

Despite the series of wins and losses in our lives, the one thing that seems to survive each year is the existence of guys who - to state it plainly - ain't shit. F**kboys, scrubs, lames, ain't shit n-words – the names change, but the player is still the same. But, this doesn't mean that you are stuck choosing them as partners.
Like most behaviors in society, there are patterns in all things. And when it comes to scrubs, there are classic archetypes of "grown little boys" (or girls) who are overtaken by the epidemic that is being a f-boy/f-girl.
From The Ghoster to The Fake Soulmate, this read is a guide to the type of scrubs that exist, red flags, and ultimately what it will take for you to find your divine match.
The Ghoster
The Ghoster is someone who enters your life at lightning speed! You feel a very powerful sexual chemistry with this person, and likely find yourself in an instantaneous lust-filled adventure with this individual. Everything about this person from their smell, to the way they make you feel tingly inside seems perfectly aligned. The sex is bomb, and you genuinely enjoy the time spent with this person. Depending on how long you are in this non-commitment limbo, you are bound to catch feelings, and when you do - BAM! They GHOST you.
This disappearing act can happen in increments, but usually there is always the one final Houdini disappearing act where they no longer pick up the phone or text you back.
The Ghoster Red Flags
- They travel for a living, perhaps they are a musician or business consultant. If they travel for a living, chances are, they tend to ghost. If they have a level of celebrity, or work as a bartender or in nightlife where they are constantly bombarded with sexual advances, be wary of them as well.
- They tell you very obscure and limited things about their personal lives, past relationships, and their families. They already have an understanding that they are in flight mode, so they are not going to disclose more information than they think you need to know.
- They are unbelievably sweet, charming, and charismatic. Nobody will stare in your eyes quite the same way than people who ghost. They are the best magicians... They can truly make you see them for something they are not.
- They make empty promises, and skimpy excuses, but they are good at giving those puppy dog eyes that just make you melt. They will stray away from any meaningful or deep conversations revolving around commitment and relationships. They will never fully answer any deep questions you ask.
The Undercover Booty Call
In a similar way as The Ghoster, The Undercover Booty Call is someone you have an intense sexual connection with. This individual is also very charming and charismatic, but there is also an added characteristic of being a bit arrogant, overconfident, and/or moody. This person loves to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, and maybe sometimes refer to you as their lady or bae in a jokingly or over-emphasized manner.
In other words, they give you a fake title to hide the fact that they truly only see you as a sexual partner, in itself, this is the largest reason that they are this kind of f-boy.
The Undercover Booty Call Red Flags
- They don't spend money on you. Don't expect any big ticket items, or too many fancy dinners. A person who truly only sees you as a sexual partner, doesn't see any reason to spend much money on you. Often, this person will want to go dutch.
- They run on their own time. Don't expect him to rearrange his schedule for you.
- They are the biggest flakes! Never depend on this person being there for more than just the nasty. They are selfish and sometimes huge narcissists.
- They are habitual liars. They will say whatever they have to take away their own accountability, and will be the first to insult you when you call them on their BS.
The Master Commitment Phobe
The Master Commitment Phobe is someone that you actually end up falling in love with, and it still confuses you long after you have broken up. This tends to be a karmic, unrequited love. They are the most manipulative out of all the f-boys because they use your genuine love for them against you. In time, this situationship feels like a real relationship. You might be finding yourself picking out his shirts, or popping their pimples, as if you were his actual girlfriend, because it feels like you are.
The gag is, he has most likely never said the words, "I love you." He might speak around it, by saying things like "I care about you a lot," "You mean so much me," "You are an amazing person" – it's all deflection. A really good one will say things like, "I'm not good at relationships," "My parents have been separated or divorced for years, I never had an example of what a loving marriage looks like," or my personal favorite, "This is how all my relationships have started."
They only show you their true selves when they need you to hold space for them, and you confuse that with them "needing" you. What they are really doing is taking from you, not exchanging anything. Like The Ghoster, they will stray away from any deep and meaningful conversations about love and commitment, and you may feel that they are very childlike in their interaction with feelings.
The Master Commitment Phobe Red Flags
- They seem to either hide, or be ashamed about the relationship. They don't reveal that they are in a relationship with you, and their social media status likely remains at single. They will not claim you in public, but best believe, if another person tries to encroach on what they feel is their territory, they will have something to say about it.
- They are not big on PDA, but will sex you like a rockstar behind closed doors. He is likely one of the best sexual partners you have ever had. When you two are alone, you both are on cloud nine. This is likely the only time he is emotionally available.
- You find yourself going back to this person time and time again, even though you often feel really shity after not getting what you really want from this person. This back and forth could be over the span of years. His emotions are somewhat invested, but not at the level that yours are, so it is harder for you to cut your losses. Most of your friends know this person is not worth a damn dime, but you seem to have rose quartz-colored glasses on all the time.
- You don't finally get the hint, until you begin to love yourself fully. The ultimate separation from this individual usually happens after they embarrass you in front of other people by disrespecting your position in their life, or choosing friends over you. They normally show you in the harshest way, that they don't really care for and treasure you.
The Fake Soulmate
Similarly to the Master Commitment Phobe, The Fake Soulmate is someone that you not only connect with on a sexual level, but also on an energetic and romantic level as well. You tend to meet this person by what seems like fate or chance. There is a big possibility that you met this person over social media, or intermediary platform. They seem like the opposite version of yourself, in a different body.
Unlike the Master Commitment Phobe, you both are seemingly on the same page from jump. It might even feel like you have found "The One" until it all hits you at once, and you realize that though he isn't the most heinous of the archetypes, he is a f-boy nonetheless.
The Fake Soulmate Red Flags
- In the beginning, your flame with this person will run hot! You might talk on the phone like you have teenage fever for hours, or they might go out of their way to come and see you as much as possible.
- There is an uncanny recognition of the self in this individual. You may finish each other's sentences, or use the same catch phrases all the time. There is a level of comfortability with this person that usually only happens after years of time spent together. How compatible you seem together is unreal.
- This person will not hesitate to help you out in any way that you need help, whether that is financially, or emotionally. They will be there.
- You can talk to this person about any topic, and debate about anything, until you're blue in the face. Everything seems perfect until you realize that this person never speaks about their own problems, and never fully lets you into their mind and heart. The fear of actually being happy with someone scares the crap out of them, and as soon as you begin to speak about commitment, they fold like a hand of cards.
- Unlike the Master Commitment Phobe, as soon as the plate he's eating his cake off of gets too hot, he'll drop you like a dead phone call...but not until after you give the ultimatum.
It takes two to tango, and until you can understand on a very energetic, and spiritual level, why you consistently choose the wrong archetypes in love, you will continue to perpetuate this endless cycle. What is the key to ending this nightmare and finding your divine match?
First, you need to catch the red flags as soon as possible and stop the situation at hand before it's too late. People only treat you how you allow them to, so part of the remedy to choosing the wrong men, is to prevent them from accessing too much of you to begin with.
The second key, is to know your worth. When you know the value of any tangible or material thing that you own, don't you consciously treat it as if it were superior to anything else that is worth less? The same goes for your heart. Your love and affection are priceless, treat them as such.
And lastly, you must love yourself fully. If you understand that you are complete within yourself, you will realize that no other person can actually complete you. There is nothing that is missing from you. The person you choose is your complement and if you know your worth, you know that no scrub is close to your weight in gold.
By actively practicing these principles, your highest partner will be drawn to you like a magnet in no time. Be patient.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Fontaine Felisha Foxworth is a writer and creative entrepreneur from Brooklyn New York. She is currently on the West Coast working on creating a TV Pilot called "Finding Fontaine", that details the nomadic journey of her life so far. Keep up with her shenanigans @famoustaine on IG.
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
Social Media Has A 'Man's First Love' Theory. I Asked 10 Guys About It.
Let me just put it right on out there and say that my first love and I couldn’t be more ridiculous — and yes, ridiculous is absolutely the right word. Ever since 1993, when we first laid eyes on each other in a friend’s dorm room, it’s been a series of situations, experiences, run-ins, phone calls, declarations — over and over and over again with the latest one actually being about a year ago.
We both happened to be in a part of Nashville, debating about which restaurant to go to, literally debating between the same two, only to ultimately run into each other…again. Googly-eyed and flirting…AGAIN.
This is an intro, so I don’t have a lot of time to get into why marrying someone who has been married before will absolutely never be an option for me (unless they are a widow) and honestly, because neither one of them has yet to jump a broom, I think that’s why there is still a part of us who romanticizes the notion that life may someday cultivate another chance for us. I don’t know — I’ve been humbled enough by his fineness and our undeniable chemistry to not pull a Brandy and “never say never” anymore (some of y’all will catch that later — LOL).
For now, I’ll just say that I’m only sharing all of this because of something that he — and many other men in my world over the course of my life — has said to me before: “I’ve only really loved you and one other woman”…and trust me, there have been MANY, so that statement is…something.
That’s why the man’s first love theory, something that has been generating quite a bit of chatter on social media these past few months, has intrigued me so. Because, even as a woman, I believe that men don’t “fall in love with love” that often. Not only that but, contrary to a lot of rambling gibberish that I oftentimes see on TikTok and Instagram, I also believe that when easily 80 percent of men genuinely love a woman, they take it far more seriously than they are given credit for.
Y’all don’t have to take my word for it, though. Let’s first unpack what the “theory” is all about and then hear what 10 men have to say about it all.
*Middle names are always used in my interview pieces so that people can speak freely*
First, What Is the “Man’s First Love” Theory?
@jayoffline♬ original sound - JB
Honestly, what this guy just said pretty much covers the theory in a nutshell: once a man has experienced true love for the first time, it’s hard for him to ever fully shake it. Okay, but what intel is there to support this notion beyond his post?
Well, a USA Today article on the topic said that this could be true due to the fact that since men are typically not encouraged to process their emotions in the same way that women are, that could be why their first love oftentimes has such a lasting impact on them. Beyond that, I once watched a social media post where a man said that since men are called to provide and protect and women expect men to do that, men love women like they do their daughters while women love men like they do their fathers — and since fathers are (mentally and emotionally) expected to die before daughters, that’s why men and women process love differently in the sense that women can see love ending and surviving it while men? Not so much. Pretty deep, right?
And I mean, the mere fact that 70 percent of divorces are initiated by women? That may help to prove that perspective to be pretty accurate (just sayin’). There’s also scientific research that says women tend to experience love more than men and that women tend to “fall out of love” before men do, although, interestingly enough, men reportedly “fall in love” faster than women and say “I love you” three times quicker (bet y’all didn’t see that last part coming).
What do I think personally? Well, I do think that women are oftentimes more relationship-minded and driven than men which makes sense when you think about the fact that we have a strong nurturing gene within us — and because of that, we’re probably more intentional about having a serious relationship and even more resilient should said-relationship come to an end.
On the flip side, I have talked to so many men about this topic over time that I will stand 10 toes down that I think that when it comes to real, genuine, and lasting love, most men probably have three of those max: their first love, their wife and perhaps someone in between or after (should the marriage end).
That’s just my thoughts on all of this, though. And so, I decided to actually ask 10 guys — guys with different relationship statuses — to share with me what they think about the man’s first love theory…based on what they believe and how they now feel about their own first love.
Here’s what they had to say.
1. Elijah. 29. Single.
“I was late to the game when it comes to love. My first love was in college and she almost ruined my life. Not because she was a bad person — I just had never felt that way about anyone, so it was hard for me to focus on school, I was thinking about changing my plans to follow her around the country and I was even losing some of who I was to make the relationship work. Social media will have you thinking that men don’t know how to love when the truth is that when we fall, we fall hard and if it was painful, we’re just not in a rush to do it again. We’re capable. We just don’t want to be martyrs.”
2. Ian. 30. Engaged.
“My first love was my high school sweetheart. It wasn’t until I got with my fiancée now that I realized that I really did compare every woman after [my first love]to her. That wasn’t fair or even healthy but until her, I had never really seen women on such an ‘all in’ way and, since she broke up with me, it’s not like I had wanted the love to end. Men don’t just not forget their first love, the way that they look at other women is influenced by her. Guys who deny that are lying.”
3. Yosef. 25. Dating.
“The timing of this conversation is strange because I’m wondering if I’m about to have a first love now. I’ve been seeing someone for a few months and even though it’s not serious and there is no title, I can’t get her off of my mind. In high school, there was nothing serious. In college, things stayed casual because I was focused on getting out. Now, I’m ready to consider a relationship and this girl has me seeing women really differently. It’s wonderful and terrifying at the same time. Is that what having a first love is like?”
4. Claude. 45. Married.
“My first love experience is something that I still try to figure out because my actual first love and my wife are very different women — and when I met my wife, it made me wonder if my first love was the real thing. It’s not because I don’t think that my first love experience wasn’t real or even valid but the way I feel about my wife is so much more. I guess what I will say is, if nothing else, men will always be impacted by their first love — and if it was a good situation, they will be grateful that it happened.”
5. Mykal. 33. Single.
“I totally agree with the theory that men don’t fall in love often. For what? What women don’t think about is, once we love you, we don’t have plans to leave. That’s why many men have stories of things that they put up with, too often and too long, because what comes with our love is loyalty. First loves can make or break us — that’s how crucial they are. Only women would challenge that. Guys know.”
6. Jackai. 37. In a Serious Relationship.
“My first love broke my heart and that had me on the war path for a long time. I don’t think women get that once we love you, we see you as perfection and don’t even consider that you will do something that will change that. Once it happens, it shakes us to where either we avoid relationships or we keep things very shallow and surface. While y’all are talking about all we think about is sex, what usually is happening is a guy who is still trying to get over his ex.”
7. Dorian. 39. Dating.
“Funny, because I just talked to my first love recently. Whenever either one of us makes a big life decision, we reach out to update each other. I think it’s because, when we were together, we consulted each other a lot. Anyway, I think that answers your question: men are connected to their first love, one way or another. It’s a space that no one can really compete with. That’s just the way it is.”
8. Franklin. 28. Single.
“Whenever I think about my first love, I’m pissed. She cheated on me and I never saw that coming. It has taken me a long time to believe that all women aren’t like her because when you tell a woman that you love her and she says it back, you don’t even comprehend that she could hurt you. Women don’t get how serious men are about love when it happens…that’s why it doesn’t happen a lot.”
9. Cael. 42. Married.
“I’m lucky to say that I married my first love. It took us forever to get to that point because we’ve known each other since our freshman year in college. We dated for a year and broke up. After graduation, she moved away and got engaged while I dated someone for a few years. We always stayed in touch and when she ended her engagement, we talked more often. I always compared other women to her because she’s my favorite person. We’ve been married for eight years now. Marrying your first love is a pure experience.”
10. Westyn. 30. In a Serious Relationship.
“Your first introduction to anything is going to make up the fabric of who you are. How much you allow that to change you is a choice. A lot about how we love is a choice. But to say that a first love isn’t in the top five as far as life-altering matters? How could it not be? It teaches you about love for the first time. I don’t think any human, not just men, can forget something like that.”
____
You know what I appreciated so much about these answers? It’s because each man expressed that, yes, love is a very real thing to and for them, and their first time learning about it in a romantic way, it did indeed transform them on some level.
And that’s why, personally, I don’t think that the man’s first love theory is a mere theory at all. Men do love — and they love pretty hard whenever it happens. Especially when it transpires for the first time.
As you just saw.
“Theory” proven.
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Featured image by Daniel de la Hoz/Getty Images