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Clear Mind, Healthy Body: Here’s How To Be About That Sober Curious Life
Everyone has at least one habit that feels so much like second nature that you may not even notice you’re doing it.
Drinking and regular alcohol consumption is one common activity in particular that most people engage in to take the edge off a long day, celebrate a special occasion, or commune during a social setting. But for some, this casual act can have a negative impact on their daily motivations, producing a dependency that may no longer be manageable.
Hitting the pause button on your boozy endeavors could give your body the reset and rest from those fruity cocktails — and there’s no better time than the top of the year to kick those new habits into gear.
Dry January, a 30-day challenge where people abstain from consuming alcohol for the entire month of January, ushered in a time to take new leaps into better habits to improve one’s wellness overall. It's the time of year to swap out your usual night out for a cozy night in with a cup of tea that has proven to offer major benefits like an improvement in mental health, boosting your mood and energy levels, weight loss, financial savings, and getting better sleep.
Sipping your worries away may seem like an effective way to cope with the pressures of our daily lives, but can gradually exacerbate underlying depression and anxiety. Taking time away from cocktails and glasses of wine can help put your true needs and desires to drink into the right perspective to ask yourself: do I need this or do I want this?
Now that Dry January has come to an end and our social lives are defrosting, you might be ready to discover the joys of sober socializing on your own terms. And to help, we’ve tapped Khadi Oluwatoyin, founder of Sober Black Girls Club, for insight on how to take your Dry January habits and turn them into a lifestyle you can ‘cheers’ to.
After graduating from law school in 2018, Khadi noticed a drastic change in her drinking consumption. “Even though my basic needs were being met, I was unhappy,” she shares with xoNecole. “Nothing felt good enough. I drank to numb my feelings until I decided to see a therapist in 2019.”
Through therapy, she discovered that she was dealing with depression and had been using alcohol to self-medicate. “My therapist advised me to stop drinking as alcohol exacerbates depression, but at that point, I couldn't stop,” she recalls. “I had become dependent on it.”
Khadi’s time in therapy gave her insight into the root causes of her drinking which served as a coping tool for her depression, low self-esteem, and her hyper-focus on high achievements and accolades. “I took pride in working multiple jobs and holding multiple positions all while tackling a rigorous course load. I had no concept of rest, play, or self-care,” she shares.
“Working as a new attorney and no longer being wrapped up in the busy life as a student, my sense of identity was shaken when I entered the 9-5 workforce,” Khadi adds. “I felt lost, and the amount of free time I now had made me extremely uneasy. I drank to escape the uncomfortable feeling.”
Armed with this new awareness, Khadi was inspired to put the bottle down and get real about the experiences that led her to believe that her worth was dependent on her productivity, fueling her need to overdrink.
Since then, Khadi shares that her life has seen many improvements following her commitment to a sober lifestyle, with the biggest change being in her self-image and outlook on life. “Sobriety has changed the way I think about myself and others. It has shown me the importance of authenticity and self-compassion,” she says.
Today, Khadi finds her self-worth in spending time with friends, dancing, taking on new hobbies, traveling, and walking in her purpose. With her online platform, Sober Black Girls Club, Khadi aims to support other women like her to consider the beauty in sober living and form a sense of connectedness outside of consuming alcohol.
While taking a step back from drinking cold turkey can be challenging within itself, it’s important to know that any change starts with small steps and giving grace to yourself when you feel like you’ve come up short of your goal. Seeking professional help before attempting to quit on your own, reaching out to your community, and finding the right tools is always the best place to start. But if you need the extra push, here’s what Khadi advises:
Strategies for Sobriety: Tips to activate in order to maintain a sober lifestyle
“Practice self-care like never before and find like-minded community. Meditation is common among those who practice sobriety, but you can also engage in self-care by taking warm showers before bed and journaling at the end of the day. It is also vital for people practicing sobriety, especially early on, to find a community of support. Community is essential for enjoying sobriety, rediscovering who you are, and connecting with others who understand what you are experiencing.”
How to manage cravings or resist being triggered by a desire to drink:
“The ‘4 D’s’ method — delay, distract, destress, and decatastrophize — is a classic common way to beat cravings. Since cravings rise and fall like waves, if you can delay a slip or relapse for 20 minutes you will generally find that cravings dissipate on their own.
“Cravings pass quicker when you engage in an activity for a few minutes. Destress, by taking deep breaths can keep you calm and rational when cravings hit. And decatastrophize by challenging false, catastrophic thoughts and reframing them into more accurate ones.”
Advice to those looking to take the leap into their journey toward sobriety:
“There is no such thing as failure. Courage, gentleness, and love will help you overcome any obstacle. Find a community that aligns with your goals and values. Understand that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to getting sober and that sobriety is an addition, not subtraction, to your life.”
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
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When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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