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<p>Even though I don't do <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/questions-ask-before-posting-social-media/" target="_blank">social media</a>, most platforms are "open enough" to where I can tiptoe in to see what folks are talking about. Not too long ago, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/yara-shahidi-says-she-doesnt-show-skin/" target="_blank">Yara Shahidi</a> posted a video that I thought would be perfect for this post.</p><div id="4828c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e4e04b56bb01c8a3eaa67a189da25a56"><blockquote class="twitter-tweet twitter-custom-tweet" data-twitter-tweet-id="1301276579264303104" data-partner="rebelmouse"><div style="margin:1em 0">It's the Olaf bandaid my mama put on my forehand to stop me from picking a zit for me ...
Thanks mama😂 https://t.co/ql5VAxuBJo</div> — Yara shahidi (@Yara shahidi)<a href="https://twitter.com/YaraShahidi/statuses/1301276579264303104">1599083487.0</a></blockquote></div><p>I am very open about the fact that I'm pretty close to being a fully recovered <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/you-just-might-be-a-control-freak-in-recovery/" target="_blank">control freak</a> (praise the Lord!). But if there's one area of my life, where I know that I still have a little bit of fine tweaking to do, it's when it comes to popping zits. <em>Ugh</em>. Nothing irks me more than to have a tiny mound staring at me (especially if it's already come to a head). Every time I notice one, 8 times out of 10, I tell myself that I'd rather deal with the scab and scar than a hill of sebum and puss. That is until the scar arrives, and it takes longer to fade than I estimated.</p><p><span></span>So yeah, let me start this off with, if you want to significantly decrease your chances of getting an acne scar in the first place, it's important that you avoid picking at your zits as much as possible. But, if like me, you have moments when you absolutely cannot resist the urge (I need someone to start a support group for us), here are some all-natural ways to fade out your acne scars so that you can have clear, smooth and flawless skin…(hopefully) again.</p>
What Causes Pimples in the First Place?
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzkwNzE2Ni9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MzExMjQ2OH0.IJqk-OFwg3rgKE46M7bRZR3ry_VlwJGvR91E6gIWlKI/img.gif?width=980" id="77ae9" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="945fbb5141d35f9373fb81c7b860bfd2" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Season 3 Omg GIF by NETFLIXGiphy<p>OK, so before we get into how to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/reclaim-skin-health-esthetician-simedar-jackson/" data-linked-post="2647412462" target="_blank">heal acne scars</a>, how about we discuss what causes unsightly pimples in the first place. Basically, we all have around five million pores, with 20,000 alone being on our face (some of us have <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-all-natural-ways-to-make-your-pores-appear-smaller/" target="_blank">larger pores</a> than others, by the way). </p><h5>Each pore consists of a hair follicle and sebum (natural oil that keeps our skin moisturized). When dirt, dead skin cells and/or bacteria fills up our pores and/or we produce more sebum than a particular pore can actually handle, that pore becomes inflamed and clogged, which makes it impossible for sebum to release from the pore on its own. This creates a build-up of sebum and, if the pore is infected, pus too. </h5><p>Certain things that can trigger breakouts include excessive sweating, not properly cleansing or exfoliating the body, hormonal shifts, various medications and even genetics.</p>When You Pick Them, This Is Why They Scab Over
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzYwMjQ1Ni9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNzkzODI4MX0.h3pNr3plDFymuCmCCfcwB_QV1mOTgIiMbVhrTED9Nx8/img.gif?width=980" id="6f3e5" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="0fdd987d6cf3b8962a44748127b2ce95" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>I am 46 and I <em>still</em> get pimples from time to time (sigh). Again, I wish I could say that I don't try to pop them whenever they arise, but sometimes they are simply too irritating to ignore. The reason why zits really should be left alone is because oftentimes pimples will go down within 5-7 days (it takes significantly longer if they are infected or cysts). And when they heal on their own, that can reduce the risk of us popping them. That's a good thing because popping pimples tends to damage the skin that's around the zit itself. Plus, popping them can also result in other pimples forming, thanks-but-no-thanks to the bacteria from the first pimple spilling into other pores. One more thing—popping zits usually creates a bit of a wound and wounds typically scab over. Hence, the phrase "pimple scabs".</p><div class="ad-tag">
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How a Scab Leads to a Scar
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzYyNzM3NC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNDgwNDYyOX0.w9grDHCtxICOedA4SkbckZP3BuEs6Fh8vESVPSoSP4Y/img.gif?width=980" id="196c6" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="33c7cd5166045a0ab96c060e918bfc14" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>If you're like me and there are moments when you absolutely can't fight the urge to not pop a pimple, it's important that you wait until it comes to a complete head, that your hands are clean and that you don't apply so much pressure that you A) bruise the skin around the zit or B) you end up bringing blood to the surface. When that happens, it's a telling sign that you've gone too far and that can most certainly lead to a pimple scab. What's that? </p><h5>A pimple scab is simply what happens when a zit is trying to heal itself after the damage we caused by picking at it in the first place. Problem is, sometimes we end up picking the scab as much as the pimple—and that is what, 9 times outta 10, will lead to a scar.</h5><p>That's the bad news. The good news is that our skin is far more resilient than we typically give it credit for. So, with the help of time and some of the all-natural remedies that I've got for you below, there's a good chance that, with some patience and consistency, the scar will become a thing of the past.</p>7 All-Natural Ways to Heal an Acne-Related Scar
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzYwMjQ2My9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NjMwMzAzMX0.bCmIv4uehGh-AYgQQEDL9FihkJmStgHy-rbJdPDROlI/img.gif?width=980" id="523e4" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="fbed9113b889e50f6037a114a1c02177" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p><strong>Shea Butter.</strong> Let me tell it, shea butter is one of the best things that Mother Nature has to offer! There really is no time or space to get into all of the reasons why you should get yourself a tub of it. For now, I'll just say that, thanks to its anti-inflammatory and collagen-promoting properties, if you gently rub it onto your acne marks every night, you will notice that they are smoother and lighter within, I'd say about three weeks or so. (A tip is to make sure to get some unrefined shea butter. It's got the most nutrients in it.)</p><p><strong>Raw Honey.</strong> It always trips me out that something that tastes as sweet as honey has so many health benefits. When it comes to your skin specifically, its antibacterial and antiseptic properties make it able to thoroughly clean your pores as it moisturizes too. Honey can also help to fade acne marks if you apply it directly on your acne marks, 2-3 times a week for 20 minutes at a time. If you want to see results faster, go with <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-great-reasons-manuka-honey-is-the-ultimate-beauty-find/" target="_blank">manuka honey</a>; it's got a potent amount of anti-inflammatory and antimicrobial properties that will help to speed up the healing process.</p><p><strong>Aloe Vera Gel. </strong>Aloe Vera is awesome. If you use it on your skin, it's a great moisturizer; it contains antimicrobial and antiseptic that helps to heal any minor wounds your skin may have (like popped pimples); it's got polysaccharides and gibberellins that encourage the growth of new skin cells, and it also contains vitamin C and E which promotes the growth of collagen and softens the appearance of acne scars. Just make sure to apply 100 percent pure Aloe, every night, in order to get best results. (It takes 2-4 weeks for noticeable fading to occur.)</p><div class="ad-tag">
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<p><strong></strong><strong>Baking Soda.</strong> There are two really good reasons to use baking soda on any acne scars that you might have. First, the tiny granules in baking soda makes it an unmatched exfoliant. Second, the properties in baking soda are able to help to keep the pH level of your skin balanced. These two things, working together, makes it one of the cheapest-yet-still-totally-effective ways to make your acne marks go away. Just rub about a teaspoon of baking soda on your damp skin and gently massage. In a couple of weeks, you should notice a real difference.</p><p><strong>Sulfur Soap.</strong> In the article "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-all-natural-ways-to-get-your-skin-ready-for-spring/?rebelltitem=2" target="_blank">All-Natural Ways To Get Your Skin Ready For Spring</a>", something that I made sure to shout-out was <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/alicia-keys-sulfer-nighttime-routine/" data-linked-post="2643642969" target="_blank">sulfur soap</a>. When I tell you that this one thing alone TOTALLY changed the game when it comes to the quality of my skin? My only regret is that I didn't discover it sooner than I actually did. On the acne fighting tip, sulfur dries up excess sebum while also exfoliating dead skin cells that can lead to clogged pores. And, since it's also an exfoliant, it can gently remove the layers of skin that are scar tissue, so that new skin can be revealed (usually in a couple of weeks).</p>
<p><strong></strong><strong>Lavender and Coconut Oil Blend. </strong>Coconut oil is packed with fatty acids; acids that work along with antimicrobial properties to help to clear up skin infections, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/green-tea-beauty-hacks-diy/" data-linked-post="2645744078" target="_blank">reduce inflammation</a>, moisturize dry skin, heal wounds and increase moisture which can soften the appearance of your acne scars. If you add to coconut oil some lavender essential oil, the properties in lavender can help to kill acne-causing bacteria and also lighten the areas of your skin that may be darker due to acne scars. Add a drop of the lavender oil to a teaspoon of virgin coconut oil and then apply the oil directly onto your acne marks every night. Two weeks of this should lead to semi-impressive results.</p><p><strong>Apple Cider Vinegar.</strong> Apple cider vinegar is a potent astringent that, thanks to its astringent and antibiotic properties, it can help to balance and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/diy-ways-to-remove-cellulite-body-acne-skin-discoloration-in-time-for-bikini-weather/" data-linked-post="2635967586" target="_blank">even your skin tone</a>. It also has acetic acid in it; that's an acid that helps to inhibit the growth of bacteria, including the kind that causes breakouts in the first place. A combination of two parts distilled water with one-part apple cider vinegar will create a toner that will cleanse your pores and yes, start to fade your acne spots.</p><p>Trust me, I get that acne scars are a real culprit when it comes to letting your natural beauty show. But if you're down to give one of these remedies a shot, I can almost guarantee that your skin will start looking and feeling amazing again—at least until that next pimple creeps up (ugh!).</p><h4><a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank">Join our xoTribe</a>, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.</h4>
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<p>Let's be honest, the world is experiencing some tough times, and on the days when it doesn't feel like things are getting better anytime soon it is best to release, relax, and tap into Black joy. One of the most effective ways to get through difficult moments is through <a data-linked-post="2641499979" href="https://www.xonecole.com/sound-bath-trend-wellness/" target="_blank">music therapy</a> and movement. Dance can be both a sweet escape and a great <a data-linked-post="2638997490" href="https://www.xonecole.com/beginner-approved-workout-plan/" target="_blank">workout</a>. </p><p>Black women all over the world have been expressing their sense of freedom, resilience, power, and <a data-linked-post="2639009564" href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-habits-of-truly-inspired-creatives/" target="_blank">creativity</a> through dance. Here are a few ladies that are killing it in the dance industry and after watching them I guarantee you will be inspired. Watch their sensual movements on Instagram and get your whole life. It's worth it.<br/></p>
ASSATA JONES @assatajones
<div id="12c0a" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="429bc02a40f57796640939749004082c"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B6RYvUhlBf-/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top">Login • Instagram</a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>From joyously dancing and singing in her living room to becoming a background dancer for recording artist <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/solange-on-owning-her-fears/" data-linked-post="2640814502" target="_blank">Solange</a>, if there is anything we can gain from following the life of Assata Jones, it's that hard work and dedication truly pays off. Day by day, Assata dances through life and shares her musical journey unapologetically. Assata shows you the ins and outs of songwriting, laying down vocals, and behind the scenes as she tours the world. She demonstrates how she stays centered and fit even while on tour. <br></p>DEIJAH ROBINSON @deijahview
<div id="13dc4" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="21d4fe890ed2275630f8edb4922becd6"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B7rbFYBJomS/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top">Login • Instagram</a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>Deijah is a single mom, professional dancer, and model and does it all with style and grace. She has performed with artists such as Ciara, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/janelle-monae-on-how-therapy-and-love-helped-her-resolve-anger-issues/" data-linked-post="2579849898" target="_blank">Janelle Monae</a>, and mostly notably <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-is-king-affirmation-review/" data-linked-post="2646901743" target="_blank">Beyonce</a>. You can catch all of her joy and sensuality through dance. She is an open book and has no issue with explaining what it takes to prevail in the dance industry. We must not forget that her levels of flexibility are impeccable. She is a star in her own right. Follow Deijah's journey and watch her glow. <br></p><div class="ad-tag">
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VONNA @yvonnewinborne
<div id="e4dcb" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="d893b4fac8fd91e9f0a76f6b97ec1655"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CBGIBnah8ea/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top">Login • Instagram</a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>Yvonne captivates versatility in the way that she creates her choreography. She displays that whether you are wearing a pair of heels or sneakers, you can still have fun and be sexy at the same. Yvonne encourages her students to do their best and leave all of their fears onto the dance floor. Outside of dancing, Yvonne is a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-men-mental-health-advocates-emotional-space/" data-linked-post="2645897927" target="_blank">mental health advocate</a> with an organization titled "Dead the Silence" which encourages people to speak on mental health issues, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/trauma-informed-yoga-healing/" data-linked-post="2645349926" target="_blank">trauma</a>, and how they have been victimized of violence. </p>KAYLA MARIE @kaylamarie.j
<div id="3460d" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="b4ad614a5b026c227a9839cc620dd043"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CEDDFYMpqcF/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top">Login • Instagram</a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>When Kayla dances, she really knows how to spice things up. Her high-kick split and pirouettes are on point. Kayla Marie is a former five-year NBA dancer and has danced alongside some of the greatest performers such as Ciara, Teddy Riley, and GUY. You might have seen her in the <em>Step Up </em>series and the latest season of <em>Boomerang </em>on BET. Kayla gives dance classes and shows her best moves all over the streets of Atlanta. No matter the location, whether she's on the basketball court, at the dance studio or on stage, she is giving it her all. </p><div class="ad-tag">
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FANCY JONES @iam_fancyjones
<div id="2f5b9" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a64357f1ea2bb58cc899eee059003e42"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CBOMcT1A5a2/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top">Login • Instagram</a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>Fancy in motion is the epitome of elegance. This Chicago native knows how to keep you on your toes as she continues to flourish in the dance industry. She is the founder of the S.H.E Dance group and teaches the "Fancy and Friends Dance Class" in the Chicago area. Fancy loves the stage and gives us nothing but good vibes. Her confidence is undeniable and choreography accentuates the body. Allow her simple and sexy choreography to take you away.</p>Leaux @_laurenlovesyew
<div id="baea1" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="4eec62176b599d9ee338e6d4457db9b7"><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="4" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"> <div style="padding:8px;"> <div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"> <div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAAGFBMVEUiIiI9PT0eHh4gIB4hIBkcHBwcHBwcHBydr+JQAAAACHRSTlMABA4YHyQsM5jtaMwAAADfSURBVDjL7ZVBEgMhCAQBAf//42xcNbpAqakcM0ftUmFAAIBE81IqBJdS3lS6zs3bIpB9WED3YYXFPmHRfT8sgyrCP1x8uEUxLMzNWElFOYCV6mHWWwMzdPEKHlhLw7NWJqkHc4uIZphavDzA2JPzUDsBZziNae2S6owH8xPmX8G7zzgKEOPUoYHvGz1TBCxMkd3kwNVbU0gKHkx+iZILf77IofhrY1nYFnB/lQPb79drWOyJVa/DAvg9B/rLB4cC+Nqgdz/TvBbBnr6GBReqn/nRmDgaQEej7WhonozjF+Y2I/fZou/qAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"> </div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"> <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CB1FZBmnO7J/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_top">Login • Instagram</a></p> </div></blockquote></div><p>Lauren, also known as Leaux, graces the dance floor and serves us with the best looks. She has danced alongside Lizzo and has even been a part of the Millenium 2020 Tour! She keeps us all entertained with her high-spirited dance videos and carnival experiences. When Leaux is off the dance scene, she is running her online boutique Shop Leaux where she sells stylish clothes and accessories. Leaux is a dance goddess with a lot to show and prove. </p><div class="ad-tag">
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<p>Look y'all—by no means am I saying that <a data-linked-post="2637091817" href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-grown-women-consider-great-sex-to-be/" target="_blank">great sex</a> only consists of a night that is first filled with romance. Those who've been having great sex for a long time now can totally testify to the fact that sometimes <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/heres-why-you-should-squeeze-in-a-quickie-at-the-start-of-your-day/" target="_blank">quickies</a> or, what I like to call, "lust runs" (because lusting your partner is about having a really intense desire for them, to the point where you want to even bypass foreplay to get it in), are all a part of having a happy and totally fulfilling sex life. Still, that doesn't mean that there aren't some moments when couples shouldn't shift gears—make plans, dress up…<em>woo each other</em>. Sometimes, the combination of the romantic gestures, along with not being so quick to hop in the bed is what can make sex so much hotter—and even more meaningful—once the physical connection does transpire.</p><p>If you agree and you'd like for you and yours to have a romantic evening tonight, I've got 10 tips to nudge you in the direction of old-fashion seduction. Something that is oh-so-sexy when it comes to entering into copulation.</p>
1. Go on a Date
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzkwNDE4OC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwODY1OTUyM30.7f5CVOe88aYL4yDnEDH3-x2MxwJEKyrHUVVrlTWxqzM/img.gif?width=980" id="27096" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5eabc46980470aa1eb7c4ef2d4de5962" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>I don't care how long you've been with someone or how well you think that you already know them, going on dates with your partner is something that should be prioritized in every relationship. Dates are how two people can spend quality time together. Dates are how two people can escape the…shoot, daily-ness of their everyday lives. And, if the date is planned out well enough, it can also spark a flame of romance into it too. I know that COVID-19 has thrown one of the biggest wrenches known to man when it comes to going out; that's why, a while back, I wrote a piece on how you can date at home. "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/romantic-date-ideas-at-home/" target="_blank">10 Romantic Dates You Can Go On (In Your Own Home)</a>" will hopefully offer up some inspiration so that you feel closer to your partner. That way, with any luck, the concentrated time alone will make the two of you want to get just that much closer as the night progresses.</p>2. Discuss Nothing but Each Other
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzkwNDI4Mi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1NDI2ODQwOX0.2JJvbDZ3uLRjQHxWVK80qGxIv-oAPDJPoQBzdsTg4P8/img.gif?width=980" id="2a0fe" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a8c6a08e3717d6579e5222c9e2f8c0f4" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <h5>A friend of mine, who's been married for almost three decades now, once said something that has remained in my mind, ever since it came out of their mouth. "Shellie, one of the hardest things about being married is you're trying to have sex with your business partner and, sometimes, business isn't sexy." Whew. This is why I say that, whenever you're on your date with your significant other, try and leave everything that has nothing to do with the two of you directly, totally off of the table. Matter of fact, even what does have to do with you, let it not be gripes, complaints or "issues". </h5><p>Instead, stroll down memory lane. Flirt. Also, check out my article, "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/10-sex-related-questions-you-your-partner-should-ask-each-other-tonight/" target="_blank">9 Sex-Related Questions You & Your Partner Should Ask Each Other. Tonight.</a>" too. Sometimes, when it comes to being sexually intimate with your partner, it's not that the desire is lacking so much as the focus. Set aside some time tonight to focus on nothing but what makes you love—and lust—your partner. Then open up your mind and heart to hear them express the same.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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3. Create Bedroom Ambiance
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzkwNDQ0Ni9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMjkxMDc5NX0.-jEoNlnPqe66qNARIT1GSNue5CQQWawybbncqrBMfR0/img.gif?width=980" id="30ad9" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="38ec4ff333b5a140cf86e1886025b173" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>This particular tip is one that could've just as easily gone before the date tip; it's really all about how much time/effort you want to put into setting the stage for a really great evening. Either way, another reason why, sometimes it's a challenge to engage in romantic copulation is because, probably 7-8 times out of 10, you're always in your bedroom. And if your bedroom always looks the same (minus <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/when-should-you-replace-underwear-make-up-bedding-other-random-stuff/" target="_blank">the switch up on the sheets</a>, of course), that can hinder you from getting excited at the mere thought of going back in there…<em>again.</em></p><p><em></em>Years ago, I used to get paid to decorate married couples' bedrooms, in honor of special days like Valentine's Day or their anniversary. I learned there's simple things that you can do to make your bedroom so much more appealing. You can put colored light bulbs in your lamps; light some scented soy candles (soy candles burn cleaner and last longer); upgrade your pillows (the more support, the better…right?) including a couple of velvet pillows (they feel amazin'); get some jewel-toned bedding (it's warm and alluring); hang some blackout curtains that look like drapes (so that the room is super dark and a hint of romantic drama added to it) and, remove the appearance of all electronics minus whatever you plan on <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/sex-playlist-music-affects-sex-life/" target="_blank">playing any sexy music</a> from. Oh, and you can never go wrong by bringing some rose petals into the mix, whether it's sprinkling them on the floor, putting them on your bed, using them as potpourri for your nightstand, putting a couple of them into each glass of champagne, or filling your lingerie (or sexy toy) drawer with 'em. Simple "upgrades" like this can change your room from just a place where you sleep to the ultimate sex romp room.</p>4. Exchange Some Verbal Foreplay
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzkwNDUxNi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMzgyODI3MH0.IGrILgc3BMfU4nGgryUvzIPgilNeUEBTvcMxVc6iUE4/img.gif?width=980" id="ad007" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="e304ba070c3ae485ea9ed9b0ed919563" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>While I am a huge fan of <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/what-to-say-during-sex/" data-linked-post="2644970609" target="_blank">dirty talk</a>—and that certainly can fit into this particular point very well—actually, when I say "verbal foreplay", what I mean is you and your partner taking out the time to simply honor and affirm one another. What's your favorite things about your partner? What do you appreciate about each other? What made you choose them above all others? Some of y'all might be too young to remember the scene from <em>The Cosby Show</em> when Cliff and Claire were spending a romantic evening away from home. At first, Cliff rushed to have sex. Yet when Claire basically asked him to step back and seduce her a little bit and he did, all of a sudden, she was ready to jump him (you can watch the clip<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G3rHjUWgg_0&ab_channel=TheCosbyShow" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> here</a>)! Telling someone how much you adore them and how important they are in your life definitely perks up their sense of hearing. And since the brain is the biggest sex organ we've got, the more desired we feel in our minds, the more our bodies will become more receptive. There's no doubt about that.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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5. Give a Candle Wax or Chocolate Massage
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzkwNDU2My9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1ODk4NjIxNH0.k_2cjYYxObSuUTsZJKdQB0YNZaqJciNcOmQXunIh4MM/img.gif?width=980" id="6f9e9" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="9e8898f87dfcec7eba113acdbd8af5f1" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>There are at least 25 solid reasons why all of us should probably get a massage, no less than every 4-6 weeks. One of them is because they can work miracles in the area of our sex life. Massages soothe achy muscles and joints. Massages reduce stress levels (stress can make it hard for a man to <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/make-his-erections-last-longer/" target="_blank">maintain his erection</a> and it can make it harder for <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/have-you-wondered-how-to-have-an-orgasm-faster/" target="_blank">us to orgasm</a>). Massages also put us in a better mood, relieve any headaches or tension that we might have and, they increase flexibility and blood circulation, so that we can get into all of those <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/7-sex-positions-that-are-too-hot-to-handle/" data-linked-post="2647544090" target="_blank">sex positions</a> that we've been wanting to try so that we can have <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-to-have-a-super-orgasm/" target="_blank">the best climax ever</a> once we do! Honestly, a massage alone is pretty romantic but if you want to up the ante, how about you and your partner engaging in either a candle wax or chocolate-themed one? </p><h5>Massage candles are so popular at this point that you can usually even find them at your<a href="https://www.walgreens.com/store/c/kama-sutra-massage-candle-island-passion-fruit/ID=prod6171257-product?ext=gooKBM_PLA_-_Sexual_Wellness_(2019_Update)&pla&adtype=pla&kpid=sku6152375&sst=_k_CjwKCAjwnef6BRAgEiwAgv8mQUcQjFiH_Ydaekq_d1w9L2YTArF-Ur3REyFZRRaz_BtGbvV0H5cPEBoCFesQAvD_BwE_k_&gclid=CjwKCAjwnef6BRAgEiwAgv8mQUcQjFiH_Ydaekq_d1w9L2YTArF-Ur3REyFZRRaz_BtGbvV0H5cPEBoCFesQAvD_BwE" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> local drug store</a>. You just let the flame melt the candle and then drip it onto your partner and massage the oil in (it's really sensual). A chocolate massage is one that includes ingredients like chocolate and mint (both of which are aphrodisiacs, by the way). A chocolate massage makes it possible to feel and like at the same time (whew chile!). If you'd like to give that one a shot, you can cop a really easy DIY recipe<a href="https://www.rosielovestea.com/recipes/2019/6/19/mint-amp-chocolate-massage-oil" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> here</a>.</h5>6. Drink a Love Potion
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzkwNDYxMy9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0MzEzNTA3N30.CA-ZX2sKacEJqpEadskNDMrQxcGNGk-hP62FmO4f8a8/img.gif?width=980" id="19e7d" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="5793beb023b1f4148cfd4f5eafcb2712" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Do love potion beverages actually make you hornier? Eh. But they are super romantic, really delicious and, if you use them to toast your partner (as they do the same for you), they can become another fitting addition to your evening of sexiness. Two love potion drinks that taste pretty damn wonderful are the<a href="https://www.thedallassocials.com/blog/romantic-cocktails-to-make-at-home/" target="_blank"> Edinburgh Rose Romantic Cocktail</a> (which has raspberries, champagne and even rose petals in it) and the<a href="https://mixthatdrink.com/chocolate-cherry-cha-cha-mixy-original/" target="_blank"> Chocolate Cherry Cha-Cha</a> (which consists of cherry liqueur, coconut rum and chocolate vodka). Or, if neither of those tickle your fancy, you can always go to your favorite search engine and put "Valentine's Day drink recipes" in the search field. I promise that you'll find a ton of romantic alcoholic and non-alcoholic drink recipes for the taking, if you do.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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7. Kiss. A LOT.
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzkwNDkxOS9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY1MjE2ODk0Nn0.aQBb7j9r1IOVsLd4_zfmlXuOzgPHYCyMZcCEjUZVpUI/img.gif?width=980" id="55366" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="a5fdcc86617f86654c3e57836e3d8a56" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>I don't know about y'all, but based on how good—or not so good—a kiss is, that can determine, BIG TIME, on how much—and quickly—things can go any further. <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/pucker-up-today-is-national-kissing-day/" target="_blank">The right kiss</a>? LAWD. HAVE. MERCY. Plus, kissing really is super-uber-especially romantic. The touches. The taste. The sounds. OK, let me get my head back into this article! Anyway, I know A LOT of men who actually find kissing to be at the very least, just as intimate as intercourse. Many have told me because, even with coitus, you can "hide behind" a condom. But when you're kissing, you're both in such an open and vulnerable state. I'd add that there is something very sweet about being so into a person that you're perfectly content with doing nothing but kissing them for countless minutes. Kissing is romantic. Make it a top focal point of your romantic sex-themed night.</p>8. Get into “Eye Contact” Positions
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzkwNTAyOC9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYwMjE3NzUzMX0.f7Ndumok6--ub737Zfc2xhkBa4HGvHG1ushtO9D-mtI/img.gif?width=980" id="2d94c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="6c259455aad90a4a2822b2ec44f4bfe8" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>You know what they say—eyes are the windows of the soul, right? Even if you and your partner never made eye contact during sex, you're still gonna end up bonded because that is what natural hormone oxytocin is designed to do. But when you're that close together and you have moments when your eyes actually meet, there is absolutely no way that you can't feel emotionally connected on a whole 'nother level. If romance is the goal, be intentional about getting into sexual positions where he can stare into your eyes as you do the same to him. If you need a little help or inspiration when it comes to choosing the best position—or hopefully positions—to accomplish this goal, check out an article that has 113 positions (and pics) total<a href="https://badgirlsbible.com/best-sex-positions" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer"> here</a>.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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9. Participate in Afterplay
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzkwNTA3Ny9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNzcyOTQzM30.LnKzri-JHNZrDvVjuegDKpoacBIm5julAchR9R4EspA/img.gif?width=980" id="877eb" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="1678fb4ece284fe6b4bbda24838e659e" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>Earlier this spring, I penned an article entitled, "<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/afterplay-is-as-important-as-foreplay/" target="_blank">Sure, Your Foreplay Game Is On Point. Now What About The 'Afterplay'?</a>" Bottom line, if foreplay is what helps to warm you up, afterplay is what helps to cool you down, in the best way possible. I'm pretty sure it's no surprise to you that, while great sex can hype us up for another round, oftentimes it does the exact opposite for our partner (hey, good sex <em>and</em> ejaculation can take a lot outta a brotha!). Something that can make you feel like you're not being gypped in between sessions is afterplay. It's when the two of you can talk, snack or even just cuddle in the spoon position until you're both ready to go again. Out of all of the tips that I shared here, I sincerely believe that sex would feel more romantic, even without all of the "extras", if couples made more time for afterplay more often.</p>10. Engage in Some Morning Sex
<img lazy-loadable="true" src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMzkwNTA5Mi9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNjY3MDc3N30.VATZ6z7tYKgZWHOHkdJOBv3Se1N-37croF5VRtRcVHU/img.gif?width=980" id="ca0ff" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="16badb7ab4e9ffc7cfa44e4e6a277dfa" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" /> <p>I won't lie. Probably my favorite line in Beyoncé and Jay Z's "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1JPKLa-Ofc&ab_channel=Beyonc%C3%A9VEVO" target="_blank">Drunk in Love</a>" song is when Jay says, "We sex again in the mornin', your breast-eses are my breakfast, we goin' in." Not only is it SEXY when you didn't get enough from your partner the night before that you've just gotta have them, <em>first thing</em>, in the morning as well—but morning sex can also be hella romantic because natural light, the quiet of the beginning of the day…needing to be with one another, intimately, before anything else…that's also really special. So, if you're out here wanting to have a romantic sex night tonight, try and reserve at least a half hour for some morning sex tomorrow. I have talked to many men about this topic and, for them,<a href="https://www.xonecole.com/heres-how-to-make-morning-sex-sexier/" target="_self"> morning sex</a> is really hard to beat. Hmph. If a lot of us really pondered when we like to get down, we'd agree with that sentiment too.</p><h4><a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank">Join our xoTribe</a>, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.</h4><div class="ad-tag">
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<p class=""><em>Featured image of Giphy</em></p>Related Articles Around the Web
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<p>We've heard of catfishing, <a href="https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-46427180" rel="noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">blackfishing</a>, and now the new phenomenon in the dating game is wokefishing. As if dating couldn't get any more complicated. With online dating getting a resurgence amid the pandemic, there is a slew of online users who are utilizing an all-new manipulative tactic to reel you in, get a date, and/or try to get you in bed. And it has everything to do with <a data-linked-post="2646171646" href="https://www.xonecole.com/is-activism-shaming-the-new-thing/" target="_blank">being woke</a>.</p><p>No, we aren't talking hoteps. We're specifically talking about baits its unsuspecting daters into thinking that they're aligned with womanist views or that they've read and reread<em> Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women That a Movement Forgot</em>, or that the thoughts they have about the latest in politics directly mirror yours. Also, #BLM isn't just a trend for them, it's a lifestyle. For all intents and purposes, the person that's your 'match' on this app has political views that are so left, they can't even see right, and the depth they portray tap into your deepest sapiosexual fantasies. Well ladies, without even realizing, you might be getting wokefished. And since what you're seeing isn't what you're getting, therein lies the issue.</p><h4>Before you have a panic attack and throw your phone, let me provide insight into exactly what wokefishing is and how you can avoid being baited into this ever happening to you.</h4>
So, what is wokefishing?
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Learned about this word today <a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/wokefishing?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#wokefishing</a> <a href="https://t.co/DOr8heeLDH">pic.twitter.com/DOr8heeLDH</a></p>— Nathalie Martinek PhD (@NatsforDocs) <a href="https://twitter.com/NatsforDocs/status/1301104727568965633?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 2, 2020</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script><p>Coined by <a href="https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/889daa/what-is-wokefishing-dating" target="_blank"><em>VICE</em></a>, wokefishing is a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/seven-2019-dating-terms-that-you-should-definitely-be-aware-of/" data-linked-post="2626645136" target="_blank">dating term</a> that refers to people that portray themselves as being "woke" or having progressive political ideologies and views as a means to lure in partners who have those beliefs. Furthermore, a person wokefishing "may present themselves as a protest-attending, sex-positive, anti-racist, and an intersectional feminist." However, in reality, they use that to waste your time and piss you off. Depending on the climate, they use a moment in time to reel prospects. For example, when the death of Black lives at the police's hands is circulating in the news, those who indulge in wokefishing may lead the conversations about racism and how <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-women-activists-self-care-social-justice/" data-linked-post="2646291742" target="_blank">pro-black</a> or <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/influencers-challenging-fohr-openfohr-campaign/" data-linked-post="2646231688" target="_blank">anti-racist</a> they may be to appeal to your interest in social justice issues. </p><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Men stay wokefishing and will be the most abusive and violent.</p>— glo$$ (@GloryAliu) <a href="https://twitter.com/GloryAliu/status/1300216152895950850?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 30, 2020</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script><p>The political landscape is no longer something to veer away from with perfect strangers. In fact, politics tends to spew over into our everyday lives. Whether it be at work, the news, something we see on social media, or life imitating art on movies and shows, we've come to a point where we are forced to think deeper. Our initial conversations in dating apps sometimes reflects this. Ice breakers these days look more like social issues and the unapologetic battle cry of "arrest the cops who killed <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/say-her-name-oluwatoyin-salau/" data-linked-post="2646174738" target="_blank">Breonna Taylor</a>". Wokefishers take advantage of appearing to have a connection with you by capitalizing on a perceived shared interest in social issues. </p>
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How do you spot a wokefisher?
Study The Non-Verbal Cues
<p>What a person doesn't say tends to speak louder than what they do say. So, if your date's intentions become called into question, keep an eye on their response to certain scenarios. For example, casually ask them a question about a viral video or a new cause picking up steam, pay attention to what they do. Are they pretending to seem up-to-date on matters, do they look confused or seem unclear on the subject overall? Do they tend to allow you to do more of the talking to seem more engrossed in your opinion? If conversations seem to be one-sided, with no feedback or opinion, that's a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/40-never-married-not-red-flag-think/" data-linked-post="2500583308" target="_blank">red flag</a>. </p><p>Speaking of red flags...</p><div class="ad-tag">
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If Someone Is Trying Too Hard To Gain Your Trust, It's A Red Flag
<p>I don't know about you but I get turned off by men who try too hard. Persistence I can deal with, but going above and beyond to gas me up and not being authentic in the process is something different. Having someone always saying "amen" to your thoughts and opinions without rarely giving any of their own might seem like a match-made in effortless heaven, but a vibe with no pushback and no offering of a different perspective, does not make for an interesting conversation. What you might be experiencing instead is a lot of <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/gas-lighting-love-bombing-and-5-other-triggers-to-call-out-in-your-relationships/" data-linked-post="2628227054" target="_blank">love-bombing</a>, which is another manipulative technique daters do in order to leave your mind all twisted up and accelerate the connection in the process.</p>Indirectly Inquire About Topics That Reveal Their Core Beliefs
<p>The wokefisher will allow you to talk so that they can agree to everything. The hope is that the agreeance will make you feel bonded to them, and rather quickly at that. To test how "woke" the person you're interacting with really is, try asking specific questions regarding whatever topic at hand. If the person you're talking to states that they're a <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/the-badass-women-of-black-panther-why-the-women-of-wakanda-are-the-real-heros/" data-linked-post="2536408486" target="_blank">feminist</a>, then ask what it is about feminism that makes them a supporter? Ask about ideals or perspectives that might be rooted in feminism, like inclusion and <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/black-women-personal-brands/" data-linked-post="2558678869" target="_blank">equal pay in the workplace</a>, and have them expound on those ideals. Likewise, a sex-positive dater should be able to dabble in hot topics like "WAP" with nuance that suggests they are confident in women owning their sexuality unapologetically. If they look at you dazed and confused or state views that are in direct opposition of their "stance", then run sis. They are not the one and should not even be a contender.</p><p>There are so many pitfalls that come from online it can be difficult to keep up. With so many rules and regulations that come with another set of rules and regulations, it can be discouraging. But, if we ask the right questions and not ignore the red flags, we will save ourselves so much time. Wokefishing being one of them.</p><div class="ad-tag">
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<h4><a href="https://members.xonecole.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Join our xoTribe</a>, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up. We drop xoNecole events and special opportunities into our Tribe first.</h4>
<p><em>Featured image by Shutterstock</em><br/></p>
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<p>Face it, we've all been there, ladies. </p><p>I, too, can admit to indulging in what looked good rather than what was good for me. I, too, have fallen so hard for a man that I bumped my head and lost all of my common sense. As much as we hate to see it, <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/sex-in-a-relationship/" target="_blank">good d*ck</a> will have you out here making some bad decisions and I am not ashamed to tell you that I, too, have been d*ckmatized my good sis; and although the d*cknosis struggle may be real, <em>P-Valley</em> actor <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/thomas-q-jones-xoman-interview/" target="_blank">Thomas Q. Jones</a> wants you to know that there is a cure.</p>
<span style="display:block;position:relative;padding-top:56.25%;" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="7f1801ff6a4e39a4427804148301cb7e"><iframe lazy-loadable="true" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ny-k4yDV8UM?rel=0" width="100%" height="auto" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" style="position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;"></iframe></span><p>In a recent<em> xoMan Live</em> interview with Dana Blair, the xoMan gave his take on the trials and tribulations of dating in the digital age and spilled the tea on why having <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/jada-made-will-before-giving-up-the-goodies/" target="_blank">sex too soon</a> in a relationship can be a recipe for disaster. He explained:</p><h5>"The thing with a sexual situation is that you might create some false energy. So if you know you're not feeling somebody, and you have sex with them anyway, even if you told them what it is, you could still create some false energy that leads to disconnection and confusion. I've learned over my lifetime… if I realize that's not what it is, to just move on, respectfully." </h5><p>All is fair in love and war, but when it comes to dating and sex, the rules don't exactly apply. The 42-year-old bachelor explained that because he's learned the value of healthy communication and speaking his partner's <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/how-knowing-your-partners-love-language-can-make-your-relationship/" target="_blank">love language</a>, he now knows that he has to approach dating much differently than he did in <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/5-love-lessons-ive-learned-situationship/" target="_blank">previous situationships</a>. The actor continued: </p>
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</div></blockquote></div><blockquote>"You have to be fair to someone, because the most valuable thing you can give is your time. It's the most valuable thing, and I know that is what a lot of women that I've dealt with, and that I talk to, want is time because when you give them time it means you care. It means that you value their presence and if you can't give that, and you knowingly get into something, then that's your fault."</blockquote><p>The former NFL All-Pro Running Back, who has <a href="https://www.xonecole.com/benefits-of-being-single/" target="_blank">been single</a> for a total of six years, told xoNecole that although his parent's 50-year marriage has set an exemplary example of what love should look like, he's in no rush to find it.</p>
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<p><em style='background-color: initial; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; color: rgb(90, 88, 88);'>Featured image by Twitter/@thomasqjones.</em><br/></p>Twitter/@thomasqjones.
<blockquote>"My mom and dad have been together almost 50 years, so that's what I saw growing up. That's what I assumed would be my situation at this point and so that's what I strived for. I had a girlfriend in college. Then I had a girlfriend my second year in the NFL. Every couple of years I had a girlfriend and in my mind it was 'this is the one,' this is the one.' What I did realize when I retired is that I didn't really have a chance to know me and figure myself out and not follow this path that I had seen my parents follow. At the end of the day, you've got to be happy in self. I think a lot of people put pressure on themselves based on their environment, their experiences or what they see other people doing.</blockquote><h5>"I realized that I still need to figure out exactly what I want and in the meantime, focus on a new craft that's helping me grow and evolve as a person, which is acting. I think that anything could happen, you never know, but I do think that if you're not ready for that, then you don't need to waste somebody else's time."</h5><h4>To watch this xoMan's full interview, <a href="https://youtu.be/ny-k4yDV8UM" target="_blank">click here</a>!</h4>
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