

It's one of the most iconic, more memorable and arguably one of the most talked about moments on Black television.
Everyone remembers how they felt the first time or hell even the 100th time they watched Dwayne run up the aisle, confess his love for Whitley and run off into the sunset with his new bride. It's every girls dream. But it shouldn't be.
I've literally watched the entire series of A Different World at least 60 times throughout my life but this time, season five (the season Whitley gets married) burned me to my core.
At 16, this scene was a classic example of a man who was truly in love and put his pride aside to go after the woman he loves. He realized that he would never find another woman like her and got his "shit" together to win back the love of his life. Why wouldn't anyone WANT a man like Dwayne?
Sure, he wasn't the type of man she was attracted to. And okay, maybe he didn't have even a third of the qualities on her checklist. But at least he treated her nice. At least he liked her. At least he…at least, at least, at least. I was only 16 but I knew this much, if my man didn't fight for me like Dwayne "fought" for Whitley, it wasn't real love.
But at 32, this scene has an entirely different message. I'm ashamed to admit that I once thought this was the ideal relationship. As I sat here and watched the season play out, I realized why I was so annoyed and bothered. It hit me.
I've met Dwaynes before and Dwayne was, is, and will forever be trash.
To put this into perspective, let's travel down memory lane:
The first season of A Different World centered around Denise Huxtable. This was the first woman he was infatuated with who, as to be expected, did not return the interest. Denise, much like Whitley, was completely out of his league, something he already knew but that did not stop him from constantly and often inappropriately, forcing himself on to Denise. It is important to remember that initially Dwayne did not want Whitley. In fact, he couldn't stand Whitley. He thought she was a stuck up, rich kid who only got into Hilman because her family had money. He didn't even respect Whitley as a person.
Going back as far as the very first season, Dwayne was constantly making fun of, harassing, and belittling Whitley for how she talked, the way she dressed, and often poked fun at her making reference to what he assumed to be her "lack of intellectual capacity." Denise leaves, crushing his dream for Einstein babies with hippy style, so now he's left with no one to fancy. In enters Whitley.
The woman he once considered to be an annoyance has become less repulsive and more like a challenge.
He accepts.
He knew that she was out of his league and that she wanted a certain type man, and made it a point to constantly berate her and the standards she had for herself, guilting her into thinking that wanting more was a problem. She finally falls in love with him. She loves this man so much, that even the threat of losing her inheritance wasn't enough to make her end it.
She was completely gone. He had her. Over the course of their relationship, Dwayne the Nerd transforms into Dwayne the Stud. He dresses better. He walks differently. He talks with more confidence. People listen to him when he speaks. They take him more seriously. And while no one will say it out loud, that respect comes partially (or primarily) from the fact that he is dating Whitley. He was always smart. This goes without saying. But he wasn't respected. He had it all.
Then, Dwayne screws up.
The night before Whitley is set to leave for her summer job, she overhears Dwayne talking on the fire escape with Ron about the doubts he was having about them separating for the summer.
Ron challenges him, stating that if he really wanted Whitley, he wouldn't be giving up so easily. This challenge attacks Dwayne's ego sending him into a mini man-tantrum, all of which is heard by Whitley. On the night of her departure, Whitley tells Dwayne that she has also been thinking, and she doesn't think that a relationship is something that they need at the moment.
Uncertain of what just happened, and with his pride on the ground, Dwayne does the unimaginable. As she disappears into the dark, Dwayne in one last desperate attempt to reclaim himself, screams after her, asking her to marry him. The season ends with Whitley stopping in her tracks, turning to face him and the episode ends.
The following season opens with Dwayne and Whitney now living together in their new quarters on campus. Whitley is chasing Dwayne around the apartment, demanding that he give her the ring she had been waiting for all summer. That's right. She accepted the impromptu proposal sans ring and it appears that the couple is "happy". Everyone is getting along. Everyone is looking forward to the wedding. Dwayne is still the "man". Life is good. And then, Dwayne screws up again.
Feeling as if he is missing something, he makes the decision to entertain another woman hours before his engagement party. Whitley, feeling hurt and betrayed by Dwayne calls off the engagement. When you think about it, Dwayne is the definition of the "nice guy/nerd" who just wants to be your friend but he really is just silently waiting for the right vulnerable moment to make his move.
He went from being her annoying bothersome headache to being her "goofy, dorky friend" to the man she fell in love with. Sounds romantic, right?
He watched her moves. He watched who she dated. He listened to her problems and made sure that he was the first ear to listen when she needed one. On the surface, it sounds sweet but when you snap back and think about it, considering how it all played out, it's a little disturbing.
Whitley then happens to meet a dashing young aspiring Senator who is completely in awe of her. They immediately hit it off and quickly land into a relationship. Byron wants nothing more from her than her. She doesn't have to change who she is. She doesn't have to pretend to be "humble". She doesn't have to settle or go without. It's the relationship she has always dreamed of, and before Dwayne, the kind of thing her dreams were made of. Soon after, Whitley gets engaged and Dwayne finds out. He is enraged.
How dare she get engaged? This was supposed to be a phase. She wasn't supposed to really get serious with this man. She was supposed to wait.
Dwayne waits until the night before the wedding to make his move. He makes his way into Whitley's presence by arriving unannounced to her home, and makes this announcement of remorse and regret for all the things he has done. He must really love her, right? Because only a man truly in love would wait until the night before your marriage to another man to show up and apologize for hurting you all those months ago.
He tells her that the pressure she was putting on him before to "do better" was exactly the type of "pressure" he needed to "get his act together". And suddenly, on the eve of her marriage to man who doesn't "need" her to pressure him, he's had this epiphany. Whitley's eyes begin to tear up as she is now forced to once again remember what she was trying to forget. He then turns to her and asks her if they were all of that to each other, why didn't their relationship work? He watches Whitley choke.
Before she can answer, he jumps up in a "welp, that was fun" manner, stating that he didn't know why either. Being sure to leave no corner unturned, he grabs a flower from the garden, kneels down on one knee, hands the flower to Whitley and says, "I always knew you would make a beautiful bride, Whitley Gilbert."
He leaves, stopping only for a second to catch one more glimpse of a now emotionally distraught bride sitting in the garden crying.
Now, she's confused.
She was already having doubts but now what? She decides to go through with getting married, or at least try to. She should be happy, but she's torn and she doesn't know what to do. Everyone around her is excited and beaming with joy and she is struggling to keep a smile on her face. Then, the iconic scene begins to take place.
Everyone at the altar has taken their place. Whitley has successfully been walked down the aisle. Her family and friends looking on in awe of how beautiful she looks. And then, Dwayne makes his move. He had her cornered. It was now or never. If he was going to be successful in his plan, he had to put on extra. He had to do something, anything, to prove that he was the better man, because his ego would not let him lose. So, he did the unthinkable.
He crashed her wedding, coming in proclaiming his love in front of her, her family, all of their friends, Byron and all of his constituents.
DON'T MARRY HIM, WHITLEY. MARRY ME. BE MY WIFE. LOVE ME NOT HIM.
He cried. He screamed. He begged. He fought. He was hoping that this public display of sincerity would win him the prize of having Whitley Gilbert as his wife, and it worked. No woman wants to see the man she loves cry. With that said, Whitley looked at the man who had done nothing wrong but love her, apologized for wasting his time, and then ran off to hug the man who fought for her love. But he didn't fight for her love. He fought for the right to call her "his". He fought for his ego.
Whitley made the decision that a lot of black women tend to make when dating and picking partners:
We allow our emotions and our need to see the "potential" in a person to cloud our judgment.
We hear a good word from a slick tongue and see a glimmer in the eye that looks like a tear, and we are ready to throw away all of our common sense and all of the lessons that history has taught us, in hopes that this time around it will be different. Certain opportunities only come around once in a lifetime and we will throw all caution to the wind for love.
Love is beautiful when it is healthy and productive. Love is a beautiful thing when it is grounded on mutual respect and growth.
Who knows who, what, or where Whitley would have been if Dwayne hadn't seen her as a conquest that needed to be conquered. Would she have ever met Byron? Would she have married someone else like him? Would she have ever gotten her dream of being the "trophy wife" she always dreamt of being? Regardless of whether you agree with that type of lifestyle, it was her dream and she was allowed to want that for herself.
Whitley was a challenge. She was difficult. Her demanding nature, her refusal to settle, her ambition, her firmness...all of which made the chase that much more exciting. He completely stripped Whitley of all that she was, and she became a mirror of him. This is how most Dwaynes operate.
Dwayne and Whitley's storyline was a toxic tale of a male's ego and the damage it can cause to a woman if she's not careful and diligent in protecting herself.
Don't be Whitley. Marry Byron.
This article was originally published by https://www.jenniferrenee.co.
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Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Be Careful. Those Casual Friendships Can Be Red Flags Too.
A couple of weeks ago, I was listening to someone vent about an area of frustration that they couldn’t seem to get to the root of — why they keep getting taken advantage of by certain individuals. When you’ve been a life coach for as long as I have (and you were a journalist before that), you learn how to ask certain questions that can cause people to consider things that they may never have before.
So, when I asked her, “What is the common thread with all of those folks? And sit still for two minutes before answering,” when she finally heard her own self speak, her eyes got wide and her mouth dropped open: “They’re all people who I’m not really sure what they are in my life.”
Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
There’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
A couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
I’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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