10 Hacks To Help You Climax More Consistently

You wanna orgasm more often and consistently? These tips can definitely get you there.


Trust me—between married clients, horny friends and folks who send me the most random of emails, I definitely hear about sex a lot. And what I'm happy to report is, while not many women have told me that they've never had an orgasm before, what they do say is having one, as much as they would like to, can sometimes be a bit of a challenge.

So, in honor of all the ladies who have no problem climaxing, it's just that, they would like to do it more often and consistently, I've got 10 hacks that, if you apply at least three of 'em during every sex session, you should have one less thing to "worry" about. Are you ready to get yours…more?

1. Get Wetter


I wrote an entire article on lubrication because that's how much I believe that the wetter sex is, the better it can be for everyone involved. When you bring lubrication into the picture, it makes sex slicker and so much more erotic. Between the stimulation of your nerve endings, the sounds that wet bodies coming together can make, along with how lube can actually help you to relax so that your own natural lubricants are able to flow freely and more quickly—you just can go wrong with lubrication (especially if you make sure to apply some directly onto your labia; preferably one that has a silicone base). As a bonus, lubricant is also a great safe sex addiction because, the wetter it is down below, the less friction you and your partner will experience and, the less of a chance there will be of the condom breaking. That's why it's my top sexual climax hack (for today, anyway).

2. Use a Pillow (or Two)

Something as simple as a pillow can take difficulty having one orgasm to no problem having a few of 'em back to back. When you put a pillow underneath you, right at the top of where your back ends and your butt begins, not only does that make it easier for your partner to access you in all of your glory during a lil' cunnilingus action, but it intensifies penetration during intercourse as well. Plus, if you're a visual lover and you like to watch your partner please you (or enter you), being perched up on a pillow can make it so much easier to get a much better…view.

3. Try Places Other than Your Bed


Boredom is a huge cause of the decline of sexual excitement in long-term relationships. Something that you can do to break out of the ho-humness that you might be currently feeling between you and your boo is to get out of your bed and have sex somewhere else. Anywhere else.

Your couch can support your partner's back when you're in sexual positions that require sitting up. Having sex outside in your backyard (so long as it's a closed-in space and your neighbors can't see) can bring out the inner exhibitionist in you. Sex on the stairs can put you and your partner's bodies into all kinds of angles for oral sex. A running washing machine can easily serve as a huge vibrator. The hood of your car can be sexy AF. Right at your front door is pretty passionate and animalistic. You get my point.

Oh, and if you want a few more places for inspiration, Paired Life is a site that lists a whopping 200. (You're welcome.)

4. Buy Your Man Some Eurycoma Longifolia Oil

Oh, we're big essential oil fans over here at xoNecole (check out "8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last" when you get a chance). Well, one that I'd be floored if you've ever heard of before is Eurycoma longifolia. It's an essential oil that is extracted from a shrub tree in Southeast Asia that can help to reduce high blood pressure, ease chronic coughing, relieve headaches, treat ulcers and is even used as a homeopathic way to ease syphilis-related symptoms. But what Eurycoma longifolia has the greatest reputation for is making a man last longer in bed.

That's because it's able to do everything from increase his testosterone levels and treat mild forms of erectile dysfunction to heighten his stamina and even help to treat male infertility. On average, men only need five minutes to climax (while we need somewhere around 20 minutes). So, if you want your man to be able to get on the same page with you in this department, putting some of this oil in a diffuser or, even better, giving him a massage with a mixture of one-fourth cup of sweet almond oil and 5-7 drops of Eurycoma longifolia may be all that you need to make sure that you have an even better (and longer-lasting) night.

5. Use Ribbed Condoms


If you don't want to get pregnant or an STD, condom use is a must. When it comes to the kind of condom that can make climaxing easier and so much more intense, you might want to go with a ribbed one. The raised ridges that run along the entire rubber can help to increase friction (in a good way) and intensify pleasure during penetrative sex; especially if you make sure to put some lubrication on the inside of the condom (for him) and the outside of the condom (for you). If you want to check out a wide variety of ribbed rubbers to choose from, click here.

6. Have Him Play with Your Pubic Hair 

Ready for a pubic hair hack? When you have a bit of a (well-manicured) bush down below, not only can that result in less uncomfortable friction during sex, but there is another perk that you probably would've never considered. By allowing your partner to gently tug on it, in the direction towards your belly button, that can actually help to expose your clitoral hood more so that he has easier access to the "button" inside. And well, when that gets pushed right, you know how it goes down (wink).

7. Drink Some Red Wine


I don't think we've ever had to convince y'all to drink more wine. Red wine, that is. But if you want to get you and yours' juices to flowing that much more (pun totally intended, by the way), drinking a couple of glasses, about an hour before you plan to get it on and in, is one way to do it. Red wine contains flavonoids that help to increase blood flow to your genitalia. Some researchers also say that the mere smell of red wine can help to get you in the mood too. Especially if it's something along the lines of a Pinot Noir for women or a Moscato for men.

That got me to thinking (and researching). Since red wine is all that, why stop at just drinking it? Yep, did you know that some people also partake in red wine body massages? All you need to do is fill up a spray bottle with half red wine, half rosewater (a skin softener) and a few drops of jasmine essential oil (an aphrodisiac). Spray your partner's body with the mixture and massage them for 10 minutes. Not only will the resveratrol, tannin and polyphenols be really great for his skin, but the wine going into his pores is another way to boost his libido, that much quicker.

8. Get (and Give) a Back Massage

When people hear the phrase "happy ending", usually that's in the context of some highly-sexual-basically-illegal activity going on at a spa or salon. But there are a lot of people who can end up with what are known as back-gasms from a massage that is totally legit. For one thing, during a massage, we tend to be extremely calm with no defenses up.

Also, whether you may realize it or not, a main sexual "trigger spot" on your body is located along the lower part of your spine (due to all of the nerve endings that are there). So, when that part of your body gets massaged, it can help to release a burst of energy while increasing blood flow to your sexual organs.

This is especially the case if you add a little lavender (which is calming), ginger (which can soothe any backaches or discomfort) or sandalwood (which is an aphrodisiac) essential oil into a DIY massage oil blend and then warm it up a bit before applying.

9. Put on a Blindfold


You might've heard somewhere that when you lose one of your five senses (sight, hearing, taste, touch and smell), it tends to heighten the other four. Well, when you temporarily impair your sight by putting on a blindfold, it can amplify the dirty words your partner is saying, make you that much more sensitive to your partner's touch, make his kissing, licking and nibbling feel that much more intense and, anything that they put into your mouth? Well, I'll let you fill in the blanks there. Two other benefits that come with using a blindfold is it adds to the element of surprise (since you literally won't see what's coming) and, it can also help you to trust your partner more (for the same reason). That's a whole lot of bonuses for a little piece of material. Try it. You might be pleasantly surprised—and aroused—by just how much you like it. And how much it helps you to cum that much more.

10. Openly Fantasize

So that you can get off of here and get to testing some of these hacks out, let's end here. I recently read an article about a study that revealed that when a couple is intentional about fantasizing about each other, not only can it significantly increase sexual appeal and attraction to their partner, it can diminish negative feelings about the relationship too. That makes sense when you think about the fact that our biggest sex organ is our brain and when we allow ourselves to tap into our sexual imagination, it can make us, well, hornier.

So, take a moment. Get quiet. Take a few deep breaths. Maybe turn on a song that instantly makes you think about your partner or some of the best sex you've ever had with them. Then think back. What about them turned you on from the very beginning? What was the first intimate experience that was totally indescribable? What have you always wanted to try with him but haven't? What would you like to do again but haven't? What is on your sex bucket list, in general? While a lot of us attribute foreplay to physical sexual activity of some kind, when you open yourself up to doing nothing more than purely fantasizing about your partner, that oftentimes can get you so hot 'n bothered that not much else is needed by the time he is in your presence. You'll be ready to climax before he even touches you. And who knows what being in that mind, body and soul space will lead? All. Night. Long…Over. And. Over. Again.

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ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.


We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

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