I'm The CEO Of The Black AIDS Institute, Here To Tell You...We're In Trouble
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Raniyah Copeland's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
My voice...is thunderous. And I keep it that way.
I regularly call out pharmaceutical companies, research institutions, and HIV organizations who have leadership and boards that do not look like or come from the communities that they serve. I get to connect with people across the country and the world in efforts to end HIV in Black communities. I meet with Black faith leaders, community activists researchers, Black leaders in federal government, and so many more.
Community is a huge component within the HIV movement, and I love being in the forefront. I proudly do this work every day.
I'm the President and CEO of the Black AIDS Institute. A SoCal native, I currently living in South LA with my amazing children and my husband. I come from a big family (I'm one of five kids), my parents are active and prominent members of the Nation of Islam, which is why we relocated from the East Coast to California. Growing up as a Black Muslim, my Blackness and the oppressive systems within the U.S. were always centered in the experiences that we had.
From a very young age, my parents explained how almost every oppression that Black people experience (increased rates of poverty, mass incarceration, police brutality) was linked back to how anti-Blackness showed up in overt and covert ways to shape every aspect of Black life.I was taught that we had to give forward to honor those who had given so much, to know the freedoms we did have. Over time, I saw the way inadequate health systems were directly impacting the well-being and length of Black lives. I knew I wanted my future contributions to consist of ensuring Black people could live long and healthy lives.
I attended UC Berkeley for undergrad and studied public health and African American studies, with plans of becoming a doctor. During that time, I studied more about HIV and Black communities and saw how heavily linked HIV rates were to homophobia, intimate partner violence, the 'war against drugs', and so many other things that I didn't know impacted HIV rates. After undergrad, I enrolled in a post baccalaureate program, where I was taking science classes in preparation to apply for med school, while working as a health educator at Planned Parenthood. Here, is where much of my outlook on the virus had developed.
So ladies, let's talk about it...
I once delivered an HIV-positive test result to a young Black gay man. When he was told he was HIV-positive, he was not surprised. He actually thought because he was Black and gay, it was inevitable that he would acquire HIV. I was saddened and devastated on so many levels.
You see, for Black folks, our health is so much larger than any individual decision we make. HIV is one of the most significant diseases where those who have historically been given the least, are the most impacted.
When I found out about the Black AIDS Institute, I knew the organization was a place where I could live out my personal values and make a true change as it pertains to the health of Black communities. It's amazing that almost four decades into this pandemic, we can say we have the tools to end HIV within our lifetime, which from a public health perspective, that is extraordinary!
However, there is no way to end HIV in America without ending HIV in Black America.
And in order to end HIV in Black America, we have to respond to the systemic reasons Black people have HIV at such high rates. It's not because we have sex with more people, or use more drugs. Nor does it have anything do to with our individual behavior. We have a higher rate of HIV in Black communities because HIV flourishes in systems of oppression. Read that again and again—as many times as you need—HIV flourishes in systems of oppression. If we can respond to the roots of systemic racism in this country, we will not only end HIV, but also end health inequities that plague Black Americans.
This has proven difficult because we don't like to talk about it. We rule out that this is a true pandemic, one of our firsts. And ladies, as CEO of the Black AIDS Institute, the most shocking statistic in the HIV pandemic as it relates to us, is that while new HIV infections among Black women have declined 21 percent from 2010-2016, Black women still account for 6/10 new HIV cases.
And we're concerned.
Not that the rates have declined, this is always great news. But those of us who work in the HIV field worry that the success that we've seen with decreasing new HIV cases, will be reversed because healthcare access may be limited due to COVID. In the last six months, COVID-19 has transformed the world, infecting more than 15 million people and claiming hundreds of thousands of lives. The virus also has had an indelible impact not only on the well-being of people living with HIV/AIDS, but potentially on the trajectory of the HIV/AIDS epidemic itself.
I think back to the time when Olga Osminkina-Jones, senior vice president for the consumer goods company, Reckitt Benckiser, said during the 23rd International AIDS Conference:
"COVID is threatening to erase a whole generation of effort that we have put into the fight against AIDS and HIV."
An entire generation of work, ladies. So, like her, I am well aware of the importance of having, and continuing, this conversation.
Why? Because here are the harsh facts, the COVID-19 crisis has drummed up another familiar theme: like HIV/AIDS, Black people being disproportionately impacted.
Black people acquire COVID at rates 2.6 higher than our white counterparts, are hospitalized at rates 4.7 higher than our white counterparts, and die at rates 2.1 higher than our white counterparts.
All is not lost, I have so many wonderful stories about working in HIV advocacy. One of the best things about my job is how I get to connect with people across the country and the world in efforts to end HIV in Black communities. One of my favorite experiences is when I get to meet with Black mothers who have been impacted by HIV. I've met Black mothers who are living with HIV and have taken great care and sacrifice to birth their children, most of whom are HIV-free, by engaging in care systems.
I've met many Black mothers who are boldly loving their son or trans daughter and are living with HIV. They are supporting and shielding their children through the stigma they experience. I've met Black mothers who lost their children in the HIV movement and have dedicated their lives to ensuring that others' children can live long and healthy lives. As a mother myself, the courage that Black mothers have shown in the HIV movement gives me chills.
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In the end, the work I put into this space, will hopefully one day, allow my boys to live in a world where they don't have a fear of acquiring HIV. I hope my legacy is one where I contribute to a world where Black people are able to live long and healthy lives, free of stigma, and where Black health and well-being, are paramount.
To keep up with Raniyah, follow her on Instagram @raniyahcopeland. Also, visit blackaids.org for more ways to get involved with the Black AIDS Institute.
Feature image courtesy of Raniyah Copeland
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
Reset Your Relationship: How To Start 2025 Strong With Your Partner
As the calendar turns and a new year unfolds, many of us are laser-focused on our career goals, fitness resolutions, and vision boards that outline the journey to our best selves. But amidst all the planning and self-improvement, have you made room for another important part of your life? Your relationship.
It's easy for couples to fall into a routine, going through the motions and letting their connection sit on autopilot. While comfort is natural in a long-term relationship, it’s important to remember: that what you don’t nurture, eventually fades. So, why not make 2025 the year you reset your relationship? Here’s how to start the year with a renewed bond, reigniting the spark that brought you together.
Step 1: Schedule Your Reset Meeting
The first step to hitting the reset button is a State of the Union meeting with your partner. This is your chance to take a pulse on the relationship, discuss what's working, and identify areas that need attention. It’s all about creating space to reflect, without distractions.
Grab a pen and paper (or open a shared note on your phone) and come prepared to share your top 2-3 desires for your relationship.
What do you both want to feel more of in 2025? Maybe it’s feeling more appreciated, or perhaps you want to reignite the passion you had when you first started dating. Whatever it is, get clear about it, and make sure both of you are on the same page.
This isn’t just about listing your own wants, it’s also about discussing ways to nurture each other’s needs. Relationship goals should be focused on fostering deeper intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. Use this time to check in, not only with each other but with your individual feelings and expectations. Set the foundation for a fulfilling year ahead.
Step 2: Set A Date (Or Multiple!)
Having the meeting is only the first step. Now, it’s time to take action. One of the simplest ways to breathe new life into a relationship is by reintroducing consistent, intentional time spent together. For many couples, life gets busy, and date nights fall by the wayside. But dating doesn’t stop when you say "I do"—in fact, it’s even more essential.
During your reset meeting, lock in a regular date night that works for both of your schedules. This could be a weekly dinner date or an every-other-week adventure—whatever keeps things fresh. The goal is consistency. It’s easy to push date nights aside when life gets hectic, but if you set a specific date each week or month, you’re making your relationship a priority.
If you’re unsure what to do for your date nights, don’t worry! The key is creating new experiences together. This is what sparks excitement and brings you closer as a couple. Whether it’s cooking a new recipe together, trying a dance class, or exploring a nearby town, it’s about creating shared memories that build your connection.
Step 3: Find an Accountability Partner
Just like you might have a personal trainer to help you crush your fitness goals, an accountability partner for your relationship can do wonders for keeping both of you on track. Consider hiring a marriage coach or therapist—someone who can meet you where you are and guide you in strengthening your relationship.
When selecting a professional, it’s important to choose someone who truly wants the best for your marriage and can provide actionable advice.
Don’t be afraid to set high standards for your relationship, and seek guidance on how to keep it thriving for the long haul. In your reset meeting, discuss your commitment to growth, and be honest about areas where you may need support.
Marriage isn’t a set-it-and-forget-it endeavor—it’s an ongoing process. Regular check-ins with a professional can help keep your relationship in tip-top shape and “divorce-proof” by addressing issues before they become insurmountable.
Step 4: Try Something New Together
Stale routines can easily make a relationship feel monotonous. Spice things up by trying something new! Couples that explore new activities and create new memories together have stronger, more fulfilling bonds.
My husband and I host one of the top luxury marriage retreats, A Weekend For Love, designed to help couples experience new things together. From couples' workshops to outdoor adventures, the retreat provides a platform to rediscover each other and reconnect on a deeper level.
The element of surprise can reignite your connection. It’s exciting, fresh, and shows your partner that you’re committed to growing together. This doesn’t have to be a huge commitment—it could be as simple as trying a new hobby or planning an impromptu weekend getaway.
Your Relationship Should Be A Priority
As you start the year with personal goals in mind, don’t forget the importance of nurturing your relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in work, fitness, and family obligations, but your bond with your partner deserves to be at the top of your list. Resetting your relationship offers an opportunity to reignite that spark and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
In 2025, make a commitment to prioritize your partnership, to nurture it daily, and to invest in its growth. Take time to celebrate each other’s victories, support one another’s dreams, and build a foundation of love and respect. When you start the year with a clear focus on your relationship, you’re setting it up for success.
So, before you start mapping out your new workout plan or work goals, do yourself a favor: put your relationship at the top of that list. Your love story deserves a fresh start, too.
Happy New Year, and here’s to a love-filled 2025!
Couples, if you are ready to do the work and invest in your relationship register for A Weekend For Love: Heart Retreat Feb 21-23, 2025.
Featured image by zamrznutitonovi/Getty Images
Sex & The New Year: Single Women Get Candid About Their 2025 Intimacy Goals
Fail to plan, plan to fail. It is certainly a saying that all of us have heard at one point or another; however, when it comes to sex, specifically, and definitely when it comes to women who aren’t married or in a serious relationship, I’m not so sure that plans are encouraged as much as they probably should be. I don’t just mean planning to get tested with partners or planning to use birth control — hopefully, those things are a given (right?).
What I mean is, if you are someone who likes to sit down and come up with resolutions for the new year, when it comes to your sex life, what exactly are you resolving to do? What sex-related goals do you actually have? Because if you don’t know and you kind of just let life “happen to you,” the way you end 2025 may not be the way you planned…because there never was a plan in place.
All of this is why I decided to ask 10 single women to pause, ponder, and then produce a semi-formal sex plan that they would be willing to share with y’all. Although a few of them were taken aback by my request at first, by the time they gave me their answer, each woman found it to be something that they would be doing annually moving forward — because, like everything else in life, knowing what you want out of sex, for yourself, is essential. And you certainly increase your chances of getting what you desire…when there is a plan in place.
*Middle names are always used in these types of interview pieces so that individuals can speak freely*
1. Hannah. 28.
Giphy“Girl, my sex plan is to stop having sex with my ex-fiancé. When we broke off our engagement 16 months ago, I’m not sure if either of us thought that we’d keep having sex like we were still together. But who wants to keep racking up bodies or risking getting an STD? Plus, the sex with him? I have never had it so good and so consistent. But when you asked me about putting a ‘sex plan’ together, and I really thought about how our relationship has no future — I accept that I need to let that last part of us go. Otherwise, I could date someone and still be having sex with my ex. I’m not going to tell him [her ex] about my plan until after our date on New Year’s Eve. Don’t judge me. I’m a work in progress!”
Shellie here: Check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”
2. Alexie. 34.
Giphy“I’m gonna have me some multiple orgasms, dammit! I am so tired of reading about them and not being able to relate. I think women have been conditioned to think that even getting one is something that we should be grateful for — you know, kind of like that Salt-N-Pepa brag about getting knocked out for the night after one ‘shot.’ No ma’am. I wanna know what it’s like to cum, pause, cum again, pause, and cum again. I’m going to make that my mission for the entire year. I’ll let you know how it goes.”
Shellie here: Check out “How To Have Mind-Blowing Multiple Orgasms. Tonight, Chile.”
3. Thalia. 27.
Giphy“I want to learn how to enjoy oral sex more — not giving, receiving. I’ve always liked the power that comes from giving a man head, but I haven’t met a guy who makes receiving it feel as good as my girlfriends talk about. Whenever it happens to me, I feel annoyed; it’s almost like a dog is licking on me or something. Everything just feels wet, sloppy, and aimless. I’ve got a guy friend who says that he can get me what I’m after. I’m considering him because I’ll be damned if I’m out here giving out all this good head, and I end up dying not knowing what everyone else is even talking about!”
Shellie here: Check out “Sooo...What If You HATE Oral?” and “Okay. So, This Is Why Oral Sex Is Probably Not Satisfying You (Fully).” and (just in case) “How To Preserve Your Friendship After BAD Casual Sex”
4. Icelynne. 30.
Giphy“‘Get over a man by getting under a different man’ is some bullsh-t. All you do is up your body count. The guy I’ve been seeing, the kissing is good but the sex isn’t that great, but I really like him. In the past, I would just move on, but now that you ask me to come up with a plan — I think the plan is to try and make sex better. You get older, and you realize that sometimes you ‘click’ immediately with someone, and sometimes, you need to be more patient. It’s not that the sex is bad, it’s just that I’m used to good sex being easier. Learning to talk about my needs and working with someone to meet them — that’s the plan for next year.”
Shellie here: Check out “Do You Lie About Your Body Count? Here's Why You Shouldn't.,” “6 Things About The Whole 'Body Count' Debate That Should Be Discussed” and “Is There REALLY Such A Thing As 'Bad Sex'?”
5. Gabriella. 45.
Giphy“I’m sick of reading about all of the different kinds of orgasms that you can have and barely knowing what a [clitoral] one feels like. If I can have a nipple orgasm, then I’m going to have one. And I can have one by myself? In my sleep? [Shellie here: Yes, sleep orgasms are an actual thing] And what’s this, you can come just from someone kissing you, right? What the f-ck?! I’m on mission to be able to say that I’ve had every type of orgasm there is. The interviewing process for this mission is about to be so funny, too. I already know.”
Shellie here: Check out “U-Spot Orgasm, Fantasy Orgasm & 6 Other Orgasms You Should Try Tonight”
6. Terrika. 33.
Giphy“I’m leaving faking orgasms in my rearview mirror. It doesn’t help anything. All it does is make men think that they’ve accomplished something that they haven’t and make me resent them for doing it. I hate to say it, but I’ve been acting like I’ve cum for so long that I can’t even remember the last time that I’ve had a real orgasm — oh, yes, I can, and it was two damn years ago! I think because I like sex, even if I don’t cum, is why I’ve put up with it for so long. I’m not getting any younger, and I need to make sure I end up with a man where I don’t have to do any pretending. 2025 is going to be my year. I am speaking it into existence!”
Shellie here: Check out “Why You Should Stop Faking Orgasms ASAP” and “So, 10 Women Sat Down And Told Me Why They Fake Orgasms...More Times Than Not”
7. Persephone. 38.
Giphy“I want to experience sexcations all over the world. I find it fascinating how much sex gets better for me whenever I’m in a new environment. If that can happen just with a different hotel or an Airbnb, I can only imagine what it would be like to make love in London, Cape Town, or Barcelona. It’s also sexy to get to know someone better in a different space. I met a guy [last year], and our connection is strong. We’ve been talking about stamping our passports together. We haven’t had sex yet. I think an international sexcation being our first time, would be perfect for the new year.”
Shellie here: Check out “Married Couples, It's Time For A Sexcation!” and “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”
8. Evelyn. 29.
Giphy“I want to know what ‘making love’ feels like. Is that weird to say? Coming into sex, I was what my friends say is a ‘late bloomer’ because I didn’t have sex until my junior year [of college]. It wasn’t random, but it wasn’t with a guy who I loved — well, I loved him as a friend and still do, but it wasn’t a romantic type of thing. I was curious and trusted him to try it out. I don’t regret that, but since, there have only been a few others, and the pattern has been the same: sex with friends and nothing mind-blowing. [In 2025], I want to wait until I’m in a serious relationship and then have sex. I keep hearing that love-making is the best. I have no clue. Would like to know.”
Shellie here: “Unforgettable: 10 Men Open Up About That 'One Experience' They'll Never Forget”
9. Tamiko. 41.
“I want to take a break [from sex]. During my marriage, we had so many sex problems that once we divorced, I definitely made up for lost time. It was mostly because I felt like I was being ‘sexually gaslit’ by my husband — like I couldn’t get the sex that I was after, and it was my fault. Now that I know that it wasn’t a ‘me problem,’ it was an ‘us issue,’ and I’ve gotten all of my ‘itches scratched,’ I’m ready to learn some other things that make me tick outside of the bedroom. I’m not necessarily declaring abstinence for a year, but I am done with my nothing-more-than-sex quest. Next time, it will be someone who gets me excited in more than just the bed.”
Shellie here: Check out “I've Been Abstinent For 12 Years. Here's How.” and “6 Genuine Signs You're Making An Emotional Connection With Your Sex Partner”
10. Lana. 51.
Giphy“My plan is to be more open-minded — not so much when it comes to my standards for a partner but the things that I’m willing to do sexually. I’m not the most conservative person on the planet, but when it’s always in the back of your mind that you can get pregnant, that can make you more cautious. I’m on the tail end of menopause now, so I suddenly feel more adventurous. With a steady sex partner, I’m ready to try whatever and do whatever. Sex that exceeds anything I’ve done before…that is my 2025 plan, girl. Let’s go!”
Shellie here: Check out “What Having Sex After Menopause Is Like, According To 10 Women”
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Featured image by Bob Thomas/Getty Images