

Yes, yes. It's that time of year again. The time when folks get engaged (and divorced but that's another conversation for another time) at a record pace.
Charge it to it simply being the month of December when a lot of us think back to how the past year went and what we want to do differently in the next one. That, along with the fact that romantic Hallmark movies run on loop, diamonds are on sale, and our relatives are looking at us like, "So, when are you going to finally set a wedding date?" and it makes a lot of sense why so many men—and a few women—will be getting down on one knee underneath the mistletoe over the next few weeks.
That's why it wasn't a shock—not at all—when I saw that rap artist Juelz Santana got down on one of his own knees and proposed to his girlfriend (and mother of his two children) Love & Hip-Hop: New York co-star Kimbella Vanderhee after nearly a decade of an on-again-off-again relationship. Kimbella took to Instagram to share the moment with the caption:
"We've been together since 2009, next year will make it 10 years. Ladies, if that's the man you want & love you will wait however long if the love is REAL! Thank you for the love & support!"
If you've been following their journey at all, you know that its got layers on top of layers on top of layers to it. Even in the trailer for this season of LHHNY, Kimbella says out of her own mouth, "I had to take care of my kids by myself because you decided to use drugs," to which Santana replies, "The whole time you say that I was so-called on drugs, you said we wasn't together," to which Kimbella fires back, "What kind of excuse is that for a man? And if that's how you feel then…let's end it now."
I've spent enough time writing in the entertainment industry lane to know that gossip blogs, so-called reality television shows, and sound bites don't even begin to scratch the surface of any relationship; that there is always more than meets the eye. That's why when it comes to Juelz and Kimbella's relationship specifically, all I'll say is, "Congrats."
B-U-T. As I watched Derrick Jaxn's take on the engagement (Cliff notes: Basically he said it takes a man a couple of weeks to determine if a woman is marriage material, definitely 10 years to marry her if he loves her, and if she loves herself, she won't let it take 10 years regardless), I first thought about a quote and then about a somewhat-waste-of-time experience I had myself.
The quote?
"You'll never be good enough for a man who isn't ready."
And when someone is ready, that means they are "completely prepared", "duly equipped" and most of all—WILLING. A man who is ready for marriage is WILLING to get married. Not in 10 years. Not in five. But soon.
That brings me to my own experience. There's a guy I once had, shoot, something with. We had a one-of-a-kind connection. Folks even said we looked alike. For a couple of years, I handled a lot of his work affairs. I even got a couple of original songs about me out of the deal. We were close friends and a great team. Undeniably-and-mutually-decidedly so.
That's why, when he told me towards the beginning of our journey without my prompting him in any way, "I promise to get into position for this life and us," I believed him. Hook, line, and sinker.
Yet year after year, roller coaster ride after roller coaster ride, if there's one thing that we weren't getting closer to, it was a wedding altar. In fact, towards the end of everything, he defined how he emotionally felt as being in "marriage purgatory" as he tried to figure out 1) if he wanted to get married at all (to anyone) and 2) if I was truly the one.
Typically, people hear the word "purgatory" and think of it as being in the middle of the road or lukewarm so to speak, but it actually means someone feeling as if they are in a temporary state of punishment or suffering. Ouch. Whether that's literally what he meant or not, that's what he said.
Through the "I love you's," the strong attraction (although I never gave him any), and 10 years of history, he's right. He wasn't just in purgatory. So was I.
Not so much because of the 10 years itself, but because over the course of that time, I watched how much he professionally pursued and made things happen in that same time frame. What seemed impossible for many, he succeeded in, sometimes in record time. And that taught me, in live and living color, that what a man wants, he'll move heaven and earth to get. Meanwhile, if he's not sure that he wants it, he'll keep living life until he is certain…and since it's not a priority, that could be forever if need be.
So, while some may think my takeaway is if you wait 5, 10 or more years on a man, you're playin' yourself because he'll never marry you, Juelz just proved that point to be wrong (or at least highly-debatable).
No, my cautionary tale is if you're READY to marry, pick someone who is also READY. Otherwise, by the time they get ready, all of those days, weeks, months, and years that you lost in the process may make their proposal pale in comparison to the purgatory you were in. You may resent the engagement more than celebrate it at all because deep down inside you'll know that if he really wanted to make life with you happen…he would've…a long time before now. Just like all of the other things that he pursued up until this point. Because he was READY to.
Just something to think about—and consider before any more of your precious time—effort or energy—gets away from you.
Question of the day: Where do you ladies stand on the matter? Would you wait on a man in hopes of that fairy tale ending someday, or would you find a man who is equally yoked in the now? Let us know below!
Featured image by Getty Images
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Eva Marcille On Starring In 'Jason’s Lyric Live' & Being An Audacious Black Woman
Eva Marcille has taken her talents to the stage. The model-turned-actress is starring in her first play, Jason’s Lyric Live alongside Allen Payne, K. Michelle, Treach, and others.
The play, produced by Je’Caryous Johnson, is an adaptation of the film, which starred Allen Payne as Jason and Jada Pinkett Smith as Lyric. Allen reprised his role as Jason for the play and Eva plays Lyric.
While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Feature image by Leon Bennett/WireImage
A Celebration Of Black Voices: What You Missed At The 3rd Annual Black Effect Podcast Festival
Over the weekend, iHeart Radio held its third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival in Atlanta, attracting a star-studded lineup of personalities and shows. Charlamagne tha God, founder of the Black Effect podcast network was in attendance along with other notable personalities like Mandii B and Weezy WTF, the hosts of the popular Decisions, Decisions podcast, who also served as the festival's hosts.
Sarah Jakes Roberts, the esteemed pastor and host of Woman Evolve podcast, singers and co-hosts of the R&B Money podcast, Tank and J. Valentine, former NFL star and Funky Friday host Cam Newton and many more further rounded out the festivals' lineup.
The festival hosted panels that focused on mental health and the future of podcasting as well as many live shows. Good Moms, Bad Choices hosts, Erica and Milah, welcomed Dreka Gates and held a live dating show that was nothing short of hilarious. Naked Sports host Cari Champion sat down with Iman Shumpert and they discussed sports and dating.
Tank and J. Valentine surprised the audience with Jacquees, Cam had a live conversation with Real Housewives of Atlanta star Porsha Williams, and Sarah closed out the festival with reality star Toya Johnson. Check out photos from the festival below:
(L-R) Shawn Bethea, Jay Barnett, Devi Brown, Charlamagne tha God and Amber Grimes
Photo by Derek White/Getty Images for iHeartMedia and The Black Effect Podcast Network
Jamilah Mapp, Dreka Gates and Erica Dickerson
Photo by Derek White/Getty Images for iHeartMedia and The Black Effect Podcast Network
Mandii B and Weezy WTF
Photo by Derek White/Getty Images for iHeartMedia and The Black Effect Podcast Network
Porsha Williams and Cam Newton
Photo by Derek White/Getty Images for iHeartMedia and The Black Effect Podcast Network
Iman Shumpert and Cari Champion
Photo by Derek White/Getty Images for iHeartMedia and The Black Effect Podcast Network
Tank, Jacquees and J. Valentine
Photo by Derek White/Getty Images for iHeartMedia and The Black Effect Podcast Network
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Derek White/Getty Images for iHeartMedia and The Black Effect Podcast Network