

So, They Say If You've Got A Tattoo, The Sex Is Better. (Hmm.)
Remember when grandma, auntie and/or mama—don't even get me started on the First Lady of your church—used to say that one of the worst things that a person, especially "a lady" could do was get a tattoo? Especially if we wanted to get a job? As with most things in life, seasons (and culture) change. On the work tip, from what I've read, many employers are not as hesitant as they once were. According to one study that caught my attention, around 35 percent of prospective employers said that hiring someone with tats depended on the position they were trying to fill, while 28 percent of them said that it all depended on how many tats a person had, along with where they were on their body. Something else I found interesting about the study was, when they were asked whether or not they took someone with tattoos less seriously, 49.39 percent of people said body ink didn't faze them in that way (very cool).
Because I've worked from home since 2000, maybe that is why I was well into my 20s when I got my first tattoo. It's on my hip and, to be honest, it's so small that it really wasn't all that big of a deal. It wasn't until I was in my 40s that a sistah got bolder and put some semi-large Hebrew letters on that same hip and also one of my favorite bible verses on the inside of my lower right arm. While I have absolutely no regrets when it comes to getting any of them, I can't really say that I am on the "tattoos are addictive" bandwagon either. They ain't cheap. They do hurt. Plus, there's nothing's worse (to me) than having to go back and get an area filled in after the initial healing process (Girrrl…girl). Not that I'm trying to discourage any of you who may be thinking about getting a tattoo for the first time. I just want you to know what you're getting yourself into.
Although I will say that I recently discovered a silver lining to having body ink that I never knew before (hmm…).
What Tattoos and Sex Actually Have in Common (Who Knew?)
It never fails. At least 10 times a week (sometimes a day), I will read something in cyberspace that'll have me be like, "What in the world are folks doing out here?!". A recent example came from an article on Revelist's website. The title? "People Are Giving Themselves DIY Stick-And-Poke Tattoos During Quarantine". Tattooing yourself. During a pandemic. Geeze. Shoot, let me tell it, going to a tattoo parlor right now is risky enough. I mean, have you ever read what you're—well, we're—actually signing up for with body ink? Mayo Clinic provided a pretty graphic description when it said, "Typically, the tattoo artist uses a hand-held machine that acts much like a sewing machine, with one or more needles piercing the skin repeatedly. With every puncture, the needles insert tiny ink droplets." Yeah, that's a lot.
So, why do so many of us do it? There are a myriad of reasons. To document a particular time in our life. To represent our own sense of style. To make a permanent declaration about something. To cover up body imperfections. To have a better sex life.
Hol' up. Is that last one for real? According to a study conducted at Kwantlen Polytechnic University in Canada, it very much so is. Some researchers there decided they wanted to test the stereotype that women with tattoos are more "sexually open"—you know, more willing to explore and experiment than the average individual. What they discovered is, of the 814 women who were interviewed (some had tats, some did not), the women with body ink were more willing to engage in casual sex; they were also greater sensation seekers.
How does that even make sense? Think about it. There is a certain level of confidence that it takes to get a tattoo. You've definitely got to have a certain threshold for discomfort in order to get one. From a physical standpoint, you are taking somewhat of a (health) risk (which is the case with any permanent body modification, by the way) by having a tattoo as well. Yeah, we might not like to think about sex in this context, but when you really stop to take all of this in, all of these reasons translate over to coitus pretty seamlessly, don't you think?
Something else that the study pointed out was, another reason why women with tats might be more sexually open is because, when you make the decision to get a tat, whether you realize it or not, you are challenging contemporary views on femininity and sexuality. You are basically saying that you don't follow the status quo when it comes to how you look or what you want—including in the bedroom (again, it makes total sense).
So, how many folks are out here feeling this way? Well, 40 percent of people around the globe have at least one tat on their person (Italy has the most, then Sweden and then the United States). 45 percent of those individuals are between the ages of 30-49, and 32 percent have a higher level of education than the norm. That's a lot of "sexual open-mindedness", y'all.
Not to say that those without tattoos are automatically sexual snooze fests. Shoot, some of my fondest sexual memories came from guys with not one tat on them. But I will close this out by saying that I remember when I was in the room with a friend of mine who was as sexually shy (when it came to talking about sex) as they come. As she was undressing, I was shocked to see two hearts on each side of her pubic bone, right above her vulva. When I made a joke to her husband about them, he grinned, winked and said, "You have no idea." They say a picture is worth a thousand words. Maybe a tattoo is worth a thousand orgasms—and then some.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
What Is 'Erotic Self-Focus' & Why You Should Definitely Try It
10 Sensuous Ways To Boost Your Sexual Self-Esteem
Featured image by Giphy
Different puzzle pieces are creating bigger pictures these days. 2024 will mark a milestone on a few different levels, including the release of my third book next June (yay!).
I am also a Professional Certified Coach. My main mission for attaining that particular goal is to use my formal credentials to help people navigate through the sometimes tumultuous waters, both on and offline, when it comes to information about marriage, sex and relationships that is oftentimes misinformation (because "coach" is a word that gets thrown around a lot, oftentimes quite poorly).
I am also still super devoted to helping to bring life into this world as a doula, marriage life coaching will always be my first love (next to writing, of course), a platform that advocates for good Black men is currently in the works and my keystrokes continue to be devoted to HEALTHY over HAPPY in the areas of holistic intimacy, spiritual evolution, purpose manifestation and self-love...because maturity teaches that it's impossible to be happy all of the time when it comes to reaching goals yet healthy is a choice that can be made on a daily basis (amen?).
If you have any PERSONAL QUESTIONS (please do not contact me with any story pitches; that is an *editorial* need), feel free to reach out at missnosipho@gmail.com. A sistah will certainly do what she can. ;)
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Russell and Nina Westbrook Dish On The Key Ways To Avoid Resentment In Relationships
Russell and Nina Westbrook are one of those low-key, unproblematic couples we don’t talk about enough. They met in college and got married in 2015. They also have a beautiful family with three kids. While Russell is an NBA star, Nina is a licensed family and marriage therapist and a mental health advocate.
She recently launched the podcast The Relationship Chronicles with Nina Westbrook, and in the latest episode, she had none other than her husband on as a guest. The college sweethearts dived into important topics from marriage to children and how they navigate it all.
One of the topics they touched on was dealing with resentment in your relationship. The former MVP highlighted the sacrifices his wife has had to make in order for him to pursue a career in the NBA, and that’s why it’s also important for him to support his wife whenever he can.
“For me is respecting and understanding what your partner do and the time it takes,” Russell said. “Not kind of downplaying what they do, understanding the time and energy and effort they're doing to make sure whether it’s their job or making sure home is taken care of, and understanding that, I think that is the challenge of not being resentful.”
Nina agreed and also shared her thoughts on resentment. According to her, one of the best things couples should do is have their own identity and passions outside of the relationship in an effort to be fulfilled.
“I also think that when you’re in a relationship, that’s why it’s so important that each individual kinda pursue their own passions and follow their own dreams as I feel like it only becomes or leads to resentment when one person is not feeling fulfilled in what they're doing in their lives,” she explained.
“And so, they will start to look at the other partner who’s happy or excelling or promoting or moving along in their journey, then they’re left feeling stuck like they sacrificed themselves, their happiness, their career, their future and have not pursued it in the name of the relationship or their partner. So, it’s so much easier to avoid those feelings of resentment when you’re each equally pursuing your passions.”
The couple has many passions that they work on together and separately. Outside of basketball and his family, Russell has become known for his eclectic style and started the fashion brand Honor The Gift. Nina has her podcast, and she also started the mental health website Bene. Together, they run the Why Not? Foundation, which works with kids in underserved communities.
“I’m a firm believer that one person can’t be everything to you, so you have to sort of seek out those different friendships or groups or hobbies or activities that help to fulfill you,” Nina concluded.
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Feature image by Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images for Religion of Sports