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These 10 Foreplay Hacks Can Take Your Sex Game To Another Level

"Sex is a three-act play: foreplay, play and afterplay."—Chloe Thurlow

Sex

You know it. I know it. If your man is even a little bit good in bed, he knows it too. Sex is sooooo much better when foreplay—which, on average, lasts 15-20 minutes; how about extending that?—is involved. I'm not talking about a few kisses followed by a couple of minutes of dry humping—you know, grinding with most of your clothes on—either. I mean when foreplay is treated like a true art form. When foreplay is hot, intense and just as passionate as penetration. When foreplay is so good that if sex doesn't always happen, you're thoroughly satisfied anyway.

This is the kind of foreplay that legendary lovers are made of. In honor of that mind-boggling kind of intimacy, I'm going to share with you some super simple things that you can do to make foreplay with your partner even more savory and satiating than it (hopefully) already is.

1. Give Your Man a Cup of Coffee in the Morning

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To drink or not to drink. Personally, I believe that, until the end of time, coffee will be a semi-controversial topic. But I did find one reason why it can be a good idea to encourage your man to have 2-3 cups of java. According to a study conducted by The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston, men who drank between 85 and 170 milligrams of caffeine a day were 42 percent less likely to experience erectile dysfunction. Since 1 in 4 men under the age of 40 experience it and it's a lot more fun to enjoy foreplay when everything is "functioning" as it should, I'm sure you can see why I thought this gem of information should go on the list.

2. Text Your Partner What You Love About Their Mind, Body and Spirit

Whenever someone asks me what my goals are for 2020, one of the things that I say is I'm going to be intentional about affirming and celebrating Black men. I'm telling you, if you go to Twitter and put "Black men" or "Black women" into the search field, it can be absolutely exhausting, just how much we basically dog each other out for sport (I always say that I think it comes from residual slavery PTSD but that's another article for another time). What good does that do? Instead, we need to uplift each other; especially when it comes to our significant other.

While checking out an article on Psychology Today's website about why compliments mean so much to us, I really liked the part where the author said, "Compliments are little gifts of love. They are not asked for or demanded. They tell a person they are worthy of notice. They are powerful gifts."

Sex is the kind of act that is most pleasurable when our mind, body and spirit is fully connected to another person's mind, body and spirit. A really easy way to make that happen is by affirming your partner.

So, take out a moment today to shoot them a text about what you adore about their mind, body and spirit. Watch how happy they will be to see you when they get home.

3. Pre-Plan Mutual Spoiling Sessions

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A spoiled brat is one thing (nobody likes one of those), but sometimes spoiling gets a really bad rap. If you're coming from a place of indulging your partner so that they feel extra loved and attended to, that can be a really wonderful thing. On the heels of that text that you just sent, follow that up with asking your partner what you can do to make them feel pampered by you. Maybe it's a foot massage or a back rub. Maybe it's taking a bubble bath together. Perhaps it's giving each other manicures, watching each other's favorite movie together or ordering each other's favorite meals. Proactively doing things to relish in your partner is another form of foreplay that is overlooked—and underestimated—far more than it should be.

4. Pick Up a Red Light Bulb

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As if the ambiance of a red light bulb isn't a good enough reason to get one, did you know that red light therapy is great for boosting a man's testosterone levels too? No joke. Some studies indicate that exposure to red UV lights to a man's genitalia for 10 minutes a day can improve a man's energy levels and raise his testosterone by as much as 200 percent. While some UV devices can get to be a little on the pricey side, there are some UV red light bulbs that are pretty affordable (check out some here, here and here).

5. Light a Soy Vanilla-Scented Candle

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Did you know that men who are born without a sense of smell tend to have less sex partners than those who do? Another fun fact is women who have a keener sense of scent are able to have more orgasms. Yeah, it might not be talked about, nearly as much as it should be, but smell plays a fairly significant role in foreplay and intercourse. Although a lot of scents can help to get you going, one that always tops my list is vanilla. There are a few reasons why. Vanilla produces a euphoric effect on the brain. Vanilla increases blood circulation. Vanilla calms the nervous system. Vanilla boosts our mood. Vanilla also stimulates our libido. As far as your sense of smell goes, lighting a soy vanilla candle can help to provide all of these results. Also, if you want to add the sense of touch into the mix, a couple's massage that incorporates DIY vanilla massage oil can really get things poppin'.

6. Get Creative with Flavored Lubricant

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You know what they say—the wetter, the better. Yes, lubricant is probably most used as a way to "treat" vaginal dryness that comes from things like medication, hormonal shifts, dehydration or a side effect of chemotherapy. But, even if you don't need it for that, it's still a good idea to keep a couple of flavored tubes close by.

If you dab a bit of it on your lips, it can make your kisses so much sweeter. If you apply some to your hands before giving your partner a massage, the slipperiness can feel really sensual on their body parts; especially if your tongue follows where your hands are going. If either of you is a little on the shy side when it comes to oral sex, the taste of the lube can make things…easier.

When you're bringing flavored lube into your plan of action, the possibilities are rather endless. By the way, if you'd prefer to bypass a lot of the chemicals that tend to come with commercial lube brands, you can check out an at-home flavored lubricant recipe here.

Oh, and as far as commercial brands go, if you want less vaginal irritation, go with a water-based lubricant. If long-lasting is what you're after, silicone-based is where it's at.

7. Have a “Sex Picnic”

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I once read an article that said some of the reasons why we should do outdoor picnics more often is it's a great way to spend quality time with those we care about. Not only that, but it can set the stage for self-reflection, open communication and, if it's with our boo thang, it can be really romantic as well. An easy way to turn a G-rated picnic into a semi-XXX-rated one is to bring the picnic indoors. Wear something super sexy and serve foods that can make kissing, licking and "other things" even more delicious. Foods that immediately come to my mind include—chocolate, honey, whipped cream, watermelon (it's basically natural Viagra), red wine and frozen grapes and bananas. Umm, I'll let your imagination tell you what to especially do with those last two.

8. Prolong Stimulating Each Other’s Genitalia

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According to a TIME article that I once read, the most sensitive parts of our body is our clitoris and nipples while our abdomen and the sides of our breasts are the least. But there are so many other parts of our anatomy besides those four spots. A lot of us like our hair, lips, ears, inner thighs and inner forearms to be lightly stroked. Meanwhile, the head of a man's penis, along with his nipples, earlobes, neck and lips are the most sensitive, although close seconds include their scalp, the back of their neck, soles of their feet, thumbs, scalp and waist. Bottom line, there are all sorts of ways to build up anticipation in your partner without going directly to the obvious spots. Tease, tantalize and stimulate each other by seeing how long you can kiss and fondle the sensitive parts of your bodies that actually aren't right between each other's legs.

9. Have Cunnilingus with an “Edge”

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Speaking of stretching things out a bit, something that can truly take your orgasms to new heights is if you engage in being on the receiving end of oral sex—only, discipline yourself to not climax until it's time for actual penetration. It's basically edging with an oral twist, but if you try it, it is a technique that can easily have you climbing the walls!

10. Intentionally Do It (All) Outside of Your Bedroom

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I also checked out an article that listed 200 (200?!) great places to have sex. It listed things like hiking trails, late night laundromats and underneath stairwells. If that's a little too adventurous for you, you can still make things fun and exciting by getting out of your bedroom. Have a kissing session on the stairs. Have oral sex on your kitchen counter. Get right to the point of penetration on that picnic blanket you just used. Beds are comfortable but they can sometimes be super predictable too. Getting out of your bedroom is a little foreplay hack that can make a really big difference. Don't hurt yourselves out there, now (wink).

Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:

Experts Believe Passion (Not Love) Makes Sex Better. You Agree?

Who Knew Oral Sex Has An Official Time Limit?

How To Experience Amazing Foreplay (When You and Yours Are Apart)

Ashley Graham & Her Husband Say Prayer Is The Ultimate Form Of Foreplay

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ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.

Reparations

We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

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Lawd, lawd. I'm assuming that I'm not being too presumptuous when I start this all out by saying, I'm pretty sure that more than just a few of us can relate to this title and topic. I know that personally, there are several men from my sexual past who would've been out of my space a lot sooner had the sex not been…shoot, so damn good. And it's because of that very thing that you'll never ever convince me that sex can't mess with your head. The oxytocin highs (that happen when we kiss, cuddle and orgasm) alone can easily explain why a lot of us will make a sexual connection with someone and stay involved with them for weeks, months, years even, even if the mental and emotional dynamic is subpar, at best.

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