How 30 Days Of Positive Speaking Transformed My Life
They say it takes 21 days to change a habit or make a new one.
I take it a step further and say it takes 21 days to make a new life – at least when it comes to the outlook on life as we know it.
I went through a season where I was literally speaking my life into existence. The problem was, there were plenty of things I didn't appreciate about my life and would complain about out loud. Ungrateful much? I won't backtrack and run down the items on the imaginary list that was long enough to be a grocery list, but this list existed in my mind and conversations.
Thankfully, it didn't take a tragedy or a major life-changing setback to force me to be grateful for what I had. It was a simple yet vital realization that I didn't like the direction that my life was going and knew the complaints had to stop in order to change that. The reason I said it takes 21 days to change a perspective on life as we see it, is because even though much of my life hasn't changed, my outlook is certainly different. I would definitely credit trading speaking negatively and complaining in exchange for being intentional about only letting positive things come out of my mouth. This new lease on life started with 30 days. (Clearly I needed a little extra boost outside of the 21-day habit rule.)
And while I made it through, it has really grown into a lifestyle change. I almost want to ask, "Who knew that's all it took?" But trust, it's much easier said than done. No pun intended.
Still, the benefits I've experienced as a result of even attempting to stay positive are noticeable without question.
Call me Beyoncé, I'm Feelin' Myself.
Any woman can look in the mirror and point out their flaws that they think the entire world notices and takes a mental note of during each interaction. Screenshots and social media don't help. Looking back, I didn't realize how negative I was being toward myself until I read a devotional (shout out to the Bible app) about kindness. The topic initially caught my attention because I assumed it would tell me how to be nicer and more compassionate toward other people. What I didn't expect was for Day 1 to tell me I need to be kind to myself.
Call me a late bloomer, but it was a reality I never thought of before. I'm loyal to a fault and will do anything for my friends, family, and even people with whom I don't get along. But it was tough to realize that I didn't show that same level of kindness to myself. This was the first unexpected step of this journey on the road to positivity, but it made the saying that every change really does begin from within a true one.
I began doing positive affirmations every morning to serve as a reminder throughout the day to be in love with every part of me. Once I started to speak only good about myself and subsequently feel good about myself, inside and out, I was able to see my life in a completely different way.
It's A Celebration – Clap, Clap, Bravo!
Once I started speaking positive things, I started to celebrate myself and others more and negatively compared myself to others and seemingly ideal situations less. My scrolling sessions on Instagram went from "She's beautiful! I wish I had her body," to simply, "She's beautiful!" Celebrating another woman's beauty doesn't take away from my own. In fact, I think clapping it up for another woman is attractive in itself.
Being able to celebrate features, accolades, and major moves that other women make is so liberating and feels so much better than the comparison game that I was clearly losing (even when I thought I was winning).
Stress Can't Touch Me.
Of course, I also had to realize I don't live in a bubble. So while I was on this trek to positivity, there were outside sources that tempted me to take two steps backward. While I can't control things that go on around me, I can control how I receive it. Interestingly enough, I realized that certain things would happen regardless of how I was speaking. So why not be positive about it? I can honestly say this helped me be less stressful about situations and things that I couldn't control. Instead of saying, "This is about to mess up my whole day," I would say things like, "It's cool, not even a big deal." Yes, I accepted them for what they were, but I also didn't feed into them by speaking negatively about it. Mind. Blown.
I Got My Mind Right, Too.
Growing up in church, I always heard the phrase, "Renew your mind." But my reaction was consistently, "How Sway?" I thought it meant when you had a bad thought, try to replace it with a good thought. Unfortunately, you can't fight fire with fire. As I started to embrace this life of positive speaking, I realized that THAT was the key to having a new mindset – speaking positive things out loud to replace a negative thought. While a thought is powerful, words bring thoughts to life and eventually create the life that you live. It might look and sound crazy, but in fact, it's helped me from feeling like I'm going insane with a ton of crazy thoughts.
I'm Ultimately Happier In Life!
The benefits of speaking only positive things are immeasurable. Negative thinking and speaking made me feel like I was in a rut I couldn't escape. But nowadays, I'm happier, more confident, and feel unstoppable. I wake up in the morning with the intention of being my best self and getting closer to my dreams; whether it's a dream job, dream image, or dream marriage, through speaking positively. It's something that seems so small but has so much power.
No, it's not always easy and sometimes I want to complain just to get it out, but where's the good in that at the end of the day? I would rather use positive words to go in a better direction than use the comfort of negative words to keep me where I am or even take me backwards.
For me, positive speaking is where it's at. What about you?
Featured image by Getty Images
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Charmaine Patterson is a journalist, lifestyle blogger, and a lover of all things pop culture. While she has much experience in covering top entertainment news stories, she aims to share her everyday life experiences, old and new, with other women who can relate, laugh, and love along with her. Follow Char on Twitter @charjpatterson, Instagram @charpatterson, and keep up with her journey at CharJPatterson.com .
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy