Meet The Hip-Hop Herbalist That's Merging Trap Music & Holistic Wellness
What if you could combine all the things you love about hip-hop with a way to take better care of yourself? If that sounds like your cup of tea, then meet Shanae Jones the Hip-Hop Herbalist.
She is the founder of Ivy's Tea Company, a hip-hop influenced holistic health brand with a collection of handcrafted herbal teas and herb-infused sweeteners. Her products have taken a life of its own with catchy names like #TrapTea and equally clever descriptions that instantly reel customers in, but it's the delicious taste and sweet aroma that keeps them coming back for more.
This former executive assistant turned entrepreneur/herbalist shares her journey from working with a Quaker lobbying organization to creating safe spaces for black women and men in the holistic industry.
Courtesy of Shanae Jones
How did you come up with the title hip-hop herbalist?
It kind of came from other people. I'm happy too because I always wanted a nickname but I didn't get one (laughs). Now, I have one that I guess goes with my career, my passion. It just kinda came from the way I moved tea and I mixed it with herbs. [My] trap tea sort of took off on Twitter and this is just what it became, so that's how a lot of people [now] refer to me.
What was the concept behind hip-hop influenced herbal tea?
Well, I find that hip-hop is a great teaching tool and I see no reason why herbalism and herbal tea or any tea shouldn't be a part of that teaching. For me, it was quite simple; it was just very easy for me to see that connection between hip-hop and herbal tea. The common nature of hip-hop and also the common nature of herbalism and herbal tea. It's not considered highbrow medicine, and for a lot of people, hip-hop isn't considered this really incredible musical genre.
While I would disagree, there are parallels in that that also herbalism kinda deals with when it comes to conventional medicine. It was really easy for me to see the connection. I knew hip-hop, so [I] was like, I'm going to do something that I'm confident in and comfortable with and I can work with something I don't know much about.
I can make those parallels that people don't see. And I can bring it to people and make it plain for them to understand.
Courtesy of Shanae Jones
Why the name 'Ivy's Tea Co.'?
Naming a business is actually hard because you're like, 'I can't come up with anything!' But one day, it just rolled off the tongue.
I thought that I could name it after my grandmother. Her name was Ivy and she left Jamaica for a better life in London at a very early age. I think she was 16 or 17 years old. Ivy was kickass and very brave and I thought I should take that same energy and same spirit with me as I'm going on to do something very risky.
Being an entrepreneur is probably as risky as it gets and so I decided to name my company after her and it made sense and it sounded good. On the flipside, Ivy kinda smoked and she drank a lot. It probably wasn't the best idea to name a holistic health brand after her but her bravery was important to me and so I decided I would go with that.
Courtesy of Instagram/ @ivysteaco
Do you believe your British-Jamaican heritage influenced you as an entrepreneur?
Sometimes I would like to say 'no,' but sometimes when I look back I could see, [for example] my family owned a Jamaican restaurant. When I was in middle school and high school, I would work there. I would leave school and take the bus to work with my mom and grandmother in the evenings. I saw my family working together and I saw the freedom of entrepreneurship but I think that's why when I think about it, it gave me a real glimpse of how hard it is.
My grandmother now, she doesn't clean chicken at all, you can't get her to touch a chicken because she cleaned so many while she was working at the restaurant. It showed me the grit and it showed me the staffing problems, delivery issues--how do you promote? How do you market? And this was at a time where there wasn't really [any] social media so it gave me a real insight on what it is to be an entrepreneur.
I learned not to quit and I learned that it's not as glamorous as people online would make it look, so I at least got to see that upfront.
I do drink a lot of tea and I always have ever since I was younger. That's how I bonded with my mother and grandmother, just over cups of tea. It's how I grew into womanhood, it's how I learned a lot about my family, that's how I learned about gossip and I learned about news and socio-political issues. I got to learn about my mother and grandmother over those cups of tea so I guess it was the one thing that introduced me to tea, but the tea I make now is so different than what we had and it's so different from what people tend to think of when they think of British tea.
Courtesy of Instagram / @ivysteaco
Besides clever names like "PushaTea" and "What the Flu," what makes Ivy Tea Co. unique?
I'd say it's the mission behind the brand and that is to bring more black people into the holistic health industry and to change the scope of what holistic living is and what tea culture is.
The company is really all about shifting perspectives and subverting assumptions and in some ways, it is to offend people.
To get people to no longer take what they're used to and kinda flip it on its head and to say everything you think you know is wrong and I think that's really important as businesses grow and brands grow. There are lots of big trends we see about having a big face in front of the company and it's all about personality and how people buy into people and not brands per se but I feel that brands and businesses, in general, have the ability to shift American culture and the ability to create the America we want to see and mine is that I want to see a lot more inclusivity of black and brown people.
What are some obstacles you've encountered being a black woman in this space?
Well first off, a lot of people who drink tea don't think that hip-hop is necessary for it. They think that I should make it and make the brand, they would say, "more inclusive," but what they really mean is that they want to see less black people in the ad. They want the language to be a little "less black" but it's me.
When I make product descriptions online or I'm making a caption, it's my voice. I'm speaking the way that I speak on a regular basis not with any regard, it's not that I'm doing this intentionally, I'm just being my authentic self.
I also feel like the holistic health industry is full of wellness porn. Everybody's doing it, everybody's moaning, everybody is having a good time but they all got paid. It's not authentic, and I feel like I have to use my voice to kinda change that and of course, it's scary sometimes to be the first person over the hill, but I'm willing to do that.
I don't feel like I have much to lose, so I can take that chance but it is certainly a challenge. A lot of people don't want to see the brand the way that it is but I have proof of concept. I have customers who come back again and again. I have first time customers who come and are very appreciative of the fact that they can see themselves and hear themselves in the branding and that's enough for me to keep going because I know if I got them, then I can get one more and I can keep going and that's the point of the whole thing. I welcome the challenges. If it were too easy I think I probably would have quit by now.
Courtesy of Instagram / @ivysteaco
We've seen a rise in holistic awareness especially in the black community, but there are still some misconceptions about holistic medicine. How does your herbal teas address that?
I try to step away from that. I don't feel that Ivy Tea Company is here to address any misconceptions. It's gonna be there no matter what but we are here to bring acceptance and inclusivity into the industry and to create a space with people who have questions about holistic health but don't look like or live like the typical wellness guru. I want those people to come to me and feel comfortable asking questions and I want them to feel invited to approach the industry.
We don't have a medical industry in this country right now [for] holistic medicine or even alternative medicine practices like homeopathy, for example. Outside of the states, they do all the time but there are big pharmaceutical companies and lots of money to be made, so anything that encourages you to do something outside of taking a pill is oftentimes discouraged.
That's what herbalists like myself have to overcome and so that's why I feel like I'm here to stand in the gap. That's why it's important that I do this work but that I get more involved and give back to the community in a way. I don't want to address the misconceptions but I'll at least add information to it to make it a little more understandable as something you can take in conjunction to what you already know as far as conventional medicine is concerned.
What are the benefits of living a more holistic life?
I can speak for myself and say that it is a more focused, much more disciplined life. I also have much more self-confidence. I'm just a lot healthier because when you have teas and things, it's typically dry herbs but also when I cook my own food now, I use fresh herbs. I'm like the parsley person now, you know black chefs love to put parsley on everything.
I'm using fresh mint, I'm using fresh basil, I'm more into green juices and I'm also more interested in it. I used to have dry scalp, I used to suffer from a lot of migraines, and I no longer have those problems so for me the benefits have been tremendous.
You can find her products on www.ivystea.com. Follow Shanae on Instagram @ivysteaco.
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London Alexaundria is the contributing editor for xoNecole. She is an alum of Clark Atlanta University, where she majored in Mass Media Arts and has worked in journalism for over ten years. You can follow her on Instagram and TikTok @theselfcarewriter
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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Feature image by fizkes/ Getty Images