They say that God works in mysterious ways—both in the face of our greatest losses and biggest wins. And while the road to uncovering the reason and ‘why’ behind such marvels may seem dim, what’s later relieved often lights the path to our purpose. And thus was the case for Brittney Winbush, founder of the breakout candle brand, Alexandra Winbush (AW).
Photo Cred: Mark C. (Mark Clemmons @mark.c)
After experiencing a house fire during college, much of what Brittney called home was unrecoverable. “I was like, why did this happen? Why did it happen in my room? Why was I the only person that lost something?” she tells xoNecole. As the aftermath of the fire brought on waves of anxiety and depression, Brittney began to reestablish a sense of stability back into her life through her sacred self-care trinity: music, tea, and candle making. “Now I have this routine. Now I'm tapped in, open, and happy to talk about my journey with anxiety and depression,” she says. “I found comfort in candles and tea and music, and I was able to build a business out of it.”
What came from the ashes was a brand that’s rooted in self-care and grounded by an ever-growing community that’s found a safe place to land during life’s toughest moments. “I always say that AW is for your bad days,” she shares. “Everybody's bad day isn't a house fire, but it could be a rough day at work, tension in your relationship, or what none of us saw coming: a global pandemic that puts you in the house for a year. I create products for those days.”
Photo Cred: Mark C. (Mark Clemmons @mark.c)
Supplying a product that allows her customers to take a load off, this wellness founder has found her sweet spot. Through her curated playlists, aromatic candle line, and teas, Brittney is proving that peace of mind and ease can be found in the small moments we make for ourselves. “The combination of escaping with scent, sitting down with a cup of tea, and enjoying whatever music I want in that moment, feels like the perfect three,” she says.
And as she embarks on a new chapter in life, having recently celebrated her 30th birthday, Brittney is confident that wherever it leads her, she can always return to the home within.
“I thought at 30, I needed to be somebody else. But now that I'm here, I'm happy with who I am,” she reflects. “I'm leaning into the newness of, ‘hey, I thought I needed to have it all figured out,’ but I don't — and that's actually exciting.”
“I'm excited to figure it out and be on this next part of my journey and see what the next decade brings for me.”
xoNecole: As someone who is in the business of self-care, how has your relationship with self-care evolved since starting your business and what does it look like for you today?
Brittney Winbush: Self-care is ever-changing for me. I always say the biggest form of self-care is listening to yourself. There's no one particular practice, although I do have the things that I always can go back to, on any given day, I might need something different. Some days I need to get on the phone with my mom and talk about whatever or nothing at all, other days I need to close my laptop and only do things that make me happy. I’ll go to yoga or the spa.
The best form was self-care is me being honest and listening to myself when I want to do nothing, ask for help, or be alone to pray. It's listening to those things and doing it.
Photo Cred: Skylar Marshai (@skylarmarshai)
xoN: In the age of social media, entrepreneurship can be so glamorized and highly curated. But what would you say is something that has been a challenge for you to adjust to on your journey, and what have you learned from it?
BW: As a small business in the digital age, really big things happen really fast. You could be having slow sales one day, and then the very next day, Issa Rae can post about your business and you can have the most amount of orders that you've ever had. Because you're a small business, and it's so insular, the moment eventually goes.
So take time to revel in those things that happen, because when other things come in, it'll just be a moment that passes. It's okay to sit in those moments and take them in because when you let them pass you might not be thinking about the lessons or the celebration part—but take in every moment, big and small.
“It's okay to sit in those moments and take them in because when you let them pass you might not be thinking about the lessons or the celebration part—but take in every moment, big and small.”
I’m literally in church talking to God asking Him to guide me in my business, take lead & just give me a push because I’ve been feeling off lately. I grab my phone to take notes from the sermon & see this notification from ISSA FREAKING RAE. pic.twitter.com/C9cC43rl5q
— Brittney 🕯 (@voguebritt) August 18, 2019
xoN: Speaking of Issa Rae, back in 2019, you got a major shoutout from her highlighting your "September Sixth" candle. What did your now-viral moment teach you about the power of preparation?
BW: I think sometimes with a business, especially a small, Black business, and with the lack of capital that Black businesses have in the playing field, that we start at such a different place than a lot of other businesses. There's only so much you can prep for sometimes. There are certain things you don't know until it happens.
The best thing you can do is be prepared for flexibility. I feel like I held on to the moment as best as I could and got the orders out. But oh my gosh, that was like a hell of a time. I felt bad for my roommates, they couldn't walk through our apartment because orders were everywhere. I was shipping further than I ever had before. Candles are breaking in transit. Those are things I couldn't prepare for because you don’t know until you know. The most I could do was be prepared to be flexible, be prepared to learn, and then be prepared to be transparent along the journey.
Photo Cred: Mark C. (Mark Clemmons @mark.c)
xoN: You have such a solid, supportive group of friends in your circle. As a creative, how has your community played a role in the growth and trajectory of your business?
BW: Oh my gosh, it's everything. AW is nothing without our community. A part of that is my really close friend circle and the way that they've supported and helped me with this business every step of the way. From the very beginning, AW has been community-driven, and I think that stemmed from my own personal brand and community that I had before I launched AW. There was a community of people that already trusted me because before I had products I still talked about the house fire, my anxiety and depression, and things I was doing for myself—so they already trusted me.
Once we built AW, the community grew with people that were open to sharing bad days and good products.
xoN: One of the things I admire about your brand is that the aesthetic and design all feel like an extension of who you already are as a person. What tips do you have for aspiring entrepreneurs who are looking to create a product or service that fits their passions and lifestyle?
BW: If what you're trying to do is a medium of self-expression and a part of the passion you have, then you have the biggest tool already there. Start with what you have. It's okay to put in the groundwork silently. It's okay if you even do it loudly, but no one's paying attention. But just start with the little things in whatever you have. And if you're building something out of love and passion and a reflection of you, it's going to attract the right people. You just have to put yourself out there and lean into your resources and your people.
"If you're building something out of love and passion and a reflection of you, it's going to attract the right people. You just have to put yourself out there and lean into your resources and your people."
There’s this Issa Rae quote where she talks about how sometimes people are trying to network up but you need to network laterally. There are people right next to you who are doing amazing things and are killing in their industry. Link up and create.
xoN: Overall, I think we’re all pretty excited about what’s to come from your brand. What can your supporters expect from Alexandra Winbush this year?
BW: You can expect to see us a lot more in public. We'll be celebrating our five-year anniversary in April, which I'm really excited about. We also have a brand new candle coming out in February. It's called “Plum Wine.” It's incredible. I'm obsessed with it. So expect new products throughout the year that we'll be putting out and we’ll have some in-person events so we can get back around each other and love on each other as a community.
For more of Brittney, follow her on Instagram @voguebritt. Shop Alexandra Winbush here.
Featured image by Mark C. (Mark Clemmons @mark.c)
RELATED
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.
In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.
In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.
And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.
We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.
So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.
That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.
This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
___
Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by PeopleImages/Shutterstock