
5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life

I'm willing to bet some pretty good money that within the past six months alone, you've read at least three articles about toxic relationships. Because of that, you probably already know what toxic means ("poisonous"). You are also probably aware of many telltale signs that you're involved in a toxic relationship or friendship.
But here's something that just might surprise you about toxicity. Did you know that some of the very things that prove to be lethal in heavy doses can actually be tolerated in smaller ones? Snake venom is one example.
When I first discovered that, it got me to thinking. With as much poison – "something harmful or pernicious, as to happiness or well-being" – that a lot of us take in our friendships, sometimes without even knowing it (at first), I'd venture to say that the same thing is happening emotionally. We're remaining in friendships that are not even close to being good for us because the poison that we're taking in is in such small doses that it's going undetected. Keeping that analogy in mind, here are five signs that one (or more) of your friendships is toxic and harming you—whether you realize it or not.
5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship
1.They Don’t Celebrate You.
You know what's dope? The people who use their social media to big up their friends as much as themselves. The individuals who brag on their peeps more than they gossip about them. The folks who recognize when those close to them are trying to reach a goal and they use some of their own time and resources to help them out.
When you're young, you want friends to kick it with. But as you get older, you tend to want more of a support team. People who want you to win. People who are thrilled to celebrate your goals and achievements right along with you.
If you've got friends who are around when you're low but are somehow always MIA during your really good times—something is off. Unfortunately, some people are only around in the bad times because it makes them feel better about themselves. And that? That is toxic. A good friend is going to be there for ALL of the life experiences that you have. They will pull up in bad times and raise you even higher in good ones.
2.They’re Emotionally Manipulative.
This one right here? Chile, don't get me started. Some of us have been emotionally manipulated so much and for so long that we have no clue how to detect the signs. Let me help you out. If you've got friends who twist your words around, are passive-aggressive, give you the silent treatment when things don't go their way, constantly speak over you in a conversation, pressure you to do things you don't really want to do, make you feel bad for having your own perspectives and opinions, constantly criticize you or they deflect from their own issues—yes, you are being emotionally-manipulated and no, it isn't right.
3.They Can Dish What They Can’t Take.
The great novelist, poet, and activist Alice Walker once said, "No person is your friend who demands your silence or denies your right to grow." Here's the thing, though. A good friend not only gives you the space and freedom to grow, but they also challenge you to grow too. In other words, they call you out on your stuff, tell you when you're dead wrong, and hold you accountable whenever you need it. And you know what? It goes both ways.
If you've got the kind of "friend" in your life who is all about telling you about yourself or pointing out your flaws and weaknesses but, at the same time, they can't receive any insight and constructive criticism you have to offer? Those kinds of people are not looking for friends; they are looking for fans. It can be another subtle sign of being in a toxic friendship situation.
4.You Can’t Give Five Good Reasons to Remain in the Friendship.
I say it all of the time. One of the best movie lines is from Love Jones. It's when Nina (Nia Long) was talking to her ex-fiance' about how things weren't working out. When he said that was hard to believe due to all of the time they had been together, Nina responded with, "All we have are all these years." #itwillpreach
Many of us have confused time for loyalty. In other words, just because you've known someone for years and years, that's not a good enough reason to keep them in the innermost realms of your life.
If you pulled out a piece of paper right now and you can't find five bonafide benefits that come from being in your friendship with someone, while it might not be time to cut them off, it's definitely (past) time to realign your boundaries.
5.The Friendship Is Stagnant.
Everything that's good and healthy in life is supposed to show signs of progress. Our careers, our romantic relationships and, yes, even our friendships. If your friends aren't helping and encouraging you to evolve into a better person – both personally and professionally – no matter how much you like them, something is subtly toxic.
Would you stay at a job or in a relationship for 10 years that showed no signs of growth or moving forward? Then why would you do that with/for a friend? My point exactly.
Do yourself a favor (and your real friends) a favor. Cut out the toxicity in your life.
Related Stories
The Self-Care Of Ghosting Toxic Girlfriends – Read More
My Female Friendships Have Been The Most Heartbreaking Relationships Of My Twenties – Read More
I Was 'Ghosted' By My Best Friends – Read More
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Ashley Versher is known for her work in the Tyler Perry's Beauty In Black series and more recently, she starred alongside Taraji P. Henson in the Netflix film Straw. But she is more than just her acting credits and stunning looks (her hair alone is everything). In an xoNecole exclusive, Ashley dishes on her first celebrity crush, how she spends her downtime, and her go-to haircare products because we need the deets.
Get to know Ashley below.
xoNecole: Where are you from?
Ashley Versher: San Francisco - BAY AREAAAAAA!!!!
xoN: What was your first major acting role?
AV: A 49ers Super Bowl commercial - I think I was 3.
Ashley Versher
Johnny Marlow
xoN: Have you ever had an embarrassing or funny audition story? If so, what happened?
AV: Yes! I was doing a self-tape once and I forgot to take off my bonnet. But the tape was so good I sent it in anyway.
xoN: Your hair is gorgeous. What has it been like navigating Hollywood with natural hair?
AV: Thank you so much! Navigating Hollywood with natural hair has definitely been a journey of self-discovery. Early on, I had to make a conscious decision about how I wanted to show up—not just in this industry, but for myself. Once I fully embraced my natural hair and committed to the journey, everything else began to align. It’s been nothing short of empowering.
Navigating Hollywood with natural hair has definitely been a journey of self-discovery. Early on, I had to make a conscious decision about how I wanted to show up—not just in this industry, but for myself.
xoN: What are your favorite go-to hair products?
AV: Ooooooo, right now I’m loving Camille Rose’s Jai Twisting Butter—it’s super moisturizing and gives me a fun, bouncy twist-out! I’ve also recently gotten into oils, and I’m especially loving sweet almond oil.
xoN: We know you as an actress, but what is another special talent you have that most people don't know about?
AV: I trained as a classical violinist for 13/14years.
xoN: Who is your hero?
AV: My mom. She’s incredible - full stop.
Ashley Versher
Johnny Marlow
xoN: How do you like to spend your down time?
AV: Ha! What’s that!? Jk jk, I love to travel, that’s honestly my favorite thing.
xoN: Who was your first celebrity crush?
AV: Prince.
xoN: What is your dream role?
AV: One day I will play a witch with Harry Potter-like powers!
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Feature image by Johnny Marlow