

Lately I've been feeling the pressure of making my side hustle my MAIN hustle, maximizing my time, and building a community. I've even made it a point to make sure I'm creating content everyday and posting on the 'gram. My thinking was that I should use whatever time I had available to create content, working on my brand every minute I get. I say all this to say, passion, a little insecurity, and impatience will drive you into work overload if you let it.
It got to a point where I would wake up and just feel sad about the way things turn out. I would put in all of this work and still feel stuck, and I questioned if I should even still be doing this. Then it trickled into being over-critical, unsatisfied, and just mentally and emotionally out of it. Insecurities can make you think some crazy things. So I had to take a step back and allow myself to gain some new perspective, information, and inspiration.
Earlier this month, I attended Blavity's Summit21 conference in Atlanta (which I'm still on a high from) and I think that was what I needed to get me back into a healthy, clear, but productive state of mind. The conference featured a variety of successful and inspirational black women from different industries: Karleen Roy, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, Pinky Cole, Tina Knowles-Lawson, Karrueche Tran, and so much more. The abundance of love, information, and inspiration was truly amazing. In just two days, I was able to get my physical, professional, and emotional self all on one accord again.
Managing a business, building a brand, or achieving any professional goal can be tough, so attending a talk that focused on confidence, self-care, and finding your voice was the affirmation I needed. Here are some self-care gems to keep in mind while on your journey.
Remember Your Voice
Remember who you were when you were a child, know who you were, what you were like, and what you did for fun. For some of us, as children, we navigated without fear and saw limitless possibilities. We were dreamers and had a sense of wonder of the world. It also starts the story of who we are and what our voice was. Getting in-tune and reintroducing your adult self to your younger self is a great start for finding your voice.
Be Kind To Your Mind + Body
This topic has so many umbrellas and in my experience, it's been echoed by so many people. One essential habit that needs to go is the team "no sleep" lifestyle. Sleep allows us to find balance, dream, and physically and mentally recharge. Giving yourself the time to dream and just be is very important when it comes to finding inspiration, especially for creatives.
Advocate For Yourself
As black women, we've been conditioned not to advocate for ourselves or each other. A key to leveling up, period, is to gain confidence, understand that you are whole and complete, and show up as yourself every day. Make a decision on who you want to be and who you align with emotionally, professionally, and mentally. Be with people who align with your goals and allow yourself to show up in different spaces.
Create Boundaries
This topic is when it got real for me. Boundaries are essential for every relationship and as much as we want to deny it, we can't do everything for everybody. It's important to know your bandwidth. It's essential to know when you can give and when you cannot. It's okay to say no. People will get upset when you don't live up to the expectations they've set for you but it's important to know what's a full body yes and an absolute no.
"If it's not a full body yes, it's an absolute no." - Dr. Crystal Jones
It's important to be open, expansive and receiving, but if it doesn't feel like a safe space to be that, then reconsider how it aligns with your body, mind, and soul and don't be afraid to say no.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness by definition is the mental state that requires you to focus on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.
We've been conditioned to think multitasking is a trait of productivity but it's anything but that. Focusing on one thing allows us to have "radical presence and allowance" and it fosters a sense of vulnerability to that moment in time. It actually allows us to tune into ourselves and take in the value and inspiration of a particular moment. Practicing mindfulness also requires you to be silent with yourself. It guides you to a space where you can get to know who you are and allows you to get to know your own thoughts rather than be afraid of it.
"What if there is nothing else to be than who you are?" - Dr. Crystal Jones
It's easy to get caught up in how things should look, so instead, focus on what's here and what's now.
Featured image by Getty Images
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
What Self-Care Looks Like To Yogi Dr. Chelsea Jackson
5 Reasons Your Self-Care Routine Isn't Working For You
This To-Do List Hack Is All About Mindfulness
Cultivating Mindfulness: The Best Meditation Practices For Your Zodiac Sign
Freelance writer, content creator, and traveler. She enjoys the beauty of simplicity, a peaceful life, and a big curly fro. Connect with Krissy on social media @iamkrissylewis or check out her blog at www.krissylewis.com.
'He Said, She Said': Love Stories Put To The Test At A Weekend For Love
At the A Weekend For Love retreat, we sat down with four couples to explore their love stories in a playful but revealing way with #HeSaidSheSaid. From first encounters to life-changing moments, we tested their memories to see if their versions of events aligned—because, as they say, every story has three sides: his, hers, and the truth.
Do these couples remember their love stories the same way? Press play to find out.
Episode 1: Indira & Desmond – Love Across the Miles
They say distance makes the heart grow fonder, but for Indira & Desmond, love made it stronger. Every mile apart deepened their bond, reinforcing the unshakable foundation of their relationship. From their first "I love you" to the moment they knew they had found home in each other, their journey is a beautiful testament to the endurance of true love.
Episode 2: Jay & Tia – A Love Story Straight Out of a Rom-Com
If Hollywood is looking for its next Black love story, they need to take notes from Jay & Tia. Their journey—from an awkward first date to navigating careers, parenthood, and personal growth—proves that love is not just about romance but also resilience. Their story is full of laughter, challenges, and, most importantly, a love that stands the test of time.
Episode 3: Larencia & Mykel – Through the Highs and Lows
A date night with police helicopters overhead? Now that’s a story! Larencia & Mykel have faced unexpected surprises, major life changes, and 14 years of choosing each other every single day. But after all this time, do they actually remember things the same way? Their episode is sure to bring some eye-opening revelations and a lot of laughs.
Episode 4: Soy & Osei – A Love Aligned in Purpose
From a chance meeting at the front door to 15 years of unwavering love, faith, and growth, Soy & Osei prove that when two souls are aligned in love and purpose, nothing can shake their foundation. Their journey is a powerful reminder that true love is built on mutual support, shared values, and a deep connection that only strengthens with time.
Each of these couples has a unique and inspiring story to tell, but do their memories match up? Watch #HeSaidSheSaid to find out!
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image screenshot/ xoNecole YouTube
I’ve gotta say that, for the most part, my friends are pretty damn chill. There is one (major) exception, though — and it’s an odd one. Even after all these years and countless times of me giving them the same answer, if there is a time when they think they are my mama, it’s when they see an email come through at an odd hour of the night. Then, all of a sudden, here they come asking me when do I get sleep if I’m emailing at (say) three in the morning.
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
If you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
There is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
Something that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
Even if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
I saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images