Self-care is to self-love as action is to verb. It is an extension and a cultivation of what self-love embodies. It's one of those things that should be second nature to people today but oftentimes takes a backseat to other life demands. It is easy to get wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of life and forget to take care of yourself. Maintaining mindfulness and prioritizing self-care counteracts the negatives that deplete your mood, energy, health, and overall quality of life.
Self-care is vital.
When I think about self-love and the actions of self-care, the standard manicure/pedicure or going to the spa comes to mind, but I wondered if there were other go-to treat yo' self practices that creative women on-the-go used in their self-care practices.
I know for me, being on a budget does not allow much room to splurge on salon visits or massages too often (or not at all) so self-care practices had to take other forms. For a long time, I did not realize its importance until I became aware of how differently my experience with the world was when I took the time to be with me and there for me versus when I did not. I was so accustomed and so ready to be everyone's “yes" girl that I forgot to say “yes" to who mattered: me.
Self-care is mindfulness.
When I am mindful, I am centered and when I am centered, what goes into me and out of me flows in this wave of effortless beautiful energy. I enjoy running a luxurious warm bath, no bubbles, just clear water with music playing in the background, a glass of wine or a cup of herbal tea, and lit vanilla sandalwood candles to light the room. That's my ideal form of self-care. I am with myself, I am taking in myself, and I am enjoying myself and making myself feel good.
I spoke to ladies I admire about what all their self-care practices entail. Read below for some self-care practice inspiration.
"Self-care is keeping a close inventory of my time."
"My ideal method to practice self-care is to keep a close inventory of my time because time is one of the greatest resources we have. If I'm spending ALL of my time working without taking breaks or finding activities that replenish me, I won't be any good. So being mindful of what I'm doing and when I'm doing it helps keep me in check to make sure I'm spending time praying, writing, meditating, going to the gym, being around people who remind me of my greatness, working on what I love and anything else that restores me. Self-care consists of a really good workout, good food, amazing conversations, taking in art in whatever forms it comes, and a great night of sleep." - Melissa Kimble, Social Media Strategist & Creator of #blkcreatives
"Self-care is spoiling myself with myself."
"As someone who is constantly on the go, whether it be school, work, or personal projects, I often look forward to the nights I get to spoil myself with myself. I usually pick up my favorite bottle of chardonnay and start my night by delving into DIY's. I like to blend my own body oils while simultaneously indulging in the aromatic scents the essential oils exude while mixing. It's calming, relaxing, and gives me a moment to learn what my body and my brain respond to. I then apply the body oil to my body, taking the time to explore and appreciate the skin that I'm in. It is a liberating experience because it allows me to remain attentive to my body, while giving myself a break and simply focusing on loving what makes me, me." - Marie, Writer/Blogger
"Self-care is engaging all five of my senses in the best way possible."
"As a business owner, I have to practice self-care often or else I'll lose my mind, ha! To me, self-care means being mindful of how you're treating yourself and knowing what your needs are. We get so wrapped up in how to best serve others that we end up losing ourselves in the process. In order to center myself after a stressful day (and really, what day isn't stressful), I light yummy smelling candles, blast my trippy music of choice...or Drake, actually, it's usually Drake, and I eat my favorite foods while swaying around my room! For me, it's all about engaging all five of my senses in the best way possible, because sitting at a computer day in and day out can definitely weigh on you." - Jacque Amadi, E-commerce Entrepreneur
"Self-care is in the calmness of enjoying a good meal."
“I'm a huge advocate of the power of food: the moments after you've devoured an incredible meal are filled with such a wondrous sense of relaxation and satisfaction. For my self-care nights, I treat myself to a phenomenal meal. Sometimes I'll cook, sometimes I'll go out, but I don't worry about cost, calories, or time. Instead, I simply immerse myself in the calmness of enjoying an astonishing meal with myself. Also I always pair it with a bottle of either champagne or hard liquor, so that helps." - Zauni, Writer/Blogger
"Self-care for me is dance."
"Ideal self-care for me would be to go a dance class, workshop, or even a weekend retreat. I have neglected dance and movement for such a long time and it's a huge part of what makes me feel sensual and alive. It's easy to get caught up in adulting and let the things that feed your heart and soul fall through the cracks. Dance is an excellent creative outlet to give your mind a break and just flow." - GG Renee, writer/creativity coach
What do the self care practices that help keep you sane and centered look like? Share with me below.
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
There's something about snuggling up in your favorite blanket and watching a comfort show or movie on Netflix, and what better time to do just that than in December? As the weather outside gets cooler, staying in becomes more of the norm. Thus, Netflix and Chill is a go-to. Luckily, Netflix has released new Black films and series on their popular streaming platform.
From Tyler Perry's historical drama The Six Triple Eight, starring Kerry Washington, to the Will Packer-produced comedy starring Marsai Martin, Regina Hall, and Issa Rae, Little, this season is looking up.
See the full list below.
Little (12/1)
Regina Hall's character is a bossy tech mogul who has everyone scared of her, including her assistant, played by Issa Rae. However, when she transforms into her younger self (Marsai Martin), she learns how to be more kind to others.
Daddy Day Care (12/1)
Eddie Murphy stars in this film as a father who decides to open a daycare after losing his job.
30 For 30 Collection (12/2)
30 For 30 is an ESPN docu-series highlighting some of sports' legendary figures and moments. Some of the episodes include Winning Time: Reggie Miller Vs. The New York Knicks and Celtics/ Lakers: The Best of Enemies.
Jamie Foxx: What Had Happened Was (12/10)
In this special, the multi-talented Jamie Foxx returns to stand-up to give an unforgettable performance.
Blood, Sweat & Heels S2 (12/13)
The short-lived Bravo reality TV series documented the lives of a group of girlfriends making it in NYC. The show starred model-turned-podcaster Melyssa Ford, author Demetria Lucas, and the late TV host Daisy Lewellyn.
The Equalizer S1-3 (12/16)
The hit CBS show starring Queen Latifah is now available on Netflix. Watch the beloved actress kick ass and take names in this popular drama.
The Six Triple Eight (12/20)
The new Tyler Perry film starring Kerry Washington is a true story about the first and only Women’s Army Corps unit of color during World War II.
Christmas Game Day Ravens Vs. Texans (12/25)
While many will tune in to watch the Baltimore Ravens vs. Houston Texans game, others will tune in to watch Beyoncé perform during halftime.
Michelle Buteau: A Buteau-ful Mind At Radio City Music Hall (12/31)
Comedian Michelle Buteau's comedy special will focus on her life with twins, going viral, and much more.
Evil S3 (12/31)
While Evil was unfortunately canceled by CBS, viewers can rewatch the series on Netflix, with season three premiering December 31st.
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Feature image screenshot/YouTube