What 14 People Say 'Great Sex' Means To Them
What is the difference between bad, average, and great sex? If I ask thirty people this question, I would get thirty different answers. As someone who's had their fair share of both good and not-so-good sex, I understand that there is no one size fits all answer to this question. "Great sex" can mean different things to different people. Case in point, I once had an amazing sexual experience with a guy that a mutual “friend” had a horrible experience with. Great sex is subjective AF! According to the mutual friend his sex was subpar at best. One person’s trash is another one’s treasure. Great sex boils down to what is good for you and your partner at the moment. No two people are the same so no two sexual experiences will be the same either.
Even though what constitutes great sex differs from person to person, there are some common denominators we all share. I find that most people need: honest communication, vulnerability, and chemistry regardless of age, sexual orientation, and relationship status for great sex to take place. Rarely are penis size and earth-shattering orgasms a determining factor of great sex. I know for me, the older I get the more I realize great sex is less about big dicks and more about chemistry and connection.
But you don’t have to take my word for it here’s what some of my social media followers had to say about what makes sex great for them.
"I can honestly say, for me, now that I’m older, great sex is based off of mental stimulation. If we aren’t able to obtain this, the sex is just okay."
"Chemistry/attraction, communication, skills, he needs to have rhythm in his hips and talk dirty, be dominant, and submit sometimes when I feel like being dominant. There needs to be some music going on in the background, eye contact, not be in a rush if it’s not a quickie, reciprocity, and adventurous. Be vocal, silent sex doesn’t do it for me, like what is this, a cemetery? Open your mouth and let those pleasure sounds out, hunny."
"Genuine chemistry. Yes, sex can still be bomb when someone checks off your physical boxes: big ass, tall, dad bod... Whatever makes your sex organs tingle. But when you actually like them AND they are good in bed, then it's greatness."
"When it feels like an effortless, sensual, passionate dance. When we flow seamlessly communicating without words with our bodies. The chemistry, connection, and attraction inside of the bedroom [are] only an extension of the feelings outside of the bedroom."
"Paying attention to my body, talking me through my orgasm, not just pounding blindly like I'm some kind of sex toy, taking time to make sure I'm satisfied, and flipping my big ass like I'm a gyatdamn pillow."
"Feeling free enough to act/try things in a non-judgmental environment. Openness to criticism or direction. Accepting not everyone is the same and not everything is enjoyed or not by everybody. Our experience is OURS. And what we like with each other we may not like [with] others. We have to find our wave."
"After being with my husband for 35 years (since 10th grade) and married for 23, intimacy is key. We take our time and really enjoy each other. I’m not only still in love with him, but I still LIKE him."
"A safe space, trust, emotional awareness, intimacy, vulnerability, knowing each other's love languages, open communication, chemistry, and paying attention to each other's bodies, wants, and desires in and out of the bedroom."
"Willingness to communicate and adjust even during the act. Don’t give excuses that you were so caught up in what was going on that you didn’t pay attention. Great sex also includes willingness to quit expecting to duplicate what you see in porn, especially when the other person says they’re not interested."
"Total connection...meaning you wrap yourself around me, in me...try to see through me. Experience me...let me Experience you...your sounds. Guttural, ancestral...your smell...your released...come undone."
"The transcendent feeling when the world stops around you, there's no sound but you two, and there is no longer a goal. The pleasure is so all-consuming you remember how powerful it can be to surrender."
"True intimacy. It’s something that happens naturally when people are kind to each other. Attentiveness to the body. Equal satisfaction (because men that don’t like eating coochie are not fair partners to me), great foreplay, great aftercare (I make my partner clean me up before I get up to do anything and I do the same at times)."
"You have to be comfortable with the person. Sex should be fun, exploring what feels good instead of what you think pleasure should look like. Taking your time. Folks are in such a hurry to get to it, they miss all the good stuff that makes getting there even better. It's not a race. Intimacy...in all its forms."
"Bravery. Vulnerability. Softness (from the dominant/masculine partner). Boldness (from the feminine/submissive partner). Actually LIKING who you are with. (I don’t mean chemistry. I mean actually LIKING the person). And communicating after leaving each other’s presence. I LOVE a good recap or something to let me know that it’s still lingering on you!"
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Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Why Do Millennials & Gen-Zers Still Feel Like Teenagers? The Pandemic Might Be The Reason.
There’s nothing quite as humbling as navigating adulthood with no instruction manual. Since the turn of the decade, it seems like everything in our society that could go wrong has, inevitably, gone wrong. From the global pandemic, our crippling student debt problem, the loneliness crisis, layoffs, global warming, recession, and not to mention figuring out what to eat for dinner every night. This constant state of uncertainty has many of us wondering, when are the grown-ups coming to fix all of this?
But the catch is, we are the new grown-ups.
As if it happened without our permission, we became the new adults. We are the members of society who are paying taxes, having children, getting married, and keeping our communities afloat, one iced latte at a time. Still, there’s something about doing all these grown-up duties that feel unnaturally grown-up. Enter the #teenagegirlinher20s.
If there’s one hashtag to give you the state of the next cohort of adults, it’s this one. Of the videos that have garnered over 3.9M views, you’ll find a collection of users who are overwhelmed by life’s pressing existential responsibilities, clung to nostalgia, and reminiscent of the days when their mom and dad took care of their insurance plans.
@charlies444ngel no like i cant explain to her why i had to buy multiple tank air dupes from aritzia #teenagegirlinher20s #fyp
The concept of being a 20-something or 30-something teenager is linked to the sentiment of not feeling “grown up enough” to do grown-up things while feeling underprepared and even nihilistic about whether that preparation even matters.
It’s our generation’s version of when we ask our grandmothers how old they are and they simply reply with, “I still feel 45,” all while being every bit of 76 years old. In this, we share a warped concept of time while clinging to a desire for infantilization.
Granted, the pandemic did a number on our concept of time. Many of us who started the pandemic in our early or mid-20s missed out on three fundamental years of socialization, career development, and personal milestones that traditionally help to mark our growth.
Our time to figure out and plan our next steps through fumbling yet active participation was put on pause indefinitely and then resumed provisionally. This in turn has left many of us hanging in the balance of uncertainty as we try to make sense of the disconnect between our minds and bodies in this missing gap of time.
Because we’re all still figuring out what the ramifications of being locked away and frozen in time by a global pandemic will have on us as a society, there really is no “right” way of making up for lost time. Feeling unprepared for any new chapter of life is a natural rite of passage, pandemic or not. However, it’s important to not stay stuck in the last age or period of life that made sense to us because self-growth is the truest evidence of personal progress.
So whether you’re leaning on your inner child, teenager, or 20-something for guidance as you fill the gap between your real age and pandemic age, know that it’s okay to grieve the person you thought you would be and the milestones you thought you’d hit before you ever knew what a pandemic was. If there’s anything that the pandemic taught us, it’s that we have the power to reimagine a better world and life for ourselves. And if we tap into our inner teenager as a compass, we can piece together our next chapter with a fresh outlook.
Sure, we’ve lost a couple of years, but there are still some really amazing ones ahead.
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