

5 Self-Care Gems To Keep In Mind On Your Professional Journey
Lately I've been feeling the pressure of making my side hustle my MAIN hustle, maximizing my time, and building a community. I've even made it a point to make sure I'm creating content everyday and posting on the 'gram. My thinking was that I should use whatever time I had available to create content, working on my brand every minute I get. I say all this to say, passion, a little insecurity, and impatience will drive you into work overload if you let it.
It got to a point where I would wake up and just feel sad about the way things turn out. I would put in all of this work and still feel stuck, and I questioned if I should even still be doing this. Then it trickled into being over-critical, unsatisfied, and just mentally and emotionally out of it. Insecurities can make you think some crazy things. So I had to take a step back and allow myself to gain some new perspective, information, and inspiration.
Earlier this month, I attended Blavity's Summit21 conference in Atlanta (which I'm still on a high from) and I think that was what I needed to get me back into a healthy, clear, but productive state of mind. The conference featured a variety of successful and inspirational black women from different industries: Karleen Roy, Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, Pinky Cole, Tina Knowles-Lawson, Karrueche Tran, and so much more. The abundance of love, information, and inspiration was truly amazing. In just two days, I was able to get my physical, professional, and emotional self all on one accord again.
Managing a business, building a brand, or achieving any professional goal can be tough, so attending a talk that focused on confidence, self-care, and finding your voice was the affirmation I needed. Here are some self-care gems to keep in mind while on your journey.
Remember Your Voice
Remember who you were when you were a child, know who you were, what you were like, and what you did for fun. For some of us, as children, we navigated without fear and saw limitless possibilities. We were dreamers and had a sense of wonder of the world. It also starts the story of who we are and what our voice was. Getting in-tune and reintroducing your adult self to your younger self is a great start for finding your voice.
Be Kind To Your Mind + Body
This topic has so many umbrellas and in my experience, it's been echoed by so many people. One essential habit that needs to go is the team "no sleep" lifestyle. Sleep allows us to find balance, dream, and physically and mentally recharge. Giving yourself the time to dream and just be is very important when it comes to finding inspiration, especially for creatives.
Advocate For Yourself
As black women, we've been conditioned not to advocate for ourselves or each other. A key to leveling up, period, is to gain confidence, understand that you are whole and complete, and show up as yourself every day. Make a decision on who you want to be and who you align with emotionally, professionally, and mentally. Be with people who align with your goals and allow yourself to show up in different spaces.
Create Boundaries
This topic is when it got real for me. Boundaries are essential for every relationship and as much as we want to deny it, we can't do everything for everybody. It's important to know your bandwidth. It's essential to know when you can give and when you cannot. It's okay to say no. People will get upset when you don't live up to the expectations they've set for you but it's important to know what's a full body yes and an absolute no.
"If it's not a full body yes, it's an absolute no." - Dr. Crystal Jones
It's important to be open, expansive and receiving, but if it doesn't feel like a safe space to be that, then reconsider how it aligns with your body, mind, and soul and don't be afraid to say no.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness by definition is the mental state that requires you to focus on the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one's feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations.
We've been conditioned to think multitasking is a trait of productivity but it's anything but that. Focusing on one thing allows us to have "radical presence and allowance" and it fosters a sense of vulnerability to that moment in time. It actually allows us to tune into ourselves and take in the value and inspiration of a particular moment. Practicing mindfulness also requires you to be silent with yourself. It guides you to a space where you can get to know who you are and allows you to get to know your own thoughts rather than be afraid of it.
"What if there is nothing else to be than who you are?" - Dr. Crystal Jones
It's easy to get caught up in how things should look, so instead, focus on what's here and what's now.
Featured image by Getty Images
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
What Self-Care Looks Like To Yogi Dr. Chelsea Jackson
5 Reasons Your Self-Care Routine Isn't Working For You
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Cultivating Mindfulness: The Best Meditation Practices For Your Zodiac Sign
Freelance writer, content creator, and traveler. She enjoys the beauty of simplicity, a peaceful life, and a big curly fro. Connect with Krissy on social media @iamkrissylewis or check out her blog at www.krissylewis.com.
Exclusive: Gabrielle Union On Radical Transparency, Being Diagnosed With Perimenopause And Embracing What’s Next
Whenever Gabrielle Union graces the movie screen, she immediately commands attention. From her unforgettable scenes in films like Bring It On and Two Can Play That Game to her most recent film, in which she stars and produces Netflix’s The Perfect Find, there’s no denying that she is that girl.
Off-screen, she uses that power for good by sharing her trials and tribulations with other women in hopes of helping those who may be going through the same things or preventing them from experiencing them altogether. Recently, the Flawless by Gabrielle Union founder partnered with Clearblue to speak at the launch of their Menopause Stage Indicator, where she also shared her experience with being perimenopausal.
In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
Victoria Monét Opens Up About Feeling ‘Validated’ Months After VMAs Turned Her Down To Perform
Victoria Monét has had an incredible year. Thanks to the success of the widely popular “On My Mama” that went viral, the singer/ songwriter’s Jaguar II album debuted in the top 10 of Billboard’s Top R&B Albums chart. She also went on to headline her own sold-out tour. So, when the MTV VMAs happened in September, everyone was surprised to learn that Victoria’s team was told that it was “too early” for the “Smoke” artist to perform at the award show. However, a couple of months later, the mom of one received seven Grammy nominations, including “Best R&B Album” and “Record Of The Year.”
Victoria is currently in London and stopped by The Dotty Show on Apple Music and shared how she feels “validated” after being dismissed by the VMAs.
“It really does feel nice and validating because, in my head, the reason why I wanted to be a performer at the VMAs or award ceremonies like that is because I felt like I am at the place where I should. I would work really hard to put on the best show that I could, and I was excited to do so,” she said.
“And I guess the best way to describe it for me is like when you're like on a sports team, and the coach is like, ‘No, you gotta sit this one out.’ When they finally put you in, and then you score all these points, and it feels like that feeling. You're like, yes, I knew it wasn't tripping, but I knew I worked hard for this, and so it's been super validating to just have these accolades come after a moment like that, and I know the fans feel vindicated for me.
While her fans called the VMAs out on their decision, the “Moment” singer kept it cute and is still open to performing at the iconic award show. “I feel no ill towards them because it's just maybe that's just truly how they felt at the time, but I hope their mind has changed,” she admitted.
Aside from recognition from the Grammys, she has also received praise from legendary artists such as Janet Jackson, Kelly Rowland, and Usher.
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Feature image by Amy Sussman/WireImage for Parkwood