Trust me—between married clients, horny friends and folks who send me the most random of emails, I definitely hear about sex a lot. And what I'm happy to report is, while not many women have told me that they've never had an orgasm before, what they do say is having one, as much as they would like to, can sometimes be a bit of a challenge.
So, in honor of all the ladies who have no problem climaxing, it's just that, they would like to do it more often and consistently, I've got 10 hacks that, if you apply at least three of 'em during every sex session, you should have one less thing to "worry" about. Are you ready to get yours…more?
1. Get Wetter
I wrote an entire article on lubrication because that's how much I believe that the wetter sex is, the better it can be for everyone involved. When you bring lubrication into the picture, it makes sex slicker and so much more erotic. Between the stimulation of your nerve endings, the sounds that wet bodies coming together can make, along with how lube can actually help you to relax so that your own natural lubricants are able to flow freely and more quickly—you just can go wrong with lubrication (especially if you make sure to apply some directly onto your labia; preferably one that has a silicone base). As a bonus, lubricant is also a great safe sex addiction because, the wetter it is down below, the less friction you and your partner will experience and, the less of a chance there will be of the condom breaking. That's why it's my top sexual climax hack (for today, anyway).
2. Use a Pillow (or Two)
Something as simple as a pillow can take difficulty having one orgasm to no problem having a few of 'em back to back. When you put a pillow underneath you, right at the top of where your back ends and your butt begins, not only does that make it easier for your partner to access you in all of your glory during a lil' cunnilingus action, but it intensifies penetration during intercourse as well. Plus, if you're a visual lover and you like to watch your partner please you (or enter you), being perched up on a pillow can make it so much easier to get a much better…view.
3. Try Places Other than Your Bed
Boredom is a huge cause of the decline of sexual excitement in long-term relationships. Something that you can do to break out of the ho-humness that you might be currently feeling between you and your boo is to get out of your bed and have sex somewhere else. Anywhere else.
Your couch can support your partner's back when you're in sexual positions that require sitting up. Having sex outside in your backyard (so long as it's a closed-in space and your neighbors can't see) can bring out the inner exhibitionist in you. Sex on the stairs can put you and your partner's bodies into all kinds of angles for oral sex. A running washing machine can easily serve as a huge vibrator. The hood of your car can be sexy AF. Right at your front door is pretty passionate and animalistic. You get my point.
Oh, and if you want a few more places for inspiration, Paired Life is a site that lists a whopping 200. (You're welcome.)
4. Buy Your Man Some Eurycoma Longifolia Oil
Oh, we're big essential oil fans over here at xoNecole (check out "8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last" when you get a chance). Well, one that I'd be floored if you've ever heard of before is Eurycoma longifolia. It's an essential oil that is extracted from a shrub tree in Southeast Asia that can help to reduce high blood pressure, ease chronic coughing, relieve headaches, treat ulcers and is even used as a homeopathic way to ease syphilis-related symptoms. But what Eurycoma longifolia has the greatest reputation for is making a man last longer in bed.
That's because it's able to do everything from increase his testosterone levels and treat mild forms of erectile dysfunction to heighten his stamina and even help to treat male infertility. On average, men only need five minutes to climax (while we need somewhere around 20 minutes). So, if you want your man to be able to get on the same page with you in this department, putting some of this oil in a diffuser or, even better, giving him a massage with a mixture of one-fourth cup of sweet almond oil and 5-7 drops of Eurycoma longifolia may be all that you need to make sure that you have an even better (and longer-lasting) night.
5. Use Ribbed Condoms
If you don't want to get pregnant or an STD, condom use is a must. When it comes to the kind of condom that can make climaxing easier and so much more intense, you might want to go with a ribbed one. The raised ridges that run along the entire rubber can help to increase friction (in a good way) and intensify pleasure during penetrative sex; especially if you make sure to put some lubrication on the inside of the condom (for him) and the outside of the condom (for you). If you want to check out a wide variety of ribbed rubbers to choose from, click here.
6. Have Him Play with Your Pubic Hair
Ready for a pubic hair hack? When you have a bit of a (well-manicured) bush down below, not only can that result in less uncomfortable friction during sex, but there is another perk that you probably would've never considered. By allowing your partner to gently tug on it, in the direction towards your belly button, that can actually help to expose your clitoral hood more so that he has easier access to the "button" inside. And well, when that gets pushed right, you know how it goes down (wink).
7. Drink Some Red Wine
I don't think we've ever had to convince y'all to drink more wine. Red wine, that is. But if you want to get you and yours' juices to flowing that much more (pun totally intended, by the way), drinking a couple of glasses, about an hour before you plan to get it on and in, is one way to do it. Red wine contains flavonoids that help to increase blood flow to your genitalia. Some researchers also say that the mere smell of red wine can help to get you in the mood too. Especially if it's something along the lines of a Pinot Noir for women or a Moscato for men.
That got me to thinking (and researching). Since red wine is all that, why stop at just drinking it? Yep, did you know that some people also partake in red wine body massages? All you need to do is fill up a spray bottle with half red wine, half rosewater (a skin softener) and a few drops of jasmine essential oil (an aphrodisiac). Spray your partner's body with the mixture and massage them for 10 minutes. Not only will the resveratrol, tannin and polyphenols be really great for his skin, but the wine going into his pores is another way to boost his libido, that much quicker.
8. Get (and Give) a Back Massage
When people hear the phrase "happy ending", usually that's in the context of some highly-sexual-basically-illegal activity going on at a spa or salon. But there are a lot of people who can end up with what are known as back-gasms from a massage that is totally legit. For one thing, during a massage, we tend to be extremely calm with no defenses up.
Also, whether you may realize it or not, a main sexual "trigger spot" on your body is located along the lower part of your spine (due to all of the nerve endings that are there). So, when that part of your body gets massaged, it can help to release a burst of energy while increasing blood flow to your sexual organs.
This is especially the case if you add a little lavender (which is calming), ginger (which can soothe any backaches or discomfort) or sandalwood (which is an aphrodisiac) essential oil into a DIY massage oil blend and then warm it up a bit before applying.
9. Put on a Blindfold
You might've heard somewhere that when you lose one of your five senses (sight, hearing, taste, touch and smell), it tends to heighten the other four. Well, when you temporarily impair your sight by putting on a blindfold, it can amplify the dirty words your partner is saying, make you that much more sensitive to your partner's touch, make his kissing, licking and nibbling feel that much more intense and, anything that they put into your mouth? Well, I'll let you fill in the blanks there. Two other benefits that come with using a blindfold is it adds to the element of surprise (since you literally won't see what's coming) and, it can also help you to trust your partner more (for the same reason). That's a whole lot of bonuses for a little piece of material. Try it. You might be pleasantly surprised—and aroused—by just how much you like it. And how much it helps you to cum that much more.
10. Openly Fantasize
So that you can get off of here and get to testing some of these hacks out, let's end here. I recently read an article about a study that revealed that when a couple is intentional about fantasizing about each other, not only can it significantly increase sexual appeal and attraction to their partner, it can diminish negative feelings about the relationship too. That makes sense when you think about the fact that our biggest sex organ is our brain and when we allow ourselves to tap into our sexual imagination, it can make us, well, hornier.
So, take a moment. Get quiet. Take a few deep breaths. Maybe turn on a song that instantly makes you think about your partner or some of the best sex you've ever had with them. Then think back. What about them turned you on from the very beginning? What was the first intimate experience that was totally indescribable? What have you always wanted to try with him but haven't? What would you like to do again but haven't? What is on your sex bucket list, in general? While a lot of us attribute foreplay to physical sexual activity of some kind, when you open yourself up to doing nothing more than purely fantasizing about your partner, that oftentimes can get you so hot 'n bothered that not much else is needed by the time he is in your presence. You'll be ready to climax before he even touches you. And who knows what being in that mind, body and soul space will lead? All. Night. Long…Over. And. Over. Again.
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