I'm telling y'all, it never fails. I don't care what a married couple is going through, if I'm in a session with two people and I ask them about their sex life, 8.5 times out of 10, it's suffering on some level. What I mean by that is, when a couple is experiencing "issues", if it's not directly connected to their sex life, their sex life is somehow affected by it. An example of this is when I ask two people how their sex life is going and one (or both) of them respond with, "When we have it, it's fine. We just don't have the time."
Uh-huh. You don't have the time or you don't make the time? 'Cause you know what? If I asked those same people how much time they spent on their Instagram over the past few days, I bet they made time to do that. Shoot, word on the street is most people spend an hour a day on IG. That's seven hours a week. Now get this. Men, on average, can have an orgasm in five minutes while it takes us about 14 minutes; a mere fraction of an hour. So yeah, that "no time thing" doesn't really fly with me and my clients know it. Whatever is truly important to us, we will prioritize (check out "10 Simple Ways Married Couples Can Make More Time For Sex") and if you're married, SEX SHOULD BE A PRIORITY (check out "10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important").
The 6-Minute Rule When It Comes to Sex
Besides, it's not like you need a ton of time to physically and emotionally connect with your partner on the sex tip. I recently read that you can make sparks fly by simply putting in six minutes for foreplay and then sex minutes for afterplay. Why just six minutes? Good question. Let's see.
The Beauty Behind the Six-Minute Rule When It Comes to Sexual Satisfaction
So, the gist of the study is this. The Trojan Condoms and the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada got 1500 Canadians between the ages of 18-24 together to see how much foreplay they needed in order to feel sexually satisfied.
What the majority of them (55 percent of men and 56 percent of women) said was they needed approximately six minutes of kissing, cuddling or some form of foreplay prior to intercourse, followed by six minutes of the same on the back end. In fact, 61 percent of the women who participated in the study said that they were unable to have an orgasm without it.
And just why is six minutes so important? While I was checking out an article about some of the things that you can get done in seven minutes or less, some of the things on the list included—writing someone a note, memorizing a Bible verse, making your bed, putting together a to-do list, stretching. What I personally found all of those things to have in common is, while they aren't "big things", doing them makes the day flow so much better. A note can make you feel closer to someone else. A Bible verse can spiritually empower and center you. A made-up bed can reduce clutter. A to-do list can organize your day and, stretch can make you feel stronger and more flexible.
Well, if you devote six minutes of kissing, cuddling and/or foreplay before sex, can you see how that also can make intercourse "flow better" too? Kissing makes sex more emotionally intimate. Cuddling is a great way to destress while emotionally connecting to your partner. Foreplay? You can check out articles on our site like "These 10 Foreplay Hacks Can Take Your Sex Game To Another Level", "How To Experience Amazing Foreplay (When You and Yours Are Apart)" and "Ashley Graham & Her Husband Say Prayer Is The Ultimate Form Of Foreplay" to get an idea of how big of a fan of it we are.
Now for the skeptics in the back who are probably thinking, "Of course, it only takes six minutes for people under the age of 25; they're horny as hell, anyway", here's something else to consider. Last summer, I did a little digging around to see how long oral sex "should" take and the conclusion was that it was about 15 minutes for cunnilingus and 10-11 minutes for fellatio. That's not a ton of more time than this study. So yeah, while the raging hormones of a 21-year-old may not require as much, umm, effort as say, someone who is 35 or 40, if you're over 25, you probably don't need as much time as you think.
It's all about quality, not quantity.
OK, so if you want to test this six-minute rule theory out, try this. Most songs are somewhere between 3-4 minutes long. Not too long ago, I actually took a stroll down memory's lane and listened to the Lenny Kravitz's co-written and co-produced Madonna banger "Justify My Love"; it's five minutes long. Anyway, put it or two of your favorite jams on and focus on doing nothing other than kissing or touching your partner until the songs fade out. See if that doesn't get you to the point of wanting to tear each other's clothes off, get totally get it on, and then have a mind-blowing orgasm. Report back if it does.
Most of us have heard of the teenage game "Seven Minutes in Heaven". According to research, you can have the orgasms of your dreams in a minute less than that—if you dare. It's totally worth testing out. Why not try it? Tonight.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
6 Signs You're A Sexually Mature Woman
Here's How To Make Morning Sex...Sexier
Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage
Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream
Feature image by Giphy
- 15 Sex Hacks For Better Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What Is Foreplay In Sex - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Mental Foreplay Hacks That Ultimately Takes Intercourse To New Levels - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Foreplay And Sex Are Synonymous - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 10 Hacks & Tips To Help You Orgasm More - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 10 Best Intimate Sex Positions - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- 6 Hours a Week to a Better Relationship ›
- Sex & Love - Relationship Advice, Dating Tips | Edmonton Sun ›
- 6-Minute Rule - Urban Dictionary ›
- Sex Facts - Relationship Advice & Online Dating Tips | Ottawa Sun ›
- 6 minutes - The recommended time for foreplay ›
- Articles by Simone Paget | Toronto Sun Journalist | Muck Rack ›
- Six Minute Sex Ed – Sex Education for Everyone ›
- Six minutes before sex are the most crucial part for pleasure, claim ... ›
- Follow the six-minute rule to make sex more pleasurable ›
- The six minutes before you have sex are the key to making it even ... ›
RELATED
Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by FG Trade/Getty Images