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5 Signs You Really Know A Person
If there are three words that I personally think get abused (or misused) a lot, it's "love," "friend," and "know". I mean, think about it — how is that the same word you would use for your favorite flavor of ice cream is the same word you would use to describe how you feel about your significant other (love)? Or, when you think about all that you and your bestie have been through, how do the people you barely speak to — let alone see — on social media get the same title as they do (friend)?
Most of y'all probably feel me on those two words, but "know"? What's my issue with that?
I always found it interesting, and also pretty cool, that if you read the New King James Version of the Bible, when it talks about a husband having sex with his wife, "knew" is the word that's used (Genesis 4:25). He wasn't smashin' or hittin' — he was getting to know her better.
To me, it cosigns what I think about the word "know"; that, in many ways, just like when it comes to love or friend, it's a sacred word. Folks can't be out here just casually claiming to know someone. There should be a certain kind of criteria that qualifies them to say that. For starters, the five following things must apply.
What It Means To Really Know Someone
You've Had Bonafide Shared Experiences with Each Other
"Know" is a pretty layered word. Two of my favorite definitions of it are "to perceive or understand as fact or truth" and "to understand from experience or attainment." If you know someone, you've experienced some things with them. Experiences are personal accounts.
When I think of experiences, I think of good times and tough times. I think of the people who were there for me during my latest heartbreak or the ones who can call me when they are short on a bill. Even when I think about the people I've gone to the movies with or had lunch with, it served some kind of a purpose beyond the surface. So yeah, for someone to say that they know me, we've spent some personal time together. Definitely.
They've Consistently Communicated with You Within the Last 12-16 Months
How is it that supposedly it takes 21 days to break a habit, but someone who hasn't spoken to you in five years is able to say that they know you? Shoot, with all of the self-work I've done over the past year or so, I barely know me (that's a joke— kinda), so I know folks I haven't seen since college don't.
Even the guys who've known me in the biblical sense, because it's been so long ago, I don't profess to know anymore. I'm pretty sure their anatomy hasn't changed, but time changes people mentally and emotionally, so hopefully they've evolved to the point where it's more accurate to say that I knew them.
My point? A part of the reason why we call people on the phone or take trips with them, etc. is so that we can remain connected to them throughout all of the things in life that change us over time. Things that evolve us and (hopefully) mature us.
I won't lie. Being away from some folks feels like missing two years of a soap opera; you see them again and it's like you didn't miss a thing. But overall, if it's been 1-1½ years and you haven't been in touch with someone, it's pretty bold to claim that you know them. Same goes for them professing that they know you.
Because think about it — if someone knows you so well unless they are in another country without phone access, why haven't you connected with them on some level within the past year-and-a-half anyway?!
Your Relationship with Them Goes Beyond Social Media
Personally, I haven't been on social media for almost a decade, so I'll tread softly here. I will say that when I was on it, the platform was Facebook and my page was pretty much a place where folks would debate hot topics. Aside from counseling, I wasn't doing a lot of "caring and sharing" on there, though. I prefer to get on the phone to do that. To this day, my circle knows that if you have my number (which might be 10 people, literally), that means you know me; that we really are homies.
However, I do know a lot of people who will comment on celebrities or even just people they follow online like they are close friends with them based on what those folks post on their own pages. Listen, people show you what they want you to see. Don't let that make you think that you truly know them, though.
Just because you see things about someone doesn't mean you know them.
They Can Provide More Details than Gossip
Remember how one of the definitions of the word "know" is someone who has facts and truth? Chile, is there more that needs to be said on this one? Who can you say you know facts (opinions are not facts) about? Who can say they know the truth (opinions are not truth either) about you?
For the record, some gossip is truth. But if you let someone into your life to the point that they know you, they shouldn't be the kind of folks who would tell your business. Feel me?
If someone professes to know you and it's only based on hearsay, they don't. They know what they heard, and 7 times out of 10, either that has very little to do with the real you or the people in your circle talk too much and you need to set new boundaries when it comes to dealing with the people you know.
You Agree with Them
This one is my favorite. Knowing is about intimacy and it's hard to be truly intimate when it's one-sided. There used to be a time when, whenever someone would come to me with something they heard from someone who claimed to "know" me, I got frustrated. These days, I don't because no one can claim to know me without my agreeing with them that they do.
I say that because no one knows the truth and facts about me like I do. Therefore, I have a say on who thinks that they do.
Right now, I know who can confidently say that they know me. We've been through some things together, we've connected within the past couple of months (at least), they have my phone number, they've got facts on me (not all of them are stellar but I will admit they are the truth) and there is a mutual intimacy between us.
Yeah. It feels good to know and be known. It feels even better to know I've got total control over that being the case.
Sis, so do you.
Featured image by Getty Images.
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Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Is it just me, or do our bodies have an “If it’s not one thing, it’s another” vibe as we get older? And lately, new or recurring skin conditions have been yet another thing to add to the growing list of “WTF is this, am I dying?” When it comes to seborrheic dermatitis, it’s one of the most common skin issues, impacting 3 to 10 out of 100 people, per the National Institute of Health. You may have heard of it, been diagnosed with it, or will relate to this article and finally feel seen and relieved that there’s a name for what you’ve been going through.
We’re breaking down everything you need to know about seborrheic dermatitis, from what it is and its symptoms to shutting down a few common myths, and of course, how to know if you actually have it. Let’s get into it.
What Are The Signs?
You may be experiencing seborrheic dermatitis if your skin, eyebrows, scalp, or facial hair has dandruff, irritable skin patches, or flakes, according to the Mayo Clinic. More specifically, and on the verge of TMI, oily skin with flat white or yellow scales may also be a sign.
When it comes to rashes, it’s likely they’ll show up in a ring-like form (which is called petaloid seborrheic dermatitis). For the melanated folks, rashes may appear darker or lighter (per the National Eczema Association, people of color may get a more intense flare-up with lesions on the hairline and discoloration), while those with fair skin may experience red rash areas.
Where Is It?
While seborrheic dermatitis can occur on various body parts, it’s frequently seen on the scalp, according to the NEA. The Mayo Clinic notes that the condition also pops up on oily facial and body areas like the edges of one’s nose, eyelids, and eyebrows, as well as the chest and ears. Skin can appear inflamed with rashes and patches, and the scalp will typically battle with relentless dandruff.
Seborrheic dermatitis can be super irritating and frustrating, but fortunately, if you’ve been diagnosed, it doesn’t lead to permanent hair loss, and it isn’t contagious, The Mayo Clinic states. In fact, with doctor-prescribed treatment or products like special shampoo, it could disappear or at least reduce flare-ups.
What Triggers It?
It’s difficult to pinpoint what specifically causes the condition. The Mayo Clinic points out that it could arise thanks to too much oil in the skin or the presence of Malassezia, a type of fungi. Commonly, things like fatigue, weather changes, and stress also play a role. More serious conditions that can trigger it range from Parkinson’s and depression to HIV, as well as the aftermath of life-altering events like a heart attack.
Bronchitis, strep throat, the flu, tonsillitis, and ear and respiratory infections are also known to cause flare-ups, along with skin issues like bruises, sunburns, scratches, and bites, per the Cleveland Clinic.
Interestingly enough, the NIH notes that seasons changing has a role too. Seborrheic dermatitis can disappear in the summer months, and then make a comeback like it never left in the winter.
Who Does It Affect?
Unlike many other things we go through as women, seborrheic dermatitis is actually more common for men, according to the NIH. It often appears for the first time in the young adult years or for those who are older than 50.
What About Psoriasis Though?
Seborrheic dermatitis is often compared to psoriasis, and for good reason. They both impact the skin, especially the scalp area. They can both also leave scaly patches on the skin, flakes on your hair, and cause itching. However, they’re not identical. Healthline notes that areas of seborrheic dermatitis flareups are typically easier to remove compared to psoriasis. Psoriasis also tends to be sorer and more tender, while seborrheic dermatitis can itch or create a burning sensation.
Let’s Clear The Air
There are a few rumors about the power of seborrheic dermatitis and what it can cause. So let’s break down the truth for a second. According to the NEA, this condition is not cancerous, nor does it indicate or increase a higher risk for cancer in the future.
Just a reminder, it doesn’t cause hair loss, nor is hair loss a symptom. If you are experiencing concerning hair loss, it is likely a sign of something else.
How Can You Treat It?
Seborrheic dermatitis can be treated pretty easily (praises be). Certain medicines like shampoos with tar, anti-inflammatory creams that include steroids, creams and shampoos with antifungal agents, or creams that feature salicylic acid, can be applied to the inflamed area to help resolve the problematic area, according to the NIH.
Just a note though: As tempting as it is to cover up scaly patches with heavy foundation or concealer, experts with the NIH actually advise against it as it can clog your pores. However, a light foundation can be used occasionally, along with skin care products that aren’t too oily to help temporarily conceal it.
A unique type of sunscreen also isn’t needed. You can use what you typically would before stepping out into the sun. And your skin soaking in a few extra rays could actually help your skin.
Should You Self-Diagnose?
As tempting as it is to make an appointment with Dr. Google, The Mayo Clinic advises you to call your actual physician if the condition interrupts your sleep, makes you lose focus throughout the day, contributes to anxiety, or simply doesn’t go away with at-home remedies. Simply put, it’s always best to check with your doctor to ensure you’re actually experiencing seborrheic dermatitis and get the treatment you need to help monitor or prevent it.
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