One day, I randomly — or maybe not so “randomly” — stumbled upon some information about our bodies and how they age. If you want to check the article out for yourself, you can read ithere.
The gist was addressing the fact that while some people think that our bodies “turnover” every seven years or so (as far as cell renewal goes), the reality is that parts like our skin and gut renew themselves (again, cell-wise) every few months while our heart and skeletal system typically take more than seven years to “flip.”
That got me thinking about the number seven, in general — which sent me down a bit of an online research rabbit hole. For instance, another article that I read came via Harper's BAZAAR’s website: “Have you checked in with your seven-year cycle?”
It was published a couple of years ago and touched on the fact that since “7” is a number that is reflected in things like nature, religion, and even art, why shouldn’t we look at holistic aging as a cycle of sevens, too?
I mean, since sevenbiblically represents completion, theangel number 7 means things like introspection and hidden truths, and even certain things about nature revolve around seven (likethe rainbow has seven colors — Genesis 9:12-13) — imagine if we did actually look at our lives (along with the things that happen in it) in cycles of seven?
And that got me looking for some intel on relationships (as far as the number goes). When it comes to marriage, most of you have probably heard of the seven-year itch before; it’s the belief that around the seven-year mark, one or both spouses will find themselves becoming either restless or dissatisfied to the point where they may consider splitting up during that time, more than any other, in their marriage. Okay, but what about friendships? Does seven mean anything in those types of dynamics?
Good question and actually, I did find something rather fascinating when it comes to that specifically. Check it out, and then hop in the comments to let me know what you think. Apparently, seven years may hold more weight with your homies (or former homies) than you might think.
What “7” Does to Friendships (According to Science)
GiphyBack when I was in my 20s and the early part of my 30s, I’ve got to admit that I encountered some semi-devastating shifts in some of my friendships. And listen, if you think that I’m exaggerating on the devastating tip, you should read articles like TIME’s “Why Ending a Friendship Can Be Worse Than a Breakup,” HuffPost UK’s “Why Friendship Breakups Can Be More Devastating Than Romantic Ones," or xoNecole's "My Female Friendships Were The Most Heartbreaking & Loving Relationships Of My Twenties."
Depending on how long you’ve been friends with someone, what causes the friendship to end, and/or how the friendship ended, the experience can damn near take your breath away.
I think a part of the reason is that most of us don’t see our friendships having an expiration date; in our minds, if we decide to let our guard down and call you “friend,” we expect you to be around for the long haul. However, when that doesn’t happen, sometimes we simply aren’t prepared for that, and so it ends up feeling like a punch to the gut (check out “How To Heal From A Broken Friendship” and “What It Takes To Heal A Broken Friendship.”)
As far as what was going on with me and my friendships personally, I think my (biggest) issue was I had a pattern of picking people who reflected some of the dynamics that I had with certain relatives. Therefore, so-called friends would suck attaking personal accountability and oftentimes would get ghost (check out “I Was 'Ghosted' By My Best Friend”). I also had friends who appeared self-confident (because most of them were physically beautiful) and yet either had really low self-esteem or low-key jealousy issues (check out “5 Signs Your Closest Friends Are The Most Envious Of You” and “Your Friends Are Thriving. You? Not So Much. How To Deal.”).
Not to mention that many of them liked to play the victim a lot (check out “It's Time To Get Out Of The 'Drama Triangles' In Your Relationships” and “Are You Being Manipulated? Are You Manipulative? Here's The Breakdown.”). Yet again, I get why I gravitated towards a lot of that because I was used to that type of energy being in my space; it was familiar to me even though it wasn’t right.
Once I recognized all of this for what it was, I switched up how I moved in friendships, and honestly, I haven’t had any friendship drama in quite some time (praise the Lord!). Come to think of it, the last time (and that was because I “took a hit” to protect a friend), ironically, was probably about seven or so years ago.
SEVEN. YEARS. AGO. Hmm. Is that a coincidence? Not according to science. For instance,one study that was conducted between individuals aged 18-65 shared that while 30 percent of individuals still had the same friends, 48 percent did not. Over what span of time? Seven years.
For the record,these findings pretty much stated that the seven-year change was mostly due to convenience and opportunity more than anything else.
In other words, if people change jobs, move, or even enter into a relational status where they are around a different group of folks (like goingfrom being single to being married), and that happens to be within a seven-year cycle, then their intimate interactions with people may shift based on that. Makes sense.
However, if seven symbolizes completion, hidden truths, and introspection, and if, like aging, we chose to look at friendships from a seven-cycle standpoint, could our relational transitions be about a helluva lot more than that too? I think so.
It’s Okay If Your Friendships Shift As You Do. It Really Is.
GiphyIt’s another message for another time, just how problematic it is in our culture that we’re less bothered by ending a marriage than a friendship. Vows are taken in marriage, sacred promises are made before God, one another, and loved ones — that isn’t usually the case with friends.
And honestly, from that point alone, we really need to give ourselves more grace when it comes to transitions that are made in friendships. For one thing, sometimes we become friends with people who we never should’ve in the first place — however, our trauma (or drama) or lack of understanding of self and what we actually need may have caused us to choose unwisely.
Beyond that, though, if personal evolution can cause us to change careers, life desires, or even our personal style, why can’t it also result in us having different wants in our relationships with other individuals? And if the ones who we are currently friends with cannot or aren’t willing to give us what we need, based on who we are now, why is it a bad thing to move from friendship into something else?
Because, as I say often to some of my clients, “There is a lot of space between ‘friend’ and ‘enemy’” — meaning that just because someone may no longer be a friend (especially a close friend), that doesn’t mean that y’all can’t ever enjoy a drink after work or that you have to roll your eyes at each other in the mall. You can be at peace with someone who you no longer consider to be a friend, mutually so. Trust me, I would know.
Because really, what are friends designed to do in the first place? Have you ever really thought about that before?
- A friend should encourage, support, and celebrate you.
- A friend should hold you accountable.
- A friend should be a safe space for your feelings and secrets.
- A friend should be trustworthy and reliable.
- A friend should help you to grow and evolve.
- A friend should be honest with you and help you to be honest with yourself.
- A friend should respect your thoughts, values, and boundaries — and, in many ways, complement them.
- A friend should give as much as they take (one way or another).
- A friend should not tell you what you want to hear but what you need to know.
- A friend should help to make you a better person, just by knowing them.
And to tell you the truth, based on where you are in life and the certain types of hidden truths and times of introspection that are revealed to you over time, friends may change; friends may need to change. Know what else? Based on how aggressive you are about your self-evolution, your friendships may shift more often than other people’s tend to do.
Yeah, I can speak to that as well because, as my mother used to tell me, “You are very violent about your peace and your growth.” Violent would be correct. And so, the more that I want to grow, heal, and move out of certain things, sometimes that has come at the risk or cost of certain folks no longer being in the “inner temple” of my life because they are simply focused on being somewhere else — and you know what?
I’m not being a friend to myself if I slow my own progress down just so I can continue to walk at the same pace as others. Sometimes, you’ve gotta say, “Thanks for bringing me to this point and place in my life,” and then keep moving forward…even if that means leaving them behind or that the two of you have simply hit a fork in the road and you’re going in two different directions.
Now what would be super fascinating is if coming to this point and place in your life happens on a seven-year cycle. Hey, but now that this has been (formally) introduced into your space, it’s definitely worth pondering, right? Is it that you don’t have friendships that last? Or is it more that you tend to become a different version of yourself around every seven years, and your social circles tend to reflect that? Hmm.
Just imagine if our goal in our friendships was to do our part to help individuals “complete” something in their lives as they did the same thing for us. And if that completion means that we don’t need them in the same way (and they don’t need us in the same way either), we’re not angry, embarrassed, or overthinking it — we simply accept that for what it is: the lesson was learned, the evolution transpired, the revelation was had…friend, I thank you.
Some friendships?They were always toxic.
Some friendships? Woundedness happened, andsome healing needs to take place.
Others? It could just be that they completed their purpose. We should honor that with love and light and simply move on. Whether that’s every few years, every seven, or decades up the pike — so be it. As long as both people got what they ultimately needed — it’s all good. Literally.
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Now, while it’s another message for another time that if this type of sex-related craving feels impulsive or out of one’s control, it could be a sign of someone who is leaning into some level of sex addiction; however, that is not what we’re going to unpack today. Today, we’re going to look into what could be going on with you if it seems like, lately, you’ve been having a greater desire for sex, and you can’t quite pinpoint why.
Because, just like, say, a craving for a particular type of food oftentimes reveals something that is going on with you physically or mentally — sex cravings tend to bring certain things to light in those same areas, too.
Let’s dig in…
Hormonal Shifts
GiphyAlthough I don’t have social media accounts, I do tiptoe out there to see what’s going on — and boy, do I roll my eyes whenever I hear folks act like being over 40 is old. SMDH. It’s especially annoying when I hear about it in the context of sex because, believe it or not, there are a lot of late perimenopausal and menopausal women who are “gettin’ theirs” more than some of these 20 and 30-year-olds are (just ask them).
One reason is that the fear of experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, for many, is now in their rearview mirror. Another is because some are taking a form of hormone therapy to treat the changes that their system is going through — and when you’re getting more estrogen, progesterone, and/or testosterone into your body (in order to level things out) — HUNNAY.
For other women, even consuming phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogen) like peaches, garlic, berries, spinach, and cabbage can make them want sex more than when those aren’t a part of their diet. Bottom line here, a shift in your sexual hormones can definitely cause you to desire sex more than you have before (or have in a while).
Ovulation
GiphyBack when I was a teen mom director for the local chapter of a national non-profit, something that I used to tell “my daughters” all of the time is when you know that you’re ovulating, that’s when you need to be hypervigilant about using wisdom when it comes to the sex-related decisions that you make. I’m thinking that most of you get why: your body was designed to feel its horniest when you’re able to get pregnant — and that is during your time of ovulation.
That’s why it really is a good idea to keep up with your cycle and, if a baby is not something that is on your priority list right now, you either avoid having sex during that time of the month or make sure to use some form of birth control. Chile, even women with low libidos can find themselves wanting to hang off of a chandelier or two when they are ovulating. It’s nature’s way.
A Healthy Diet
GiphyIf you happen to be someone with a sluggish sex drive and you know that you spend most of your time in a drive-thru, there is probably a direct correlation there. No joke. There is plenty of research out in cyberspace to support the fact that a wack diet and low sex drive have a lot in common. While processed foods and unhealthy fats can throw your (sex) hormones off, foods that are filled with zinc, vitamins B12 and D, and iron can ramp up your desire for intimacy.
This is why many people who decide to make a lifestyle change as far as their eating habits are concerned are oftentimes surprised by how much sex is on their minds and how much easier it is for them to orgasm because of it. While a part of it can be due to a boost in their sexual confidence, a lot of it has to do with consuming foods that will literally feed their libido (in a healthy way).
More Exercise
GiphyPlainly put, exercise makes you hornier. Not only does it boost your testosterone levels, (consistently) working out also lowers your stress levels and gives you a boost in the self-esteem department. On top of that, exercise makes you more flexible, builds up endurance, and increases blood circulation which can turn around and intensify your climaxes as a direct result. In fact, this is oftentimes why people will want to have sex right after a workout session.
While we’re here, let me also share that too much of a good thing can end up being counterproductive. What I mean by that is, that although it is wise to exercise on a regular basis, make sure to not overdo it. Something known as overtraining syndrome can result in fatigue, insomnia, and irritability; no one can really have amazing sex when all of that is going on.
Being a Certain Age
GiphyWhile it used to be said that the sexual peak for men is in their teens and for women, it’s in their 30s (some believe it’s because after 35, it’s more challenging for women to get pregnant and so our biological clock plays a role in it all), some research believes that coming to that conclusion isn’t fair because aging affects people differently. For instance, while on one hand, people in their 40s tend to see a dip in their sex hormones, as we’ve already discussed, hormone therapy (for both men and women) can level some of those issues out, if not increase some people’s sex drives altogether.
Adding to that, it should also go on record that some studies indicate that women between the ages of 27-45 actually have a stronger desire — or craving — for sex than women between the ages of 18-26. So honestly, there goes the myth that being younger (automatically) means that you’re hornier. #Elmoshrug
Certain Medications
GiphyIf you used to have a higher sex drive and you’re currently on an antidepressant, that could be why your desire for copulation has decreased. Some studies say that as much as 40 percent of people who are on these types of medication end up having a lower libido (by the way, antihistamines and beta-blockers can have this effect, too).
On the other hand, if you’ve been taking a prescribed drug to increase your sex drive (perhaps like Vyleesi or Addyi), then it would make sense that you may have an increased libido level. Other meds that may have a similar effect include birth control pills (since they alter your hormones), medications that help to treat Parkinson’s disease, along with dopamine-related drugs.
Less Stress
GiphyIf, on the days when you don’t seem to have a care in the world, you also desire sex more than usual, that’s not a coincidence either. Thing is, when you’re all stressed out, that can cause the stress hormone known as cortisol to work overtime and, when that happens, that can end up suppressing your sex hormones which can deplete you of sexual urges. Ironically, there is a flip side to this because when you engage in sexual activity, that actually elevates feel-good (and bonding) hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins, which can also de-stress you.
So basically, if you’re craving sex, you probably aren’t very stressed out (right now), and if you want to stop being stressed out, you probably should have some sex (some protected sex, if you don’t want to be stressed later up the road…if you know what I mean).
Having an Amazing Sex Life
GiphyTo me, this one right here should be a given because when something is both good to and for you, why wouldn’t you want more of it? So yeah, if you have a great sex life with someone, it’s common sense that you’d want to engage in that act with them as much as possible. Hey, not to mention the fact that orgasms activate your brain in a way similar to a drug high does.
So, if while reading this, you’re thinking about sexting your bae to make arrangements to — eh hem — satisfy your craving, I say go for it! To “greatly want” to connect with your partner in order to have some fulfilling and satisfying sex? What in the world could possibly be wrong with that?! Not a damn thing.
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