Something that's cool about everything about xoNecole — from the xoTribe of writers to our fabulous readers — is we are all individuals and aren't short of having different opinions about, well, everything.
But if there's one thing I think we can all agree on, it's the fact that self-care shouldn't be treated like a trending topic that we read on our favorite websites. Self-care should be an absolutely non-negotiable necessity. There are a billion reasons why, but the one that tops the list is if we don't take good and consistent care of ourselves, how can we possibly do that for anyone else? (That's not a rhetorical question, by the way. The answer is we can't.)
But like just about everything else in life, in order for self-care to be its most effective, we need to create the kind of regimen and routine that works for us exclusively. Otherwise, even if our intent is to take good care of ourselves, our so-called self-care plan could actually end up doing more harm than good.
How could you possibly be approaching self-care in a way that is literally working against you? You might be surprised.
You’re Going Way Over Budget
A spa day is great. You know what else is awesome? Having electricity in your house. If whatever you're doing in the name of self-care is causing you to be impulsive with your money or even reckless with your time, it's something you need to be making some serious adjustments to.
For instance, I know someone who is constantly telling me that she is fine without having a self-care routine in her life. Oh, but let her boss piss her off on Monday and she's spending $200 she doesn't have on a massage that following Thursday. While that might be releasing some physical stress, it's only adding to her financial stress.
Good self-care takes care of all areas of our lives.
The lesson here — if your self-care routine doesn't have a budget, it's time to create one. Oh, and if you know you spend more on spa days than you should, sites like RetailMeNot have lots of spa-related promo codes that can take some of the financial pressure off.
You’re Doing What’s Trendy Instead Of What Actually Works (For You)
Everything has trends, including self-care. In 2019, some of them include workout bands, goat's milk soap, Ayurveda, organic wine, and ginger oil. All of that is cool but I really like the sulfur soap that I use and sweet almond oil is one of my best friends on the planet. So what if they're not trending? They work for me.
Trying new things is how we grow but you'll never settle into what works for you if you're constantly reading what's popular in the media world (or even if you're always listening to what your friends think you should be doing). Case in point. I've got a friend who does nothing more than take an hour-long bubble bath and drink wine while she's in it since I've known her. But that works for her. And that's great.
Self-care trends don't work for everyone because each of us is unique. It's fine to research what's hot but it's also OK to reject it because when it comes to what works for you, they're…not.
(By the way, if you're looking for some self-care inspiration, download "100+ Resources Every Woman Needs to Live Her Best Life" over at BeFreeProject.com.)
You Aren’t Paying Attention to the Different Categories of Self-Care
Getty Images
Speaking of trends, a part of the reason why a lot of us tend to focus on only the physical aspect of self-care is because that's what the media talks a lot about. But if you want to be thorough in your self-care approach, it's important to do what's not only good for your body but your mental, emotional, spiritual, psychological, and even professional well-being too.
A form of mental self-care is going on a social media fast or spending a weekend doing nothing but chilling on the couch at home.
A form of emotional self-care is setting boundaries in your relationships or writing down 10 things you like about yourself (and posting them on your bathroom mirror).
A form of spiritual self-care is meditating in the mornings or volunteering at a local non-profit.
A form of psychological self-care is using a therapist to deal with an unhealed wound(s) or getting a life coach to help you to put certain things in order.
A form of professional self-care is decorating your work space or getting the assistance of a recruiter in order to find a job that's a better fit for you.
Out of all of the ways that self-care routines can backfire, paying attention to only one kind of self-care is probably the biggest.
It Feels Less Like Fun and More Like an Obligation
I'll be honest. When you first start implementing a self-care regimen into your life, it might seem a little like work. Some of us are so used to doing anything and everything but taking care of ourselves that it can feel foreign. But after three months or so, if you're not actually looking forward to your self-care practices, that's a red flag.
Me? I am an essential oils and herbs junkie. What I don't like is, people I don't know rubbing on me. I have friends who can't imagine life without massages, so they would send me massage certificates. I finally had to tell them that while I was grateful for the thought, I didn't really like to get touched on by strangers. I know. Some of y'all just read that and think that I am totally insane. But that's kind of my point.
The only thing that's a one-size-fits-all reality about self-care is we all need it.
But if whatever we're doing is not fun and relaxing, we need to be doing something else.
You’re Not Being Consistent
Really. What's the point in getting your nails or eyebrows done if you're only going to do it once in a blue moon? Inconsistent self-care not only keeps you from looking and feeling your best, but it also conveys the message to your mind that you're not important enough to make yourself a priority.
One of my consistent self-care routines is I'm a traditional Sabbath-observer. My friends and clients know that from Friday sunset to Saturday sunset, I'm off of the grid. Because I use that 24-hour window of time to really rest, each and every week, it makes dealing with the stressors that come up afterward so much easier. I can't imagine what my tolerance level would be like without consistently implementing the Sabbath into my life.
When it comes to being a self-care master, consistency is definitely key. Take care of you, consistently. That's the only way self-care truly works.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Then there were those who gave up their zip code altogether and found a permanent home in the skies. After years spent recruiting students for a university, Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare became a full-time travel influencer and founded her travel company, Shakespeare Agency. And she's not alone.
These stories mirror the experiences of women across the world. For millions, the pandemic induced a seismic shift in priorities and desires. Corporate careers that were once hailed as the ultimate “I made it” moment in one's career were pushed to the back burner as women quit their jobs in search of a more self-fulfilling purpose.
xoNecole spoke to these three Black women who used the pandemic as a springboard to make their wildest dreams a reality, the lessons they learned, and posed the question of whether they’ll ever return to cubicle life.
Answers have been edited for context and length.
xoNecole: How did the pandemic lead to you leaving the cubicle?
Randi: I was becoming stagnant. I was working in mortgage and banking but I felt like my personality was too big for that job! From there, I transitioned to radio but was laid off during the pandemic. That’s what made me go full throttle with entrepreneurship.
Gabrielle: I moved around a lot for work. Five times over a span of seven years. I knew I needed a break because I had experienced so much. So, I just quit one day. Effective immediately. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I just knew I needed a break and to just regroup.
Lisa-Gaye: I was working in recruiting at a university and my dream job just kind of fell into my lap! But, I never got to fully enjoy it before the world shut down in March [2020] and I was laid off. On top of that, I was stuck in Miami because Jamaica had closed its borders due to the pandemic before I was able to return.
Randi O
xoN: Tell us about your journey after leaving Corporate America.
Randi: I do it all now! I have a podcast, I’m an on-air talent, I act, and I own a public relations company that focuses on social media engagement. It’s all from my network. When you go out and start a business, you can’t just say, “Okay I’m done with Corporate America,” and “Let me do my own thing.” If you don’t build community, if you don’t build a network it's going to be very hard to sustain.
Gabrielle: I realized in New York, there was not a lot to do for Black lesbians and queer folks. We don’t really have dedicated bars and spaces so I started doing events and it took off. I started focusing on my brand, Raw Honey. I opened a co-working space, and I was able to host an NYC Pride event in front of 100,000 people. I hit the ground running with Raw Honey. My events were all women coming to find community and come together with other lesbians and queer folks. I found my purpose in that.
Lisa-Gaye: After being laid off, I wrote out all of my passions and that’s how I came up with [my company] Shakespeare Agency. It was all of the things that I loved to do under one umbrella. The pandemic pulled that out of me. I had a very large social media following, so I pitched to hotels that I would feature them on my blog and social media. This reignited my passion for travel. I took the rest of the year to refocus my brand to focus solely on being a content creator within the travel space.
Gabrielle
xoN: What have you learned about yourself during your time as an entrepreneur?
Randi: [I learned] the importance of my network and community that I created. When I was laid off I was still keeping those relationships with people that I used to work with. So it was easy for me to transition into social media management and I didn’t have to start from scratch.
Gabrielle: The biggest thing I learned about myself was my own personal identity as a Black lesbian and how much I had assimilated into straight and corporate culture and not being myself. Now, I feel comfortable and confident being my authentic self. Now, I'm not sacrificing anything else for my career. I have a full life. I have friends. I have a social life. And when you are happy and have a full quality of life, I feel like [I] can have more longevity in my career.
Lisa-Gaye: [I'm doing] the best that I've ever done. The discipline that I’m building within myself. Nobody is saying, ‘Oh you have to be at work at this time.’ There’s no boss saying, ‘Why are you late?’ But, if I’m laying in bed at 10 a.m. then it's me saying [to myself], 'Okay, Lisa, get up, it's time for you to start working!’ That’s all on me.
xoNecole: What mistakes do you want to help people avoid when leaving Corporate America?
Randi: You have to learn about the highs and lows of entrepreneurship. You have a fast season and a slow season and I started to learn that when you're self-employed the latter season hits hard. Don't get caught up on the lows, just keep going and don't stop. I’m glad I did.
Gabrielle: I think everyone should quit their job and just figure it out for a second. You will discover so much about yourself when you take a second to just focus on you. Your skill set will always be there. You can’t be afraid of what will happen when you bet on yourself.
Lisa-Gaye: When it comes to being an influencer the field is saturated and a lot of people suffer from imposter syndrome. There is nothing wrong with being an imposter but find out how to make it yours, how to make it better. If you go to the store, you see 10 million different brands of bread! But you are choosing the brand that you like because you like that particular flavor.
So be an imposter, but be the best imposter of yourself and add your own flair, your own flavor. Make the better bread. The bread that you want.
Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
xoNecole: Will you ever return to your 9 to 5?
Randi: I wouldn’t go back to Corporate America. But I don’t mind working under someone. A lot of people try to get into this business saying, “I can't work under anyone.” That’s not necessarily the reason to start a business because you're always going to answer to somebody. Clients, brands, there’s always someone else involved.
Gabrielle: I went back! I really needed a break and I gave myself that. But, I realized I’m a corporate girl, [and] I enjoy the work that I do. I’m good at it and I really missed that side of myself. I have different sides of me and my whole identity is not Raw Honey or my queerness. A big side of me is business and that’s why I love having my career. Now I feel like my best self.
Lisa-Gaye: I really don’t. For right now, I love working for myself. It's gratifying, it's challenging, it's exciting. It’s a big deal for me to say I own my own business. That I am my own boss, and I'm a Black woman doing it.
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Featured image courtesy of Lisa-Gaye Shakespeare
Originally published on February 6, 2023