An Intimacy Coordinator Gives The Tea On Our Favorite Love Scenes (& How To Can Recreate Them)
Have you ever watched a movie or TV show with a spicy or romantic love scene that you couldn’t help but replay a few times? Don’t worry; I’m not judging you. That’s part of the movie magic—those moments are literally choreographed to make viewers feel connected. If you don’t believe me, just ask Zuri Pryor-Graves, an intimacy coordinator who helps make romantic scenes come to life while making sure everyone on set feels comfortable and respected.
Zuri’s work spans networks like HBO Max, BET, Starz, Apple TV, Hulu, Prime, Netflix, and more. In this exclusive interview with xoNecole, she gives us insight into her career, shares some surprising details about our favorite love scenes, and offers a few tips to elevate our own intimate experiences. Check it out below!
xoNecole: As I understand, the role of an intimacy coordinator is relatively new. Could you tell me about what it entails and what drew you to this line of work?
Zuri Pryor-Graves: Absolutely. Well, yes, it’s fairly new. We’ve been around since 2017 or 2018 after the Me Too Movement. And in my opinion, I feel like we’re an added layer of physical, psychological and emotional safety for everyone involved in creating these scenes. Because some scenes can be very hypersensitive from the mental health side of things, it’s not just about nudity or simulated sex. We’re liaisons from actors to production, but we’re also choreographers. We get to be in a unique space where we are a part of the creative and business side of the production.
xoN: Now I want to talk a little bit about consent. When working on scenes like you mentioned, how do you go about making sure everyone is comfortable?
Zuri: As a therapist, I can get very clinical. But I don’t want things to feel static or sterile. Because entertainment and TV is a creative process. It’s important to note that no actual sex is had. But for consent-based practices, I’ve seen intimacy coordinators come in and try to sit everyone down for a formal discussion, and I can do that when it’s needed. But I really try to lean on my actors and figure out what they need and how they move. If they already have a relationship, I might be the new person stepping in.
So instead of dictating how things should go, I focus on offering a different language or modeling that language. It’s not about talking to them like they’re in kindergarten, but more about saying, ‘In this situation, here's what I would need—what do you all need?’ It’s about normalizing and standardizing that language and behavior, especially when working with actors who have been doing this longer than I’ve been alive.
It’s not about talking to them like they’re in kindergarten, but more about saying, ‘In this situation, here's what I would need—what do you all need?’ It’s about normalizing and standardizing that language and behavior, especially when working with actors who have been doing this longer than I’ve been alive.
xoN: Got it. So I have to ask, what do you think gives a love scene that IT factor?
Zuri: An IT factor love scene comes from people willing to have really honest, vulnerable conversations about what they’re comfortable with, and from those who are intuitive enough to pick up on boundaries and respect them. Without that, you can see the discomfort on screen—and we, behind the camera, see it too. We’re sitting there like, 'Okay, cut.'
Actors often accept roles thinking it will be more comfortable than it is, or hoping for some magical ease, but the truth is, it’s going to be uncomfortable. The key is accepting that and figuring out how to move through it together. My ideal is when people are upfront and honest about their boundaries and what they need, and when they’re given the time to rehearse and prepare properly. But often, we discuss things, and next thing you know, we’re on set—without proper rehearsal, which is far from ideal, but happens.
xoN: So, honesty, vulnerability, and boundaries – sounds like that would create magic in real life too. Well, speaking of ‘IT” factor love scenes, our team put together a list of some of our favorites. Would you mind talking through a few of the background components and what made them stand out?
Zuri:Sure, let’s do it!
xoN: Let’s start with Love and Basketball’s scene where Monica experiences her first time with Quincy.
Zuri:So I’ve watched the Love and Basketball scene a lot—both as a kid and in my work now. I’ve even been asked to remake versions of that scene for other projects, but they haven’t always been as successful. But I think we love it because of their character development—we fell in love with those characters.
For any scene like that, it’s important to remember there’s no actual sex happening. So, part of my job is figuring out the modesty measures and what’s being placed between the actors' bodies. Since Love and Basketball was filmed years ago, I’d be curious to know what techniques they used – but something was between them. Another scene that comes to mind is from Jason’s Lyric. If you look closely, you can actually see the modesty wear in some shots—a tape or strapless thong, for example.
I love scenes that can be extremely sexy without being overly explicit. For instance, in Love and Basketball, we see his butt briefly, but there’s no full nudity. They had clear boundaries around that, which I think is great.
So I’ve watched the Love and Basketball scene a lot—both as a kid and in my work now. I’ve even been asked to remake versions of that scene for other projects, but they haven’t always been as successful. But I think we love it because of their character development—we fell in love with those characters.
xoN: Speaking of nudity, the next one on our list is Insecure. Specifically, we are referring to Issa and Daniel’s infidelity scene. When this show aired, I remember discussing how the men in the series often show more nudity than the women, which is usually the opposite in film. It’s interesting to see that dynamic play out. Can you talk a bit about that?
Zuri:In terms of nudity, every scene comes with individual contracts. When negotiating a simulated sex scene or one involving nudity, we create specific contracts known as nudity riders or simulated sex riders. These are provided to the actors 48 hours before the scene and outline every detail, specifying what will be shown—like whether we can see a left nipple, side breast, etc.
Many actors come to a production with overarching nudity-related clauses in their contracts, detailing what they can or cannot do, regardless of having seen the script. My guess is that on Insecure, all the women had a no-nudity clause in their contracts.
When shows don’t feature much nudity but want to suggest it, they often use a day player—an actor brought in just for that scene—who may appear naked while the main cast maintains their no nudity clauses.
xoN: Finally, the current show we landed on is Reasonable Doubt. I know you worked on that one! It’s a fan favorite right now, and the chemistry between all of the actors is so hot. What was it like working on that set, and what do you think took those love scenes to the next level?
Zuri: Reasonable Doubt was a really amazing project for me to work on as a mental health professional because all of the intimacy was so layered. Peeling back the relationships between these dynamic characters who were experiencing infidelity, domestic assault and violence, financial wellness, and so much more was a lot. Because all of these things factor into how people interact with each other in intimate settings.
One of the scenes I really liked is the scene with Chanel and Von in the hotel room. That is one of my favorite scenes, and it's because of how generous those actors were with one another and me in their creative process. They made the scene goal-oriented in a different way. For example, Chanel really wanted to show that she felt free in this moment - so it was a question of how do we bring that to life in intimacy.
xoN: Finally, I’ll close with this question: what are some elements that bring these creative scenes to life that we can actually take home to elevate our own sexual experiences?
Zuri: Knowing yourself and communication. You can’t communicate with someone else unless you know yourself. So when I’m having these conversations with actors, it always starts with 1:1 convo. I ask about boundaries, what makes them feel like they’d create their best work and comfortability. I think that’s for anyone. Intimacy starts with you before you share it with anyone.
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Kirby Carroll grew up in VA but now calls Atlanta, GA home. She has a passion for creating content and helping brands grow through storytelling and public relations. When not immersed in work, you can find her sipping a mimosa at brunch or bingeing a new TV drama on Netflix. Keep up with her on social media at @askKirbyCarroll.
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Entertaining Like Ayesha Curry: Expert Advice For Holidays Done Right
Be prepared to wow the crowd.
It’s officially the holiday season, which means parties and gatherings galore. Between Friendsgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve celebrations, many of us are preparing to host loved ones in our homes one or two times between now and the end of the year. No matter the occasion or season, hosting for family and friends is a labor of love. But we can also agree that entertaining can be overwhelming, especially for first-time hosts.
As a seasoned host and entertainer, Ayesha Curry knows something about creating a memorable event for loved ones. Whether preparing for an intimate dinner with your immediate family or hosting a larger crowd, your guests will think you are a pro this holiday season with her tips on everything from welcoming guests to setting a beautiful table.
Q: What is your top tip for hosting?
Ayesha Curry:Part of being a great host is spending time with your guests, which means you can’t be stuck in the kitchen. Prep is key! I usually serve wine with the meal, but a cocktail or mocktail is a great way to greet guests. I prep the garnish the night before and batch the drink just before guests arrive. When the party begins, I pull everything out of the fridge and am ready to serve.
Writer Note: If you would like to offer non-alcoholic beverages for your sober or sober-curious guests, I love Saint Viviana Cab. It maintains full-body cabernet and flavor; no one will ever guess it’s alcohol-free. You can easily create a signature mocktail using Bittermilk’s Smoked Honey Whiskey Sour mix.
Q: Do you suggest any prep for serving or cooking?
AC:I lay out all my serving dishes and utensils the night before with little post-it notes saying what goes where. That way, I’m not digging around for anything. For more elaborate menus, I lay out quarter sheet pans and label them with tape according to the dish. I prep and measure everything for each recipe and then load each sheet pan with everything needed to make the dish. I wrap each tray in saran or foil, stack them, and place them in the fridge. Pull out the sheet pan you need when cooking, and everything is ready. It’s something I learned at the restaurant that saves so much time.
Q: What’s one item that should always be on a dinner party menu?
AC: Bread or roll with butter is excellent for holding guests over if the kitchen is delayed.
Q: What’s one non-menu item you should always have on hand?
AC: For a non-menu item, wine!
Q: How do you decide on a theme or menu for a gathering?
AC: It all starts with the occasion and the guest list. If it’s a group that doesn’t know each other very well, I may get more elaborate with the theme to help break the ice. For a group of friends or family who don’t get to see each other very often, I usually keep it simple so the evening can be all about catching up. A great playlist, good wine, and a family-style menu are all you need.
Q: Should attendees be expected to bring a gift?
AC: If I’m hosting, I’m not expecting gifts. The gift is taking time to come over and enjoy a meal with me! But bringing something to enjoy at the gathering, like a bottle of wine, is always appreciated.
Q: What are three affordable gifts that guests can give a host?
AC:A bag of excellent coffee is a beautiful gift for a host. Sweet July’s House Blend Coffee is sourced from all-female co-ops, so it’s a gift I love to give to the women in my life. Whether it’s being served after dinner or just for the host to enjoy on their own, you can’t go wrong with a bag of high-end coffee.
Fresh flowers are great if you have a host who likes total control over the food and beverage menu. Go for something neutral in color that can work with any décor.
The Sweet July Olive Oil and Balsamic Vinegar set is my go-to host gift. Bottled in Napa, it’s a gift any foodie will appreciate - and use!
Q: What are some creative tablescape or decor ideas that you love?
AC: I like to keep my dinnerware neutral and classic (like this ceramic collection in nutmeg) and infuse color and texture through linens. For centerpieces, I want to use what I have in my yard. If it’s summer, it might be flowers or greenery, but interesting branches can also look architectural in tall, clear vases next to tapered candles in the colder months. There’s no need to spend a ton of money on flowers.
With Ayesha’s tips, you can create a holiday gathering that your family and friends will cherish forever.
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