

When the summer hits, warmer temperatures mean fewer clothes.
This seasonal transition from heavy, concealing garments to lighter, more revealing attire can trigger feelings of self-consciousness and discomfort in our bodies. Whether the pressure to be “swimsuit ready” is influenced by social media body standards or felt inwardly, the demand for the “perfect” summer can lead to the all-familiar feeling of summer body anxiety.
Summer body anxiety refers to the feelings of distress, unease, or discomfort that individuals may experience regarding their physical appearance, shape, or size. It often involves a heightened self-consciousness about one's body, leading to negative thoughts and emotions. People experiencing body anxiety may feel pressure to meet societal or personal standards of beauty or fitness, which can contribute to feelings of inadequacy, shame, or insecurity.
Take a few scrolls down your social media feed or FYP, and it won’t be long before you stumble across an ad persuading you to join a 30-day shed challenge or to order a one-size-fits-all meal plan. While these can be helpful for those aiming to meet their weight goals for summer, for others, they can trigger feelings of anxiety and psychological distress, due in part to diet culture.
“When we hear the word ‘diet,’ we think about restriction, versus it meaning what your relationship around food is,” mental health consultant and CEO of Revita Therapy and Wellness, Ce Anderson, tells xoNecole. “The word ‘diet’ simply means what it is that you are consuming, but we live in a culture where diet means restricting yourself for a specific reason or result.”
Psychologically, when there is any kind of restriction, Anderson says that it can cause our behaviors and self-perception to worsen, if not approached healthily or consciously.
To manage triggers from diet culture and comparison, particularly during seasons of increased body exposure, Anderson emphasizes the importance of concentrating on self-acceptance and acknowledging the fleeting beauty standard perpetuated by the media. “Social media, print images, and TV often promote unrealistic and unattainable beauty standards. Recognizing the artificial nature of these images and focusing on self-acceptance can help mitigate the impact of these triggers,” she says.
During the warmer months, the shorts are shorter, our tops are cropped, and dresses cling to every curve of our frame. But if the hyperawareness of how our clothes fit causes us to avoid social situations or engage in excessive grooming, this could put limits on our summertime enjoyment. “Are we doing things like constantly checking or asking ‘How do I look?’ or ‘Do I look okay?’ Are we using clothes to camouflage or hide our body?” she asks. “This can be damaging to one's self-image and self-efficacy.”
How To Ditch Self-Consciousness & Practice Self-Acceptance
Many individuals, particularly in the summer or on vacations, may steer clear of warm places or activities like swimming because they can't easily hide or cover up their bodies. But the shape or size of our bodies shouldn’t compel us to hide. To shift our mindset from striving for a "perfect shape" to appreciating our bodies for their current state and capabilities, Anderson offers the following tips to encourage self-acceptance.
Reflect On Your Standard:
“What are your standards? Examine them and then examine where your standards came from,” she says. “Are they perpetrated by society? Do they come from your family system? Do they come from the people around you, or do they come from inward?”
Consider The Realism Of These Standards:
“Ask yourself: Is this standard realistic for my age? Meaning, where am I in my personal physiological development? Let's be realistic about where we are in life in development,” Anderson shares.
Consider Health and Psychological Impact:
“After you examine your standards, ask yourself if these standards are putting you at any health risks, psychological risks, or imposing a burden on you,” she notes. “If you're noticing these restrictions are causing you health problems or that they hold a big chunk of my life, that's a problem.”
Evaluate External Influence:
“Lastly, is this even your voice, or is it that of someone who held authority in your life?” she shares. “Were they healthy enough to comment on your body composition?”
Anderson emphasizes that practicing self-acceptance involves recognizing your worth independently of social media, internal pressures, or family and friends. It's about affirming one's worth and truly embodying the mindset of, "I am enough."
“Being able to accept yourself looks like 'regardless,'" she tells xoNecole. “That means, 'regardless' of what social media says, 'regardless' of what people say, I am accepting myself — 'regardless' of the expectations of other people.”
She continues, “Why do we compare? Because if we’re unique, there is no comparison. I'm focused on my journey, and my journey looks like my health is a lifestyle; is not just three months before summer hits.”
Ultimately, our bodies are the vessels that hold us and protect us in every season of life, not just when we’re wearing less clothes. Appreciating our bodies isn't just about being thankful for the way they look but for it’s abilities. “Am I grateful for the fact that my heart is pumping? That my legs are moving, and for the sight that I have? That’s appreciating and valuing your body,” Anderson says.
“Acceptance is not a one-time thing. Acceptance is a daily practice. And that doesn't look like scrolling social media for hours. That looks like limiting your exposure to the things that make you feel bad.”
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Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
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6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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