

How To Navigate Family Dynamics During The Holiday Season
Celebrating the holidays is going to look a lot different this year. The holidays can be stressful for many. Now, with a pandemic and an economic crisis, it is filled with uncertainty. All of us are trying to navigate through something. These are trying times, as some of us have lost jobs or loved ones to COVID-19. We all want the comfort of our families, young and old. But we also want to protect the health of our loved ones too.
But no matter the circumstance, when you sit down to eat Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, there is always that one aunty that has to be in your business. It's like they have this impulsive need to ask you a million questions. Why are you single? When are you getting married? Are you planning to have a baby? Their mouth just cannot hold water and rumors spread like wildfire. And from my experience, family rumors are the worst. This same aunty must comment on your body image too. Like it is their God-given right to tell you how much weight you've gained, or you need to eat some food.
The A-U-D-A-C-I-T-Y.
And then there are the estranged family members. It's like being the elephant in the room; noticeable, questionable, and silent. It's something that no one wants to bring up or mention. You can feel the tension in the room. It's thick and heavy, just waiting to be cut with a knife. The drama is real and sometimes is never-ending. And this is what we call a generational curse. One wrong comment can trigger World War III.
For others, holidays are NOT the most wonderful time of year. Maybe you can't be home with your family because of work, school, military deployment, or the current state of the world. Maybe you have lost a family member and you're still grieving. You prefer to be alone and sit with your feelings. And that's OK. Take the time you need. Maybe you have a toxic family member, and you need to protect your peace. That's OK too. Just thinking about my own toxic family gives me anxiety but that's a different story. And maybe you don't have any family at all. `
Family can be loving and warm, but they also can be overwhelming and bothersome. And yet no one wants to be alone for the holidays. For whatever reason, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, New Year's Eve, and New Year's Day are just hard.
So, how do you navigate family dynamics during the holidays, you ask? I can tell you how.
Boundaries
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Boundaries are what keep you sane, especially around the holidays. If you're not creating and practicing boundaries, I insist you do. Boundaries keep you from any stress or hurt you might feel from family interactions. Establishing boundaries with family seems hard, but I promise it's easy. A boundary can look like showing up, being present for a few hours, and sneaking out. It can also be a quick stop by, with an excuse to leave "due to other plans". A boundary can also look like choosing not to engage in certain conversations. This means using your voice to express where you stand on certain dinner table topics. Either way, there is a level of security in keeping your boundaries intact.
Limit Your Time
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Don't feel obligated to spend your entire Thanksgiving or Christmas with your family just because it's the norm or expectation. Have a conversation with yourself and ask yourself these questions. How much time do you want to spend with your family? What part of my day do I want to set aside for family? How does my family make me feel during the holidays? Is it necessary to be with family on this day? You can even pick and choose which holidays you choose to give to your family. Because who said you have to be present for every single Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve anyway. Feel free to put your family on an annual holiday rotation. Trust me, you will thank me later.
Use Technology
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If you can't go home for the holidays or spending time with family is not an option for you, get you some good ole' FaceTime in with your loved ones in a video chat. There are so many options to connect with family through technology. Set a time and date and enjoy a virtual holiday meal with your family. I mean, it's 2020. We have Zoom, Houseparty, WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger, Instagram, Snapchat, and Telegram. We have no excuse. This way, you're able to see family, feel the holiday feels, be safe, and still be able to protect your peace.
Gather With Friends
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Nowadays, Friendsgiving has become more relevant than an actual Family Thanksgiving. The presence of nonjudgmental friends having dinner, drinks, and talking. No questions asked. But if questions are asked, it's in a safe space. Friends know the meaning of boundaries, unlike family, which makes gathering with friends much more pleasant than being with actual family.
Do Your Own Thing
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When all else fails, including boundaries, do your own thing. You can enjoy your own company during the holiday season. Yes, you read that right. There is nothing wrong with it and don't let anyone tell you differently. It is perfectly OK to get into the holiday spirit alone. Decorate your home, cook a holiday meal for one, and buy yourself some Christmas gifts too. Enjoy a staycation, order take out, bake Christmas cookies, sip on some hot chocolate or a holiday cocktail, and binge-watch your favorite holiday movies. Take that solo holiday vacation to the tropics because the Caribbean is always nice. We are moving towards less traditional holiday celebrations anyway.
I have learned to do all of these things because of my own family dynamics. I set boundaries with my parents and my brother. When I do see my family, I limit my time with them to a few hours or less. And no, I do not feel guilty. I have FaceTime dates with my dad every now and then. And since I live 2,000 plus miles away in a different state, my friends have become "framily". I typically spend holidays with them. Oh, and this year, I am taking that holiday vacation to the Caribbean.
Every holiday season, navigating family dynamics sends my anxiety through the roof followed by feelings of loneliness. It's inevitable. I long for my family. We all do. Our first memories of any holiday are with our families. The key is to continue to make yourself happy regardless of your family dynamics. It's important to keep pouring into yourself because some family or circumstances may never change. But you can still show your family love and appreciation during the holidays, it's just going to look a little different this year.
And at all costs, please protect your peace.
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Camille is a lover of all things skin, curls, music, justice, and wanderlust; oceans and islands are her thing. Her words inspire and her power is her voice. A California native with Trinidadian roots, she has penned personal essays, interviews, and lifestyle pieces for POPSUGAR, FEMI magazine, and SelfishBabe. Camille is currently creating a life she loves through words, self-love, fitness, travel, and empowerment. You can follow her on Instagram @cam_just_living or @written_by_cam.
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Why Do Millennials & Gen-Zers Still Feel Like Teenagers? The Pandemic Might Be The Reason.
There’s nothing quite as humbling as navigating adulthood with no instruction manual. Since the turn of the decade, it seems like everything in our society that could go wrong has, inevitably, gone wrong. From the global pandemic, our crippling student debt problem, the loneliness crisis, layoffs, global warming, recession, and not to mention figuring out what to eat for dinner every night. This constant state of uncertainty has many of us wondering, when are the grown-ups coming to fix all of this?
But the catch is, we are the new grown-ups.
As if it happened without our permission, we became the new adults. We are the members of society who are paying taxes, having children, getting married, and keeping our communities afloat, one iced latte at a time. Still, there’s something about doing all these grown-up duties that feel unnaturally grown-up. Enter the #teenagegirlinher20s.
If there’s one hashtag to give you the state of the next cohort of adults, it’s this one. Of the videos that have garnered over 3.9M views, you’ll find a collection of users who are overwhelmed by life’s pressing existential responsibilities, clung to nostalgia, and reminiscent of the days when their mom and dad took care of their insurance plans.
@charlies444ngel no like i cant explain to her why i had to buy multiple tank air dupes from aritzia #teenagegirlinher20s #fyp
The concept of being a 20-something or 30-something teenager is linked to the sentiment of not feeling “grown up enough” to do grown-up things while feeling underprepared and even nihilistic about whether that preparation even matters.
It’s our generation’s version of when we ask our grandmothers how old they are and they simply reply with, “I still feel 45,” all while being every bit of 76 years old. In this, we share a warped concept of time while clinging to a desire for infantilization.
Granted, the pandemic did a number on our concept of time. Many of us who started the pandemic in our early or mid-20s missed out on three fundamental years of socialization, career development, and personal milestones that traditionally help to mark our growth.
Our time to figure out and plan our next steps through fumbling yet active participation was put on pause indefinitely and then resumed provisionally. This in turn has left many of us hanging in the balance of uncertainty as we try to make sense of the disconnect between our minds and bodies in this missing gap of time.
Because we’re all still figuring out what the ramifications of being locked away and frozen in time by a global pandemic will have on us as a society, there really is no “right” way of making up for lost time. Feeling unprepared for any new chapter of life is a natural rite of passage, pandemic or not. However, it’s important to not stay stuck in the last age or period of life that made sense to us because self-growth is the truest evidence of personal progress.
So whether you’re leaning on your inner child, teenager, or 20-something for guidance as you fill the gap between your real age and pandemic age, know that it’s okay to grieve the person you thought you would be and the milestones you thought you’d hit before you ever knew what a pandemic was. If there’s anything that the pandemic taught us, it’s that we have the power to reimagine a better world and life for ourselves. And if we tap into our inner teenager as a compass, we can piece together our next chapter with a fresh outlook.
Sure, we’ve lost a couple of years, but there are still some really amazing ones ahead.
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