Contrary to the assumption of a lot of single people, I know quite a few married folks that have a really great sex life. Some of them even profess that it gets better with time because they are emotionally in sync with their partner and, the more they both learn what works and what doesn't, the better they get at satisfying each other. Not every once in a while. Consistently so.
Matter of fact, when it comes to a lot of the conversations that I have with married couples, if they've got a complaint about the current state of their sex life, it has nothing to do with their partner or the sex act itself; it's all about trying to figure out how to find the time to do it—or do it more often.
Sometimes life is so hectic that, once noon hits, it seems like the day is already a wrap. If you're married, and that's exactly how you've been feeling lately, I've got a list of 10 ways to easily help you to make time for more sex with your boo. Honestly, they are things that your subconscious already knows about. Just see this as a way to mentally reignite the fire and urge so that you won't wait until you have time to get it in, but that you will make time to do so. No matter what.
1. Hop into the Shower Together
Ah yes, shower sex. One of my favorite scenes from the show Insecure is when Issa tries to be sexually spontaneous with Lawrence and invites him to get into the shower with her. There wasn't enough room, the water temperature wasn't right, and everyone was slipping all over the place. That was some realism for yo ass right there. Still, I'm a firm believer that where there's a will, there's a way, and some of the benefits of shower-themed coitus is that it saves time (in the sense that you can have sex and get clean simultaneously), the extra wetness can be super sexy and, it makes period sex easier on both parties.
To pull it off, you just need to make sure that you do the following—set the water temperature before jumping in; put a non-stick mat on the floor of your tub and have a bathmat right outside of your tub too (so that nobody falls), and review some sex positions that are both comfortable and hazard-free (check out "10 Sex Positions That Will Make You Actually Enjoy Shower Sex"). If you do all of this, having sex in the shower is a great way to get a little lovin' in if you and yours are truly pressed for time.
2. Wake Up 30 Minutes Earlier. Or Go to Bed 30 Minutes Later.
If you're an engaged person who's reading this, one thing that I recommend you discuss with your soon-to-be spouse is who's a morning person and who's a night owl. While it might not seem like a big deal to you now, there are many married couples who aren't getting as much sex as they would like, all because their partner wants to sleep—and have sex—at a different time than they do.
A big key to having a successful marriage is compromise. That said, another way to make more sex happen is for the night owl to wake up 30 minutes earlier or the morning person to go to bed 30 minutes later. If you happen to be the night owl and morning sex isn't necessarily your thing, check out "Here's How To Make Morning Sex...Sexier". Something tells me that it just might change your mind.
3. Take a “Lunch Break” at Your House
A lot of people in my world happen to work from home; they also share their lives with someone who does the same. Something that they tell me is a real perk to having their partner within earshot all day long is they're able to stop for "sex breaks" whenever they want. That got me to thinking that another way to make sex happen when you don't have all of the time in the world is to schedule a lunch break when you and your man can meet up at home and well, you know.
Maybe it's just me, but there's something really hot about meeting up in the middle of the day; especially if you've got kids and they're at school because that means that you can "engage" all over the house while being just as loud as you wanna be.
If you can manage to make it a late lunch, that's even better since research reveals that the best time to get some is approximately around 3pm. Don't ask me which time zone. They didn't exactly address that part. But really, so long as you're getting some, does it matter?
4. Save Your Favorite Television Show—for Later
I'm old enough to remember when VCRs were all the rage. I was also a freshman in college when we all got mass access to the world wide web (wow, right?). Technology has come a long way from when I was a little one. One of the benefits of that is the fact that there really is no such thing as missing a television show anymore. Whatever it is, you can see again on On Demand, Hulu or an app. So, whatever show that is your guilty pleasure (because we all have one; sometimes I can't avoid 90 Day Fiancé no matter how much I try), be intentional about watching it later. Then use that 30 minutes—or better yet, an hour—to spend some much-needed quality time with your spouse. That program ain't goin' anywhere. It'll be waiting on you, soon as you're…done.
5. Go a Week Without Social Media (at Home)
If you want to know whether or not you are addicted to social media, check out some of the stats from "44 Social Media Addiction Statistics Everyone Must Know". If you'd like the Cliff Notes, some of the signs is that you freak out whenever Instagram or Twitter isn't working, you lose sleep or don't complete tasks because you're constantly distracted by what's on line and, your sex life is continually on the decline.
There are a few reasons why social media can wreak havoc on your sex life. It distracts you. It connects you with people that you quite possibly don't need to reconnect with (like your exes). The images that you are constantly bombarded with can do a real number on your body image and self-esteem. It can keep you from engaging with people who are in "the real world" because you are always "plugged in".
Not too long ago, I penned a piece on here entitled "Married Couples, What You May Need Is Sex. Every Day. For A Month. Straight." Some of my clients have done this before; they say it's one of the best things that has ever happened to their sex life as well as their relationship overall. If a part of you is down to try it, but you're also wondering when in the world you would find the time to make it happen, I've got an idea—how about you go on a social media fast during those same 30 days? If the mere thought of that has you going into cold sweats, that's another sign that you could probably use it. And by "it", I mean the fast and the sex, because something is up if you get off more on your Facebook and LinkedIn than you do your spouse. Just sayin'.
6. Multitask in the Kitchen
Kitchen sex is bomb too. Sitting on the counter makes "things" more, uh, accessible. The fridge and pantry are right at your disposal. Spatulas, dish towels and water sprayers can become the ultimate kind of sex toys. Need I go on? Although, if you've got kids, this might be something that you should only consider when they're at grandma's, if you don't have any children, the kitchen can quickly turn into one of the most erotic rooms in your entire house. This is especially the case if you get the urge to eat while you're cooking which, to me, is the ultimate form of multitasking. Oh, and I'm not talking about eating food either. #wink
7. Turn All Electronics Off by a Certain Time
If your television wasn't in your bedroom. If your laptop wasn't your "man on the side". If you actually set your smartphone on silent or—gasp!—charged it in another room at night, I bet you'd have more time for sex than you thought you did. I say it often because it can't be said enough—I totally agree with interior decorators when they say that bedrooms should be used for sex and sleep only. If you refuse to purge your room of your electronics, at least commit to turning them off by a certain time a few days a week. If you're wondering what you should do with all of that extra time and attention that you just freed up, kindly refer to the title of this article—again.
8. Get a Babysitter. Then a Hotel Room.
You know what they say—we don't always have time. Sometimes, what we've got to do is make time. If you can't remember the last time that you and yours went on a date, there's no time like the present to hire a babysitter (or ask a friend to have your child over for an impromptu sleepover) so that you can go on one. Dinner is cool. But how about turning your date into a sex date by going to a hotel (one that has room service) instead of out to a restaurant? Yes, chile. I don't know one single person on this entire planet who doesn't find hotel sex to be a Top Five favorite.
If you're totally down, but money is a little tight, I've got a few hacks for you to try. For starters, if you find a deal on sites like Expedia or Hotels, remember that they charge commission fees. Once you see a rate that suits your budget, call the hotel directly and see if they will honor it if you book via them directly (more times than not, they will). Speaking of booking directly, another way to get some cool rates is to download the app of the hotel where you want to go. As far as the cheapest days to get a room, apparently it's on Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays. But if you book on one of those days, life happens, and you need to cancel a non-refundable reservation, you can try to resell your room on sites like RoomerTravel or Cancelon. Now how about getting that room?
9. Don’t Run from a Quickie
You might've read somewhere that it takes a man, on average, around five minutes to orgasm while it takes a woman somewhere between 13-25 minutes (foreplay included). What this proves is simultaneous orgasms are about mastering the art of timing more than anything else. What this also reveals is most of us are more than capable of climaxing in under 15 minutes which some would qualify as being a quickie.
Listen, I'll be the first one to say that while R&B songs are leaning towards the unrealistic when they talk about having sex all night long (ALL night long?!), the art of the seduction and the techniques involved with unrushed foreplay are bar none. Still, there is something that can be equally as satisfying about having a quickie while brushing your teeth in the morning or finishing up your nighttime routine before turning in.
The spontaneity of it, along with the I've-just-got-to-have-you-ness of it all, makes a quickie something that should never be underestimated or overlooked. Especially when you're really pressed for time.
10. Plan for It
The reason why we've published articles on the site like "Is Scheduled Sex Really Better Than No Sex At All?" before is because we get that as steamy, seductive and even romantic spontaneous sex may be, sometimes life schedules and demands make it difficult to have the kind of sex that you and your spouse truly desire. While the remedy to that may be to simply put it on your calendars, be honest—isn't it better to plan for sex than to look up and realize that it's been weeks since you've had any at all? It's a rhetorical question, but I'm pretty sure we can all agree on the answer.
Ain't nothin' wrong with scheduling sex, y'all. It means that you're making intimate time a priority and that's something to be proud of. Making time for sex with your spouse always is—and should be.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
5 Reasons Why Every Married Couple Needs A Sex Jar
10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So Important
What 5 Men Had To Say About Married Sex
What You Should Do If You Find Yourself In A Sexless Marriage
Feature image by Giphy
- Married Couples Sex Every Day For A Month - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- How To Fix A Sexless Marriage - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love ... ›
- 7 Things Married Couples Should Do...At The END Of Their Day ... ›
- 10 Sex Resolutions Every Married Couple Should Make ›
- 10 Wonderful Reasons Why Consistent Sex In Marriage Is So ... ›
- The "Seasons Of Sex" That Married People Go Through - xoNecole ... ›
RELATED
While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
Feature image courtesy
The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image courtesy
