A Tale Of Three Cities In Senegal: Saly, Saint-Louis, And Dakar
On a warm Friday evening, a few months before we found ourselves at the departure end of the Murtala Muhammad airport in Lagos, Nigeria, my husband and I finally sat down to figure out where to spend our Christmas holiday. We had put it off for a bit, procrastinating like we always do, but with only a few months left until the holiday season, it was now or never.
We wanted none of the fast-paced life that being in our city, Lagos presented. The year had been incredibly long, so we were choosing to ease into the new year in a slow, languorous way. Cappadocia in Turkey was high on our list, but eventually, we narrowed our options to the African continent. We are both Nigerians and fiercely proud of our African heritage, so we wanted to immerse ourselves in and enjoy more of what the continent had to offer.
Soon enough, we settled for Senegal for the diversity of its offerings: Senegal is home to 7 UNESCO world heritage sites, the tallest statue in Africa, has some of the most beautiful beaches, and is rich in culture and history. Many people visit Senegal solely for Dakar, its capital city. But if you search a little deeper and open your mind a little wider, you will discover that Senegal has more to offer than Dakar.
In our case, we explored two other cities in addition to Dakar, and looking back, I honestly can't imagine experiencing Senegal in any other way.
Saly
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Our first stop was the beautiful beachside resort area of Saly, located in the Thiès region of western Senegal. We were welcomed into Saly by the most gorgeous sunset I had ever seen. It seemed to stretch for miles, following us on our ride to the hotel, dipping in and out as the roads winded as if to let us know that there was even more beauty awaiting us. Saly is a top tourist area in Senegal, and it is immediately clear why when you visit. It has the most gorgeous sunset and beaches, all ingredients for the perfect vacation.
Quick history tidbit: Saly was originally a Portuguese trading post known as Porto de Ale, which became Portudal, and later Sali Portudal.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
As we pulled up to our hotel taking in the last sights of the glorious sunset, the waves in the far-off distance crashed against the beach, and we felt completely at home. Starting our Senegal city hopping with Saly couldn’t have been a more perfect choice.
Although we spent a good chunk of our time in Saly indoors rejuvenating, we eventually ventured out to take a walk and feel the pulse of the city center. Neon lights and signs wishing people a happy holiday told us that this is a city that really values the people that it welcomes.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
We also visited the Reserve de Bandia nature reserve which is about 15 kilometers from Saly and houses a lot of wild animals and over 120 species of birds. We opted for a private park guide instead of the group tours, so we went through the place in good time. Right opposite the reserve is their lion ranch. We found out about this much later, so sadly we didn’t get to see the lions.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Our stay in Saly was truly invigorating, albeit short, so we couldn’t do a lot of things but we made sure to visit the arts and crafts market to find a bit of Saly to take home with us so that our trip here is forever memorialized.
Saint-Louis
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Our next stop after saying goodbye to our beautiful beach house in Saly was the island of Saint-Louis (or Ndar as it is called in the Wolof language), a city of brightly colored buildings, horse-drawn carts, and a charming rustic vibe. Saint-Louis is a good four-hour drive from Saly; not exactly the most scenic drive, but not the worst road trip we have been on either (and we have been on many).
In Saint-Louis, the influence of the colonizers is still visible. Albeit on the cusps of debilitation, the buildings are mainly colonial-style architecture, and as we later learned, have been intentionally preserved that way. (It is against the city rules to alter the building’s original external features.)
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Despite the long road trip to Saint-Louis, we were enamored by the city’s narrow roads, distinctive architecture, and laid-back vibes. Life seemed to move slowly in Saint-Louis, but we had zero complaints about this. It was exactly what we needed.
Quick history tidbit: Saint-Louis was the capital of Senegal from 1673 until 1902 and French West Africa from 1895 until 1902, when the capital was moved to Dakar. From 1920 to 1957, it also served as the capital of the neighboring colony of Mauritania which shares a border. The island of Saint-Louis is also a UNESCO world heritage site.
One thing we immediately noticed in Saint-Louis is the sheer number of people milling around in the streets, ready to approach you to make a case for whatever service or products they offer. And so it happened that on our arrival to Saint-Louis, whilst still trying to move our luggage from the trunk to the foyer of our hotel, we managed to make acquaintance with a convenience store owner and secure a date with an English-speaking tour guide for the next day.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
On our first day, we did a short walking tour of the city to find somewhere to grab lunch, but ended up learning about a concept called “slow food.” In Saint Louis, a good chunk of the restaurants there practice “slow food,” a concept hinged on a quality over quantity disposition, where meals are prepared lovingly with fresh produce and with a slower approach to cooking. Consequently, these restaurants open much later in the day. It was interesting to see a shift from fast food consumerism, but my stomach didn’t appreciate the late opening times.
Because Senegal borders the Atlantic Ocean, fish is a key part of their cuisine. Three beloved dishes in Senegal are Thiéboudienne (Senegalese jollof rice), Yassa, and Mafe. Whatever you do, make sure you don't leave Senegal without trying Thieboudienne, Bissap (Hibiscus juice), and Bouye juice (juice from the Baobab tree).
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
The next day, we had a simple breakfast and headed out with the tour guide for a horse-driven half-day tour of the island. He took us through the city and showed us the different facets of the island, pointing out the landmarks and noteworthy sights such as the Governor’s Palace, the cathedral and grand mosque, and the fishing village. It was particularly sad to see the effect of climate change and the subsequent decay in some parts of the city, especially in the fishing village.
We also visited the art studio of Meissa and Bassirou Fall. Our tour guide pointed it out during the tour as a must-see, so we visited the next day and it was truly magical. Meissa and Bassirou Fall are a father-son duo who make unique art sculptures from discarded bicycle and motorcycle parts.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Some say that a visit to Saint-Louis is not complete without visiting the Djoudj National Bird Sanctuary (a day trip) and the Langue de Barbarie (a half-day trip) but we opted out as we didn’t want to pack too many activities into our vacation.
At night, we’d walk to the Faidherbe Bridge and marvel at how beautiful it looks when lit up. The Faidherbe Bridge is a road bridge over the Senegal River that links the island of the city of Saint-Louis in Senegal to the African mainland. You’ll cross it when driving into Saint-Louis but it is definitely worth a visit at night when it gets lit up.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Dakar
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Ah, Dakar! Dakar was a love-hate experience for us. It reminded me a lot of my city in Nigeria: Lagos. They both have the same chaotic energy and buzz in the air, with little glimpses of magical moments that make you think it’s really not so bad after all. Leaving Dakar for last was an intentional decision because it was going to be the place with the most activity for us. We had a list of places we wanted to see but eventually only managed to do two out of the four places. There are only so many activities you can fit into a trip when you have just three days to spend.
Quick history tidbit: In 1902, Dakar replaced Saint-Louis as the capital of French West Africa. From 1959 to 1960, Dakar was the capital of the short-lived Mali Federation. In 1960, it became the capital of the independent Republic of Senegal.
On the top of our list was the Monument de la Renaissance (The African Renaissance Monument), the tallest statue in Africa which was erected to mark Senegal’s 50 years of independence. After surviving the many steps that led to the front door of the statue (think of it as a mini hike), we paid an entrance fee and were ushered in.
Inside told a story of Senegal, the African slave trade, and its journey to freedom/independence. We also got to see some unique artworks and crafts owned by the then-president of Senegal, Abdoulaye Wade. Afterward, we took an elevator to the top of the statue for a bird's-eye view of the city.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
The next day, we set off to visit the highly acclaimed Goree Island (Île de Gorée in French). Goree is a beautiful and picturesque island with a not-so-beautiful past. It was the site of one of the most important slave trade ports in West Africa where millions of enslaved Africans were taken through to never return again. Now, it is a UNESCO World Heritage site and houses a community of about 1800 permanent residents.
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
Goree attracts over 500,000 tourists yearly who visit for its history or solely to enjoy its visual aesthetics. But one thing is for sure, Goree Island is definitely a key part of anyone’s travels through Senegal so it felt fitting to end our time there with it. The next day, we packed our bags and said our goodbyes.
It was time to return back home.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Cassie Daves and Mark Unuakhalu
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Not too long ago, while in an interview, someone asked me for a top complaint that I hear husbands say (first) and then wives state (second) as it relates to what goes down (or doesn’t go down) in the bedroom.
Ladies first: when it comes to women, I think what comes up more than anything might surprise some: it’s boredom. A lot of wives want there to be more spontaneity instead of taking the “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” approach from their partner. As for men? I mean, would anyone be shocked to hear that they wished their wife would initiate sex more often?
I’m telling you, over frequency, technique, and even dressing up more for bed (and yes, those things also come up quite a bit), hands down, what I hear that more men want is for their partner to show them that they are desired by taking the initial steps to make copulation happen…more often.
And so, since I’m all about doing whatever I can to reduce dissatisfaction and frustration in the bedroom department, let’s explore this very topic today — from a few angles. For starters, what it truly means to be a sexual initiator; two, why it’s so vitally important to be a sexual initiator, and three, why it could literally change the entire tone, energy, and outcome of your sex life with your partner — if you’d simply be open to initiating sex more often than you (probably already) do.
What It Means to Initiate Something. LITERALLY.
Giphy
I’m word-literal — there’s no secret about that. So, when it comes to the topic of initiating sex, let’s start with what the word means. To initiate is “to begin, set going, or originate” and “to introduce into the knowledge of some art or subject.” Some synonyms for initiate include begin, open, set up, trigger, admit, introduce, and invest. And when it comes to all of the meanings of these words, between men and women, when it comes to sex specifically, guess who does it more? Men. BY A LONG SHOT TOO: a whopping 60 percent.
When it comes to why a lot of women are so comfortable with men initiating intimacy, many think that, just like men should pursue them for a relationship, it is also “the man’s role” to pursue sex in the bedroom; they literally think that it makes them look desperate or needy for them to be the initiator — yes, even as a wife. What in the world?
Listen, when two people sign up to be each other’s exclusive sex partner until death parts them, it means they are both saying that they desire each other so much that they are willing to make that kind of commitment — and so, there should be no “I don’t want to appear this way or that” when it comes to sexual activity.
So, with all of that ridiculous overthinking out of the way, that should make you want to “set up” some sex plans, “admit” to some sexual fantasies that you may have, and “introduce” some new ideas to your partner; especially since that’s exactly what so many men wish that their lady would do, to begin with.
So, with all of this said, if you’re someone who is hung up on not initiating, first spend some time really processing what the word means. Because when two people are eager to begin sex and invest in each other sexually, that is the recipe for a truly satisfying experience…over and over and over again.
C’mon. Who Doesn’t Want to Feel Wanted?
GiphyI remember once reading an article that said our brain processes rejection the same way that it does physical pain, and y’all, I don’t know about you, but if something is physically hurting me, my natural inclination is to get away from it. Along these lines, when it comes to relationships since research has proven that rejection can lead to things like jealousy, shame, anxiety, loneliness, and guilt — yes, it makes all of the common sense in the world that you would want to do all that you can to make your partner feel wanted…both in and outside of the bedroom because, just like no one wants to deal with physical pain, no one wants to keep dealing with rejection and all of the fallout that comes with it…either.
Actually, when it comes to this particular point, I think that an article that I once read on Psychology Today’s site said it best: “Not only does being needed help define your role in a relationship, but being needed can also influence how satisfied you feel in a relationship.” And before some of you say that “sex is not a need” — the hell you say? I mean, the only purpose of your clitoris is to provide sexual stimulation, so that alone should make us all deem sex (and sexual fulfillment) as pretty damn important.
Plus, by definition, a need is something that is deemed as being essential while also being something that is extremely necessary, and anyone who thinks that a romantic relationship doesn’t need physical intimacy? That’s someone who really needs to remain single because one of the top things that makes a relationship more than a friendship is there is intimacy that’s involved.
Besides, who doesn’t want to feel wanted by their partner — and I do mean, in every way? And when you make the decision to be in an exclusive relationship with someone else, you are declaring that they are someone who pleases you to the point where you don’t need to look for anyone else to do it; and, if that is indeed what you are saying, it doesn’t make sense that you wouldn’t initiate sex with them sometimes (and I do mean more than on their birthday).
One, because you choose them to “fill that role.” Two, because they are the source of your fulfillment in that area. Three, because it’s completely unfair (not to mention totally hypocritical) to expect them to make you feel wanted when you’re not being intentional about making them feel the same way in return. Not to mention the fact that initiating also helps to safeguard your relationship on a lot of levels too.
Since sex is important and rejection is detrimental on so many levels, it’s crucial to make your partner feel sexually wanted and desired by you. One way to definitely do that is to initiate sex.
What Initiating Sex Does for You
GiphySo, what does initiating sex do for the initiator? Something that I tell a lot of my women clients is it helps them to create an atmosphere that puts them in the mood. What I mean by that is, if their husband is perfectly content having sex on the couch during commercials (I’m kind of exaggerating to make a point…kind of…LOL) while they would like some candles, mood music, and rose petals — they can control that if they are the one who initiates.
Another perk that comes with being the initiator is you have more “control” over how the sex goes. The kind of foreplay you want, how fast or slow things go, how intercourse begins — all of this, you have more of a say so in if you’re the one who is initiating intimacy. Why? Well, think about when your bae initiates — doesn’t it seem like you tend to follow his lead more when he’s the one who is first to get the ball rolling?
Oftentimes, when a couple comes to me about being sexually dissatisfied, and I recommend that the one who doesn’t initiate takes more initiative, the one on the receiving end likes the fact that their partner is “running the show” — and the initiator likes “being in charge” more than they thought that they would. As a result, both end up experiencing far more pleasure.
The initiator shows what they want more of while the receiver feels desired in the process. A win/win for everyone.
What Initiating Sex Does for Him
sexy black and white GIFGiphyA couple of weeks ago, while in a session with a client, he was joking about how much he has “too much of a good thing” when it comes to his wife’s libido. Although science says that the fact that men have a higher amount of testosterone in their system, and it is the reason why they typically have a higher sex drive, don’t sleep on a lot of women out there who want to get it in more than their husband does. His wife is one of them. Since she’s a client of mine too (oftentimes, we do our sessions separately), it’s interesting that he’s fine with having sex a couple of times a month while she would like to a couple of times a week.
So, is he denying her when she wants it more often? Nope. The reason why they’re not having more sex is that even though her drive is higher, she still waits for him to initiate. Why? Because she thinks that’s what “the man should do”; not only that but “being wooed” turns her on more.
As I’ve been working on helping them to find a middle ground (because if marriage ain’t about compromise, I don’t know what is), he says that he feels like because he plans a lot of the dates, he wishes that she would initiate more: “I don’t think a lot of women get how hard it is to be a Black man out here. Nothing feels better than knowing that if no one else is thrilled by your presence, your woman is. For us, initiating isn’t just about sex. It’s about feeling wanted as a whole. And when we feel like our woman adores us, there is no greater turn-on.”
I’m not sure what y’all heard, but what it sounds like to me is when we, as women, initiate sex, men feel holistically special and cherished. That makes sense, too, because if we were to put our feet in their shoes, we would probably say the same thing. That’s just one more reason to pull the “gender roles” out of this topic; men and women both want to feel like they are the best thing on the planet by their sex partners. And again, initiating helps us all to feel that way.
What Initiating Ultimately Does for Your Relationship As a Whole
Issa Rae Love GIF by Insecure on HBOGiphyPersonally, I can only imagine how much better sex would be for everyone (who is in a sexual relationship) if people simply initiated copulation whenever they wanted to have it. That way, everyone would feel desired — and what could possibly be wrong with that? Especially if both individuals factored in some of the definitions for initiated that I already shared. Just think about if you rushed home tonight because you read about something that you want to introduce to your man or there’s a fantasy that you have that you want to admit.
The mere conversations alone will help to bring the two of you closer together because, after all, deep intimacy is about minds, bodies, and spirits getting as close as possible…right? And so, yes, by initiating sex, it can bring more closeness and stability to the relationship as a whole.
And what if you initiate and your partner isn’t interested at the time? Or what if you’re shy about initiating due to having a fear of rejection? That’s a fair and legitimate concern. One day, I’ll need to pen an article on how couples should handle situations like that with grace (on both ends) while applying the golden rule of “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.” For now, I’ll just say that if this is your greatest point of concern, share that with your partner as well.
After all, it’s pretty unrealistic to expect them to always want it when you do (although it’s been my experience and observation that men are almost always far easier to convince…LOL); just know that not wanting sex at the exact moment that you do doesn’t mean that they don’t want you altogether. Besides, oftentimes, a nap or a night of sleep can rectify that issue. Trust me.
____
Rihanna was actually once quoted as saying, “To me, sex is power. It’s empowering to do it because you want to do it.” I personally think that’s a great way to bring this to a close. Make your partner feel wonderful, empower yourself, and strengthen your relationship by initiating sex more often. I can’t think of one reason why it’s not a wise move. Can you?
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images