

The fear of heat damage has been instilled in me since I went natural six years ago. Since then, I vowed to take my hair health seriously and put that above all else, unfortunately, straightening my hair didn’t seem to align. People will constantly tell me, “Don’t straighten your hair, it’ll mess up your curls.” I heard this so much that it made me nervous every time I had to do it.
However, I would also see other naturals wear their hair straight, only for it to revert right back to its tight curly pattern. It made me curious, and I started to ask different natural hair stylists whether the myth was true. They all responded, “You can, but not too much.”
In case you're like I was and are a little hesitant about applying heat to your hair out of fear of damage, I want to debunk a lot of the hair-straightening myths so you don’t have to be afraid to switch up your style every now and then. Here’s the truth about heat on natural hair and how to prevent damage.
Straightening Your Hair Isn’t Bad
Don’t listen to the naysayers, the only person you should listen to is your stylist. If you’re considering switching up your curly hairstyles for something sleekier, your stylist will guide you and give you tips on the best way to do that.
One of the benefits of natural hair is that it’s typically stronger and has high elasticity to fight breakage and damage. Plus, natural hair is versatile and not confined to just one style or look. In fact, my hairstylist, Aliya Abbey of Mane Mastery, says:
“One myth that I tend to see when it comes to natural hair is we need to stay away from all heat – blow drying and straightening. While some naturals prefer to avoid heat completely, it can actually work against you. Stretching the hair for trims gives more precision and a better look at the overall health of the strands, whereas curls can camouflage split ends and damage.”
There’s No Specific Rule Book
Generally, there are best practices for maintaining healthy hair, but truth be told, it’s not one size fits all. Hair texture, porosity, health, etc., all play a role in what you can do and how to do it. What may work for you may not work for others, and vice versa. Aliya continues, “Some hair strands can withstand more heat than others.”
It’s important to know your hair so you can create a routine and plan that works best for you.
Grace Cary/Getty Images
Moderation and Minimization Are Key
As I mentioned before, too much of anything can be bad for you. When thinking of straightening your hair, protective styles, etc., it’s important to be aware of how often you're manipulating your hair. In general, a lot of naturals can’t keep our hands out of our hair, it kinda comes with the territory.
Implementing a low-manipulation routine can minimize breakage, create stronger hair strands, and promote hair growth. It’s not always what you do but how much you’re doing it. In terms of how often you should straighten your hair, Aliya adds that “straightening more than two times a month could cause weakness in the hair."
Use the Right Tools
I used to think all heat tools were the same. I've always based healthy straightening practices on technique. While that's true, the tools you use are just as important. The cheaper blow dryers and flat irons tend to overheat your hair or not straighten your hair well enough. When it comes to flat irons, it is best to get one where you can control the heat via temperature instead of high and low. This will allow you to see how much heat you're putting on your hair and have control.
On the other hand, if the blow dryer or flat iron isn't of quality, it will require you to pass through your strands more than necessary and possibly burn your hair. "Heat damage is caused by tools that are too hot, tools that are being passed by a section of hair too many times, and/or dehydrated hair. It's important to take note of the type of tools being used and the frequency of straightening. Don't forget to steam and hydrate!"
Willie B. Thomas/Getty Images
Heat Damage Is Preventable
One last fact about straightening natural hair is that heat damage is preventable, not inevitable. There are a few ways to avoid heat damage, one being steam and deep conditioning your hair. Doing this not only makes the strands more hydrated but also stronger.
Secondly, using a heat protectant is important. It creates a barrier between hair and heat exposure to protect your strands.
Lastly, have a professional do it. If you don't know what you're doing, get someone who does. Using the right care and technique can save you and your hair a lot of stress. Seeing a stylist who specializes in natural hair and silk presses can promote strong, healthy hair and avoid heat damage.
Don't be like me and let the unnecessary fear of heat deter you from your versatility. As long as you prioritize your hair health, you'll be okay. I follow the exact same routine with the help of my stylist, and my hair thickness, elasticity, and health have never been compromised.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Deagreez/Getty Images
- Everything You Need To Know About Perfecting An At-Home Blowout ›
- 8 Hair Masks & Deep Conditioners That Revitalize Dry, Damaged Hair ›
- Silk Press Season Is Underway & Here's What You Should Know About It ›
- I Tried Olaplex On My Natural Hair For 30 Days & Here's What Happened ›
- A 4-Step Process That Actually Prevents Heat Damage ›
- 6 Ways To Achieve A Straight Look On Natural Hair Without Heat Damage ›
Freelance writer, content creator, and traveler. She enjoys the beauty of simplicity, a peaceful life, and a big curly fro. Connect with Krissy on social media @iamkrissylewis or check out her blog at www.krissylewis.com.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Shutterstock