Lately I've been feeling the pressure of making my side hustle my MAIN hustle, maximizing my time, and building a community. I've even made it a point to make sure I'm creating content everyday and posting on the 'gram. My thinking was that I should use whatever time I had available to create content, working on my brand every minute I get. I say all this to say, passion, a little insecurity, and impatience will drive you into work overload if you let it.
It got to a point where I would wake up and just feel sad about the way things turn out. I would put in all of this work and still feel stuck, and I questioned if I should even still be doing this. Then it trickled into being over-critical, unsatisfied, and just mentally and emotionally out of it. Insecurities can make you think some crazy things. So I had to take a step back and allow myself to gain some new perspective, information, and inspiration.
Earlier this month, I attended Blavity's Summit21 conference in Atlanta (which I'm still on a high from) and I think that was what I needed to get me back into a healthy, clear, but productive state of mind. The conference featured a variety of successful and inspirational black women from different industries: Karleen Roy, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, Pinky Cole, Tina Knowles-Lawson, Karrueche Tran, and so much more. The abundance of love, information, and inspiration was truly amazing. In just two days, I was able to get my physical, professional, and emotional self all on one accord again.
Managing a business, building a brand, or achieving any professional goal can be tough, so attending a talk that focused on confidence, self-care, and finding your voice was the affirmation I needed. Here are some self-care gems to keep in mind while on your journey.
Remember Your Voice
Remember who you were when you were a child, know who you were, what you were like, and what you did for fun. For some of us, as children, we navigated without fear and saw limitless possibilities. We were dreamers and had a sense of wonder of the world. It also starts the story of who we are and what our voice was. Getting in-tune and reintroducing your adult self to your younger self is a great start for finding your voice.
Be Kind To Your Mind + Body
This topic has so many umbrellas and in my experience, it's been echoed by so many people. One essential habit that needs to go is the team "no sleep" lifestyle. Sleep allows us to find balance, dream, and physically and mentally recharge. Giving yourself the time to dream and just be is very important when it comes to finding inspiration, especially for creatives.
Advocate For Yourself
As black women, we've been conditioned not to advocate for ourselves or each other. A key to leveling up, period, is to gain confidence, understand that you are whole and complete, and show up as yourself every day. Make a decision on who you want to be and who you align with emotionally, professionally, and mentally. Be with people who align with your goals and allow yourself to show up in different spaces.
Create Boundaries
This topic is when it got real for me. Boundaries are essential for every relationship and as much as we want to deny it, we can't do everything for everybody. It's important to know your bandwidth. It's essential to know when you can give and when you cannot. It's okay to say no. People will get upset when you don't live up to the expectations they've set for you but it's important to know what's a full body yes and an absolute no.
"If it's not a full body yes, it's an absolute no." - Dr. Crystal Jones
It's important to be open, expansive and receiving, but if it doesn't feel like a safe space to be that, then reconsider how it aligns with your body, mind, and soul and don't be afraid to say no.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness by definition is the mental state that requires you to focus on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.
We've been conditioned to think multitasking is a trait of productivity but it's anything but that. Focusing on one thing allows us to have "radical presence and allowance" and it fosters a sense of vulnerability to that moment in time. It actually allows us to tune into ourselves and take in the value and inspiration of a particular moment. Practicing mindfulness also requires you to be silent with yourself. It guides you to a space where you can get to know who you are and allows you to get to know your own thoughts rather than be afraid of it.
"What if there is nothing else to be than who you are?" - Dr. Crystal Jones
It's easy to get caught up in how things should look, so instead, focus on what's here and what's now.
Featured image by Getty Images
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
What Self-Care Looks Like To Yogi Dr. Chelsea Jackson
5 Reasons Your Self-Care Routine Isn't Working For You
This To-Do List Hack Is All About Mindfulness
Cultivating Mindfulness: The Best Meditation Practices For Your Zodiac Sign
'Sistas' Star Skyh Black On The Power Of Hypnotherapy & Emotional Vulnerability For Men
In this insightful episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Sistas star Skyh Black, as he opened up about his journey of emotional growth, resilience, and self-discovery. The episode touches on emotional availability, self-worth, masculinity, and the importance of therapy in overcoming personal struggles.
Skyh Black on Emotional Availability & Love
On Emotional Availability & Vulnerability
“My wife and I wouldn't be where we are today if both of us weren't emotionally available,” he shared about his wife and Sistas co-star KJ Smith, highlighting the value of vulnerability and emotional openness in a relationship. His approach to masculinity stands in contrast to the traditional, stoic ideals. Skyh is not afraid to embrace softness as part of his emotional expression.
On Overcoming Self-Doubt & Worthiness Issues
Skyh reflected on the self-doubt and worthiness issues that he struggled with, especially early in his career. He opens up about his time in Los Angeles, living what he calls the “LA struggle story”—in a one-bedroom with three roommates—and being homeless three times over the span of 16 years. “I always had this self-sabotaging thought process,” Skyh said. “For me, I feel therapy is essential, period. I have a regular therapist and I go to a hypnotherapist.”
How Therapy Helped Him Heal From Self-Doubt
On Hypnotherapy & Empowering Self-Acceptance
Skyh’s journey is a testament to the power of tapping into self-development despite life’s struggles and being open to growth. “I had to submit to the fact that God was doing good in my life, and that I'm worthy of it. I had a worthiness issue and I did not realize that. So, that’s what the hypnotherapy did. It brought me back to the core. What is wrong so that I can fix it?”
Watch the full podcast episode below:
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by
Quinta Brunson Gets Real About Divorce, Boundaries & Becoming
Quinta Brunson is the woman who chooses herself, even when the world is watching. And in her June 30 cover story for Bustle, she gives us a rare glimpse into the soft, centered place she's navigating her life from now. From leading one of television's most beloved series in the last decade to quietly moving through life shifts, the creator of Abbott Elementary is walking through a personal evolution and doing so with intention, grace, and a firm grip on her boundaries.
Back in March, the 35-year-old filed for divorce from Kevin Jay Anik after nearly three years of marriage, citing "irreconcilable differences." The news hit the headlines of news outlets fast, but Quinta hadn't planned to announce their dissolution to the public so quickly.
Quinta Brunson On Divorce, Public Scrutiny & Sacred Boundaries
"I remember seeing people be like, ‘She announced her divorce,’" she told Bustle. “I didn’t announce anything. I think people have this idea that people in the public eye want the public to know their every move. None of us do. I promise you. No one wants [everyone] to know when you buy a house, when you move, when a major change happens in your personal life. It’s just that that’s public record information."
In regards to her private moves becoming tabloid fodder, Quinta continued, "I hated that. I hate all of it."
"I Am An Artist First": Quinta On Cutting Her Hair & Reclaiming Herself
Still, the diminutive phenom holds her crown high in the face of change and is returning to the essence of who she is, especially as an artist. "Cutting my hair reminded me that I am an artist first. I want to feel things. I want to make choices. I want to be a person, and not just stuck in having to be a certain way for business." It's giving sacred rebirth. It's giving self-liberation. It's especially giving main character energy.
And while the headlines keep spinning their narratives, the one that Quinta is focused on is her own. For her, slowing down and nourishing herself in ways that feed her is what matters. "It’s a transitional time. I think it’s true for me and my personal life, and it’s how I feel about myself, my career, and the world," Quinta shared with Bustle. “I feel very serious about focusing on watering my own gardens, taking care of myself and the people around me who I actually interact with day-to-day."
That includes indulging in simple rituals that ground her like "making myself a meal" which has become "really, really important to me."
That spirit of agency doesn't stop at the personal. In her professional world, as the creator, executive producer, and lead actress of the critically-acclaimed Abbott Elementary, Quinta understands the weight her choices carry, both on- and off-screen. She revealed to Bustle, "People used to tell me at the beginning of this that the No. 1 on the call sheet sets the tone, and the producer sets the tone — and I’m both of those roles."
She continued, "I understand now, after doing this for four years, how important it was that I set the tone that I did when we first started."
Quinta doesn't just lead, she understands the importance of curating the energy of any space she enters. Even amid a season of shifts and shedding, her power speaks loudly. Sometimes that power looks like quiet resistance. Sometimes that power is soft leadership.
And sometimes that power looks like cutting your hair and taking back your name in rooms that have forgotten you were an artist long before you were a brand.
Read Quinta's cover story on Bustle here to witness the fullness of Quinta's becoming.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Zach Hilty/BFA.com/Shutterstock