

I'm telling y'all, it never fails. I don't care what a married couple is going through, if I'm in a session with two people and I ask them about their sex life, 8.5 times out of 10, it's suffering on some level. What I mean by that is, when a couple is experiencing "issues", if it's not directly connected to their sex life, their sex life is somehow affected by it. An example of this is when I ask two people how their sex life is going and one (or both) of them respond with, "When we have it, it's fine. We just don't have the time."
Uh-huh. You don't have the time or you don't make the time? 'Cause you know what? If I asked those same people how much time they spent on their Instagram over the past few days, I bet they made time to do that. Shoot, word on the street is most people spend an hour a day on IG. That's seven hours a week. Now get this. Men, on average, can have an orgasm in five minutes while it takes us about 14 minutes; a mere fraction of an hour. So yeah, that "no time thing" doesn't really fly with me and my clients know it. Whatever is truly important to us, we will prioritize (check out "10 Simple Ways Married Couples Can Make More Time For Sex") and if you're married, SEX SHOULD BE A PRIORITY (check out "10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important").
The 6-Minute Rule When It Comes to Sex
Besides, it's not like you need a ton of time to physically and emotionally connect with your partner on the sex tip. I recently read that you can make sparks fly by simply putting in six minutes for foreplay and then sex minutes for afterplay. Why just six minutes? Good question. Let's see.
The Beauty Behind the Six-Minute Rule When It Comes to Sexual Satisfaction
So, the gist of the study is this. The Trojan Condoms and the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada got 1500 Canadians between the ages of 18-24 together to see how much foreplay they needed in order to feel sexually satisfied.
What the majority of them (55 percent of men and 56 percent of women) said was they needed approximately six minutes of kissing, cuddling or some form of foreplay prior to intercourse, followed by six minutes of the same on the back end. In fact, 61 percent of the women who participated in the study said that they were unable to have an orgasm without it.
And just why is six minutes so important? While I was checking out an article about some of the things that you can get done in seven minutes or less, some of the things on the list included—writing someone a note, memorizing a Bible verse, making your bed, putting together a to-do list, stretching. What I personally found all of those things to have in common is, while they aren't "big things", doing them makes the day flow so much better. A note can make you feel closer to someone else. A Bible verse can spiritually empower and center you. A made-up bed can reduce clutter. A to-do list can organize your day and, stretch can make you feel stronger and more flexible.
Well, if you devote six minutes of kissing, cuddling and/or foreplay before sex, can you see how that also can make intercourse "flow better" too? Kissing makes sex more emotionally intimate. Cuddling is a great way to destress while emotionally connecting to your partner. Foreplay? You can check out articles on our site like "These 10 Foreplay Hacks Can Take Your Sex Game To Another Level", "How To Experience Amazing Foreplay (When You and Yours Are Apart)" and "Ashley Graham & Her Husband Say Prayer Is The Ultimate Form Of Foreplay" to get an idea of how big of a fan of it we are.
Now for the skeptics in the back who are probably thinking, "Of course, it only takes six minutes for people under the age of 25; they're horny as hell, anyway", here's something else to consider. Last summer, I did a little digging around to see how long oral sex "should" take and the conclusion was that it was about 15 minutes for cunnilingus and 10-11 minutes for fellatio. That's not a ton of more time than this study. So yeah, while the raging hormones of a 21-year-old may not require as much, umm, effort as say, someone who is 35 or 40, if you're over 25, you probably don't need as much time as you think.
It's all about quality, not quantity.
OK, so if you want to test this six-minute rule theory out, try this. Most songs are somewhere between 3-4 minutes long. Not too long ago, I actually took a stroll down memory's lane and listened to the Lenny Kravitz's co-written and co-produced Madonna banger "Justify My Love"; it's five minutes long. Anyway, put it or two of your favorite jams on and focus on doing nothing other than kissing or touching your partner until the songs fade out. See if that doesn't get you to the point of wanting to tear each other's clothes off, get totally get it on, and then have a mind-blowing orgasm. Report back if it does.
Most of us have heard of the teenage game "Seven Minutes in Heaven". According to research, you can have the orgasms of your dreams in a minute less than that—if you dare. It's totally worth testing out. Why not try it? Tonight.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
6 Signs You're A Sexually Mature Woman
Here's How To Make Morning Sex...Sexier
Blow Your Man's Mind By Giving Him This Tantalizing Massage
Want A More Intense Orgasm? These Tips Are Sure To Make You Cream
Feature image by Giphy
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Adrian Marcel On Purpose, Sacrifice, And The 'Signs Of Life'
In this week's episode of xoMAN, host Kiara Walker talked with R&B artist Adrian Marcel, who opened up, full of heart and authenticity, about his personal evolution. He discussed his days transitioning from a young Bay Area singer on the come-up to becoming a grounded husband and father of four.
With honesty and introspection, Marcel reflected on how life, love, and loss have shaped the man he is today.
On ‘Life’s Subtle Signals’
Much of the conversation centered around purpose, sacrifice, and listening to life’s subtle signals. “I think that you really have to pay attention to the signs of life,” Marcel said. “Because as much as we need to make money, we are not necessarily on this Earth for that sole purpose, you know what I mean?” While he acknowledged his ambitions, adding, “that is not me saying at all I’m not trying to ball out,” he emphasized that fulfillment goes deeper.
“We are here to be happy. We are here [to] fulfill a purpose that we are put on here for.”
On Passion vs. Survival
Adrian spoke candidly about the tension between passion and survival, describing how hardship can sometimes point us away from misaligned paths. “If you find it’s constantly hurting you… that’s telling you something. That’s telling you that you’re going outside of your purpose.”
Marcel’s path hasn’t been without detours. A promising athlete in his youth, he recalled, “Early on in my career, I was still doing sports… I was good… I had a scholarship.” An injury changed everything. “My femur broke. Hence why I always say, you know, I’m gonna keep you hip like a femur.” After the injury, he pivoted to explore other careers, including teaching and corporate jobs.
“It just did not get me—even with any success that happened in anything—those times, back then, I was so unhappy. And you know, to a different degree. Like not just like, ‘I really want to be a singer so that’s why I’m unhappy.’ Nah, it was like, it was not fulfilling me in any form or fashion.”
On Connection Between Pursuing Music & Fatherhood
He recalled performing old-school songs at age 12 to impress girls, then his father challenged him: “You can lie to these girls all you want, but you're really just lying to yourself. You ain't growing.” That push led him to the piano—and eventually, to his truth. “Music is my love,” Marcel affirmed. “I wouldn’t be a happy husband if I was here trying to do anything else just to appease her [his wife].”
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by xoNecole/YouTube
Ashley Versher is known for her work in the Tyler Perry's Beauty In Black series and more recently, she starred alongside Taraji P. Henson in the Netflix film Straw. But she is more than just her acting credits and stunning looks (her hair alone is everything). In an xoNecole exclusive, Ashley dishes on her first celebrity crush, how she spends her downtime, and her go-to haircare products because we need the deets.
Get to know Ashley below.
xoNecole: Where are you from?
Ashley Versher: San Francisco - BAY AREAAAAAA!!!!
xoN: What was your first major acting role?
AV: A 49ers Super Bowl commercial - I think I was 3.
Ashley Versher
Johnny Marlow
xoN: Have you ever had an embarrassing or funny audition story? If so, what happened?
AV: Yes! I was doing a self-tape once and I forgot to take off my bonnet. But the tape was so good I sent it in anyway.
xoN: Your hair is gorgeous. What has it been like navigating Hollywood with natural hair?
AV: Thank you so much! Navigating Hollywood with natural hair has definitely been a journey of self-discovery. Early on, I had to make a conscious decision about how I wanted to show up—not just in this industry, but for myself. Once I fully embraced my natural hair and committed to the journey, everything else began to align. It’s been nothing short of empowering.
Navigating Hollywood with natural hair has definitely been a journey of self-discovery. Early on, I had to make a conscious decision about how I wanted to show up—not just in this industry, but for myself.
xoN: What are your favorite go-to hair products?
AV: Ooooooo, right now I’m loving Camille Rose’s Jai Twisting Butter—it’s super moisturizing and gives me a fun, bouncy twist-out! I’ve also recently gotten into oils, and I’m especially loving sweet almond oil.
xoN: We know you as an actress, but what is another special talent you have that most people don't know about?
AV: I trained as a classical violinist for 13/14years.
xoN: Who is your hero?
AV: My mom. She’s incredible - full stop.
Ashley Versher
Johnny Marlow
xoN: How do you like to spend your down time?
AV: Ha! What’s that!? Jk jk, I love to travel, that’s honestly my favorite thing.
xoN: Who was your first celebrity crush?
AV: Prince.
xoN: What is your dream role?
AV: One day I will play a witch with Harry Potter-like powers!
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Feature image by Johnny Marlow