For some us, Thanksgiving won't be spent with grandma and her infamous mac and cheese or auntie's super-sweet sweet potato pie. Whether it's due to work obligations, finances, or the choice to save that coin for the Christmas flight home, some of us have to forgo the traditional experience for one that's a bit more local and practical.
Missing out on seeing family during the holidays can be a drag, but one thing that often kept my spirits up when I couldn't travel to see family--especially as a media professional often on deadline, paying expensive rent, or on a limited budget---would be having a Friendsgiving.
If you find yourself in this situation, here are a few tips to combat holiday FOMO and slay your Friendsgiving:
1.Get with the fun and be creative.
Shutterstock
Every great Friendsgiving I've ever been part of included music and games. Gather up the rest of your friends and pool your resources for games and playlists. Try a creative game of Twister, a stay-at-home sip-and-paint with wine and art supplies, or get a good Black Card Revoked card game going.
2.Put your cooking skills to the test.
For a Friendsgiving, I'd always challenge myself to learn something different to cook and bring for the potluck. I loved planning the grocery list and menu themes for these events. The great thing about this is that you can get away from the usual, and try something new. It also helped me expand the range of meals I can now whip up on the spot.
3.Give gifts early.
Shutterstock
This is a great opportunity to go ahead and offer a token of thanks for great friendship and, if you don't plan to be in town for Christmas, to offer gifts before you leave. Also, this can serve as a thoughtful preview to Christmas if planned as an organized activity for you and your friends to promote gratitude.
4.Plan a volunteer activity.
A friend of mine used to volunteer at a local soup kitchen during the Thanksgiving holiday, and afterward, she would continue with her usual Thanksgiving stops at various family members homes. Before the dinner, coordinate time with your friends to volunteer and choose something that's dear to all of your hearts. It's great for bonding and yet another reminder of things to be thankful for.
5.Create an after-dinner tradition.
Shutterstock
At home, my cousins and I would all go to the movies to see a new release. This was a yearly tradition since we were teens, and as we got older, it was our way---as members of the younger generations of the family---to get away from those annoying older family members who'd ask questions like, "When are you getting married?" or "When are you having children?" For Friendsgiving, I would coordinate the same tradition with friends when I couldn't travel home. Try attending a Thanksgiving-night party, bar-hopping, bowling, or karaoke. Just enjoy and think about the bonds you're strengthening.
Did you know that xoNecole has a new podcast? Join founder Necole Kane, and co-hosts Sheriden Chanel and Amer Woods, for conversations over cocktails each and every week by subscribing to xoNecole Happy Hour podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
What To Wear & How To Style Holiday Party Event
20 Recipes For The Perfect Thanksgiving Meal
8 Tips For Meeting Bae's Family During The Holidays
How I Navigate The Holidays As A Child Of Divorce
Featured image by Shutterstock
- 10 Tips for a Sustainable Friendsgiving | NRDC ›
- 10 Tips Tried and True Tips for Friendsgiving - copycatchic ›
- 50 Friendsgiving Tips and Ideas ›
- Start a New Tradition: How to Host an Amazing Friendsgiving ... ›
- 8 tips for hosting the best 'Friendsgiving' - Business Insider ›
- 9 Tips, Tricks, And Hacks To Try At Your Friendsgiving ›
- How to Throw the Best Friendsgiving - Thanksgiving With Friends Tips ›
- 8 Tips To Hosting The Most Successful Friendsgiving Ever | SELF ›
- Our Best Tips for Organizing and Hosting Friendsgiving | Kitchn ›
- 10 Tips for Hosting an Amazing Friendsgiving Feast | Taste of Home ›
RELATED
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
Fortunately, five simple words have simplified my dating process and ushered in clarity faster: “Would my husband do this?”
A couple of years ago, I met an entertainment lawyer who was tonguing down a twenty-something-year-old woman for breakfast while I slurped my green smoothie and chomped on a flatbread sandwich. Okay, Black love, I grinned and thought as I sauntered out of the Joe & The Juice. As soon as I stepped down from the front door, a torrential downpour of Miami summer rain cascaded and throttled me back inside to wait out the storm.
I grabbed a hot green tea and vacillated between peering out the wet door and anxiously checking my watch. My lengthy agenda started with attending the Tabitha Brown and Chance Brown’s “Black Love” panel, and I was already late. That’s when the lawyer introduced himself to me, after he made a joke about neither one of us wanting to get soaked by the rain. His female companion had braved the storm, leaving us to find our commonalities.
We both lived in L.A. and had traveled to the American Black Film Festival to expand our network. He represented various artists, including entertainment writers, while I was working as a writer/creative producer in Hollywood.
While there is no shortage of internet advice on how to strategically meet a prominent man at conferences, if I spend my hard-earned funds on career growth, I have tunnel vision, and that doesn’t include finding Mr. Right. So, I stowed his contact details away as strictly professional.
Keep It Cute Love And Hip Hop GIFGiphyAs the humidity and mosquitoes were rising around L.A., two months later, another suitor-turned-terrible match cooled off after three unimpressive dates and a bevy of red flags. I posted what some of my friends called a thirst trap, but it was really me wearing a black freakum jumpsuit with a plunging neckline to my friend’s 35th birthday soiree despite feeling oh, so unsexy and bloated on my cycle.
I’d been waiting to post a sassy caption and finally had the perfect picture to match: “You not asking for too much, you just asking the wrong MF.”
That’s when the entertainment lawyer swooped into my DMs and asked me to dinner. I was quite confused. Is he asking me on a date? Or is this professional? Common sense would’ve picked the former. Once it clicked that this would in fact be a date, I told my mentor, who’s been happily married for over twenty years and has often been a guiding light and has steered me away from the wrong men.
Upon telling him about how we met, he emphatically stated, “He ain’t it.” He followed up with a simple question, "You have to ask yourself: Would my husband do this? Would you tell others that you met your husband, tonguing down another woman, and later married him?"
Aint It No Way GIF by UFCGiphyOuch. The thought-provoking question cleared any haze. Prior to going out with the lawyer, the first thing I inquired about was the woman.
“You saw that?” He said, taken aback that I’d witnessed his steamy PDA. Surely, anyone with two open eyes peeped him caressing her backside as he kissed her in the middle of the coffee shop.
He brushed her off as a casual someone he’d gone on a couple of dates with but had since stopped talking to. He said he hadn’t been in a serious relationship in over three years. Though I was still doubtful, dating in L.A. is treacherous and ephemeral. Making it past three months is considered a rarity.
With my antennae alert, I dined with him at a cozy beachside steakhouse restaurant where we were serenaded by a live jazz band. I’d emphasized forming a platonic friendship first.
Break Up Friendship GIF by TLCGiphy“I’ll come to you,” he obliged. I liked that he had made me a priority by driving over 50 miles to see me. I also liked the effort he made to check in with me daily. But I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he initiated on a professional pretense and then alley hooped through the back door on a romantic venture, which bombarded me with confusion.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my dating life, God is not the author of confusion; any man who brings confusion, rather than clarity, is simply not The One. It doesn’t matter how many boxes he checks–eventually, that confusion will manifest itself into bigger problems, in time.
After diving into deeper conversations on the phone, post our first dinner date, I quickly realized this man was indeed not The One for me. But I’m grateful for the valuable lesson I learned.
I don’t expect some unattainable fairytale of a husband; we all have our own flaws and conflict is inevitable, but after dating for two decades, through failure and success, I’ve realized that the person I ultimately marry must mirror the values I exert into the world. He must reciprocate kindness, patience, and respect. He must be quick to listen and slow to respond. He needs to be forgiving and trustworthy, practice healthy communication, and be a man of his word at the bare minimum.
If I’d had “Would my husband do this?” in my toolbox when I was dating and floundering in stagnant relationships, in my twenties, it would’ve saved me a lot of precious time. But now that I’m equipped with the reminder, it’s allowed me to ground myself in my non-negotiables and set/maintain the standard for the special person, I’ll one day say, “I do,” to.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by stockbusters/Getty Images