You know it. I know it. If your man is even a little bit good in bed, he knows it too. Sex is sooooo much better when foreplay—which, on average, lasts 15-20 minutes; how about extending that?—is involved. I'm not talking about a few kisses followed by a couple of minutes of dry humping—you know, grinding with most of your clothes on—either. I mean when foreplay is treated like a true art form. When foreplay is hot, intense and just as passionate as penetration. When foreplay is so good that if sex doesn't always happen, you're thoroughly satisfied anyway.
This is the kind of foreplay that legendary lovers are made of. In honor of that mind-boggling kind of intimacy, I'm going to share with you some super simple things that you can do to make foreplay with your partner even more savory and satiating than it (hopefully) already is.
1. Give Your Man a Cup of Coffee in the Morning
To drink or not to drink. Personally, I believe that, until the end of time, coffee will be a semi-controversial topic. But I did find one reason why it can be a good idea to encourage your man to have 2-3 cups of java. According to a study conducted by The University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston, men who drank between 85 and 170 milligrams of caffeine a day were 42 percent less likely to experience erectile dysfunction. Since 1 in 4 men under the age of 40 experience it and it's a lot more fun to enjoy foreplay when everything is "functioning" as it should, I'm sure you can see why I thought this gem of information should go on the list.
2. Text Your Partner What You Love About Their Mind, Body and Spirit
Defending black men all 2020 and beyond. We not gone keep bashing em.— Alexis Ray Parker™️ (@Alexis Ray Parker™️)1580007541.0
Whenever someone asks me what my goals are for 2020, one of the things that I say is I'm going to be intentional about affirming and celebrating Black men. I'm telling you, if you go to Twitter and put "Black men" or "Black women" into the search field, it can be absolutely exhausting, just how much we basically dog each other out for sport (I always say that I think it comes from residual slavery PTSD but that's another article for another time). What good does that do? Instead, we need to uplift each other; especially when it comes to our significant other.
While checking out an article on Psychology Today's website about why compliments mean so much to us, I really liked the part where the author said, "Compliments are little gifts of love. They are not asked for or demanded. They tell a person they are worthy of notice. They are powerful gifts."
Sex is the kind of act that is most pleasurable when our mind, body and spirit is fully connected to another person's mind, body and spirit. A really easy way to make that happen is by affirming your partner.
So, take out a moment today to shoot them a text about what you adore about their mind, body and spirit. Watch how happy they will be to see you when they get home.
3. Pre-Plan Mutual Spoiling Sessions
A spoiled brat is one thing (nobody likes one of those), but sometimes spoiling gets a really bad rap. If you're coming from a place of indulging your partner so that they feel extra loved and attended to, that can be a really wonderful thing. On the heels of that text that you just sent, follow that up with asking your partner what you can do to make them feel pampered by you. Maybe it's a foot massage or a back rub. Maybe it's taking a bubble bath together. Perhaps it's giving each other manicures, watching each other's favorite movie together or ordering each other's favorite meals. Proactively doing things to relish in your partner is another form of foreplay that is overlooked—and underestimated—far more than it should be.
4. Pick Up a Red Light Bulb
As if the ambiance of a red light bulb isn't a good enough reason to get one, did you know that red light therapy is great for boosting a man's testosterone levels too? No joke. Some studies indicate that exposure to red UV lights to a man's genitalia for 10 minutes a day can improve a man's energy levels and raise his testosterone by as much as 200 percent. While some UV devices can get to be a little on the pricey side, there are some UV red light bulbs that are pretty affordable (check out some here, here and here).
5. Light a Soy Vanilla-Scented Candle
Did you know that men who are born without a sense of smell tend to have less sex partners than those who do? Another fun fact is women who have a keener sense of scent are able to have more orgasms. Yeah, it might not be talked about, nearly as much as it should be, but smell plays a fairly significant role in foreplay and intercourse. Although a lot of scents can help to get you going, one that always tops my list is vanilla. There are a few reasons why. Vanilla produces a euphoric effect on the brain. Vanilla increases blood circulation. Vanilla calms the nervous system. Vanilla boosts our mood. Vanilla also stimulates our libido. As far as your sense of smell goes, lighting a soy vanilla candle can help to provide all of these results. Also, if you want to add the sense of touch into the mix, a couple's massage that incorporates DIY vanilla massage oil can really get things poppin'.
6. Get Creative with Flavored Lubricant
You know what they say—the wetter, the better. Yes, lubricant is probably most used as a way to "treat" vaginal dryness that comes from things like medication, hormonal shifts, dehydration or a side effect of chemotherapy. But, even if you don't need it for that, it's still a good idea to keep a couple of flavored tubes close by.
If you dab a bit of it on your lips, it can make your kisses so much sweeter. If you apply some to your hands before giving your partner a massage, the slipperiness can feel really sensual on their body parts; especially if your tongue follows where your hands are going. If either of you is a little on the shy side when it comes to oral sex, the taste of the lube can make things…easier.
When you're bringing flavored lube into your plan of action, the possibilities are rather endless. By the way, if you'd prefer to bypass a lot of the chemicals that tend to come with commercial lube brands, you can check out an at-home flavored lubricant recipe here.
Oh, and as far as commercial brands go, if you want less vaginal irritation, go with a water-based lubricant. If long-lasting is what you're after, silicone-based is where it's at.
7. Have a “Sex Picnic”
I once read an article that said some of the reasons why we should do outdoor picnics more often is it's a great way to spend quality time with those we care about. Not only that, but it can set the stage for self-reflection, open communication and, if it's with our boo thang, it can be really romantic as well. An easy way to turn a G-rated picnic into a semi-XXX-rated one is to bring the picnic indoors. Wear something super sexy and serve foods that can make kissing, licking and "other things" even more delicious. Foods that immediately come to my mind include—chocolate, honey, whipped cream, watermelon (it's basically natural Viagra), red wine and frozen grapes and bananas. Umm, I'll let your imagination tell you what to especially do with those last two.
8. Prolong Stimulating Each Other’s Genitalia
According to a TIME article that I once read, the most sensitive parts of our body is our clitoris and nipples while our abdomen and the sides of our breasts are the least. But there are so many other parts of our anatomy besides those four spots. A lot of us like our hair, lips, ears, inner thighs and inner forearms to be lightly stroked. Meanwhile, the head of a man's penis, along with his nipples, earlobes, neck and lips are the most sensitive, although close seconds include their scalp, the back of their neck, soles of their feet, thumbs, scalp and waist. Bottom line, there are all sorts of ways to build up anticipation in your partner without going directly to the obvious spots. Tease, tantalize and stimulate each other by seeing how long you can kiss and fondle the sensitive parts of your bodies that actually aren't right between each other's legs.
9. Have Cunnilingus with an “Edge”
Speaking of stretching things out a bit, something that can truly take your orgasms to new heights is if you engage in being on the receiving end of oral sex—only, discipline yourself to not climax until it's time for actual penetration. It's basically edging with an oral twist, but if you try it, it is a technique that can easily have you climbing the walls!
10. Intentionally Do It (All) Outside of Your Bedroom
I also checked out an article that listed 200 (200?!) great places to have sex. It listed things like hiking trails, late night laundromats and underneath stairwells. If that's a little too adventurous for you, you can still make things fun and exciting by getting out of your bedroom. Have a kissing session on the stairs. Have oral sex on your kitchen counter. Get right to the point of penetration on that picnic blanket you just used. Beds are comfortable but they can sometimes be super predictable too. Getting out of your bedroom is a little foreplay hack that can make a really big difference. Don't hurt yourselves out there, now (wink).
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