Halle. Kerry. Janet. Kandi. Tyra. So many power women are making major boss moves and having children later in life. And many millennial women are finding themselves creating their own businesses, while focusing on stacking major coins before wedding gowns and Pampers. Between career-climbing, traveling, paying salaries, or managing teams, making time to find a suitable boo to build a family with can be more than challenging for go-getter boss woman.
By the time you've mastered your business glow-up, the so-called prime time to have a child has passed, and in comes the frustration, the statistics about infertility, the shade of "Why you ain't married yet?", and the push to consider very expensive and trying options for becoming a parent.
Beauty industry powerhouse Myleik Teele knows this struggle all too well and is no stranger to pressures of the dating and mating game. The founder of CurlBOX and savvy friend-in-your-head who leads the very successful #MyTaughtYou podcast and international retreat thought she'd be the consummate single girl. "I was single for a really long time because I wanted to dedicate as much time as I possibly could to my business," Teele told XONecole EIC Necole Kane in a 2015 interview. "I think that maybe around a couple of years ago, I started to say, 'OK, I don't want to do all of this, have all of this, and have nobody to share it with. I've been on like 25 honeymoons by myself. This makes no sense.'"
Her work life was where she wanted it to be but she admittedly had been neglecting another area of her life: love. Her priorities were shifting, and as they did, it brought into question what a full life looked like to her. Teele would have no idea just how much motherhood would shape into being her answer.
"Every year, I typically do my annual physical around my birthday so that I just don't forget to do it. On my 35th birthday, I [went] to the doctor to do my annual everything. The doctor that I was seeing at the time was literally like, 'So, what are you going to do about having a child?'" Teele recalled during a recent podcast. "I was like, 'I don't know.' I guess I never seriously thought about it. At the time, I don't really think my love life was shaping up to really give it anymore thought. This doctor was just like, 'Well, I understand that you haven't thought about it, but at your age, it's time for you to at least start thinking about maybe you want to freeze your eggs, because your time is going to be limited.'"
She mentioned the idea to a friend who encouraged her to look into it, and so, like many searching for answers, she took to Google. "I went to an informational class and at the class [they tested AMH levels]," she says. "Every woman is born with a certain number of eggs in her body and every woman's eggs deplete at a different rate. This test is supposed to help you figure out where you stand."
After the test, Teele found out that her levels were well below what was considered the norm for women her age.
"I think [the test administrator] was like, 'Yours are at .04, or something.' It was basically like you are underneath the underneath. At that point, I was devastated for a couple of days. Whether or not I want a child---because I don't think I had decided---to [feel] like that option is taken from you---it was a miserable feeling. I will be honest, it was very miserable."
But, like in business and many of her podcasts where she gives women that kick-in-the-butt advice to keep going, Teele walked it like she talked it.
She'd made a way out of no way with curlBox, fulfilling a void in the market and creating something that had not successfully been done, full-scale before. With the same vigor, she chose to try other avenues and boost her chances to have a baby through hormone treatments.
"I tried, and it was very expensive. I spent $12,000 buying all of these shots and stuff, giving myself five shots a day and the doctor's like, 'Basically your fertility is low…' I went through a really dark period because I was like, just like you said, I just did all of this stuff and only to find out that I may not have the opportunity."
"I'm not going to beat myself up about this. I'm not going to feel defeated as a woman."
"I had a conversation with a friend and I realized that if this is the worst thing that happens to you in your life, you're actually doing well," she said optimistically. "I started to think of all the different options. You can do a donor egg, you can get an anonymous person's egg, have it fertilized, and you can have a whole pregnancy experience. There are even studies that show that once a baby is inside of you, carrying your blood and mannerisms, that is your child. You can also adopt. A lot of successful women I've interviewed have adopted children."
As Teele went over her options, she decided to take a breather to regroup and took a solo trip to Paris. "[During the trip], I read Diane Von Furstenberg's book, The Woman I Wanted to Be. I felt sad but liberated and [realized], you know what? I'm not going to beat myself up about this. I'm not going to feel defeated as a woman."
Shortly thereafter, she met her beau, who, she admits, had to deal with the aftermath of her egg-freezing experience. "I can't imagine what it's like to be newly dating a woman who's constantly talking about her eggs and lack thereof and children and stuff like that. That experience made me be ultra-honest in my relationship about coming to a conclusion on whether or not I was going to have kids. Normally, you're dating someone and it's like, 'Well, it's whatever. We have time,' [but] I think that whole experience let me know, you need to decide. You need to make up your mind."
She let go of the shame and chose to empower herself through open communication and emotional transparency. Then, it happened: In June 2017, she got pregnant naturally.
"Out of nowhere, a pregnancy test presented what I believed to be, the greatest challenge of my life. I launched into, 'How do I master each day of this pregnancy? What's happening inside my body? What's the best prenatal pill?' I'll read every prenatal review of a prenatal pill on Amazon and compare. What doctor is going to be the best in Atlanta? Should I have a water birth?" she says. "After I hung up the phone telling my partner, who happened to be out of town at the time, I raced to Barnes & Noble to buy every book on pregnancy they had. The cashier was ringing me up and she was like, 'Wow, are all of these for you?'"
But despite all the prep, Teele miscarried. "The day that I miscarried, I happened to have therapy. Because I was in so much pain, we did the therapy by phone. I told her what was going on and when she asked me how I felt, knowing that I could be 100-percent honest with her, I said, 'While I am very disappointed, I am also relieved.' I could not get off the crazy train and all of a sudden, the crazy train came to a screeching stop."
Just a month after her miscarriage, Teele discovered a positive revelation coaxed by the intuition of a friend. "I got back from [a] work trip and I got a text from a friend, Courtney, the founder of The Mane Choice. She asked if I was pregnant, and I side-eyed my text. I was like, 'What are you trying to say?' She said that she just felt like I was. I told her that while it wasn't completely impossible, it was highly unlikely. Hell, I just miscarried, and I had shared that information with her also. She then asked me if I had taken a test, I had not. I decided to take one the next day…[I thought to myself] I can just text her back and tell her she was wrong."
Myleik Teele/Instagram
The test was indeed positive, and this time, she decided to take it easy. No frantic book purchasing and less focus on controlling the process. However, the challenges didn't go away and neither did fear.
"Since I'm over 35 and had a miscarriage one month before conceiving this time around, I was considered high-risk which required tons of doctors appointments during the first trimester and third trimester," Teele wrote for Medium. "It wasn't until I hit the second trimester and the boy passed his 20-week scan with flying colors that I got some relief with the appointments.
"The fear of miscarriage after miscarrying seems to never go away."
"Everything I feared about becoming pregnant while being an ambitious entrepreneur is true. In the beginning, I slowed down and really wasn't able to accomplish as much in as little time and that did a number on my psyche. I didn't beat myself up at all, I just found myself feeling defeated some days."
The rest is history. Teele is now happily embracing her new role, and just one glance at her popular IG feed gives other young power women hope that they too can enjoy the miracle of giving life even if the odds might seem against them.
"A few days ago, I was thinking about how I'd always sort of imagined myself as a 'successful business person,' but never as a mom," she wrote in a recent IG caption under a photo where she lovingly embraces her son.
"The instructions are our instincts."
"With that being said, I had no idea what to expect… I spent the last nine months of my life equally delighted and terrified. … I felt a little fear move through me. Am I equipped to do this? And that's when the big lesson came for me. When God gives us the gifts, He whispers the instructions. The instructions are our instincts."
Despite facing her fair share of setbacks and uncertainty in the journey to mommyhood, Teele never gave up on the future that she saw for herself. She was as unrelenting in her path to becoming a mom as she was in her work and career.
For women over 30 who one day hope to be mothers, motherhood is not one size fits all. So whether you look into trying to conceive after miscarriage(s), freezing your eggs, adoption, surrogacy, or the traditional route by waiting for your Mr. Right - if it His will, it will happen. Sometimes when you least expect it. Teele's story is a testimony for women, proof that we can have every single thing that we want in this life and we don't have to sacrifice one area of our life in lieu of the other. God's plan is greater than man's.
To keep up with Myleik's new journey, follow her on Instagram, Twitter and/or subscribe to her MyTaughtYou Podcast.
Featured image by Myleik Teele/Instagram
- Pregnancy after miscarriage: What you need to know - Mayo Clinic ›
- 5 Ways Pregnancy After a Miscarriage Is Different | HuffPost ›
- When You Are Pregnant After a Miscarriage | Seleni Institute ›
- 23 Things About Pregnancy After Miscarriage | Pregnant Chicken ›
- Pregnancy After Miscarriage - Happily Eva After ›
- Getting pregnant after miscarriage | Mom Answers | BabyCenter ›
- Getting Pregnant After A Miscarriage: What You Need to Know ›
- After a Miscarriage: Getting Pregnant Again ›
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"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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Know what’s wild, though? There are actually some science-based reasons why so many of us are such big fans of that time of the year — one that is steadily approaching. So, if you’ve been trying to talk yourself out of getting a new neutral-colored comforter for your bed or you’re wondering if you’ve already gone too far with the pumpkins that you’ve got on your porch — my answer would be that you haven’t done enough to officially ring fall in! I’m not the only one who thinks that, either. Quite a bit of research thoroughly agrees.
It Takes Us Back to Our Childhoods
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It’s very common for fall to create feelings of nostalgia.For instance, even though it’s the season that technically doesn’t happen until the third week of September, many of us associate it with the first day of school, high school games, new television schedule line-ups (gee, remember that?), some of our favorite foods and drinks (like ginger snaps and hot cocoa), corn mazes, carving pumpkins, going trick-or-treating, attending fall festivals and so much other stuff that made autumn such a special time while growing up. Yeah, I bet if you thought back to what fall was like back when you were a kid right now, at least a couple of memories would immediately bring a smile to your face. (See…I told you.)
The Aesthetic Is Cozy and Comforting
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Scented candles. Roaring fireplaces. Fresh chrysanthemums. Foliage art. Metallic branches in vases. Neutral throw rugs. Carved pumpkins. Warm hues. Big throw pills. Cable-knit blankets. All of these are things that say “fall is here” in the most cozy and comforting ways. I mean, can you think of another time of year that beckons you to stay indoors more than fall does? Yeah, me neither.
It Boosts Your Self-Image
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Listen, if there’s one thing that I’m gonna do during the fall and winter seasons, it’s layer my outfits. That’s actually one of the reasons why I like fall so much — it’s because the fashion and style takes tend to be super on-point. And yes, based on what I’ve read, that’s another reason why a lot of people like the fall so much…since layering is about adding additional articles of clothing on, you don’t have to worry (as much) about the condition that your body is in like you do in the summertime. And when your body image is elevated, so is your confidence overall.
The Landscape Calms Us Down
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You might’ve already been aware of the fact that when you spend time in nature, it can help to de-stress you. Well, were you also aware of the fact that the beautiful colors of fall foliage can keep you calm as well? If you know anything about color psychology, this makes a lot of sense, considering a lot of leaves are shades of red (love), orange (happiness), and yellow (hope). So, if you’ve had a really stressful day at work, take the long way home to check out some fall trees or even rake up a pile and jump into them like when you were a kid. It could end up giving you the feeling of much-needed relief that you’ve been looking for.
It Creates a “Temporal Landmark”
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If you’ve never heard of a temporal landmark before, the long short of it is it’s moments in time that stand out to you to the point that it creates the perceptions that you currently have, plus it influences how you use your time in real-time. Since the holiday season kicks off during the fall season, activities like football games and homecomings mean a lot to people, and for some of us, the fall season marks the beginning of a new year (Rosh Hashanah), that’s another thing that makes autumn such a wonderful time of the year — we enjoy the way that we spend that season…a lot.
It’s an Unexpected Motivator
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On the heels of what I just said, whether you observe Rosh Hashanah or the winding down of the year is simply when you choose to pause and reflect in preparation for the calendar new year that is to come, some people really like the fall season because it motivates them to set new plans and goals. In fact, when you get a chance, check out “Why Fall Is The Perfect Time To Prep For The New Year.”
Using the next couple of months to ease into the new year makes a helluva lot more sense than jotting something down on New Year’s Eve real quick and then pressuring yourself to follow through for the first month of January.
It Means More Time with Family and Friends
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There’s probably no other time in the year when you are able to spend so much quality time with your loved ones than during the fall season, especially if they live out of town. I mean, just Thanksgiving alone proves that. Plus, winter doesn’t officially begin until December 21, which means that if you take time off leading into Christmas to visit family as well — that’s two times in less than a month that you’ve been able to get in some family and friends bonding time. If you love being around your family, fall always gives you time with them to look forward to.
It Means More Fall-Themed Sex
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When you get a chance, check out “Here's How To Have Some Really Great Fall-Themed Sex.” A part of the reason why I wrote it is because, did you know that late fall/early winter are the best times of the year to get some nookie? If you don’t believe me, also read “Did You Know Fall & Winter Are The Best Times To Have Sex?”
Between it being darker for a longer period of time, science saying that rainy weather actually makes us hornier, and pumpkins being an aphrodisiac (among other things) — if fall wasn’t your favorite time of year before you read this, maybe it will convince you to change your mind. Enjoy your fall season, everybody! Oh, and read up on what the combination of pumpkin and lavender scents can do for your boudoir experience. Thank me later. #wink
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