This Viral Video Is A Reminder That "Godfidence" Is The Key To Alignment In 2018
I know, I know. It's only January 2nd and your Twitter feed might be exhausted with everyone's talk of 2018 and their goals for the new year. Or maybe you're jaded with the idea of the first of a new month being the time to restart and get brand new on folks.
I say, don't give up too soon on the idea when there are gold nuggets of realization waiting to be found.
2017 was a year of some of the greatest tribulations for me but also some of the greatest triumphs. I sincerely forgave my abusers of the past and worked towards releasing the baggage of my emotional skeletons that I had been carrying around for so long; I also stepped into a new role as an observer and was able to witness my own doing in the pain that has left many wounds on my spirit. Being able to step out of my own skin to see my hand in self-victimization was the moment I built muscle around once-broken bones. It was the realization that life, and all of the pains and tears and tests happens FOR me, to build and grow, rather than TO me.
Twitter user @Stephiesosoul articulately broke down her learned lesson from 2017 in a video that is short and sweet to the soul. The video went viral the day of New Years Eve and the magic in it is a reminder of the beauty of light that lies in the darkness of our own victimization.
"There is a world of outcomes that we don't see, and maybe being put on this path is what it takes for you to get to that path that you want. It's never just, 'Things have to be A, B, C.' You don't know the endless possibilities that can happen, so sometimes when we're put on a path we think 'OMG everything went wrong.' No. Things are exactly how they're supposed to be going. It's just your perspective of victimization that can change that. You have to see that life happens FOR you, never TO you. So, if there is a change that did not match whatever you had planned - A, B, and C - just know that it is because it is to align you. Have that faith, that GODFIDENCE, that I'm confident wherever I land I'm going to land on my feet. I land on my feet standing and I'm only there because that's wherever I have to be to get to where I've been praying for."
Steph's message was powerful. Sometimes we don't see the answers that surround us because we are too busy mourning the death of our expectations. The path we are on is not a mistake. It's leading us to where we are meant to go and who we are meant to be.
In her video, Stephie was a sister in the mirror reminding me of the algorithm of the universe - that what is happening is for me and not working against me. There are pains that have shaped us and trials that have carved us, but we will not be able to admire our new shape of growth unless we remove the salt of the past from out of our eyes and away from our wounds. The truths in the video reminded me that once we are able to recognize the purpose in everything we go through, our tears will be honey to our wounds.
This new year should be welcomed with open arms, so I am dropping my chains and the baggage I've traveled with for so long. This new year is the time and space I need to accomplish everything I wish to achieve, so I am reminding myself of my ability to move mountains. This new year is a clean canvas for me to paint my vision in HD, so I am utilizing my soul tools to color my future outside the lines.
In 2018, we are all landing on our feet and walking toward our God-given purpose.
Featured image via Instagram
Olivia Jade is a writer and creative engineer, intersecting wellness, culture, womanism, and self-development. She waters the flowers in her mind so others can recognize their own internal garden. Link up: @akaoliviajade (Twitter and IG) oliviajade.co
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images