There's nothing I detest more than an inconsiderate person, and although I see myself as someone who considers the feelings of everyone (and they mama) before making any decision, there's one person that I've neglected grossly. I'm that person. That person is me.
My love is like water, abundant and overflowing, but when I forgot to love myself, that well ran dry and chronic half-assness ensued. I invested in half-assed business deals, I had sex with half-ass romantic partners, and most importantly, I half-assed myself when it came to my spiritual, mental, and physical health.
When there was no one left to blame for my deficit of joy, energy, and passion, I realized that maybe, the culprit of my unhappiness wasn't my man, my job, or my circumstances. That culprit was me. I am that person. Jada Pinkett Smith recently took to Instagram to reveal that she is on a similar journey to wholeness and admitted that initially, what she found on that road wasn't pretty:
"So I'm going through a process of self-evaluation and recognizing places in which I've been deeply unkind and unloving and having to really see, not only how I've been that way with others, but how I've been that way with myself."
How you treat the people around you is often a direct reflection of how you treat yourself. In my experience, someone who is unkind to others is usually not very kind to themselves, so if you've had an attitude with the people around you lately, this one's for you, sis: what you focus on will expand, and some of us are so focused on the storms in life that we forget to notice when a rainbow is right in front of us.
A truly mature woman understands that we get all down on ourselves sometimes; but please understand that no self-slander will be tolerated here. Jada said that when it comes to negative self-talk, we have to check ourselves before we mentally wreck ourselves:
"[I've been] recognizing that self-love is about changing [that] harsh messaging within my mind, and the tone in which I speak to myself."
When you recognize that your energy is a treasure that should be protected at all costs, you move different. Jada said that this logic also applies when it comes to choosing her inner circle:
"And also realizing what I let in my life and who I allow in my life is a representation of self-love. This process has been very revealing in my process of eliminating unkindness and finding deeper ways to love. So, self-love, changing that messaging in my mind to more kind and gentle words; how I speak to myself. And being very careful about who I let in my life and what I let in my life."
Pastor Pinkett just slid through with the word we needed on this beautiful Monday afternoon, and that word is: self-love. That's it. That's the whole paragraph. It may seem like the world is on your shoulders and that you'll never have enough time, money, or resources to reach your goals, but quite frankly my dear, that's bullsh*t. Think enough of yourself to know you got it girl, you got it.
If you can change how you talk to yourself, you can change the world.
Featured image by Instagram/@JadaPinkettSmith.
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Now, I’ll be honest: as an avid TV-lover, I was well-prepared to hop on Zoom and jump into all the chatter around Bel-Air and her characters’ decisions. But after listening to her new EP Identity Crisis, I knew there was a lot more to talk about as well. During this exclusive conversation with xoNecole, Jazlyn Martin delved into the challenging journey she’s faced surrounding her identity, newfound fame, and family influence, and how it all plays a part in her art. Check it out!
xoNecole: So I know that your father is in the entertainment world, but when did you realize you shared the same passion?
Jazlyn Martin: I think it was very early on. I was a child who was full of attitude and fearlessness that would go after anything I wanted. I believe seeing my dad pursue music made me realize it was possible. I just had this hunger and fire, and my parents consciously fed and nurtured that - they are always all super supportive of whatever I do. So very, very early on, I was like, I'm meant to do this. And I just was like, I'm a star, and I know I'm a star.
xoN: Actually, let's talk about your family. What are some of your most important values, and how have your family and heritage played a part in shaping those values?
Jazlyn: I mean, my mom is like an angel; she's so graceful and kind, and I've had to work hard to get there. When I was young, I was very abrasive, headstrong, and stubborn. Whereas my mom gives an immense amount of grace in the way she carries herself. I had to learn that.
I think being strong is something I’ve always had. My parents always joke that they don't know where my personality came from. Because my dad is shy and timid and my mom is kind, and I'm a fireball. But my Dad always asked the important industry questions like, “Why do you want to do this?” And that instilled some purpose into me. It really carried me to keep going because it's so easy to be discouraged in this field, but that drive has helped me push through all of the challenges.
xoN: I bet. I have such a respect for actors and the way you all navigate the industry. Speaking of, let’s dig into “Bel-Air.” Were you a fan of the show? Did you have to go back and watch the episodes?
Jazlyn: So I actually did watch the show which is crazy because sometimes I don’t. I saw it was a reboot and was like, ‘Oh no, not another one.’ But I watched the first three episodes, realized how good it was, and ended up watching the whole season. I became a fan, and then a few months later, I booked the role!
I think the imagination is such a beautiful and powerful tool, and I feel like if you create something in your mind, it happens. It's a crazy thing, but I really just created Jackie's world - the house she grew up in, her parents leaving her, and everything. I created why she fell in love with dance. I really came at it from a human approach. If I see it, then the audience can see it.
xoN: Yeah, background plays into so much of how we deal with things, how we interact with people, and everything. And I feel like Jackie gets a lot of backlash. Like, we’ve all had a “Jackie Moment” to be real.
Jazlyn: She gets so much backlash! I just encourage people to give her grace and see the God in her because I do think she tells a lot of Black and brown girls' stories. People project on her, saying she’s too ratchet or hood, and I’m like does that mean she’s not loveable?
We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her. Because she’s helped me extend empathy to people I don't necessarily want to or don't think deserve to have it. But she's 17, she's figuring it out, and she doesn't have parents. Like, that's such a huge factor.
"We have to be careful of what’s said and put out because Jackie has gone through things that I've never had to go through. The fact that she's alive and still highly functioning is a blessing. So what if she gets a little messy? I love her."
xoN: You mentioned how your character is viewed, which digs a bit into identity. So I want to talk a little bit about some of the emotional songs on your EP “Identity Crisis.” What inspired the track “Perfect?”
Jazlyn: When I was creating “Perfect,” I already had the EP title. So I kind of mapped out, like, the different conflicts I had in my head and categorized them into seven songs, and so one of my identity crises was being perfect. Because I feel like a lot of men tend to put women on pedestals. They're expected to be perfect - especially when you’re in the limelight. You know, you can't slip up. You can't say the wrong thing. Cancel culture is such a huge thing. And I just wanted to encourage people to give people grace to be themselves because that's not an easy thing to do.
I just wanted to take down this facade that I’m perfect because I never pretended to be. I never wanted to be. I think that's something people have placed on me, that I have it all figured out, I think I just carry it well, but that doesn't mean it's not heavy. I just wanted to be very vulnerable and honest. I think people think “perfect” is a compliment, but I think it's a cage because it doesn't allow room for error. It doesn't allow for you to be human and mess up and fail and take risks. So I just wanted to encourage grace.
xoN: Do you ever feel like you went through an identity crisis?
Jazlyn: I go through one constantly. Growing up, I didn't really have one. But I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just “other.” That was an identity crisis in itself.
Also, being introduced to a level of fame has been interesting, too. I think we all go through identity crises all the time because we’re evolving and changing. It’s beautiful, but it’s also scary; you see yourself this one way, and then something happens, and there’s a shift. So yeah, I think it’s something we all go through but no one talks about.
"I think as you get older and more aware and cognitive, you know how the world goes, and the world starts telling you who you are, instead of you deciding who you are. And I feel like being mixed played a big role in that, not feeling Black or Mexican enough. I wanted to belong to both worlds but didn’t so I was just 'other.'"
xoN: I love that. And I know Hispanic Heritage Month is coming up, and you'll be speaking at the New York Latino Film Festival. Talk to me about what that moment means to you and what you hope to bring to the event. *Editor’s note: The interview was conducted before Hispanic Heritage Month began.
Jazlyn: I’m bringing some Afro-Latino-ness! I always grew up seeing Latinos being represented in a very specific way—very Spanish, not very Indigenous looking. So I'm really excited to bring the Black experience, with the Latino experience, to the stage because that's something a lot of people don't know exists.
People are always like, “Are you Black or Latina?” Well, I'm both! We were just dropped off in different parts. I’m excited to speak on that and highlight how prevalent anti-Blackness is within Latino communities. A lot of Afro-Latinos have faced an identity crisis because of it, including myself. It sometimes feels like you’re supposed to hate the other half of who you are.
For me, I held onto that little Black girl inside. I refused to let her go. And that’s what I want to represent when I speak—resilience and acceptance of our full selves. I’m also looking forward to meeting fellow Latino people, especially Afro-Latinos, and sharing our stories. It’s not a narrative that gets much attention, and I’m excited to represent.
xoN: I’m excited for you! Finally, with all the praise and recognition you’re receiving now, what has it been like to transition from working in music, dance, and acting to now being in the spotlight? How have you embraced this new level of fame?
Jazlyn: Um, it's overwhelming. I think that's the best word. Sometimes, I'm joyful, because I'm giving back to the community. People resonate with Jackie's stories and see themselves in her, which I think is the biggest compliment to me. But then sometimes, you know, I feel sad because I'm like, ‘Damn, I'm not doing enough,’ like I should be doing more. It's crazy, the industry is so fast-paced that you don't really try to celebrate wins. It's just a transition, an identity crisis of the like.
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This year’s event drew more than 20,000 attendees and boasted names like Cynthia Erivo, Yara Shahidi, and Law Roach. Former First Lady Michelle Obama also made an appearance at an event held during the conference week, where Janelle Monáe was the DJ.
“Never in a million years did I think I would get to this point,” Imani tells xoNecole in an interview. “When I invited 10 friends over to my apartment, I thought that was it. We're gonna do a potluck. But we kept inviting friends and inviting friends, and so to have 10,000 people at CultureCon—it's still blowing my mind.”
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The former NBCUniversal executive, now full-time boss, is also the brains behind The Creative Collective, a global resource and community for Black creatives.
“During the first few years, I was the vice president at NBC, you know, really growing there and that team and I also was trying to build CultureCon. And what I really learned was, you know, you've got to have time management. It's not always going to look the same. So, for a lot of days, there were early days and late nights. Early days really were kind of overlapping. And the entire time, I thought, ‘This is just, kind of, like my community-building part of my life. It just kept growing and growing until finally I realized that I was getting to the next chapter of my life, which was doing CultureCon full time.”
The theme for this year was “CultureCon Goes To Camp,” with the imagery and vibes of a “creative adventure.” Attendees enjoyed talks about “the future of Black business,” how to monetize your social brand, and tapping into your “creative genius,” among other empowering topics.
“I think the fact that there is no limit is so exciting. And so we'll say, ‘Let's make the theme ‘Camp,’ and then 11 months later, we're showing up, and it's actually ‘Camp.’ So to see your ideas in your mind and then collaborate with your friends and see it again in real life, I love that experience. So I'm so excited to see all the places where CultureCon can go. In the past, we've done CultureCon Atlanta, we've done CultureCon in LA. This year, we did the first-ever CultureCon on campus. We took CultureCon to HBCU campuses, so the sky is the limit.”
For more on Imani Ellis and future CultureCon events, follow on IG @CultureCon or CultureCon.com.
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