We all have heard about the power of visualization and manifestation, sometimes in the form of vision boards, journaling, prayer or a combo of the three, but it doesn't become real until we—as human beings with the need to survive and thrive—see tangible results.
For Felicia Joseph, Vice President of Casting at NBCUniversal Cable Entertainment, the power is definitely real, and she has receipts. She has made it all the way up from intern to assistant to an executive wearing several hats, working on hit shows like Queen of the South, and embracing both the creative and business sides of entertainment.
"I grew up going to church, so faith has always been really big in my life and in my family's life," she told xoNecole in an exclusive interview. "I'm really big on setting goals and affirming things for myself. I try to recalibrate and check-in with myself and lately, I've been able to do it on my birthday every year. Instead of New Year's Resolutions, I usually will set goals around my birthday and check-in with myself on finances, on my mental state, on my health, on love—on all of those kinds of things. It has helped me continue to see the good and [keep track of] what's happening in my life."
The Hampton University graduate has set intentions through manifestation and prayer and has enjoyed a fulfilling career ever since. As a college student, she studied business management and was almost tempted to switch to mass communications to feed her creative side. After advisement from her father and a strong weighing of pros and cons, she decided to continue learning the nuances of business and nurture diverse creative aspirations through internships in the entertainment industry, which ultimately allowed her to move through the trial-and-error journey during her undergrad and postgrad experiences more seamlessly. "Being able to really map out my destiny—my goals and dreams in a smarter way—I feel like I was more in control of it," she recalls. "I think it really helped me. By being deliberate, I didn't look [at life] like it's happening to me. I looked at it as I can create [my future] and I feel like I've done that in most areas of my life, if not all."
"Being able to really map out my destiny—my goals and dreams in a smarter way—I feel like I was more in control of it. I think it really helped me. By being deliberate, I didn't look [at life] like it's happening to me. I looked at it as I can create [my future] and I feel like I've done that in most areas of my life, if not all."
Taking the time to consider all aspects of a decision as well as aligning skills with aspirations in a way that lead to action helped Joseph forge a path toward the knowledge and training that was required to create the life and career she wanted.
Early in her career, she had a desire to produce but she also wanted financial stability and more job security. She ended up landing internships at companies including MGM, and knew she wanted to work for a major studio or network.
"I thought if I have to go work for somebody, I want to work for someone who I can learn from, someone I respect, and someone who is going to help groom me into the executive that I see myself becoming. I needed someone who's going to be supportive of my growth. I wanted to be at a company where, not only could I grow, but also add value so that my strengths matched up with the opportunity and I could really add value where I was going. I wrote that down in an email to myself and it was called 'My Next Career Adventure.'"
She got just what she desired after that thoughtful and intentional email, gaining the opportunity of a lifetime in TV entertainment. She told xoNecole, "I was fortunate enough to have a really close friend whose sister was the VP of casting at ABC at the time, and she was looking for an assistant. I just learned about [casting] from there. I knew I wanted to do something more creative and I knew if I was going to go produce at the time, I would have to be a freelancer. I just didn't think I was ready for that. I didn't know what in-house casting really was until I kind of really got into it and then, you know, just fell in love with it."
Joseph got a chance to learn more about what's involved in choosing actors for a show, ensuring fiscal success and handling budgets, and serving as a liaison between departments that keep TV shows going. Turns out, the purposeful decision she made back in college was a good one.
"Having a business background and acumen really helped prepare me for my current role. For example, I'm really good at Excel spreadsheets—I kind of nerd-out over those things—and I really do love finding ways to save money and organize the money we're spending. I like that I don't have to always rely on other departments to tell me certain things, and I know our bottom line. Going through B-school helped with that because one of my classes might've been statistics and I was kind of introduced [to how to effectively use] Excel—how to use the formulas and all that kind of stuff."
Fast-forward to becoming a mother and wife: Joseph relied on the power of positive thinking, deliberate intention and manifestation yet again. In spite of the typical pressures placed on women—especially when they've reached their 30s—she confidently chose her own path and believed that things would work out for her good. When she met her husband, actor Amin Joseph (Snowfall), they developed a friendship before becoming involved, and she affirmed for herself that she'd meet her match.
"You know, [people always talk about] the biological clock thing, and I always try to stay really positive about it. I combat that with knowing that there was someone there out for me that would be a great partner, and that I would be OK—I would be a mother and I would have it all. I had to believe that, you know," she said. "I've kissed a few frogs. (Laughs) I've had challenges in relationships. I kept faith, and mapped it out in my mind and heart to know that God wanted more for me and that I deserved better. I knew that the person I saw as a good partner for me would come into my life and it would happen. And I had to believe that."
"I've kissed a few frogs. I've had challenges in relationships. I kept faith, and mapped it out in my mind and heart to know that God wanted more for me and that I deserved better. I knew that the person I saw as a good partner for me would come into my life and it would happen. And I had to believe that."
Even with today's current challenges in terms of strong, ambitious black women finding a suitable mate, Joseph put negativity to the side to hone in on authoritative self-awareness and the law of attraction.
"People can say, 'Oh, it's too hard to date in LA or New York or whatever.' But all in all, if your intention is to find certain things in a person, whatever those characteristics are, you can attract that," she said. "I think that as long as you feel that way, as long as you believe that, then it is possible. I recognize that what I want for me and what makes sense for Felicia, you know, may not make sense for somebody else. So I'm not competing with anybody for anything. That gives me peace."
"I recognize that what I want for me and what makes sense for Felicia, you know, may not make sense for somebody else. So I'm not competing with anybody for anything. That gives me peace."
As a new mom and wife, Joseph has managed to find her own formula for life balance as well, one that works for her and her family in the moment.
She has found that being deliberate in shifting priorities and habits to accommodate life as a new mom and wife has been good for her, especially with a busy schedule at work. Prioritizing what's currently important and what she feels she needs to invest more time in is something that has been a saving grace.
"I just always continue to have a positive attitude and find the silver lining in a situation. So, even if there's a tough time for me, I always feel like a lot of things, looking back on it in hindsight, it all made me sharper, smarter, and stronger. It helps you figure out what you're really made of—what you can handle—and it just pushes your limits a little bit. And so I'm thankful for all of it."
Featured image courtesy of Ashley Nguyen.
Originally published October 14, 2019
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
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