (which is unrealistic as hell) and so, since they aren’t good at forgiving, they don’t know how to handle it whenever someone makes a mistake (or a poor decision) — and so, they would rather leave than figure out how to heal the situation by forgiving their partner as their partner seeks a way to make things right.
And those people? They are never going to be in a healthy long-term relationship because the reality is that humans are fallible and will always need to be forgiven — ALL HUMANS (including oneself). People who don’t accept this, they are the unforgiving types who are a constant example of a divorce red flag.
4. Selfishness
GiphyI ain’t gonna lie — the times when I do tiptoe out into social media to see what folks are talking about and I watch even five minutes of relationship-related content, the first thing that comes to my mind is a whole lot of people are not emotionally mature enough for marriage, just by their selfishness alone. By definition, to be selfish is to be self-consumed and anyone who is consistently concerned about what they can get out of a relationship without even considering another individual — they are selfish. Not to mention the fact that Scripture shows us how to love and care for other people, especially our spouse:
"Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others. Love does not count up wrongs that have been done." (I Corinthians 13:5-NCV)
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." (Philippians 2:3-4-NIV)
Did you catch it? If you truly love someone, you won’t be selfish, and if you want to show someone how much you care for them, selfish ambition cannot come into play. What this means is you’ve got to operate from a place of humility and be willing to take their own needs, wants, and interests into consideration.
Sometimes, when I’m in a session with a couple, all I hear is selfishness coming out, whether it’s from one or both sides. It’s not that they don’t still love each other. It’s not that they regret getting married. No, what they are struggling with is they either thought that marriage was going to be about their needs taking precedent most of the time or that they didn’t seriously consider the fact that, sometimes, they would need to put their own desires on hold for the betterment of their partner and oftentimes the relationship overall.
You know, when I recently read an article on some of the traits of a selfish person, three that stood out to me were that selfish people hate to compromise, selfish people put their wants above anything else, and selfish people don’t care about other people’s feelings. And these are the kinds of people who file for divorce on a daily basis — and that is both childish and sad.
Another thing to keep in mind about selfishness is it tends to be supremely self-centered — this presents itself as folks who are “good” at dominating conversations, skirting around accountability and responsibility and refusing to put themselves in other people’s shoes…and oftentimes, it takes a spouse “putting up a mirror” to their partner to show them that they are exactly this way.
If you just read all of this and you low-key feel triggered by it, ponder if what you currently think “isn’t working” about your marriage is more about you being more selfish than you should be. Because if you don’t learn that lesson in this relationship, you’ll just keep self-sabotaging other ones along the way — romantic ones especially, because no one really wants to be with someone who only focuses on themselves. Not for the long haul, anyway
5. A Lack of Research
GiphySeveral years back, I penned an article for the platform entitled, “What Some People Regret About Their Divorce.” You know, one of the things that I absolutely loathe about how people date these days is they think that boyfriends are husbands, girlfriends are wives, and break-ups are divorces — and that is why so many people don’t really get the weight of what marriage and ending one really is. SMDH.
And that’s why, it doesn’t surprise me in the least that one study says one-third of people who divorce end up regretting doing it. I say that because, just like not nearly enough people get into premarital counseling before saying “I do” (check out “Why You Should Strongly Consider Premarital Counseling BEFORE Getting Engaged”), not enough married couples “get their oil changed” at least a couple of times a year by speaking with a reputable marriage counselor, therapist or life coach and definitely not enough will see one of these professionals before ending their union. And because of this, people make ignorant and/or rash, and/or emotionally charged decisions without really thinking about the fallout that can come from them.
For starters, did you know that more heart attacks happen to divorced men than non-divorced men? Meanwhile, women who’ve been divorced two or more times increase their risk of having a heart attack by a whopping 77 percent. In fact, people who get divorced are reportedly 20 percent more likely to experience health-related issues overall. Divorce also tends to lead to a significant increase in depression and anxiety, and there are all kinds of ways that it can jack up your finances, including taxes, assets, and retirement.
When it comes to what divorce can do to children, there is plenty of data out here that says it can lead to them having significant emotional issues, problems in school and it increases their chances of having substance abuse issues later down the road (and that’s just the tip of the iceberg of what it can do).
Can you survive a divorce if you get one? Sure you can. All I’m saying is, before you just “up and get one” — don’t let two random posts from some random ranters on Instagram have you out here thinking that it’s “no biggie” to divorce when it absolutely is. Do some thorough research into what the consequences of ending your marriage will be; treat it like it’s a dissertation. Folks who don’t take this advice — have mercy are they ignoring a HUGE divorce red flag.
6. Emotional Immaturity
GiphyLast one. Some people? Some of them are too emotionally immature for marriage or even a romantic relationship, in general. And what are some signs of emotional immaturity? Good question.
- Emotionally immature people don’t know how to control their emotions
- Emotionally immature people deflect and make excuses whenever they are called out
- Emotionally immature people hit below the belt during conflict
- Emotionally immature people constantly want to be the center of attention
- Emotionally immature people pout and/or throw temper tantrums
- Emotionally immature people rarely, if ever, self-reflect
- Emotionally immature people constantly deflect whenever topics make them uncomfortable
- Emotionally immature people are inconsistent and unpredictable
- Emotionally immature people tend to be passive-aggressive and/or defensive a lot of the time
- Emotionally immature people absolutely suck at listening because they only want to be heard
A while back, I watched a Tubi movie entitled What Fairytale? Boy, talk about some emotionally immature (and highly selfish) married folks. SMDH. Speaking of, a really good movie that’s currently loaded up on there as well is calledParachute — and boy, is it a big bright light about what it looks like to be codependent and in a relationship. Lawd.
My point of mentioning both of these films is, in their own way, they show what happens when one or two people are so emotionally immature (perhaps without even knowing it) that they have this Disney perception of marriage to the point where they make reckless and/or entitled and/or childish and/or impulsive and/or even ridiculous decisions about their relationship when that they really should do is do some self-reflecting and then get the professional help and support that they need to see and handle their marriage from a more mature and evolved space.
Emotionally immature folks? There probably isn’t a bigger divorce red flag than this one.
____
I’ve been working with married couples for a long time, y’all, with an emphasis on reconciling divorces. And you know what? Something that I’ve realized is that a ton of marriages can be saved when people 1) recognize divorce red flags when they see them and 2) get that divorce is a very serious decision that has a truly lasting impact…on all parties involved.
It can’t be said enough that a red flag is a warning. Today is a warning that you could be considering a divorce when you really shouldn’t be. If you see these red flags, talk to your spouse, hit up a professional, and get around some healthy married people.
Never ignore red flags. Address them. It can — and typically does — spare you. A LOT.
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