

I'm almost certain every woman has wasted precious time and energy in dating a f-ckboy at least once in her lifetime (myself included).
And although we'll never get that time back, Derrick Jaxn, self love ambassador and healthy relationship guru gives us all hope that good men still DO exist. Thankfully, f-ckboys are not our only option.
I first discovered Derrick Jaxn while casually scrolling on Instagram, and stumbled upon one of his weekly relationship discussions. I remember initially thinking, "He's so handsome" shortly followed by "Who does this man think he is to give relationship advice to women?"
Instantly annoyed, I got off the page, but found myself back on a few days later. After watching a few videos in its entirety, it all made sense to me. Jaxn wasn't just a random person delivering unrealistic expectations in love. Instead, he had a genuine, honest, and most importantly, a realistic approach to healthy relationships and just wanted to help men and women find that.
With a past filled with a few f*ckboy tendencies of his own, Jaxn has experience in all sides of this complicated dating world, but a few years ago, he chose to take accountability of his actions in life and love and asked himself what type of man he wanted to be.
"I always wanted to become a man I could admire."
And that he did. As he matured into the man he is now, Jaxn changed his dating habits and chose to share those changes with the world. His opinions on love seemed to resonate with thousands and has led him to a platform of self love and relationships. He is now an author of six books, and the creator of F*ckboy Flashcards and Mentally Stimulate Me board game in which he aims to change the way we look at dating.
And since I know you're wondering ladies…sorry, but Jaxn is off the market and is a happily married man and a loving father. But, you should still use his advice to find that great love of your own. Here's what else Jaxn had to say.
How can women and men "do better" while dating ?
Women:
Heal, first. Women aren't perfect, but when it comes to dating, they're typically a bit further ahead of the curve than men. That results in women who open up on a level the men they're opening up to aren't ready for and results in emotional wounds they have to figure out how to heal on their own. Many women never properly heal after their first attempt and they end up re-dating the one who caused the damage to begin with, or look for healing in someone else who preys on them, and the fact they're "a wounded animal." The only men who prey on wounded animals are those looking to worsen the damage, but if women took their healing into their own hands, they could avoid these men and bring only the lessons learned from their past into their future when they do meet the man who does not come to hurt them.
"Many women never properly heal after their first attempt and they end up re-dating the one who caused the damage to begin with, or look for healing in someone else who preys on them."
Men:
Prepare, first. As it relates to dating, a gateway to relationships, men are thrown into Ph.D. level courses with a 3rd grade education. That's about where our society stops when it comes to properly preparing us emotionally and mentally for effective dating, so many of us do so recreationally and when we think we're ready to be serious about it, realize we're not properly equipped to do so. This is the part where we either "wing it" or try to get our dating partner to be willing to settle for our elementary education.
As cliche as it may sound, what do men want from a woman?
Monolithically speaking, there is no answer since we're all different in terms of age, background, etc. But to give you an idea:
Broken men want fixers. Immature men want mothers. Good men want partners. Hard-working men want supporters. Lazy men want enablers. Insecure men want puppets. Abusive men want objects. F*ckboys want bad bitches.
What are some key mistakes women make when seeking a potential partner ?
Putting a 90-day rule on their bodies, but not on their hearts. It's great to close the legs until you're confident the relationship is headed somewhere, but if other things like opening up about past hurts, being available to him at a moment's notice, or spending a lot of time with him makes a woman emotionally attach, she needs to have a boundary for that as well, not just her body.
Forgetting that good men have standards, too. "The prize" mindset says that women are automatically better than the man, and although tradition teaches us this, it's not true. Women are not better and the same is true vice versa. A good man can sense entitlement from a mile away and if that's what he picks up on in the beginning, it will drive him away. There's a way to be "not impressed" by a man while still being appreciative of the investment he makes upfront.
For women, what are some obvious signs to know that your current partner isn't the one?
Bringing things to his attention that are bothering or negatively impacting you, but having it turned around on you, as if you're ALWAYS the problem. Feeling like without you two's history and your current love for him, you really wouldn't remain with him. Feeling like you're the only one fighting for the relationship. Abuse. Ever.
From a male perspective, what are men seeking in a life-long partner/wife, opposed to a temporary fling?
What a man seeks depends on who he is and what he feels like he's missing, not on what level or relationship he wants, so the answer is similar to the one I gave earlier. If he's a user, he's going to look for a woman he can use. Maybe it's for sex, maybe it's for money, maybe it's for connections or emotional support, but it all depends on him. He'll have her temporarily if that's as long as she tolerates him, or for the rest of her life, if she allows it. A shiny quality for a user is one who'll have low enough self-esteem and enough need for him to validate her so that it's not too temporary.
"What a man seeks depends on who he is and what he feels like he's missing, not on what level or relationship he wants."
If he's an emotionally healthy man with good character, he's going to look for that partner and best friend. Someone who not only can he trust, but also has the emotional capacity to trust him as well. He'll look for a woman who sees and speaks to the best in him, without coddling him. He'll want accountability without disrespect. He'll want sex coupled with intimacy that goes deeper than skin.
What's the best advice you've received when it comes to love ?
Sometimes, it's gonna suck (laughs). True though. It does. As simple and unsexy as that advice was, it kept me from giving up when it started sucking. It disabused me of the notion that every day was going to sunny just because we were "right" for each other. And when things started sucking, instead of quitting, I started evaluating. I think that's the part a lot of people in our generation miss. The part where it sucks.
Instead of throwing in the towel, we are supposed to tighten our bootstraps and get it back to how it was, and live to fight another day.
As a married man, what is the key to a healthy, lasting relationship?
Growth. Before I was married, and if I'd never gotten married, that would still be my answer. I only got married because both my wife and I were committed to doing just that, growing. We were compatible when we first met, but things changed. I changed. She changed. Our environments changed. Our finances changed. Our emotional needs changed. Our mental health changed. Our obstacles, fears, and revelations about who we were changed. And as the saying goes, change is necessary. Growth is optional.
With all of the changes, if you don't opt in to grow through them, things will either become healthy, end, or both.
In today's social media crazed world, how does one tune out distractions and focus on their relationship?
Boundaries. Set them. Commit to them. Early. I honestly feel like new relationships aren't ready for social media. That energy of what people may think about decisions you may need to make to keep the relationship healthy and intact can be the reason you don't make those decisions if you, first, haven't built the proper foundation. It can also build a momentum you can't keep up. Positive pictures, inspirational quotes under "usies" just to finally hit the rough patch we all go through, and then feeling embarrassed when it comes through in your posts afterwards or feeling like you're too restricted when trying not to vent about your relationship troubles and the aversion to those feelings playing a part in continuing what would otherwise be a lasting relationship.
But the biggest thing to remember, is boundaries. What's okay to post/talk about. What's out of bounds in terms of engaging with other profiles. How much privacy. Etc. Don't wait until things get real to decide what's best for social media. By then, it'll be too late.
For those struggling to find love, any words of wisdom to keep them hopeful?
Finding love is a matter of building the love in you to attract it towards you. Essentially, the more you focus on your yearning for love, the more you push it away. Those in emotionally healthy states are not looking for walking deficits, they're looking for assets, and assets are those who have been so focused on loving themselves, they're overflowing with some to spare.
"Finding love is a matter of building the love in you to attract it towards you. The more you focus on your yearning for love, the more you push it away."
More practically speaking, love is coming, and it will come sooner if you are currently focused on how much you can fall in love with yourself, the things you love, and the things that fulfill you without the help of others. Your hope to find love will also manifest from those actions because subconsciously, it'll show you how abundant love is when you focus on the right things instead of training yourself to keep an eye out for it as if it's some rare precious metal that'll pass you by.
For more Derrick Jaxn, follow him on Instagram.
- Should You Wait For A Man To Be Ready? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Should I Wait For A Man To Be Ready? - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- www.derrickjaxnarchives.com | Lifestyle Blogger Derrick Jaxn ›
- Should successful women date men with far less going for ... ›
- 8 Powerful Steps to Self-Love | Psychology Today ›
- Self-love - Wikipedia ›
- A Seven-Step Prescription for Self-Love | Psychology Today ›
- Self-Love Must Come First: How to Love Yourself | HuffPost ›
- What Self-Love Means: 20+ Ways to Be Good to Yourself ›
- 10 Wonderful Ways To Practice Self-Love - mindbodygreen ›
- What does “self-love” really mean and how to start loving yourself ... ›
- Derrick Jaxn ›
- Self Love Ambassador (@derrickjaxn) • Instagram photos and videos ›
- How To Know For SURE When He's Not Into You... -Derrick Jaxn ... ›
- Amazon.com: Derrick Jaxn: Books ›
- Derrick Jaxn Has A Message for Those Looking for Love - EBONY ›
- A Cheating Man's Heart: Derrick Jaxn: 8601410542146: Amazon ... ›
Ashley McDonough is a writer and producer in New York City. When she's not busy writing or producing culturally conscious content, she is patiently waiting for Oprah and Stedman to adopt her. Keep up with her journey via social @Ashley_Milani or check out her work on www.AshleyMcDonough.org.
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Relationship Timeline
Sterling K. Brown and Ryan Michelle Bathe are one of our favorite Hollywood couples. We can't get over their adorable moments together on the red carpet and on social media. While they're both from St. Louis, they didn't meet until college, which they both attended Stanford. And the rest is as they say, history. Read below as we dive into their decades-long relationship.
Mid to Late1990s: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Meet
Sterling and Ryan met as freshmen at Stanford University. "We were in the same dorm freshman year...that's kind of how we met," Ryan said in an interview with ET. "I was mesmerized," she said after watching him audition for the school play, Joe Turner's Come and Gone. Sterling revealed that The First Wives Club star was dating someone else, so they started off as friends.
"She got cast in the play as well, and we would ride bikes to rehearsal, and we would just talk. We found out that we were both from St. Louis. We didn't know that we were both from St. Louis, like, our parents went to rival high schools. We were born in the same hospital. Like, we were friends," he said.
The first few years of their relationship involved many breakups and makeups. However, they ended up graduating and attended NYU's Tisch Grad Acting Program together.
Early 2000s: Sterling K. Brown Tells Ryan Michelle Bathe She's 'The Love Of My Life'
The Paradise star opened up about telling Ryan that she was the one. "We broke up for three and a half years before we came back into each other's lives," he said. "She was on the treadmill working out, and I had this epiphany, 'I have to go tell this woman she's the love of my life.'"
"I go to her apartment, I tell her, and she's like, 'Well, I'm working out right now,' and I was like, 'No, I can see that—I'll just talk to you while you're on the treadmill,' and she's like, 'Well, I feel like going outside. So I'm gonna go on a run,'" he continued. "So I'm like dressed [in a suit], and she starts running through Koreatown, and I start running along with her. Brother had to work, but it was well worthwhile."
2006: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Tie The Knot
The St. Louis natives eloped in 2006 and a year later held a larger ceremony. According to the bride, the best part of their wedding was the food. "The best thing about it was the food," she told ET.
"Can I just say, sometimes you go to weddings, and you get the winner-winner chicken dinner and you're like, 'I pay. OK, it's fine.' But I wanted people to remember their experience -- their culinary experience. So I was happy about that. The food was good."
2011: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their First Child
In 2011, Sterling and The Endgame actress welcomed their first son, Andrew. In a 2017 tweet, Sterling revealed they had a home birth. "An unexpected home delivery is something my wife and I went through ourselves with our first born, so this was round 2 for me!" he wrote while referring to a scene involving his character Randall, in This Is Us.
2012: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Appear On-screen Together
A year later, the couple acted together on the Lifetime series Army Wives.
2015: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their Second Child
In 2015, Sterling and Ryan welcomed another son, Amaré. Sterling shared an Instagram post about their latest addition to the family. "1st post. 2nd child. All good! #imoninstagram," the Atlas star wrote.
2016: Ryan Michelle Bathe Joins Sterling K. Brown On 'This Is Us'
Ryan guest appears on her hubby's show, This Is Us.
Sterling K. Brown Reveals Ryan Michelle Bathe's Mother Didn't Like Him At First
During their sit-down interview for the Black Love series, Sterling revealed that Ryan's mother wasn't a fan of him, which caused friction in their relationship.
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Explain How Jennifer Lopez Once Broke Them Up
While visiting The Jennifer Hudson Show, Sterling and Ryan share their hilarious Jennifer Lopez break-up story. "We had just gone out, we were living in New York City, we were in grad school, and we had gone to see a Broadway play and we came back to my place and my roommate was playing the ["Love Don't Cost A Thing"] video on MTV," Sterling said.
"Now I'm a fan of Jennifer Lopez's dancing, and I was watching the video and I knew my young...21, 22-year-old girlfriend was looking at me watch the video. And I know I'm not supposed to have a reaction. In trying NOT to have a reaction, what had happened was, my eyes began to water."
Ryan jumped in, "Otherwise known as, TEARS! I turn around and my boyfriend is weeping, tears like big fat [tears]. And I'm looking and she's just a shakin' and a shimming, and he's just crying. I said 'Oh no, I got to go.' "
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Launch Their Podcast, We Don't Always Agree
The couple launched their podcast, We Don't Always Agree, where they disclose more intimate details about their love story.
Feature image by Chelsea Lauren/Shutterstock