I don’t know about you, but I’m making "gratitude sex" a thing this season. I’ve felt such a positive shift in my life since leading with an attitude of gratitude, and I thought, why not apply that to how I approach my sex life? Sex for me has always been a space for connection, renewal, and restoration.
Whether I’m on my knees, in complete control on top, or relishing in surrender while on my back, the pleasure I feel, the vulnerability I experience, and the touch, sight, and sounds of the man I’m writhing against as I reach my peak of completion are reminders of the power of great sex. Every time I breathe out “oh sí, oh sí” in rapid succession and the stroke hits my center just right, I’m also served a reminder of the gratitude that comes with cumming. But gratitude sex is more than being grateful for the actual act of sex, it's about placing yourself in positions (pun intended) where you can be on the receiving end of pleasure, attention, and appreciation.
This season, and any season really, I encourage you to add some gratitude to your sex life and give yourself permission to be the object of desire. As women, it turns us on to be the turn-on in sexual situations. And lately, the sex positions on my radar are a testament to that sentiment. The ‘gratitude’ sex positions below are positions that make my pleasure the focus. And trust and believe, the sex positions below are making sure your pleasure is served.
Keep reading for gratitude sex positions to try whenever you want to feel like the main course.
(Editor's note: "Receiving partner'" refers to the partner receiving the penetration. "Giving partner" refers to the partner doing the penetration.)
1.The Pretzel
Qori B.
Depending on who you ask, this sex position is referred to as the Pretzel or even the Linguini. Either way, it is a purveyor of earth-shattering orgasms (due to the depth both parties feel) that not enough people pull up on their sex position rotation. To do it, the receiving partner lies on their side. The giving partner will then kneel behind the receiving partner's ass before pushing one of their knees in between the receiving partner's legs for access to penetrate.
The receiving partner can relax while the giving partner does the work in this position but can also opt for using a headboard as support to throw it back. Anal play is also easy to add to this position.
2.Begging for Mercy
Qori B.
Although I am a big fan of doggy, I understand those who aren’t the biggest fan of the position. But if you love the depth of doggy style but don’t want to sacrifice a feeling of intimacy, look no further than this position. In this variation, instead of the receiving partner being on all fours, both partners will kneel and position themselves upright. The giving partner will enter from the back and the both of you will rock against each other. For maximum pleasure, the giving partner can play with your clit as the two of you writhe. Orgasms unlocked.
3.Asian Cowgirl
Qori B.
Very similar to the OG Cowgirl position, Asian Cowgirl is a variation of the classic woman-on-top sex position. I say if you have the knee and leg strength to do it, give this one a go because it's great if you're looking for a more intense ride and deeper penetration while being on top. In order to do this, the receiving partner will get on top of the giving partner and squat over them, resting their feet on the bed. The receiving partner will then move up and down along the giving partner's length, using the giving partner's legs or chest for support as needed.
4.The Bridge
Qori B.
The giving partner might have to put a little more work in for this one but the clitoris access makes it so worth it. For The Bridge position, the giving partner will prop themselves up on their hands and feet by making an arch. Once they are in position, the giving partner will kneel in front of the receiving partner and penetrate them. And then, the receiving partner just receives as the giving partner puts in the work with their stroke.
For added support, the giving partner can lift the receiving partner’s ass while thrusting. The giving partner can feel free to add some breast and nipple play into the mix while they’re at it for even more intensity.
5.Bent Spoon
Qori B.
A variation of the classic spooning sex position, the Bent Spoon is highly regarded as a catalyst for G-spot orgasms to be made possible. Balance is most definitely required, but the fruits of your labor will truly taste sweet. In order to do the Bent Spoon, the giving partner needs to lie on their back. After that, the receiving partner will get on top of the giving partner. In the end, they will both be facing upward while they are on top of each other. The giving partner will then spread their legs and bend their knees slightly to balance themselves.
Once they are both balanced, the receiving partner will bend their legs, bringing their knees higher to their chest as the giving partner begins their thrusts. For further support, the receiving partner can prop their feet on their partner's knees.
6.Rock the Boat
Qori B.
In this kneeling position, the giving partner will get on their knees and sit down against the backs of their legs. The receiving partner will then get on top of them by sitting down in a squat and taking in the giving partner’s length slowly. The magic is in the teamwork for this one. The receiving partner will use their legs for strength and balance as they move up and down the giving partner’s length. If additional support is needed, the receiving partner can wrap their arms around the giving partner’s neck.
7.Polar Opposites
Qori B.
You know what they say, opposites attract, and for this sex position, Polar Opposites highlight exactly why that is. To do this sex position, both partners will lie down facing upwards but in the opposite direction (as illustrated above). The giving partner will lie down first with their legs closed and the receiving partner will position themselves on top of them in the opposite direction. The giving partner will penetrate from behind while the giving partner is positioned on top of him. For more intensity, the receiving partner can close their legs more tightly, allowing the giving partner's head to rest comfortably between the receiving partner's feet.
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Again, the answer never changes because, if there is one thing that Shellie Reneé Warren is gonna get, it’s 6-8 (sometimes nine) hours of sleep. However, since my chronotype (check out “Ever Wonder What Personality Traits Make Someone A 'Morning Person'?”) means that I like/prefer to write in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes I will sleep for the night for five hours and take a nap in the day. And y’all, that is just fine with me because I am well aware of the fact that napping does everything from give me more energy, heighten my alertness and even make me more creative to decrease stress levels, strengthen immunity, and reduce my chances of experiencing a heart attack or stroke.
My problem is I will oftentimes go “overboard” with my daytime zzz’s. What I mean by that is, in order to get the most out of a nap, they say thatyou shouldn’t sleep for longer than 25 minutes or so; otherwise, you could wake up feeling sluggish (I don’t but…). Also, it can make resting, soundly, at night a bit of a struggle.
So, what are you saying, Shellie? We should get quickies in? Yeah. And it’s funny that the word “quickie” would come up because just like a sex quickie can do wonders for you (and it can — check out “12 Super Solid Reasons To Have A Quickie Every Single Day”), it’s a full-circle moment when I say that something that can improve the quality of your sex life is to have a power nap (a nap that lasts between 10-30 minutes).
Wanna know how the two things correlate? Honestly, it’s no secret that sleep and sex work together to optimize both (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”). Today, though, we’re going to tap into how a nap, specifically, can have you partaking in some of the best sex that you’ve experienced in a minute. I’ll explain.
Naps Reduce Stress
GiphyIf you’re feeling super stressed out right now, you are not alone. There is plenty of data out here that says that most of us are stressed for at least a couple of reasons at a time — and that can impact your sexual health on a few levels. For one thing, it can bring about feelings of depression and/or anxiety. Stress can also throw your hormone levels off (including your cycle) which can weaken your libido. Stress can make you want to put distance between you and your partner (yes, literally).
Stress can also make it challenging to get aroused or to have an orgasm. And just what can help to decrease stress? Taking a nap. Since sleep has a way of helping you to “get off of the clock” and relax a bit, that can lower your stress levels and “reset” your body so that you are calmer — and that, in turn, can do wonders for your sex drive and ultimately your sex life.
Naps Improve Your Mood
GiphyThere is one person in my life, and fairly 80 percent of the time, she’s in a super good mood. Oh, but let that girl go without sleep, and…who is this woman? LOL. There’s research behind why this happens. When a person is sleep-deprived, it messes with their brain chemicals, and that can amplify emotions like anger, restlessness and sadness. In fact, one study revealed that people who had their sleep disrupted throughout the night, they ended up having their positive outlook on life reduced by about 30 percent.
And geeze, who wants to have sex when they’re not feeling very good? Anyway, since serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps to regulate your moods, your sleep patterns, and your libido and sleep is what helps to keep it in balance — by taking a nap, not only can it help you to feel better, it can also increase your desire for sex (it can also build up your endurance which is also…sexually beneficial).
Naps Increase Your Focus and Concentration
GiphySomething that some of my clients bring up is how, when it comes to having sex, sometimes the flesh is willing while the spirit is weak because, although the desire for intimacy is there, so much is going on that they aren’t able to get still enough to focus on experiencing copulation with their partner. This also tracks because, when you don’t have enough rest, your brain finds itself not working in harmony and that can make it hard to do everything from approaching life with a sense of flexibility to making necessary decisions.
Certain data also reveal that a lack of rest can cause you to have a really poor attention span and not process things in context (the more you know). So, if you really want to get some yet it’s hard for you to focus long enough to make it happen, ask your bae to lie down with you and take a nap. Between the sleep and the snuggling (check out “Fall's Coming: 8 Wonderful Health Benefits Of Cuddling”) — you may wake up with your mind and body totally on the same page. #wink
Naps Can Make You Feel Better About Your Body
GiphyEven if, overall, you feel really good about your body, I think that we all have moments when we feel less attractive than others — and who wants to have sex when they don’t really feel…very sexy? Well, something else that sleep, in general, can do is increase your confidence in your body.
For one thing, if you want to lose a few pounds, sleep can actually make that happen by helping your body metabolize the glucose (sugar) that’s in it so that you can better manage your appetite. Other studies go on to share that since sleep deprivation can impact one’s mental health and emotional stability in a negative way, of course, getting enough rest would increase body positivity.
Shoot, science even goes so far as to say that insomnia can cause people to have an elevated level of dissatisfaction when it comes to their body image. Don’t take their word for it, though. Look in the mirror before a nap. Then look in a mirror after waking up from me. Do you feel better? I’d be surprised if you don’t.
Makes Your Brain Bigger…Which Could Make Your Orgasms Better
GiphyI saved the best for last by design. Now if you’re wondering how in the world a nap can improve (and possibly increase) your orgasms — oh, there is a method to the madness…trust. For starters, the saying that your biggest sex organ is your brain? That isn’t a myth. Long story less long, the brain is what houses your central nervous system and that is what controls how men and women sexually function (yes, literally).
And since the brain also releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin during sex and brain activity significantly increases in women during sexual activity (especially right before she orgasms) — well, would it trip you out to know that when you take a nap, your brain actually expands? A bigger brain (that’s healthy) can potentially intensify your sexual experiences (and your climaxes) — and who doesn’t want that to go down?
____
Like I said earlier, I never have to be convinced to get a nap in. However, if your sex life has been a bit stagnant lately, you’ve been feeling a little sluggish and you’re not sure what to do — I’m hoping that a nap can get you right.
There’s enough science to prove that it can. All you need to do is give it a shot.
Now where’s your pillow and sleep mask, chile?
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