

Picture this: you're getting dressed to go out with friends. You feel so great about yourself that you take a look in the mirror before you leave and say, "I look BOMB"? Your confidence is at an all-time high because your hair is laid, your makeup is flawless, and your new 'fit is everything. You're feeling good all the way to the event and then, boom, you walk in and you see all these other equally beautiful people around you.
The confidence you once had started to dwindle while these thoughts of not being good enough started to cloud your mind. Have you ever been through that? Or, if you haven't been through that specific scenario, have you ever been flooded with unwanted, negative thoughts that have caused you to feel inadequate or insecure?
I've spent a great portion of my life dealing with mind attacks telling me inferior lies about myself. And for a while, I believed those lies and it led me to do unthinkable things to measure up to the person I unknowingly already was.
Those lies coming for your mind, dignity and life aren't from God. They're a ploy from the enemy with the hopes of making you believe you're something you're not. You see, the last thing the enemy wants is for you to walk in your true identity. Because he knows that once you embrace your God-given identity, you are unstoppable.
If you've struggled with negative self-talk in the past, keep reading to learn how to use scripture to fight the thoughts that are not serving you.
The Armor Of God
Ephesians 6:10-18 teaches us about the armor of God which is the mandatory gear for Christians to wear in order to win this spiritual warfare. In the 17th verse, we learn about the sword of the Spirit which is the word of God. I love that! The bible is the only part of the armor of God that actually fights back. The key to beating those internal, ungodly thoughts is through scripture.
This is a spiritual warfare and although we are on the winning side, the fight isn't always a quick knockout. Sometimes you have to stay in that ring for several rounds until you come out on top. With every round, continue to fight back with the trueness of God's word.
Repeat passages that speak against what you are being told. The more you speak God's word, the more afraid the enemy becomes.
This is one of many reasons why it's important for Christians to be well-versed in scripture through regular study. Yes, it would be amazing if we could all quote scripture off top. I mean those are actual goals. But you don't need to have all of the Old Testament memorized in order to fight negative thoughts. When you study the Bible and understand what He is saying to you, God will provide you with the right ammo to fight negative thoughts at the right time.
Words In Action
On August 5, 2017, I was sitting in the lobby of a hospital waiting to hear news about my mom. All I knew at that point was that she was very sick. Eventually, the doctor told my family that my mom had a massive heart attack and was in a medically induced coma. Instantly, fear and sadness washed over me but then I heard the voice of God say everything would work out.
Okay, even though I believed that she was okay, I struggled y'all! That was my mom in a coma. By sight, things were not looking good and I was freaking out. I tried to stand on God's truth but it was hard in the midst of the chaos that was happening around me and even in me. The moment I prayed to God to help me get through this, passages I've previously studied came to mind. Although I did not know them word for word, I was able to reference it and pull up the passages to fight back. I fought like I've never fought before. At first those negative thoughts that she was going to die kept coming back and I kept fighting back with God's word. I rested on Psalms 118. Ultimately those negative thoughts were defeated. I started walking in the truth of God's promise that she'd be okay and eventually my mom recovered. Had I fallen victim to the lies of the enemy that my mom wouldn't wake up, I could have lost hope and pulled the plug.
God's word is filled with the truth of who we are, who He is and His power. Consistently meditate on His word and use it to fight negative thoughts. The power of God is stronger than ANYTHING and when you use His weapon to fight back those negative thoughts, you will win! Rest on Him, He will get your mind right!
Guided Reading
Use the following bible verses as ammo when the negative thoughts creep into your mind:
When you feel unworthy | "But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9 |
When you feel weak | "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 |
When you can't see the finish line | "God is within her, I will not fail" Psalm 46:5 |
When you don't feel beautiful | "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14 |
When you're afraid | "The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The Lord is with me; he is my helper." Psalm 118:6-7 |
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Originally published August 11, 2019
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Hailing from Los Angeles, Monique Love is a faith-based, lifestyle writer and founder of the digital magazine, WithLoveByLove.com. Through her writing, she encourages millennial women to boldly love themselves and Christ all while navigating the everyday world. For updates and her latest stories, follow her on Instagram @withlovebylove_ and on her site WithLoveByLove.com.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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