Why This Couple Says 'Shared Self-Care Rituals' Are A Priority In Their Marriage
When Jayla and Tony Henry first crossed paths, it was love at first sight. While attending a homecoming tailgate party at the University of Michigan in 2017, Jayla took a bold approach in introducing herself to Tony, manifesting that he would be her future husband. “I’m big on energy, and Jayla and I instantly vibed,” Tony tells xoNecole. “Her confidence spoke to me when she walked up to me at a tailgate years ago. She just straight-up told me I was going to be her husband.”
Seven months later, the two were married.
Whether you call it fate or divine timing, there’s no denying the magnetic connection that the Dallas-based couple share with each other and, most notably, their online community. Today, Jayla, 29, and Tony, 30, have stolen the hearts of over one million fans and supporters across the internet with their infectious love story and family TikTok videos with their two children, Braylon and Nyla.
Balancing their popular social media platforms with the responsibilities that come with parenthood and everyday life might appear effortless from a distance, but the couple understands the importance of taking moments to pause and prioritize their self-care practices in tandem. Because of this, the two are emphasizing their commitment to personal care by joining Dove Men+Care in their new #SelfCareforAll campaign that aims to remove the stigma around men’s self-care and how couples can embrace self-care together.
According to research commissioned by Dove Men+Care, 70% of men do not take part in self-care practices. With this statistic in mind, Tony hopes to use his platform to show that self-care isn’t exclusive to women and destigmatize the practice amongst men to show its benefits to everyone.
“It’s disappointing seeing men shy away from caring for themselves,” he says. “I’m fortunate to have a wife and a circle that supports me to be my best self. These stigmas on men feel outdated; it’s up to us men to remind each other why a little TLC in your life isn’t just for the ladies.”
Influencers Jayla and Tony Henry know the power of engaging in self-care activities as a couple.
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Black men deserve to indulge in their self-care needs. In fact, studies show that men who engage in self-care are 44% more likely to support their families and communities compared to those who do not. When Black men prioritize their well-being, it allows them to be more present and effective in supporting their friends and family — which benefits our community as a whole.
For Jayla, engaging in self-care activities with her husband not only enhances their relationship but also fosters better awareness of each other's needs and encourages mutual support. And it doesn’t hurt that it ups the attention levels, too. “We all know it’s important to prioritize our physical and mental well-being, and I love how he prioritizes that for himself and for others,” she says.
“By knowing when to prioritize himself, he gives me the same grace. His dedication to taking care of himself shines through in how he shows care to me and our children. Having a partner that cares for themselves is (I’m going to just say it) sexy!” Jayla adds.
xoNecole spoke with the influencer couple to discuss the importance of men's self-care, Jayla and Tony’s shared wellness practices, how they’re passing down self-care practices to their children, and more.
The #SelfCareforAll campaign emphasizes the importance of men's self-care. Tony, how has your self-care routine helped you to show up for Jayla and your family? Can you share some specific aspects of your routine?
Tony Henry: Dove Men+Care and their #SelfCareforAll campaign is an incredible effort. I love how the brand is encouraging men to be more honest about self-care. Self-care is critical – for men overall and especially Black men. As brothers, it’s important to prioritize our well-being so we can show up for ourselves and our circle.
I like to be intentional about my days, so I start my mornings off by going to the gym and winding down with a post-workout shower. It’s the time I tend to my body and my mind before the day begins, and helps me show up with a clear head.
Many people believe in the concept that "couples who engage in healthy habits together stay together." How have you both incorporated shared self-care habits into your daily lives and how has this impacted your relationship?
Jayla Henry: We’ve been experimenting with shared self-care rituals and setting time aside to do our night-time routines together. It seems so simple, but when days are so hectic juggling work, kids, and life in general, having these joint self-care moments allows us to breathe and reset. I firmly believe it also strengthens our relationship since we’re more in tune with each other’s needs and can hold each other accountable to take care of one another.
"I firmly believe it also strengthens our relationship since we’re more in tune with each other’s needs and can hold each other accountable to take care of one another."
Tony: I second this. And we also pass down self-care to Braylon and Nyla. I’m not a barber, but I cut my son’s hair. This is quality time that also makes sure he feels good about himself. As a Black man, there’s a special relationship between conversations and lessons that are shared during this experience, and it’s a highlight for me.
Are there any challenges you've faced in integrating self-care into your relationship and individually, and how have you overcome them?
Jayla: As a woman, mother, wife, entrepreneur, and more, I feel I barely have time for myself. It can be easy for us to feel guilty for “putting ourselves first.” But self-care isn’t selfish – it’s something that Dove Men+Care reinforced to us when asking us to join #SelfCareforAll. In research they’ve done on self-care, they found just how transformative self-care can be.
Like Tony noted, I am fortunate to have a partner and a circle that encourages me to invest in myself both physically and mentally.
What advice do you have for individuals and couples seeking to build a strong and connected relationship, considering your own journey?
Tony: Relationships are like anything else, they take commitment, patience, understanding, and so much more. Like self-care, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all that people can implement. As the age-old saying goes: make sure you are loving yourself and who you are before you seek out someone else’s love.
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
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Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
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Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
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