The 4 Types Of F*ckboys & How To Avoid Dating Them
Despite the series of wins and losses in our lives, the one thing that seems to survive each year is the existence of guys who - to state it plainly - ain't shit. F**kboys, scrubs, lames, ain't shit n-words – the names change, but the player is still the same. But, this doesn't mean that you are stuck choosing them as partners.
Like most behaviors in society, there are patterns in all things. And when it comes to scrubs, there are classic archetypes of "grown little boys" (or girls) who are overtaken by the epidemic that is being a f-boy/f-girl.
From The Ghoster to The Fake Soulmate, this read is a guide to the type of scrubs that exist, red flags, and ultimately what it will take for you to find your divine match.
The Ghoster
The Ghoster is someone who enters your life at lightning speed! You feel a very powerful sexual chemistry with this person, and likely find yourself in an instantaneous lust-filled adventure with this individual. Everything about this person from their smell, to the way they make you feel tingly inside seems perfectly aligned. The sex is bomb, and you genuinely enjoy the time spent with this person. Depending on how long you are in this non-commitment limbo, you are bound to catch feelings, and when you do - BAM! They GHOST you.
This disappearing act can happen in increments, but usually there is always the one final Houdini disappearing act where they no longer pick up the phone or text you back.
The Ghoster Red Flags
- They travel for a living, perhaps they are a musician or business consultant. If they travel for a living, chances are, they tend to ghost. If they have a level of celebrity, or work as a bartender or in nightlife where they are constantly bombarded with sexual advances, be wary of them as well.
- They tell you very obscure and limited things about their personal lives, past relationships, and their families. They already have an understanding that they are in flight mode, so they are not going to disclose more information than they think you need to know.
- They are unbelievably sweet, charming, and charismatic. Nobody will stare in your eyes quite the same way than people who ghost. They are the best magicians... They can truly make you see them for something they are not.
- They make empty promises, and skimpy excuses, but they are good at giving those puppy dog eyes that just make you melt. They will stray away from any meaningful or deep conversations revolving around commitment and relationships. They will never fully answer any deep questions you ask.
The Undercover Booty Call
In a similar way as The Ghoster, The Undercover Booty Call is someone you have an intense sexual connection with. This individual is also very charming and charismatic, but there is also an added characteristic of being a bit arrogant, overconfident, and/or moody. This person loves to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, and maybe sometimes refer to you as their lady or bae in a jokingly or over-emphasized manner.
In other words, they give you a fake title to hide the fact that they truly only see you as a sexual partner, in itself, this is the largest reason that they are this kind of f-boy.
The Undercover Booty Call Red Flags
- They don't spend money on you. Don't expect any big ticket items, or too many fancy dinners. A person who truly only sees you as a sexual partner, doesn't see any reason to spend much money on you. Often, this person will want to go dutch.
- They run on their own time. Don't expect him to rearrange his schedule for you.
- They are the biggest flakes! Never depend on this person being there for more than just the nasty. They are selfish and sometimes huge narcissists.
- They are habitual liars. They will say whatever they have to take away their own accountability, and will be the first to insult you when you call them on their BS.
The Master Commitment Phobe
The Master Commitment Phobe is someone that you actually end up falling in love with, and it still confuses you long after you have broken up. This tends to be a karmic, unrequited love. They are the most manipulative out of all the f-boys because they use your genuine love for them against you. In time, this situationship feels like a real relationship. You might be finding yourself picking out his shirts, or popping their pimples, as if you were his actual girlfriend, because it feels like you are.
The gag is, he has most likely never said the words, "I love you." He might speak around it, by saying things like "I care about you a lot," "You mean so much me," "You are an amazing person" – it's all deflection. A really good one will say things like, "I'm not good at relationships," "My parents have been separated or divorced for years, I never had an example of what a loving marriage looks like," or my personal favorite, "This is how all my relationships have started."
They only show you their true selves when they need you to hold space for them, and you confuse that with them "needing" you. What they are really doing is taking from you, not exchanging anything. Like The Ghoster, they will stray away from any deep and meaningful conversations about love and commitment, and you may feel that they are very childlike in their interaction with feelings.
The Master Commitment Phobe Red Flags
- They seem to either hide, or be ashamed about the relationship. They don't reveal that they are in a relationship with you, and their social media status likely remains at single. They will not claim you in public, but best believe, if another person tries to encroach on what they feel is their territory, they will have something to say about it.
- They are not big on PDA, but will sex you like a rockstar behind closed doors. He is likely one of the best sexual partners you have ever had. When you two are alone, you both are on cloud nine. This is likely the only time he is emotionally available.
- You find yourself going back to this person time and time again, even though you often feel really shity after not getting what you really want from this person. This back and forth could be over the span of years. His emotions are somewhat invested, but not at the level that yours are, so it is harder for you to cut your losses. Most of your friends know this person is not worth a damn dime, but you seem to have rose quartz-colored glasses on all the time.
- You don't finally get the hint, until you begin to love yourself fully. The ultimate separation from this individual usually happens after they embarrass you in front of other people by disrespecting your position in their life, or choosing friends over you. They normally show you in the harshest way, that they don't really care for and treasure you.
The Fake Soulmate
Similarly to the Master Commitment Phobe, The Fake Soulmate is someone that you not only connect with on a sexual level, but also on an energetic and romantic level as well. You tend to meet this person by what seems like fate or chance. There is a big possibility that you met this person over social media, or intermediary platform. They seem like the opposite version of yourself, in a different body.
Unlike the Master Commitment Phobe, you both are seemingly on the same page from jump. It might even feel like you have found "The One" until it all hits you at once, and you realize that though he isn't the most heinous of the archetypes, he is a f-boy nonetheless.
The Fake Soulmate Red Flags
- In the beginning, your flame with this person will run hot! You might talk on the phone like you have teenage fever for hours, or they might go out of their way to come and see you as much as possible.
- There is an uncanny recognition of the self in this individual. You may finish each other's sentences, or use the same catch phrases all the time. There is a level of comfortability with this person that usually only happens after years of time spent together. How compatible you seem together is unreal.
- This person will not hesitate to help you out in any way that you need help, whether that is financially, or emotionally. They will be there.
- You can talk to this person about any topic, and debate about anything, until you're blue in the face. Everything seems perfect until you realize that this person never speaks about their own problems, and never fully lets you into their mind and heart. The fear of actually being happy with someone scares the crap out of them, and as soon as you begin to speak about commitment, they fold like a hand of cards.
- Unlike the Master Commitment Phobe, as soon as the plate he's eating his cake off of gets too hot, he'll drop you like a dead phone call...but not until after you give the ultimatum.
It takes two to tango, and until you can understand on a very energetic, and spiritual level, why you consistently choose the wrong archetypes in love, you will continue to perpetuate this endless cycle. What is the key to ending this nightmare and finding your divine match?
First, you need to catch the red flags as soon as possible and stop the situation at hand before it's too late. People only treat you how you allow them to, so part of the remedy to choosing the wrong men, is to prevent them from accessing too much of you to begin with.
The second key, is to know your worth. When you know the value of any tangible or material thing that you own, don't you consciously treat it as if it were superior to anything else that is worth less? The same goes for your heart. Your love and affection are priceless, treat them as such.
And lastly, you must love yourself fully. If you understand that you are complete within yourself, you will realize that no other person can actually complete you. There is nothing that is missing from you. The person you choose is your complement and if you know your worth, you know that no scrub is close to your weight in gold.
By actively practicing these principles, your highest partner will be drawn to you like a magnet in no time. Be patient.
Featured image by Getty Images
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Fontaine Felisha Foxworth is a writer and creative entrepreneur from Brooklyn New York. She is currently on the West Coast working on creating a TV Pilot called "Finding Fontaine", that details the nomadic journey of her life so far. Keep up with her shenanigans @famoustaine on IG.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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ItGirl 100: Get To Know Some Of The Most Inspiring And Empowering Women On Our List
The ItGirl 100 List, in partnership with Hyundai, is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
We often see lists featuring amazing women who are seasoned in this thing called life, and our ItGirl 100 List gives flowers to the people they’ve passed the torch to: young millennial and Gen Z women who are innovating and disrupting in today’s world of advancement.
xoNecole has partnered with Hyundai for its inaugural ItGirl 100 List to give these women their flowers today. It’s a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who have built their own tables, launched new businesses, and redefined what it truly means to be blessed, booked, and busy.
Here’s a snapshot of fun facts from a few of the women listed on the ItGirl 100, representing the East, West, Midwest, and South:
EAST
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DJ 9AM: DJ & Curator
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "On My Mama" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Nia Long
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Taurus Moon, Pisces Rising
Favoring open-format, multi-genre mixes, this DJ has created a winning reputation for rocking a crowd with seamless transitions and selections, always representing Southwest musical and cultural influences.
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Tiffany James, Founder, Modern BLK Girl
Representing:Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Lucky Girl" by Carlina
Favorite OG It Girl:Naomi Campbell
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Virgo Rising
Modern BLK Girl is one of the leading investment groups among women of color, and the founder serves as an avid investor, community builder, and advocate. Tiffany James is also a mentor, utilizing her unique combination of financial and fashion expertise.
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Kat Mateo, Casting Director
Representing: New Jersey
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Princess Going Digital" by Amaarae
Favorite OG It Girl: Kelis, Eve, Lil Kim
Zodiac Big Three: Aries Sun, Cancer Moon, Cancer Rising
Thriving as a casting director and stylist, Kat Mateo offers a unique point of view that has shaped New York Fashion Week shows, ad campaigns, and editorials. She has also been a major contributor to cultural conversations related to fashion and inclusivity.
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Denise Stephanie Hewitt, Photographer
Representing: Brooklyn
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Experience" by Victoria Monét
Favorite OG It Girl: Hannah Montana
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Aquarius Moon, Aquarius Rising
This Gordon Parks Foundation scholar is a full-time student who has been working to expand her freelance career in photography. Denise is also been featured among Essence'sinaugural list of "Top 10 Creators Under 30," for her unique aesthetics and perceptions through her art.
WEST
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Nayamka Roberts-Smith, Aesthetician
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Tomorrow 2" by GloRilla & Cardi B
Favorite OG It Girl: Meagan Good
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Capricorn Rising
Nayamka Roberts-Smith is an award-winning professional in the skincare industry and serves as an educator, offering knowledge on beauty culture. She also is a well-sought-after speaker on beauty and women’s issues, with a following of more than 1 million on social.
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Desiree L. Talley, Esq., Vice President, Legal & Business Affairs, Revolt TV
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice" by The Carters
Favorite OG It Girl: Issa Rae
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Scorpio Moon, Cancer Rising
An attorney and storyteller, Desiree L. Talley meshes relatability with her legal smarts for the culture. She advocates for cultural advancement and societal change through her POPLAW Podcast while balancing her executive duties at Revolt TV.
Marley Rae
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Marley Rae, Organizer, WalkGood
Representing: Los Angeles
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Nice For What" by Drake
Favorite OG It Girl: Mariah Carey
Zodiac Big Three: Capricorn Sun, Taurus Moon, Leo Rising
Marley Rae is a Nike Athlete, certified yoga instructor, COO, and Director of Health and Wellness for WalkGood LA, a family-founded non-profit organization. She is dedicated to fostering understanding and care in local and global communities.
MIDWEST
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Shawnee Dez
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "FreeBody Freestyle" by Shawnee Dez
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Morrison
Zodiac Big Three: Cancer Sun, Aquarius Moon, Cancer Rising
Shawnee Dez is an artist who's all about captivating her audience through encouragement and empowerment. Her music features fluid harmonic layering, live instrumentation fused with digital production, and her unique multi-talented voice in an alto melodic tone.
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Bianca Pastel, Visual Artist
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: Anything by Whitney Houston
Favorite OG It Girl: Grace Jones
Zodiac Big Three: Taurus Sun, Leo Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Bianca Pastel's artistic portfolio includes fine art, illustrations, and animation, and she's worked with clients including Disney Pixar, and the NFL, to name a few. Her focus is "empowering the experience of being a Black child and dealing with mental health issues."
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Donyale Walton, Founder, Hoop Mobb
Representing: Detroit
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Yeah I Said It" by Rihanna
Favorite OG It Girl: Aaliyah
Zodiac Big Three: Virgo Sun, Libra Moon, Capricorn Rising
Donyale Walton's brand Hoop Mobb, celebrates the Black and Brown fashion and cultural impact and presence of hoop earrings. It's grown to earn more than seven figures in annual revenue and a nationwide community of loyal consumers.
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Ticara Devone, Content Creator
Representing: Chicago
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "She's a Bitch" by Missy Elliott
Favorite OG It Girl: Ananda Lewis
The Zodiac Big Three: Libra Sun, Taurus Moon, Virgo Rising
A trusted sneaker enthusiast and content creator, Ticara Devone uses dynamic storytelling to hold space for others with a passion for sneakers. A published writer, she’s worked with brands including Nike and Footlocker and inspires us all by ensuring women are vocal and seen in the multi-billion dollar shoe space.
SOUTH
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AllyiahsFace, Content Creator
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "Go Off" Doja Cat
Favorite OG It Girl: Gabrielle Union and Halle Berry
Zodiac Big Three: Gemini Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising
AllyiahsFace's YouTube channel has more than 830,000 subscribers, and she's been hitting the ground running since 2015. Her content creation, which centers on beauty, fashion, and lifestyle, has led to a lucrative career and drawn a close-knit social and real-life community to view and be inspired.
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Jaycina, Executive Director, Tender
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "All I Got" by Amel Larrieux
Favorite OG It Girl:Tracee Ellis Ross
Zodiac Big Three: Leo Sun, Sagittarius Moon, Sagittarius Rising
Jaycina is a signed model with a nonprofit that works to provide support and community for single mothers in Atlanta. She's also appeared in campaigns for brands including Fenty and GAP as well as features in all your favorite magazines and on billboards across the country.
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Asha Christian, Founder, Coily App
Representing: Atlanta
Ultimate ItGirl Song: "It's My Life" by Mariah Carey
Favorite OG It Girl: Toni Childs (Girlfriends)
Zodiac Big Three: Sagittarius Sun, Leo Moon, Leo Rising
Asha Christian created Coily to provide beauty recommendations utilizing social data. It offers a more personalized, AI-driven experience for users and part of her mission is to provide solutions related to diversity and put the focus back on the consumer. Meshing tech and culture, Christian is innovating with options that exemplify the Black girl magic needed in tech.
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Featured image by FG Trade/Getty