

I have never known a day without God in my life. It sounds dramatic, but it's true. I spent summers at vocation Bible school in a small town south of Atlanta with my grandmother, at the kind of church with crinkled paper fans and a choir whose voices vibrated through the creaky wooden pews. As a teen, I was an usher and sang in the choir—off-key, but sincere. I always went to church, but I didn't always know how to pray.
Prayer is how we communicate and connect with God but it's how He changes us. Don't let other people's assumptions about prayer complicate that. Their discomfort or ignorance can prompt you to question your own confidence in your spiritual life. Even if you're a baby believer, or haven't prayed much before, you can start. I learned to ignore the people who questioned my spiritual certainty and honored God's voice within me. I have dreamt about things in my life that have come to pass. I have followed small whispers that guided me to opportunities and people who changed my life. I have been shown things I cannot explain. People who I know love me and still think I'm crazy, but I know myself.
I learned to make space in my life for the voice of my spirit. She, through God, tells me which parties to attend, who to love, who to block, which friends are foes, how I spend money, and which job offers to accept. But it took time to truly hear her. It took discipline. It took life falling apart.
Here's a secret: you won't always feel like praying.
But do it anyway. Pray – especially when you're angry, when you have questions and when your doubts are turning your life upside down. Seek inner peace. Learning to respect that soft voice deep down is how you learn to trust your God and yourself.
The woman you will become is built through life's joy, pain. and your ability to pray through it.
Here's a few steps to becoming a powerful privately praying woman:
Create Your Own Sanctuary.
I pray throughout the day. In my car, at work, in the shower, on my knees, dancing around, in the gym, in my closet-- you get the point. You don't have to wait until it's dark outside to fall on your knees before bed after a hectic day. Prayer is God's direct extension, it takes time to hear him through the static. Don't rattle off a list of wants without listening back for His voice. It won't be loud and His message at times may be muffled. But keep practicing. There could even be a time when God's silence forces a leap of faith.
I transformed part of my closet into my prayer lounge. On the floor: green decorative pillows. On the walls: letters to God, pink Post-its with scriptures, and a list of times God showed up for me. Some days, I sit in silence. Other days, I'm crying out to God (or just crying) with my journal and a praise-be-to-the-most-high-please-fix-it-Jesus playlist. Take ownership of being a prayer warrior by creating a space where you can listen, cry, plan, profess, and grow. Be intentional with your time.
Your sanctuary isn't limited to prayer. Prayer isn't just about having a conversation with God, it's about connecting with your soul. You can hear God through exercise, yoga, cooking, and writing. Allow your interests and talents to reveal your true self.
Seek Wise Counsel.
We all need people in our lives who want us to win. But not all good advice is applicable to your situation. Not all good ideas are good for you. You must be mindful what you allow people to speak over you. Listening to the wrong advice from the right people ties you to their expectations and abilities. Mama knows best, but is it possible for mama to be wrong this time? (Sorry, mama.) If someone shares an opinion that feels wrong, or goes against what you believe to be the destined plan for your life, respectfully decline. Swipe right. Exit. Not everyone's intentions are pure and sometimes they can project their fears onto.
Be Still & Be Quiet.
I struggled with this big time because I LOVE to talk. I ran from being quiet with God for years. Like, “OK, God you want me to be alone with my anxieties, fears, and truths and work through it all?" Nah. I'm good. But if you treat it as a form of self-care, prayer will change your life.
If you're constantly running from what you don't know about yourself, the finish line of wholeness and peace will always keep moving away from you. You'll never get there. You'll never truly win.
Fall in love with being alone, being still, and being quiet. Yes, socialize, date, network, but find time to be with yourself. Listen for the small voice within. Listen for the ideas that fall into your heart. Search for the spirit that gets drowned out by the distractions of retweets and double-taps.
Reasses Your Resources.
Some Sundays we're in the pews and others, we're streaming saints and bedside Baptists. Either way, connect to ministries that speak to your soul.
Podcasts, sermons, and books aren't one size fits all. We screenshot a meme, read an amazing book, or text sermon notes to Bae and Friends that are meant only for us. Learn which spiritual teachers and materials work for you. You don't have to delete all the inspirational texts from your group chat or rebuke your girls the next time they share a word, but don't feel guilty for guarding your heart and learning what best suits you at the time. For you, silent mediation may work better than TD Jakes speaking in tongues. Don't let anyone force you into their spiritual routine. Invent your own.
Don't Give Up.
Prayer isn't a magic potion that miraculously treats your problems and scatters fairy dust across your dreams. Nope. Nothing in life is that simple. Life will challenge you, especially as you begin new jobs, new relationships, and a new journey of self-discovery. Don't wait until something is wrong to talk to God. He's good in a crisis, but get to know Him (and yourself) before one presents itself.
One thing is certain: prayer is your power tool.
It secures the foundation of what you believe about yourself and your life. It tints the walls of your world with encouragement. It embellishes the rooms of your soul. Use what you believe about God and the Holy Spirit and train yourself to trust that voice, despite your doubts.
Listen to her. Follow her lead. She is intelligent, beautiful, ambitious, and strong despite any circumstances or flaws.
Prayer doesn't guarantee ease, perfection, or control over your life. It dresses you with the confidence you need to conquer it.
Nicole Baker is a weekday morning anchor in Savannah, Georgia.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissons@xonecole.com.
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Self-Validation, No Meals After 5 P.M. & The Wellness Rituals That Helped Lizzo Take Her Power Back
Don't let the "weight release" fool you, Lizzo's transformation wasn't just physical. It was spiritual, emotional, and deeply personal. In her Women's Health cover story, the "Good As Hell" artist opened up about the low point that became the catalyst for radical change in her life, inside and out.
In the summer of 2023, Lizzo found herself at the center of what she calls painful allegations when some of her former dancers filed a lawsuit against her. The 37-year-old singer has denied their claims, and though she has experienced "backlash my entire career," going through such legal woes coupled with public scrutiny proved to be detrimental to her mental health, leading her to one of the darkest periods of her life.
She told Women's Health, "I got very paranoid and isolated. I wasn’t even talking to my therapist. I wasn’t present. I wasn’t open. I wasn’t myself anymore."
After spending months in isolation, Lizzo, whose real name is Melissa Viviane Jefferson, decided to go to a tour stop on the Renaissance World Tour. She was nervous that the public would shun her, boo her, or reject her, but instead, she was embraced. It shifted something in her and after feeling so in the dark, she saw the light again. "It made me feel like, wow, maybe I don’t want to die," she shared with Women's Health.
"That was the kick-starter to me being like, ‘Okay, Melissa, get your ass in gear and take your f*cking life back.’"
Her first step in Operation Get Your Life Back? Cutting out the external noise. She gave her team total control of her social media and stopped looking at comments. "My validation was from external sources, people telling me they loved me, or that I look good, and accepting me," she explained. "But if that’s all I’m getting my validation from, when it changes—and it will, because people are not always going to like you—what happens? Where are you going to get your love from?"
Lizzo continued, "I can convince myself that I’m beautiful, my body fine, no matter how big or small. But reminding myself that you can’t let others tell you who you are—that was hard work."
Lizzo started going to therapy again, she started practicing quigong meditation, reading books, journaling, and doing sound baths. She released unhealthy relationships, drank echinacea tea, and began incorporating Pilates as a means to "feel sacred" and "be gentle" with herself.
But what many have interpreted as a "weight loss transformation" after she popped out sharing she met her "weight release" goal earlier this year, Lizzo has clarified that it has been something deeper for her than the aesthetic of a smaller body. "I wanted to be big-girl skinny," she told the mag. "Every big girl knows what I’m talking about. Big-girl skinny is 250 pounds." According to her, it was her back issues that inspired her to take the physical part of her wellness journey seriously.
I DID IT! #weightrelease
@lizzo I DID IT! #weightrelease
Through her friend Kelly Rowland, she linked up with her now-trainer Marvin Telp and developed a fitness regimen that prioritized strength and intention. Her weekly schedule now includes moves like single-leg deadlifts, reverse flies, and lateral lunges, along with infrared sauna sessions and cardio. Add to that a change in eating habits after realizing her vegan diet no longer served her (to be fair, she wasn't doing the vegan thing the "healthiest" way).
All the meat substitutes, bread, cashew cheese, and soy left her bloated and lightheaded, so now she's switched things up a bit to fill the nutritional gaps. When it comes to diet, it's heavy on the protein and vegetables for Lizzo. A typical day eating looks like scrambled eggs and cauliflower hash browns for breakfast, Thai chicken salad or lettuce wraps for lunch, and turkey meatloaf with greens for dinner.
She also has a strict cutoff of no meals after 5 p.m. to support her GERD and give her body the time it needs before bed to digest her food sans the acid reflux. Of her relationship with food and wellness, she told Women's Health, "There's a balance. I think that's what true health is."
Read Lizzo's full cover story with Women's Health here.
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Featured image by Stephen Lovekin/Shutterstock