Why This Couple Says 'Shared Self-Care Rituals' Are A Priority In Their Marriage
When Jayla and Tony Henry first crossed paths, it was love at first sight. While attending a homecoming tailgate party at the University of Michigan in 2017, Jayla took a bold approach in introducing herself to Tony, manifesting that he would be her future husband. “I’m big on energy, and Jayla and I instantly vibed,” Tony tells xoNecole. “Her confidence spoke to me when she walked up to me at a tailgate years ago. She just straight-up told me I was going to be her husband.”
Seven months later, the two were married.
Whether you call it fate or divine timing, there’s no denying the magnetic connection that the Dallas-based couple share with each other and, most notably, their online community. Today, Jayla, 29, and Tony, 30, have stolen the hearts of over one million fans and supporters across the internet with their infectious love story and family TikTok videos with their two children, Braylon and Nyla.
Balancing their popular social media platforms with the responsibilities that come with parenthood and everyday life might appear effortless from a distance, but the couple understands the importance of taking moments to pause and prioritize their self-care practices in tandem. Because of this, the two are emphasizing their commitment to personal care by joining Dove Men+Care in their new #SelfCareforAll campaign that aims to remove the stigma around men’s self-care and how couples can embrace self-care together.
According to research commissioned by Dove Men+Care, 70% of men do not take part in self-care practices. With this statistic in mind, Tony hopes to use his platform to show that self-care isn’t exclusive to women and destigmatize the practice amongst men to show its benefits to everyone.
“It’s disappointing seeing men shy away from caring for themselves,” he says. “I’m fortunate to have a wife and a circle that supports me to be my best self. These stigmas on men feel outdated; it’s up to us men to remind each other why a little TLC in your life isn’t just for the ladies.”
Influencers Jayla and Tony Henry know the power of engaging in self-care activities as a couple.
Courtesy
Black men deserve to indulge in their self-care needs. In fact, studies show that men who engage in self-care are 44% more likely to support their families and communities compared to those who do not. When Black men prioritize their well-being, it allows them to be more present and effective in supporting their friends and family — which benefits our community as a whole.
For Jayla, engaging in self-care activities with her husband not only enhances their relationship but also fosters better awareness of each other's needs and encourages mutual support. And it doesn’t hurt that it ups the attention levels, too. “We all know it’s important to prioritize our physical and mental well-being, and I love how he prioritizes that for himself and for others,” she says.
“By knowing when to prioritize himself, he gives me the same grace. His dedication to taking care of himself shines through in how he shows care to me and our children. Having a partner that cares for themselves is (I’m going to just say it) sexy!” Jayla adds.
xoNecole spoke with the influencer couple to discuss the importance of men's self-care, Jayla and Tony’s shared wellness practices, how they’re passing down self-care practices to their children, and more.
The #SelfCareforAll campaign emphasizes the importance of men's self-care. Tony, how has your self-care routine helped you to show up for Jayla and your family? Can you share some specific aspects of your routine?
Tony Henry: Dove Men+Care and their #SelfCareforAll campaign is an incredible effort. I love how the brand is encouraging men to be more honest about self-care. Self-care is critical – for men overall and especially Black men. As brothers, it’s important to prioritize our well-being so we can show up for ourselves and our circle.
I like to be intentional about my days, so I start my mornings off by going to the gym and winding down with a post-workout shower. It’s the time I tend to my body and my mind before the day begins, and helps me show up with a clear head.
Many people believe in the concept that "couples who engage in healthy habits together stay together." How have you both incorporated shared self-care habits into your daily lives and how has this impacted your relationship?
Jayla Henry: We’ve been experimenting with shared self-care rituals and setting time aside to do our night-time routines together. It seems so simple, but when days are so hectic juggling work, kids, and life in general, having these joint self-care moments allows us to breathe and reset. I firmly believe it also strengthens our relationship since we’re more in tune with each other’s needs and can hold each other accountable to take care of one another.
"I firmly believe it also strengthens our relationship since we’re more in tune with each other’s needs and can hold each other accountable to take care of one another."
Tony: I second this. And we also pass down self-care to Braylon and Nyla. I’m not a barber, but I cut my son’s hair. This is quality time that also makes sure he feels good about himself. As a Black man, there’s a special relationship between conversations and lessons that are shared during this experience, and it’s a highlight for me.
Are there any challenges you've faced in integrating self-care into your relationship and individually, and how have you overcome them?
Jayla: As a woman, mother, wife, entrepreneur, and more, I feel I barely have time for myself. It can be easy for us to feel guilty for “putting ourselves first.” But self-care isn’t selfish – it’s something that Dove Men+Care reinforced to us when asking us to join #SelfCareforAll. In research they’ve done on self-care, they found just how transformative self-care can be.
Like Tony noted, I am fortunate to have a partner and a circle that encourages me to invest in myself both physically and mentally.
What advice do you have for individuals and couples seeking to build a strong and connected relationship, considering your own journey?
Tony: Relationships are like anything else, they take commitment, patience, understanding, and so much more. Like self-care, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all that people can implement. As the age-old saying goes: make sure you are loving yourself and who you are before you seek out someone else’s love.
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
10 Women Share Why They Decided To Not Have Kids (And Don't Regret It)
If you’ve spent any type of time at all on TikTok or Instagram this year, I’d be floored if you didn’t come across the Morgan Stanley study that says that by 2030 (yes, almost five years from now which is very close), 40 percent of women in this country will be both single and without children. The reasons? More women are delaying marriage and having a family, and/or they are prioritizing their careers over being a wife and/or a parent.
As a woman who is, yes, single and childless (and is also counting the days until menopause is in full swing), I gave all of this some real thought as it relates to my own life. Being that I was pregnant four times (and terminated each time) in the 90s and also being that I haven’t been pregnant since, I’ve definitely asked myself, more than once, if that was all intentional, whether I realized it back then or not. What I mean by that is, were my in-my-20s decisions about thinking that I would have children later, or could it be that I never really wanted to have kids in the first place?
Honestly, I’m still somewhat figuring all of that out, although I will say that I don’t watch baby commercials and bawl, nor do I find myself wanting to run out and make a baby as a last-ditch effort before the “shop” closes down. I’ve got two goddaughters who are their own handful (because I take the role very seriously — check out “What You Should Think About Before Agreeing To Become A Godparent”), a bevy of love nieces and nephews, and I used to mentor teen moms.
Plus, I’m a doula, so I get to hold babies quite a bit. And although I will admit that I wish I had been more…spiritually responsible when it comes to my past pregnancies and I do sometimes wish that my father had a bloodline that would continue after I am gone, for the most part, I really am at peace, even as I’m still putting some pieces together. Yes, some women can bask in their womanhood, adore kids, and also not want children and — get this — be totally okay with that.
I’m just one example. Below, are 10 other women who, for different reasons and conclusions, have also made the ultimate decision to not become a mother — and, at the end of the day, they don’t regret it at all.
*Middle names are always used in my interviews so that people can speak freely*
Women Share Why They Decided Not to Have Kids (And Don't Regret It)
Giphy1. Allison. 37. Dating.
“I don’t know why folks think that not liking kids means that we don’t have a heart or something. When I say that, I mean that I think that children need to be raised by people who adore having them around and don’t just tolerate them or enjoy them when the mood hits. I know a lot of people who weren’t raised like that. I think that kids are cute and smarter than a lot of adults if you really listen to them.
"I just don’t like them enough to have them in the day-to-day of my life, for the rest of my life. A couple of hours or a weekend of babysitting are good. More than that, no ma’am. If that makes me evil to everyone, I’ll live. It’s better than having them and then raising them like they are always getting on your nerves. I’d call out names, but I want to keep my anonymity here.”
2. Evelyn. 41. Married for Three Years.
“This is my second marriage. The reason why my first one ended is because my husband wanted kids, and I was on the fence. Really, I wasn’t on the fence; I just loved him and I said whatever I needed to, to get married. That wasn’t fair to him or to me because all I ended up doing was wasting each other’s precious time. He’s now remarried with a baby and one on the way and couldn’t be happier.
"I’m now married to a man with children in college, and I’m thrilled too. I’m just not someone who looked at my adult life and saw children in it — not in a ‘mommy’ way. I have always wanted to do other things with my life and I enjoy now having a partner who feels the same way.”
3. Alessia. 35. Engaged.
“I ended two pregnancies in my past: one was in college, and another was in my mid-20s. At the time, I thought that it just wasn’t the right time for me. But then I noticed that when I shared my abortion stories with others, and they were talking about all of the PTSD and regret that they had surrounding their own terminations, I realized that I don’t think that there will ever be a ‘right time.’
"My fiancé has a child, and I love him, and I don’t mind becoming a stepmom. But there is nothing about me that wants to get pregnant or have a child around full-time. He doesn’t want any more kids either, to the point where he has already had a vasectomy, so it’s turned out perfectly.”
4. Paxtone. 51. Married for 16 Years.
“My husband and I knew that we were meant for each other on our second date — the fact that we got married four months later and have been married for almost 17 years now proves it! One of the things that made it crystal clear to us both is that neither of us wanted to have children. Children are expensive, and we preferred to put that money towards seeing the world, saving up for retirement — and also helping our siblings with their children.
"We’ve helped to put a couple of nieces and nephews through college and put a down payment on a home for another. Don’t underestimate uncles and aunts who don’t have kids. They can bless in ways you never saw coming.”
5. Lakelynn. 43. Separated.
“When my soon-to-be ex-husband first told me that he wanted a house filled with children, I should’ve ended the relationship then. He told me that when we were dating and I thought he was so perfect that I talked myself into what I knew I didn’t want: to be a mother. I think the universe agreed with me because I was never able to get pregnant during the first four years, and then we tried IVF and still weren’t successful.
"Now he’s drained, I’m resentful, and we both feel like a lot of time was wasted. He still wants children, I don’t and I don’t want to keep ignoring what is screaming in our faces — that I shouldn’t force what my gut doesn’t desire and he shouldn’t have to make the kind of sacrifice to go without. Love isn’t always enough.”
6. Skye. 48. Dating.
“Some won’t want to hear this, but I don’t respect people who think that older kids should help them raise their younger kids. Children are not continuous babysitters, and they need to have a childhood. I know because I was the second-to-oldest child in a family of six, and there were a lot of things that I missed out on doing because I needed to stay home and watch my brothers and sisters.
"When it was time for me to go to college, I couldn’t wait to leave and never looked back. I decided after graduation that I didn’t want any children, not because I don’t like kids, but I would rather have the freedom that comes from being an auntie than a mom. I was basically a second mom while growing up. Girl, I am so over that.”
7. Carlee. 45. Divorced.
“My decision to not have kids may be different than other women. I once did, but after three miscarriages, I emotionally don’t have the strength or even the interest to keep trying. Now that it’s been seven years since my last miscarriage, I realize that I don’t want to adopt either. Sometimes you’re conditioned to focus on only one part of what makes you a woman that when you put it aside, you learn more about yourself.
"Motherhood is beautiful, and it’s not all that makes a woman a woman. I’m not sure if I had birthed any of my children if I would’ve ever realized that.”
8. Ona. 37. Married for Five Years.
“Two things that I always thought were really cute for anyone but me are kids and pets. Sure, they’re adorable and fun to play with, but when everyone goes home, you’ve got to do some real work, and it never lets up. How do I know? My girlfriends constantly tell me! I’d rather be, what I call [a] ‘relief auntie’ for a few hours than a mother 24/7. It’s just not me, my husband is the same way. Parenting enriches your life in one way. Not parenting does in another.”
9. Kiera. 44. Dating.
“I’m too selfish for children — in a good way. What I mean is, I think if you know that you don’t want to devote your life to your children, you absolutely shouldn’t have them. I know parents who are too self-absorbed to be raising kids and that’s unfair to their kids. There has always been a part of me that knew that I didn’t want to put a child first, and so I have either been on the pill and used condoms or had an IUD for years now. You have no idea how thrilled I am that I’m seeing signs of menopause coming.
"I live my life for me, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. Be embarrassed if you have kids and you still think that you come first.”
10. Xane. 50. Single.
“I never want to get married, and so, I never want to have kids. I know that some women see being a mom differently, but I come from a single mom, and I think that children need both of their parents. Since a hubby has never been a desire for me, children aren’t an option either. I think it’s sad that some people think that is sad. I live a very full and enjoyable single life, and not once have I wished that a kid was a part of it.
"Hell, when I hit menopause, I threw a party like it was a birthday one! I like being a poster child — hell, billboard — for being a happy single woman. If you want to be a mom — great. If I don’t want to be a mom, also great. Right?”
____
Absolutely right, my dear. Indeed, something that’s so beautiful about being a woman is there are many ways to be one. And as far as children go, you can “birth” other things like dreams and ideas too — never forget that.
If you’re a woman who has never really wanted to have kids, please know that I penned this with you in mind. As you can see, you are not alone, and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of or quiet about.
In fact, pat yourself on the back for knowing what you want — and don’t want. You’re more ahead of the game than you might think, sis. Hmph. Promise you that.
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Featured image by Jacob Wackerhausen/Getty Images